


Change My Mind

by larry_love13



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Age Difference, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Butt Plugs, Cheating, Christianity, Comeplay, Coming Out, Coming Untouched, Facials, Family Issues, Felching, Figuring Things Out, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Frottage, Gay Sex, Gay Smut, Handcuffs, Homophobia, Homosexuality, Kissing, LGBTQ issues, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Minor religious kink, Mutual Masturbation, Object Insertion, Online Relationships, Oral Sex, Porn, Power Bottom Harry, Power Bottom Louis, Pretty sure im going to hell for this, Relationship to God, Religion, Religious Conflict, Rimming, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis, Virginity, but i hope y'all will join me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-17 14:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 155,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2313419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_love13/pseuds/larry_love13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis was a devout Christian family man with a wife and ten kids who lived a seemingly happy and idyllic life in Oklahoma.  He always felt something was missing but he could never figure out what until he met Harry Styles, who made him question every single value he'd ever held dear, including his relationship to God AND his marriage.  Harry, a devoutly religious young college student struggling with his own family and personal issues turned to Louis for guidance.  They both end up learning a lot about themselves, each other, and their religion as they change a few minds-including their own-during their journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

So I got stuck watching [19 Kids and Counting](http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/19-kids-and-counting) the other night and my mind started to drift imagining what would happen if the dad in that show was gay. Then I related it to Louis and Harry (of course) and this is the result. Minor religious kink in some chapters and I will tag them. I've been obsessed with this fic for a week and I'm not even close to being done but I thought I would post the first chapter and the rest will come soon. All the religious quotes are from a series of Google searches because my knowledge of the Bible is very limited so any mistakes are mine. Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1

Psalm 1, v. 5-6: _Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in on the congregation of the righteous; for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish._

Louis was the epitome of a good Christian, one of the best he thought.  He married his high school sweetheart, Mary Grace, at 19, had his first child at 22 and was an assistant pastor at one of the largest churches in Oklahoma.  His 10 kids-Abraham and Noah were twins, then Rebecca, Grace, James, Benjamin, Leah, Joseph, Mary and Louis, Jr.  He had insisted on the youngest being named after him because both he and his wife knew it might be their last child.  She had him when she was 40 but if God saw fit to grace them with another child, then so be it, but nature might over-rule God and prevent another child.  So the baby’s name was Louis William Tomlinson, Jr.

Louis was wealthy and his family lived comfortably on the outskirts of Norman, Oklahoma.  Louis’ father was one of the largest landowners in the entire state, owning almost 50000 acres of ranch land and tens of thousands of head of cattle.  When his father died when Louis was 21, he gave 2000 acres to his mother, 2000 to his sister, kept 2000 for himself and sold the land and the cattle at a nice profit.  He accumulated commercial and residential properties in town which he managed as his “job”.  On his homestead he built a 10,000 square foot house with an in-ground pool and large playground for the kids.  There were always kids around and that’s the way Louis liked it: chaotic and fun.

Louis’ wife, Mary Grace, was an angel on earth and he loved her very much.  She homeschooled the children so she could teach them the importance of their Christian values and protect them from the scary secular world.  She was an amazing mother to their kids and dedicated her whole life to them.  She was having trouble adjusting to the oldest two boys leaving for college & was very much against them leaving.  Louis had to convince her to allow them to go to a Bible college-not a secular one, no way!-an hour away but she fought him every step of the way.  Louis was quite surprised by her reaction because she was always very agreeable to his wishes.  However, the day they left she cried the entire time and Louis finally had to put her to bed and call his mom to watch the rest of the kids so he could drive the twins to school.  The twins had been gone almost six months and she still had a sadness in her eyes that Louis wasn’t sure would go away any time soon.  The boys came home almost every weekend but it still wasn’t enough for her.  He wondered silently if she would ever be okay…

So Louis’ life was seemingly perfect-lovely wife, family, home, church-yet he felt an itch that something was missing. He had always felt that way but constantly set the feeling aside and focused on the good in his life.  But lately that itch was harder to ignore…  The passion between him and his wife was fading-had been fading for a while-and while they never were the “tear-off-your-clothes-and-do-me-now” kind of couple, they had enjoyed a healthy sex life.  Granted they were each other’s “firsts”-heck they didn’t do more than hold hands during their courtship-so they sort of fumbled through learning about sex and how to pleasure each other together.  Which was nice, Louis had to admit.  His wife was kind and giving in the bedroom as well, always quick to pleasure Louis when he asked.  But lately, she was very distant and sex was a monthly event, missionary style, with her rolling over after and drifting off to sleep.  Afterwards, Louis often blamed himself for not being what she wanted but he knew she was going thru a difficult time so he just decided to “wait it out”.  He tried to talk to her about the situation but she just shut down and changed the subject so Louis resigned himself to accepting it. He tried suggesting sex toys to her once but the look of shock and horror on her face told Louis all he needed to know about her opinion on the topic.  So weekly hand jobs in the shower were slowly becoming the norm for Louis, even though “Masturbation is a sin, Louis, you know that” she told him. 

In mid-January after the twins had returned to school-and Louis finally saw a sparkle in Mary Grace’s eyes when they were home-she took the rest of the kids to a homeschool conference in Tulsa.  Louis had to stay home because their church was hosting a convention of pastors and deacons from around the area.  Louis’ mom and sister and her family went with Mary Grace to help with the kids and would be gone for two weeks.  One night shortly after they left, Louis face-timed his family and said “hi” to everyone.  It ended with little Louis blowing him raspberries on the screen and he talked to his wife for a few minutes.  He could see the sadness creeping back into her eyes and he asked her if she was okay. “Yes, Louis, aren’t I always?” she replied.  “I have eight children to educate, clothe and feed through God so MY life has a purpose,” she snapped.  Louis sighed, said he loved her & promised to call again later in the week, and then switched off the screen.

Part of his job as assistant pastor and youth services coordinator was to monitor the message boards on their website ChristianChurchofOK.org which received a large amount of web traffic.  On it, people from all of the United States-and even the world-came to their site to leave prayer requests, post photos of mission trips and connect with old friends.  However, there was one section of the site that Louis had never, ever been to until that day: the “CONFESSIONS” board which was usually filled with people who felt better anonymously confessing their digressions, rather than admitting them out loud to a priest.  Louis clicked on the link and scrolled quickly through the topics.  Most were small, barely even worth admitting-“god forgive me for I have sinned. I glanced at my neighbor’s legs and had impure thoughts”-and since he was an administrator, he could see their IP address, how many posts they had made, etc.  He could also reply to them so he did on a few saying “just pray, my son. God will forgive you” to them.  He soon stumbled upon one by user named “RUThereGod” which made him chuckle.  He remembered his sister, Jenny, had the book Are You there God? It’s Me Margaret when they were kids and he stole it one night and read it under the covers.  All it talked about was yucky “girl stuff”-bras, periods, pads-so he wasn’t sure why Jenny and her friends wouldn’t shut up about it.  So he wondered if this person was using that handle to be funny or if he was too young to get the reference…

Louis snooped on “RUTG”’s profile and saw it was coming from Ardmore, Oklahoma where the twins went to Bible College.  “Hmmm,” Louis thought “must be a young person in need of counseling.” So he read his confession:

> “I’m not sure where to turn or what to do and I’ve never posted anything like this ever in my life. But my friend suggested I do it here because your website is a place for everyone.  I’m a Christian but I think I’m gay.  I have a roommate and I’m very attracted to him but I don’t know how he feels about me. I’m so scared God will reject me because I have these impure thoughts about other guys.  Any advice you can give me is appreciated.”

Louis’ mouth and palms felt very dry all of a sudden as if his body was preparing its “fight or flight” mechanism and it told Louis to run very far away from this post and this message board and to never ever come back.  But that “itch” Louis always felt overrode the flight response and he put his fingers to the keyboard to respond:

> “My friend, our God is an accepting God. And while your feelings are not sinful-because love is love-the fact that two men cannot procreate in God’s name is a violation of God’s wishes.  I would suggest that you discuss this with the pastor at your local church.  May God give you strength xx”

Louis quickly clicked out of the “CONFESSIONS” board and into the “MISSION TRIPS” one to see if any of his friends who went with him to Ghana were on the site.  After a few minutes of searching different threads he noticed his “instant message” was flashing so he clicked on it and it was from his “RUTG” friend. Louis gasped out loud when he read the message:

> “I can’t talk to anyone from my church bc I am part of a church. Not the one here but one close by xx”  

Now Louis’ hands were sweaty and his brain went somewhat numb but he managed to type a response:

> “then pray, my friend. God will guide you to your destiny and His glory xx”

Louis quickly closed out of his entire web browser, not even waiting for a response.  He felt sick to his stomach and he wasn't even sure why. He pushed himself away from the desk and busied himself cleaning the kitchen, feeding the dogs and trying to take his racing mind off the conversation he’d had.  After about an hour of distractions, Louis sat down to watch TV but soon became frustrated because he couldn't focus on what he was watching.  So he dragged the laptop off the coffee table, opened it up then logged back into the message boards.  When he did that, five instant messages popped up, all from “RUTG”.  Louis’ stomach sank again when he read them:

> “Okay, thank you xx”, then four that consisted of “r u still there?” and “I need to talk” and “please come back” and “ok bye xx”   

Even though Louis could tell his friend wasn’t on right then because his IP address wasn’t active, he still replied to the messages

> “sorry I wasn’t on but I had chores to do. Continue to pray, my friend. You’re very brave.  Talk to you soon, Louis xx”

He knew better than to post his real name but he hoped it would allow the young man to feel like he was his friend, not just some random guy on a message board.  His head was swimming but he wasn’t 100% sure why so he got ready for bed and tried to sleep. But that was fruitless too.  So he went back downstairs to the lap top and googled “young gay Christians.”  He wanted to find answers for his confused online friend but instead found gay porn. Lots and lots of gay porn. 

The sweat pooled on his brow and upper lip as he hesitantly clicked on the website.  A video popped up and began auto-playing that showed two young men sitting on a pew in a lovely church.  They were both shirtless (“odd”, thought Louis “don’t they know it gets cold in those old churches?”…) and they were talking.  The blonde one said “yes, sir, I’m gay and I’m a Christian. What do I do?”  To which the brown-haired one responded with a smile “sucking my dick might help” and the next thing Louis knew the blonde guy was ripping off the other one’s pants and mouthing at his boxers.  “JESUS!” Louis exclaimed and slammed the top of the laptop down.  He was still sweating and morally outraged that the two men did THAT in the Lord’s house. 

But then he looked down at his lap and saw his dick was half-hard.  “Ugghhhh” Louis said and popped open the lap top to look for straight porn (or at least lesbian porn which his friends told him was hot) but the original video he watched was still going.  And by now the two men were having sex in the pew doggy-style.  Louis found himself mesmerized by it and soon he was palming his hard cock through his pajamas.  When the brown-haired man grabbed the blonde-haired one’s dick and jerked him off till he came on the pew, Louis couldn’t take it anymore.  He ripped off his pants, grabbed his own dick and gave it a hard wank til he came all over his stomach.  The brown-haired guy (he guessed his name was “Jeff” because that’s what the blonde guy kept calling him) came in “Jake’s” ass.  They collapsed into the pew and then Jeff started eating out Jake’s asshole. 

Louis wanted to die but he didn’t know if it was from shame or being so turned on.  After Jake came again from being eaten out, Jeff grabbed him and both of them sat on their knees facing each other in the pew.  They kissed “eww!” Louis thought, “his mouth was just in his ass” then Jake told Jeff “your turn” and squeezed a glob of clear liquid onto Jeff’s index finger.  “Open yourself up for me, baby, nice and slow so I can fuck you” and with that, Jeff put two fingers up his own ass and sat down on them.  Jake leaned in and licked his nipples and Jeff moaned “Jesus, fuck me” in the middle of the church (!!!) and Louis had just about had enough.  He yanked the power cord out of the laptop which turned it off and he gently placed it on to the coffee table.  He was sitting on his couch, with cum on his stomach after wanking off to gay porn. 

“I’m going to hell” Louis thought. “That was so wrong” then his mind wandered back to the video.  He dipped his two fingers into his own cum then gently pushed them into his ass, like Jeff had done.  “Is this weird? Or bad?” Louis thought. “Because I like this. A lot.” A moan escaped his mouth as he slid down the couch and his fingers went further into his ass.  He could feel his dick getting hard again while he pumped his fingers in and out. “Unff” he said as he went faster and faster; his other hand grabbed his dick and he was coming again in minutes. 

He laid there enjoying the release then shame crept deep into his soul so he jumped off the couch and into the closest shower he could find.  He scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin was almost raw to rinse the shame of what he was feeling off his body.  He wrapped a towel around his very clean body and went upstairs to put on clothes.  He dressed quickly and hopped into bed, his mind still reeling after what happened.  He remembered his phone was on the night stand so in an attempt to clear his mind, he Googled “lesbian porn” and soon a video of two very beautiful naked girls was playing.  They were kissing and licking each other’s tits then they started eating each other out.  Louis looked tentatively at his crotch. Nothing. Not a hard-on or a twitch or an urge to touch himself. “Oh no,” he moaned, then shut off the video and went to sleep.

He woke up a few hours later in the early morning feeling relieved because his sexual frustrations had been released finally then the shame crept in again.  “I’m not gay” he said out loud.  “I love my wife. And my kids. And women.  And God.”  But when he said that the “itch” returned.  He hadn’t felt it last night when he had two of his own fingers up his own ass, wanking off to two guys fucking.  He pushed those thoughts aside and padded into the den to check the computer and to see if his friend responded to his message.  When he logged on he was relieved to see that he had replied

> "Thank u don’t know if I’m brave or stupid but it’s nice to know I have people like you on my side. Im only 20 Im sure I can outgrow these feelings & find love w/ a woman. I want kids for sure… xx"

Louis felt sad for some reason after reading his response but typed out his response: 

> “Chin up! Love is a complicated emotion, wrought with strife and discord but God’s love is constant.  Be true to yourself. Louis xx”

He scoffed at “be true to yourself” because it sounded like good advice, maybe he should take it…

\-------------

The next few days were a blur of attending the pastor’s conference, checking on his properties downtown, collecting rent money, filing tax paperwork, hiring a new landscaping crew and taking care of the animals.  On a rare, warm January day, Louis decided to cut the front yard one last time before the professionals took over and when he went to turn his lawnmower on, it wouldn’t work.  “Dang!” he exclaimed, mainly because now he would have to drive back into town to the hardware store and find a new part.  His mower was old but he knew Moe’s Hardware in town would have the part he needed so he took his lab, Doc, and hopped into the truck for a quick trip.  After stopping to get dinner-a salad for him & a burger for Doc-Louis made his way to the store.  Moe soon informed him that he doesn’t carry the part Louis needs because it’s too old.  “Time for a new mower, Lou” he said and smacked him on the back.  “Guess so!” Louis said, somewhat annoyed, then climbed back into his truck. 

On his way home, he called his son, Noah, to chat & told him his lawnmower story.  “Daadd,” Noah said in exasperation. “You need to get rid of that lawnmower! It’s almost as old as me!” “No way, Noah!” Louis said.  “That thing is my baby!”  Noah laughed and said “Well, if you insist on keeping it, try Amazon.com to find that part. They have EVERYTHING! I’m sure they have it.”

“Okay, love, I’ll try that when I get home. How’s your brother?” Louis asked.

“He’s good. You know he got a new roommate, right?  His old one flunked out after last semester so now he has a fella named Harry.  Seems nice enough and at least he goes to class unlike the other one.” Noah laughed. The twins decided to not room together because they wanted to meet new people at school.  “I think we might come home this weekend even though mom’s gone. Would that be okay?” he asked tentatively.  He knew how his mom was having a hard time adjusting to them being gone so he didn’t want to upset her or his dad.

“That would be great! I would enjoy the company! It’s kinda lonely around the old homestead with just the dogs.” Louis said. “And don’t worry, your mom will be fine.  We’ll face time her when you guys are here so you can see her smile.”

“Great. I’ll text you later in the week to let you know what time we will leave. I think Abe has an afternoon class so it will be after that.” Noah told his dad.

“Okay, love, I’ll look forward to it. Give your brother a hug for me. Love you both” and Louis hung up the phone.

He had arrived home and jumped out of the truck and jogged into the house with Doc.  He quickly fed the dogs then settled on the couch to find his lawnmower part.  He typed in the part number into the search box and sure enough! There it was!  And with free overnight shipping too! Louis clicked on it, put it in his cart then got ready to check out.  Til Noah’s statement “Amazon has EVERYTHING!” rang in his head again. “Everything?” Louis said out loud to no one in particular.  The dogs were sleeping and could’ve cared less.  He typed in “male sex toys” into the search box and HOLY SHIT! Louis’ eyes almost jumped out of his head.  There were things on there that he had never even heard of before-what was a cock ring? Or a penis cage?-and some things seemed too complicated-or required a partner-for Louis’ tastes.  He finally found a flexible vibrating dildo with five speed settings and under the “suggested list” he saw lube and a plastic butt plug.  So he quickly put all three in his cart, paid for them with his company credit card and quickly erased his search history.  He breathed a quick sigh of relief and felt very tired for some reason so he drifted off to sleep on the couch.

His eyes bolted open at around one am and he temporarily forgot where he was. “Oh yeah, the couch,” he grumbled and went to flip over to face the back of the couch and snuggle back to sleep with Doc.  He glanced over to his computer and he could see his instant message icon flashing from their church website.  He didn’t remember logging on to it today but then he realized it was his home page and it must have left him logged in.  He checked his instant message from “RUTG” again:

> “I read the Bible again last night & it said homosexuality is a sin L Im very very sad right now, Louis. How can I live my life with this shame and sin?  Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

 “Wow, this is getting intense” Louis thought.  He decided to reply back with one of his favorite Bible quotes:

> “1 John 4:18-19 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  We love because he first loved us.” 

Then he logged off, his concern for his friend growing as he hoped he would be okay.  Louis also hoped he would be able to counsel him through his troubles, though Louis felt a bit like a hypocrite, all things considered.  But he wasn’t gay. No way. He loved his wife.  He just thought two fit guys having sex was hot….

Late afternoon the next day, it was balmy for January, so Louis was out in the yard working on his old truck that constantly needed repairs when he heard the dogs barking.  He saw the UPS driver coming up the long driveway so he walked over to meet him.  The driver handed Louis a box that said “AMAZON” on it and asked him to sign. “Must be my new lawnmower part!” Louis said cheerily.  “Thanks!” The driver nodded and threw treats to the dogs then got back in his truck and left.  “Hmm, this box is kind of small” Louis thought, “I hope they sent me the right thing…” and when he opened it up he saw it was his sex toys, NOT his part. “Oh gosh,” he groaned unconsciously looking around to see if anyone saw him.  But he lived 5 miles from his closest neighbor so he was being really ridiculous and self-conscious at this point. 

He grabbed the box and ran upstairs to his bedroom, threw it on the bed and frowned because he wasn’t actually sure what he was supposed to do with the three items in the box.  So he grabbed his phone from his pocket and quickly googled “vibrators for men” and was pleased to find an instructional video-on YouTube of all places-describing the pleasure zones on a man where the vibrator can go.  “This isn’t technically porn,” Louis thought, it’s on YouTube where he watches inspirational sermons, so it’s fine.   

The guy wasn’t particularly attractive but he wasn’t completely gross so Louis decided to watch.  He held up a blue plastic vibrator similar to the one Louis had in his box and a bottle of lube in the other hand.  He said “Lube is your friend, gentlemen. Never, ever, stick anything up your arse without it.”  He had a thick British accent and Louis laughed at it.  Then he literally poured half a bottle of the lube onto the vibrator-which Louis thought was a bit much-then laid back on his couch.  He was still clothed but he traced the device up and down his inner thighs; the video was not erotic or hot at all but Louis appreciated that.  The bloke went on: “once you get yourself prepped, you can twist the bottom of the vibrator to turn it up to the next setting then slowly-SLOWLY-put it inside your hole.” Since he was still wearing shorts, he only motioned to it but Louis got the message.  “The nice thing about these multi-speed vibrators is that you can start at a low setting then when you hit your prostate, ramp it up to the highest one and you will cum EVERYWHERE!” 

Louis frowned because he had had a prostate exam before and it wasn’t sexy or erotic at all but the fella in the video was excited about that option so he decided to give it a try.  Then the guy started talking about cock rings & Louis lost interest and turned it off.  He locked the doors to his bedroom, turned the lights down and lit candles around the room.  If he was gonna fuck himself up the ass with a sinful vibrator, he might as well make it romantic.

He decided to take a shower to relax and loosen up his muscles so he turned on the spa shower and multi-jets pulsated against his body.  Fifteen minutes later-after relaxing and praying-in the shower, Louis was ready.  He took a bunch of towels from the bathroom into his room because he really didn’t know what to expect-would he cum everywhere like the guy said? Or would the lube just squirt out of his bum?  His wife would be mad if he messed up her comforter so he placed a towel under his bum, put the lube on one side of him and the vibrator on the other.

He picked up the vibrator and turned it to the lowest setting so a steady hum rang out from it.  He placed his hand around the bottom of it and smiled because it felt good.  Just like the guy showed him, Louis took the vibrator and massaged his inner thighs with it and he turned on his side and traced the vibrator up the crack of his bum but didn’t penetrate it.  “Mmmmm,” Louis said to himself. “MMMMMM” as he took the vibrator over his chest and let it rest on his nipples.  His wife never liked to play with his nipples; she said that’s what girls do to each other, not husbands and wives.  But it felt really, REALLY good and Louis could feel his cock starting to bob and get hard.  He felt lame because he hadn’t even penetrated himself yet but he was getting turned on.  He tried to think of his wife but all that came into his head were Jeff and Jake from the church porno.  This was so shameful, Louis thought, but it felt so good he continued…

He traced the vibrator down his stomach and let it touch his hole.  He jumped slightly but let the tip of it rim his hole and he relaxed.  He shoved a pillow under his hips so he could better access his ass with the toy then squirted a generous amount of lube onto it.  He teased his hole with the wet vibrator and turned up the setting to number two which made it much louder.  He then realized the meaning of the word “flexible” as he was able to twist the vibrator into his hole and pull it down to shove it in further, all in one motion. His head popped off the pillow and he yelled “OHHHH” at that point.  He even cursed-“shit”-as he grabbed his nipple with his lube slick fingers.  He decided to slow down because he was getting a bit too worked up for only being on setting number two so he stopped twisting it in and out of his hole and just let it sit inside for a minute while Louis pumped his hard cock a few times.  He was 40 years old and this was probably the most turned on he had ever been and he was touching  _himself_  not his wife.  He was so going to hell for this…

The vibrator had a flat head with a tip on the end of it and right now, the tip was facing down, away from his prostate and against the wall of his hole.  When Louis reached down to turn the setting up to three, somehow the toy got turned around and when Louis pressed it down to shove it further up, the tip of it grazed against his prostate as it went by.  Louis literally screamed and pulled the vibrator out of his ass.  He stared at it intently with wonderment as if to say “how in the world did you do that??” then poured more lube on the vibrator and slowly guided it back into his hole, this time with the tip UP.  He skipped setting three and went to four so now his whole body and almost the bed was shaking with the vibrations. 

Louis’s cock was red and angry and another “shit” escaped his mouth because he was having trouble finding his prostate.  But when he did, he pressed it against the tiny spot and he saw stars as cum yanked out of his dick and onto his chin.  He wanted to pull the vibrator out but it felt so good and he was almost paralyzed from the orgasm so he kept it in.  It soon became mildly painful but he kept it firmly against it and his breath became shallow and he thought he was going to pass out.  After a few minutes he couldn’t stand it any longer so he lept up on all fours and started fucking himself against the vibrator quickly.  His dick was hard again-painfully so-but Louis didn’t care and he sat back on his thighs and put the vibrator on the bed and worked himself up and down on it.  It felt so good Louis almost cried.  The toy twisted again into his prostate and Louis stopped moving for a few minutes then BAM! He came again with white-hot cum shooting out of his dick and onto his own face.  He couldn’t move. The vibrator was still in his ass and still on four but Louis collapsed into the bed.  Tears rolled down his face and he was the happiest and most blissed out he had ever been in his life…

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 2: 7, 11-12 _"The Lord said to me, “You are my Son; today I have begotten you. Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him."_

“What the hell was wrong with me??” was the first thing Louis thought when his pulse and breathing slowed to the point where he could form a coherent thought.  He was lying on the bed, dick slack against his leg, chest covered in cum.  He realized he still had no idea what to do with the butt plug that was sitting on the end of his bed so he grabbed his phone and clicked on the next video. It was the same British guy who was once again touting the advantages of lube. “Once you get prepped pour lube over the plug and insert it slowly-SLOWLY-into your arse. If you have a partner he can give it a twist so it will rest against your prostate. If not, just give it a good squeeze with your bum cheeks.  If you wanna spice things up, take your vibrator and put it on the base of your dick while you have the plug in and SWEET FANCY MOSES! You’ll like what happens!” Louis managed a meager smile and lubed up the plug and slowly pressed it into his bum. It felt good but it wasn’t earth shattering like he imagined but maybe he was just too spent to care?

He woke up a few hours later lying on his back, stark naked, dick hard, covers tossed off the bed and it took him a minute to realize that he must’ve been moving around in his sleep and the butt plug was resting against his prostate.  He slid down the bed and his dick twitched; he slid up the bed and his dick twitched again. “Oh boy,” Louis thought, so he grabbed the vibrator that had gotten wrapped up in the sheets, put the setting at three and pressed it to his shaft.  It didn’t take long for Louis to cum _again_! God what even was happening to him? Louis thought.  “This is amazing” and he kinda didn’t want it to stop…

The morning arrived entirely too quickly so Louis jumped out of bed and into the shower, the butt plug still firmly in place.  When he was done, he bent over to pick up a towel and the plug fell out of his ass.  Louis felt empty after it being there for almost eight hours so he grabbed it and pushed it back in, without lube. “OUCH!” Louis exclaimed.  “Maybe that bloke was right-lube IS my friend!” So he twisted it a few times to get some lubrication going and it settled in nicely.  Louis quickly got dressed and ran out to his car and plopped on the seat.  When he did that, the butt plug nudged against his prostate and his dick twitched.  Louis clearly hadn’t thought this through entirely because with every bump he hit on the 45-minute drive to the church, the plug pressed against his prostate and his dick got harder and harder.  By the time he arrived, he was hard and sweating and cursing his new “friend” so he decided to go to the bathroom and remove the plug-but what would he do with it once he took it out? It’s not like he could just stick it in his pocket; Jesus help him if it fell out in front of the pastors.  So he decided against taking it out and walked into his sanctuary with a butt plug pressed firmly in his ass in front of 10,000 people.  Hell was a very real possibility at this point…

Dr. Paul, their pastor, was preaching on how to improve your relationship with God and Louis thought he was doing a pretty good job of that right now.  Because with every movement, he came closer to cumming and closer to God.  Louis’ friend, Bill, leaned over to him and whispered, “Louis, you don’t look so good.  What’s wrong?”  Louis was sweating even though it was mid-January and 20 degrees outside so he politely excused himself to go to the bathroom.  What he saw in the mirror was a disaster-red flushed cheeks, sweaty fringe stuck to his forehead, pupils dilated-so he splashed water on his face and made his way back to the sermon.  Bill met him in the hallway and said “Louis, we can handle things from here, go home and rest.  Just be here tomorrow for the last day.” Louis muttered, “yeah, will do. Think I have a bug” and practically ran to the car; when he sat down he came all over his pants.  While he was a bit annoyed that he had to drive with wet pants, he did feel better.  When he got home he headed straight for the shower and yanked out the butt plug then he turned on all the jets to pulsate his body.  He soon realized if he angled his body the right way, one would hit his hole so he spread his legs and let the warm water hit his sensitive area.  He loved the way it felt; warm and soft and completely relaxing and soothed his worn-out hole.  It wasn’t long before he was coming again, but it was smooth and easy, not hard and angry like when the butt plug was in him.  It was eleven o’clock on a Thursday and Louis had already cum twice.  This had to be a record for him…. 

The next day Louis returned to the conference-sans butt plug-and Bill remarked how much better he looked.  Noah texted him during Dr. Paul’s sermon “dad, Abe has class til 3 Harry’s coming with hope that’s okay.” Louis quickly texted him back “Of course! Will make spaghetti casserole just text me when youre leaving! Love u xx”  When the conference was over, Louis decided to stop at the grocery store in town and get the ingredients he needed for the boys’ meal.  He grabbed what he needed then saw the magazine stand and decided to get a Sudoku book for Abe.  He was walking by and noticed the “18 and over only” section that had covers over the covers to hide whatever was on the front.  He noticed one that said “Playgirl” and naively assumed it was full of girls so he picked it up and flipped it over and saw a tall guy in tight Levi’s with his six-pack abs greased up and on display.  He quickly threw it in his cart and used his groceries to cover it up so if he ran into anyone he knew, he wouldn’t need to explain.  Luckily, the cashier girl was new and didn’t know Louis from Adam so she didn’t even flinch when she scanned the magazine. 

Louis rushed home, quickly made the casserole and put it in the oven to bake for an hour.  He scooped up “Playgirl” and decided to peruse it in the tub so he filled it with bubble bath-because why not?-and slid into the warm water.  He started up the jets and settled in.  When he opened the magazine, the centerfold flipped out and a tall, naked guy with a dick almost to his knees stared Louis in the face.  “That’s hot…” Louis muttered as his dick hardened.  He slowly flipped the pages finding each guy hotter and more fit than the rest.  When he settled on a gorgeous blonde on the beach reclining and gazing into the camera with his pubic hair shaved, Louis flung the magazine across the room and jerked himself off.  Now there was cum mixed with bubbles and Louis had to jump in the shower to clean off.  “What a mess I’ve made” Louis thought and he wasn’t sure if he was talking about the bathtub or his life…. 

After his shower, he gathered up his sex toys and his smutty magazine and shoved both in his garage workspace.  “I’m not gay,” Louis said out loud “and I love my wife!” he exclaimed to no one in particular.  The casserole was still cooking so he decided to check the message boards and found that “RUTG” had replied to Louis today. 

> I’m going out of town today with my friends so I probably won’t be on much this weekend.  I will pray for us both.

 “Please do,” Louis replied. “We could all use some prayer right now” and his mind wondered if this was his boys’ friend, Harry-because how many young men go to that school and are leaving for the weekend?-but decided to not even entertain the thought.  The timer for the casserole went off and Louis ran down to put garlic bread in the oven and heard the dogs barking and making an awful racket which meant that the boys were home.

Louis ran outside and they both yelled “hi dad!” at the same time.  He hugged them and Abe said “Dad, this is Harry, Harry, my dad!”  Harry said “nice to meet you, Mr. Tomlinson” and stuck his hand out to shake it but Louis pushed it aside and gave him a hug.  “Call me Louis, please” and grabbed their bags to bring inside.  “Sit down, relax, boys, dinner’s almost ready!” and Louis went about to putting the finishing touches on dinner.  The twins gave Harry a quick tour of the house and he insisted on sleeping in the den because he didn’t want the girls to get upset if they found out a boy slept in their bed.  “Did you cook, Mr. Toml-er, Louis?”  Abe piped up with “yes he did and he’s a great cook! He cooks a lot for us! Why, is that weird?” Harry smiled, “no, it’s not weird, just different from what I’m used to. I’m not sure my dad even knows where the kitchen is in our house” and they all laughed.  Dinner was finally ready and they all sat down to enjoy the meal and Louis asked Harry, “so, Harry, where are you from?”

“I’m from a really small town south of Ardmore, you’ve probably never heard of it, but my grandfather, Calvin James Styles, founded it and my dad’s entire family has lived there for years. My dad is the pastor at our church and I’m the youth minister-well, when I’m not away at college” and he smiled.  Louis’ stomach lurched but he wasn’t sure why but he had heard of Calvin James Styles. If Louis’ dad was one of the largest landowners in Oklahoma then Calvin James Styles was _THE_ largest landowner in the state. 

“Aren’t you kind of young to be a youth minister?” Louis asked. “Well, yes and no I guess," Harry replied. "I’m 20-and I’ll be 21 in a few weeks-because I didn’t go directly to college out of high school.  My mum is British-my parents met on a mission in Nicaragua where they adopted my sister-so she insisted that I do a ‘gap year’ and I went and stayed with my grandparents in England.  Then I went on backpacked through Europe on mission trips with various Christian relief organizations.  That turned in to a semi-permanent mission in Croatia for six months then when I got home, my grandfather was sick so I helped with that then when he died, I helped my dad, um, settle his estate.”  

“Wow, Harry, that’s amazing!  My boys and I did mission trips to Ghana last summer and are thinking about doing them again this summer and you should join us!” Louis said. “I would like that very much, thank you,” Harry nodded.  They continued to make small talk and the boys told their dad about the classes they are taking and soon dinner was over.  The twins went to play FIFA-Louis allowed them to have a gaming system but no death/war/killing games-and Harry insisted on helping with the dishes even though Louis told him it wasn’t necessary.  

“Sorry if I was rude earlier,” Harry said. Louis looked at him puzzled and Harry went on “about you cooking dinner.  My family is very ‘traditional’ and my mom does everything for us so I was just surprised is all.  My mom has been through a lot while raising us and she would die if she knew I was rude to you.” Louis waved his hand, “you weren’t being rude, Harry, no worries!”  Louis handed Harry a plate to put in the dishwasher and studied his face which looked sad and confused.  He wondered what he meant about his mom but he decided not to press the issue.

Louis could hear the twins on FaceTime with their mom and ran in to say hi.  He could see Mary Grace smiling and her eyes twinkling when she saw the boys and they introduced Harry to her too.  “Hi, love” Louis said.  “Hello,” Mary Grace replied.  “Rebecca wants to talk to you” and then she popped up on the screen.  “Hi dad! We are having so much fun at this homeschool conference! I met a boy his name is Joshua Johnson and he’s really sweet.”  Louis had to laugh “aren’t you a bit young to be thinking about boys?”  “Dad, I’m almost 17 years old! I’m gonna be an ‘old maid’ soon! You and mom were practically married by now!” she said.  “I spoke with his parents and gave them your number and they are going to call you this weekend, probably Sunday to talk about our courtship.  Is that okay?”  Louis smiled “of course, darling, I’ll look forward to it!  Tell everyone I said hi! Love you!” and they turned off the screen.  They decided to watch a Christian movie that none of them had seen.  But since it was late they all soon fell asleep on the couch & when Louis woke up he put a blanket on the boys and went up to his room.

The next morning the boys went hunting on the back 100 acres of their property so Louis was putzing around the house, feeding the dogs and tidying up and decided to look up Calvin James Styles on Wikipedia.  His page gave the basic statistics-born, died, wife, kids, land owned-and explained that his family were Sooners who took land illegally during the land rush in the mid-1800s.  By the time the  government found out, it was too late to do anything so they decided to let them keep it.  He couldn’t find anything about Harry’s dad then he remembered that Bill was from near Ardmore and he wondered if he knew the Styles family.  So he sent him a quick text: “The boys brought their friend, Harry Styles home & do you know his dad, Calvin Styles? Thought you are from the same area?” and within minutes Bill called him. 

Louis was a bit surprised but when he answered, Bill dispensed with the greeting and said “Louis, yes I know the Styles family & I know CJ, Jr. very well because we grew up together.  Lemme tell you, CJ, Sr. was a jerk-excuse my language-but his son is a nicer guy than his father but the old apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if you know what I mean.”  Louis did but he wanted to know the specifics of these “apples” and now he was intrigued.  Bill started talking and didn’t stop for ten minutes.  “I can’t believe you don’t know about him, Louis!  He’s like one of the richest guys in Oklahoma!”  Louis didn’t have the heart to tell him that he grew up in Tulsa, 100 miles from small-town, Oklahoma and wasn’t privy to their gossip.  Bill continued “CJ, Sr. had quite a few illegitimate children who staked a claim to his fortune but didn’t get a red cent when he died because CJ, Sr. rolled his inheritance over to CJ, Jr. who was the executor of his estate.  He has control of the money but his son gets half of the money in that trust fund when he turns 21-but according to the tax man and the government, he’s broke because he’s a preacher and only gets ‘paid’ from the church.  He owns the church-heck, he built it-and is the pastor but he cheats on his wife constantly, just like his old man. 

Bill continued his tale "As far as I know, he doesn’t have any illegitimates running around but that don’t make it better.  I can’t believe you don’t know this stuff, Louis!  Anyway, CJ, Jr.’s daughter, Ali, is special needs and his wife, Anne, takes her all over the country and the world for treatments which I’m sure she couldn’t afford to do without CJ’s money.  She's a saint, deserves canonization if you ask me. From what I hear, her family is from modest means-I think her parents own a bakery in a small town in England maybe?-so she doesn’t have many options.  In fact, I heard that he told her if she divorced him she would get nothing because he’s so ‘broke’.  Can you imagine?” 

Bill took a breath for the first time in a while and Louis’ head was spinning.  “Bill, are you serious with all of this?  Like you’re not pulling my leg or anything?” Louis asked.  “Louis I swear on my kids’ lives that what I’m telling you is the truth, or at least what I heard. But my mom still lives there and she keeps up with this stuff, ha!” Bill said.  He continued, “CJ, Jr. preaches about being faithful and loving your wife like you love the Lord yet he steps out on his marriage constantly. And-here’s the kicker-EVERYONE in town knows what he’s doing yet they all look the other way! They all go to his church, listen to his sermons and silently allow his disgusting lifestyle.  But that’s a small town for ya, I guess!”  Goodness, this was a lot of information to process and Louis thanked him for his candor and promised to let him know if he found out anything else.  Suddenly he felt very tired and he decided to go up to his room and lay down. 

Louis was awakened by the boys trudging through the house with their muddy boots and the dogs barking.  “Daad! Where are you?” they yelled.  “Up here, in my room! But take off your boots because if you track that mud on the carpet your mother will flip!” and he heard them shucking off their shoes and running upstairs.  “Dad, it’s almost noon! Why are you still asleep?” Abe asked.  “We’re hungry! What’s for lunch?”  Harry replied, “Abe, your dad is sleeping, we can fix our own lunch, sorry, Louis.”  Louis smiled. “It’s okay, I was just resting, I’ll heat up the leftovers and you guys get changed.”

The boys ran out of the room and he heard Noah yell to Harry “there’s a bathroom downstairs that you can use” and Harry went into it and started the water.  Louis realized he had used the last of the towels the other night so he quickly grabbed some from his closet and ran downstairs to put them in Harry’s bathroom.  He knocked gently and pushed the door open and said “here’s some towels! Don’t want you to have to drip dry!” and started backing out the door.  Harry popped the shower door open and stuck his head out to say “thanks!” and when he did, Louis caught a glimpse of his large, long dick pressed against the shower door and his beautiful curls stuck to his forehead.  Louis gave a meager wave and closed the bathroom door and pressed his head against it because he hadn’t seen a dick like that, well, ever…

Louis went in to the kitchen to warm up the leftovers and think about what just happened.  He was busy taking plates out of the cabinets when he saw Harry sprinting through the house with just a towel wrapped around his waist.  “Sorry, Mr. T” he yelled, “left my clothes upstairs in the den!” and Louis tried not to look-he really did-but he couldn’t ignore Harry’s broad sculpted shoulders, thin waist and tight abs.  He was gorgeous and Louis was most definitely going to hell.

The twins came downstairs soon after and Louis motioned for them to sit and dropped their lunch on their plates.  “Where’s Harry?” Noah asked.  “Uh, he’s getting ready I guess? Y’all eat, I’ll go check on him” so Louis went upstairs calling his name.  He found him in the den on the computer and seemed surprised when Louis stood in the doorway and said his name. “Oh, sorry, Mr. Tom-Louis-I was just checking on an assignment for Monday.”  Louis could tell he was doing nothing of the sort but he just said “okay, well, lunch is ready” and Harry said “sure, be there in a sec” and quickly closed out his browser.  Louis walked away and Harry came after shortly wearing Bible college sweatpants and a tight t-shirt with his hair dripping wet and his curls falling on his shoulders.  He looked beautiful and Louis groaned.  The boys finished their lunches and went downstairs to play pool so Louis went in the den to see if he could figure out what Harry had been looking at on the computer.  He checked the web history but of course it had been cleaned.  “What if?” and he decided to check the message boards so he logged in and sure enough, “RUTG” had posted a reply:

> Just logging on quickly to say I’ve been praying about my situation and I think things are becoming clearer. I am still concerned about some things so maybe we could meet for coffee on Sunday? If you live close by? 

Louis hesitated and clicked on his profile name and checked his IP address, which was the same one as Louis’ house.  So Harry Styles-rich trust-fund kid-was the confused & gay “RUTG” that Louis had been chatting with online and was currently in his basement playing pool with his kids.  He slammed his head on the keyboard and almost broke it but he honestly didn’t care at this point.  “God why are you doing this to me?” Louis wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr [x](www.straightguysdont2.tumblr.com)
> 
> And on twitter [x](www.twitter.com/1d_beards)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 3, v. 1-3 _O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head._  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **minor religious kink in this chapter, nothing major**  
> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

Sunday dawned crisp but cold as they readied themselves for church; Harry wore grey slacks and a slim-fit oxford that hugged his shoulders and biceps in just the right places.  Louis was sure this was some type of punishment for whatever indiscretions he had done in his life.  Harry sat in the back seat and Louis couldn’t help but admire him in the mirror; clear green eyes, dark chocolate curls framing his face and a bright smile that could light up the room. 

_He was gorgeous, yes, but Louis was straight. STRAIGHT. He loved his wife...._

When they arrived, Bill met them at the front door and vigorously shook Harry’s hand as he introduced himself. “Harry Styles! I knew your old man! Grew up with him in fact so tell him I said hi!”  Harry looked nervous but nodded quickly as Louis shuffled him into the pew where he sat on the end with Louis next to him and the twins beside Louis. 

The sermon started briefly after that and the topic was how the only relationship that mattered was the one with your spouse and how that can create a better relationship to God.  “Honoring thy spouse is the best way to honor God,” Dr. Paul intoned.  “Be faithful to your spouse and you will be faithful to God. He loves you as you love your spouse.”  Louis could see Harry fidgeting and he had an idea why but just patted his leg and smiled at him.  When Dr. Paul got to the part about the only legitimate union in God’s eyes is the one between a man and a woman and any other type is sinful, disgraceful and in violation of God’s law, Harry rushed out of the sanctuary in tears.  The twins stared at Louis who whispered, “stay here, I’ll go check on him” and he was close on his heels. 

But when he got to the door, he couldn’t find Harry anywhere and he assumed he didn’t go outside because it was about 30 degrees.  He checked the second bathroom down the hall and found Harry in the handicapped stall sniffling and crying.  Louis said “Harry, are you okay?” which elicited a sob from him and a “no, sorry, this is just hitting a bit too close to home. You have a lovely church, Louis, sorry I’m ruining it by being here.”

            “What do you mean, Harry?” Louis knew but wanted Harry to explain.  “It’s my dad, he’s just, he’s not my mom…she’s an angel…and he puts her through a lot and…I just don’t know how to make sense of it all.  If like the sermon said and their relationship is supposed to reflect ‘God’s law’ then that’s pretty messed up” Harry exclaimed.

            “Look, Harry, I don’t know about all of that”-Louis lied! in church!-“but I’m sure Dr. Paul was talking about just a general situation and not your parents. And you’re not ruining my church so please just come back.” Louis said.

            “But…but…there’s more,” Harry said and Louis paused. “Yes?” Louis said tentatively.

            “The part about the only true relationship is between a man and a woman, I mean, what about a man and a man? Why can’t THAT be a legitimate way to become one with God?”  Harry wailed.  “Oh boy, here goes…” Louis thought.

            “Louis, is there anyone else in here?” Harry asked quickly. “No, why?” Louis said and could hear Harry lean into the stall door. 

            “Louis,” Harry whispered, “I’m _gay_.”

            Louis whispered back, “I know,” which made Harry fling open the stall door and stare at Louis wide-eyed.  “ChChurchofOKAdmin2 at your service” Louis said, holding out his hand to shake. Harry realized who he was (and what he knew) and collapsed into his knees and let out a loud, cracked sob. 

At that point, Louis heard someone enter the bathroom so he grabbed Harry’s hand and rushed out of the bathroom, trying to think of a place where he could take Harry to talk quietly and privately.  He settled on the youth center which was downstairs in the back of the church; Louis let them in with his key, Harry still sobbing, and sat them down on chairs to face each other.  He handed Harry a tissue and explained:

           “I realized you had logged onto your account on the message board from my computer yesterday and put two and two together” which made Harry cry harder.  Louis grabbed his hands and said “Harry, look at me,” and he gazed at Louis with wet eyes and Louis continued. “Look I don’t have the answers, Dr. Paul, your dad and your mom don’t have the answers, only God has the answers.  They can speak the word of God but there’s hundreds of ways to interpret the Bible and we are only hearing _their_ point of view.  Let’s pray” and they both bowed their heads. “God, help Harry-and me-find his way and to be himself and love you at the same time. Amen.”

            “So how did you know you were straight?” Harry asked.

Louis laughed a bit too loudly but he said, “well, I don’t know, it might be a bit more complicated than that if I’m being honest.  Harry, I’m beginning to realize that sexuality is a very fluid process” Louis wasn’t really sure where this was going but he just decided to keep talking. “I mean I’m married but I just discovered some things recently that I enjoy that I don’t think my wife would approve of.  Watching two guys kissing and um, doing things, is hot and I like it.  Touching myself while I watch that is something I enjoy. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m gay it just means I’m exploring another side to my sexuality.” And he shrugged.

_I. AM. STRAIGHT._

            Harry stopped crying and said “So you’ve seen that _stuff_?” he whispered.  “And you still consider yourself straight? And a man of God?”

            Louis sniffed. “Yes, of course!  And I’m straight, not gay.  At least I think I am…I guess it’s complicated” and he let his voice trail off. He grabbed Harry by the back of the neck and pulled his forehead to touch his. “Let’s say the Lord’s Prayer, Harry, together. Maybe it will help us both,” Louis said.  While they recited the prayer, Louis could see Harry’s tear-stained cheeks and pouty lips and the back of his throat started to tighten. 

Harry looked up at him when they finished and in a brief second the entire world stopped turning as Harry moved his mouth to crash into Louis’.  Harry’s lips felt soft and smooth and Louis grabbed his hair and ran his fingers through it while Harry pulled him closer. 

_God help me. What am I doing? I just broke one of the Ten Commandments: thou shalt not cheat..._

At that point, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled back from Harry who looked shocked to not be kissing him anymore, but no longer sad.  It was from Noah “dad service is over where’s Harry?” Louis quickly replied “talking to him now gonna see if Dr. Paul can speak with him, get a ride w/ Bill see u at brunch” then he shoved his phone back in his pocket and said “Harry, can I kiss you again?” Harry rushed his face into Louis’ and ran his hand down the side of his face.  After a few minutes of kissing, Louis said “Harry we need to go, sorry” and he pushed himself back into a sitting position in his chair.  Harry just nodded, lips red and puffy, pink and smooth and Louis wanted to kiss him again and again and again. 

_NO. LOUIS WANTED TO KISS HIS WIFE, NOT HARRY. He couldn't kiss Harry anymore..._

He grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room and upstairs where he got his coat and walked out to the car with him.  Once they got in the car and started driving to brunch, Louis really wanted to hold Harry's hand-to comfort him, NOT because he liked kissing him.

Against his better judgement, Louis picked up Harry’s hand and held it.  “Is this okay?” he asked and Harry just smiled.

When they arrived at Frisch’s they joined everyone for brunch and Noah said “Harry are you okay?” and Harry just nodded. “Yeah, sorry, just having a rough day is all.”  Noah asked “did you get to talk to Dr. Paul?” and Louis replied “no, he was busy, gonna see if we can later.” 

Bill piped up with “Harry, how’s your dad and mom? I knew them back in the day!” and Harry looked like he was going to cry so Louis gave him a curt nod and Bill said “well, just tell them I said hi” and returned to his food.  They finished the meal mostly in silence and started the drive back to Louis’ house. 

_Louis wanted Harry to stay at his house, but JUST TO TALK, NOT to kiss him again....definitely NOT..._

When they got back, the boys started packing their things and Louis asked Harry quietly “can you stay for a bit? I can drive you home later. Just wanna talk is all, make sure you’re okay.” Harry nodded, said “sure” and sat his things down.  When the twins came downstairs Louis lied (again!) said “Dr. Paul just texted me and said he can talk to Harry tonight around seven so he’s gonna stick around and I’ll take him back to campus after” and they hugged their dad, said goodbye to Harry and left in their car.

When they got back inside, Louis fixed some tea and sat down on the couch and motioned for Harry to join him.  The silence was awkward and Harry broke it first with “so, Louis, you just kissed me and you’ve watched two guys together in a Biblical sense. Doesn’t that mean you’re gay?”

_No of course not, don't be silly!_

Louis laughed and rubbed Harry’s elbow. “No,” he said confidently. “I'm straight, Harry.”

_I think..._

Harry looked at him with bewilderment and said "but you let me kiss you and didn't stop me. Doesn't that mean anything?"

Now Louis got a bewildered look on _his_ face and Harry just stared at him. “Harry, can I be honest with you?" Louis asked and Harry nodded.

_What Louis was about to say he had NEVER told ANYONE, not his wife, not his pastor, not his mom..._

“Harry, I'm married. With kids. I'm straight.  However, I’ve always felt like something was missing in my life. When I kissed you..."

Louis paused, searching for the right word, as he stared into Harry's wide, soulful, sparkling green eyes.

_Be honest, be truthful, you've already broken one Commandment today..._

Louis sighed and continued, "I liked it even though it was wrong. Because I'm married. With kids. And I'm straight."

"Yeah, you mentioned that," Harry said sarcastically.

"Hmm, I did?" Louis asked and Harry nodded.  Louis ran his fingers through his hair, "Look, Harry, I don't know what it means. I'm just...I'm confused. I guess."

"Me too," Harry agreed. "Confused. About all of this. Me. You. God."

"Well, I think that  God loves you. And me. Regardless," Louis said.

Harry looked so vulnerable, like he was searching for the meaning of life in that very moment.

_But Louis did NOT want to kiss him. Or hug him. Or pull him into him to comfort him. NO._

_Because he was straight. And married. He didn't like to kiss boys; he liked kissing girls. Especially his wife._

_Maybe..._

"I guess we're both confused. Together. We should pray about it," Harry suggested.  Louis faced him and they joined hands and bowed their heads:

"Lord, give us strength to figure this out. Stay beside us and guide us during this journey," Louis said and he lifted his eyes up to gaze at Harry's face: eyebrows knitted together, wrinkled forehead, long eyelashes splayed against his cheeks.

_God he looked gorgeous...Louis really wanted to kiss him again..._

Before Louis could stop himself, he pulled Harry by his hands into his chest and smashed his lips to Harry's. Again.

_Glory to God, this is amazing. Louis wanted more, more, more..._

They kissed hungrily for a few minutes then Louis ripped himself unceremoniously away from Harry and stared at him, green eyes rimmed with tears, lips puffy and pink.  "Harry, I can't do this. I'm  _married_ " Louis said.

Harry licked his beautiful pink bow-shaped lips and said "I heard. And you're straight," then strongly pulled Louis into him to continue kissing him.

_Jesus why are you testing me?_

Louis' desires soon overtook his moral fortitude and now he wanted to _taste_ Harry with his tongue so muttered, “Harry, have you ever French kissed?”  Harry wrinkled his cute nose and said “no, I pecked a girl on the lips once” and frowned.

_Why is he so beautiful, God?_

Louis ignored his inner voice which was screaming "STOPPP!" and decided to teach Harry how to French kiss.  

_Because God was testing him_

Louis said “Ok, well stick your tongue out,” and Harry did as he was told. “Not like you’re annoyed at your sister!  Now relax your jaw, tilt your head and close your eyes, that’s it. Now I’m gonna kiss you, yeah?” And Harry nodded. He looked ridiculous but Louis didn’t care so he leaned in and gently met his tongue with his.  Harry tasted like heaven mixed with toothpaste and Louis explored his mouth with his tongue roughly.  “Mmm, Harry, you taste delicious” Louis mumbled and dragged his teeth over Harry’s lip.  He nipped at Harry’s chin, peppering kisses on his jaw line and dragged his tongue to Harry’s ear.  Harry squirmed a bit “mmm, tickles,” he said and laughed. “But I like it” so Louis continued and licked down the side of his neck, across his collar bone and up the other side.

_Why does something SO WRONG feel SO RIGHT? God, guide me to the right path...._

When Louis got to his other ear, Harry grabbed his face and kissed him. “Can I do that to you?” he asked. 

_No, because I'm straight. And married. Say "no", say "NO"!_

“Sure,” Louis smirked.

_Oh my GOD_

“Start kissing me here” and he pointed to just below his earlobe and said “and I’ll tell you where to go next” Harry, being the good boy that he is, did just as he was told.  “Now nibble on my ear lobe…and, ah, yeah, then drag your tongue down my neck and, ah, mmm…” then Harry took over and started saying “and here” then kissing Louis in a different place.  “And here” and tried a new spot.  Louis tipped his head back so his entire neck was exposed for Harry who took full advantage of it.  “Mmm, Harry, so good,” Louis moaned.

_His wife never made him feel like this..._

_For the sake of his marriage, Louis NEEDED Harry to stop._

_But for the sake of his desires, Louis WANTED Harry to continue._

At that point, Louis’ phone rang- _maybe it was God calling to demand Louis go to hell?_ -causing both of them to jump and Louis quickly grabbed it.  He said “Harry, stop I have to take this” and Harry sat back on his knees, leaving a space between him and Louis, who was leaning against the arm of the couch.

_Finally, space between us, room to breathe, this is good..._

Louis swiped his phone open and said “Louis Tomlinson here! Ah, yes, hi Mr. Johnson! Oh, okay, Jack, yes I spoke to Rebecca the other day and she spoke very highly of you and your son.” 

As Louis focused on his phone call, Harry quickly leaned into his chest and buried his head into Louis' neck

_He smells delicious, like raspberries, Ivory soap and innocence..._

Harry started kissing his neck and Louis let out a gasp. “Uh, no, sorry, I’m fine, just hit my toe on the bed. Darn it!” Louis said.  Then he heard Harry saying something-maybe he was going back to his “and here” routine?-but Louis couldn’t move so he had no choice but to continue the conversation. “Sure, yeah, I hear Joshua is a lovely boy! And…yeah, we would love to have you over to meet soon!  The girls will back Saturday so maybe after that?”  At that point, Harry twisted his head to the ear where Louis was holding his phone and he could tell he was kissing him and reciting the Lord’s prayer at the same time. “Hallowed be thy name” & a lick; “thy kingdom come” & a nibble…

_Holy Jesus take the wheel_

“Louis, what’s that noise?” Jack asked and Louis quickly stammered “I’m listening to some YouTube sermons on my laptop, hang on, lemme turn them down” and he pressed his finger to his mouth harshly and said “SHHH” silently but Harry just laughed and bent down to the dip into Louis’ exposed collar bone. “For thine is the kingdom” & a scrape; "the power and the glory forever" & a kiss, then he bit Louis’ chest when he said “Amen”.

Louis literally thought he was going to die and needed to get off the phone pronto so he quickly said “Uh, yeah I’ll call you later in the week to set something up. Yeah, looking forward to it! Bye!” and threw his phone on the table.  Harry sat back on his knees, eyes crinkly, entire face in a smile and Louis could do nothing except stare blankly at him.

_My dick is hard from a GUY kissing me. But I am STRAIGHT._

_Maybe...._

Suddenly he pushed Harry off his lap and dashed into the bathroom, leaving a very stunned Harry sitting alone on the couch.  Harry heard a commotion in there and yelled, “Louis, what are you doing?” to which Louis replied sternly, “TAKING CARE OF MY BUSINESS HARRY THANKS TO YOU AND I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME!”  Harry looked down at his rock-hard cock and flung his head back on the couch. “But Louis, masturbation is a SIN!” he wailed. “Harry, after what we just did, I think God WANTS you to masturbate. Now just FINISH YOURSELF OFF!” Louis was practically screeching at this point. 

Harry zipped open his pants to reveal his red, hard dick leaking cum out the top. “I’m going to hell for this” he muttered then grabbed his cock and jerked it a few times before he spurted cum onto his stomach and exhaled.  A few minutes later, Louis returned from the bathroom wiping his hands on a towel, his face back to its normal color.  Harry had cleaned himself off with paper towels from the kitchen and was sitting with his back to the side of the couch so Louis sat down beside him, head in his hands.  He felt Harry rub his back softly.

"Louis, I'm sorry," Harry started to say but Louis cut him off.

"No, Harry, don't be sorry. If I wanted you to stop kissing me, then I would've made you stop. Okay?" Louis said and Harry's puppy-dog eyes flickered in a nod.

_I don't want you to leave...I want to keep kissing you..._

“Louis, I should probably go,” Harry said. "I think I've done enough damage for one day," and he stood up from the couch. As he started to walk away, Louis grabbed his hand and said, "Harry wait!"

_If you let him leave, you'll regret it..._

Harry stood in front of him, his eyes soft, his cheeks flushed from kissing Louis- _I kissed him! I made him look like that!-_ and Louis ignored the moral alarm bells going off in his head and said, "can I tell you something?"

Harry nodded, brown curls softly tickling his face.

“I truly can't believe I'm saying this but, Harry I want you to stay tonight” and Harry’s eyes got as wide as saucers, as if he thought Louis wanted to be intimate with him in some way.

“No, no, NO, not for that! You just seem upset and vulnerable right now, I thought you shouldn't be alone. Besides, it's late."

_Another lie..._

 "You can sleep in the twins' room that’s fine,”  Harry nodded. “But what about my curfew at school?”  Louis thought for a second and said “can you tell Abe and your RA that you decided to go home after you talked to Dr. Paul?  Would that work?” It was Louis’ fifth lie today but who was counting? 

Harry said, “yes, gimme a sec” and sent off a series of texts to explain his absence. 

_Now Louis William Tomlinson, straight, married, Christian, had just asked a guy to stay at his house. If he listened closely, he could hear Satan calling his name..._

Louis felt very tired all of a sudden so he said, “Harry, it’s been a long day, I’m gonna go to bed if that’s okay.  See you in the morning, yeah?”  Harry smiled and said “sure, Louis, I’m gonna stay up for a bit and watch some TV”

Harry whispered “and thank you for everything you did for me today. Everything” and bent over to kiss Louis.

_No, THANK YOU ..._

Louis rubbed his cheek and said “of course, Harry. I'm glad I could help” and kissed him back then got up off the couch and went to bed, his head spinning, his life falling apart with each kiss from Harry...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm IV, verses 1-5 _Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Offer right sacrifices, put your trust in the Lord._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are Louis' inner thoughts....

Louis crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep quickly, exhausted from the day’s emotional upheaval.  He woke up in the middle of the night to find Harry tucked in beside him and he pulled him closer so Louis was the “big spoon” and Harry’s back was to his chest.  

_Now he had HARRY spooned into him in his marital bed where he'd laid with his wife for over twenty years..._

As Louis breathed in Harry's curls, a calm went over him because it felt right, even though he knew morally it was wrong. He drifted back to sleep...

Louis woke up in the early morning because he had a massive erection that was poking Harry in the back. “Ugh, morning wood,” Louis muttered. “I haven’t had one of those in twenty years!” He slowly and quietly rolled out of bed trying not to disturb Harry and walked gingerly into the bathroom.  He pulled off his boxers and stepped into the shower to let the water relax him.  He was planning on jerking off soon but he was still half-asleep so he let the water roll over him for a long time, enough to steam up the bathroom. 

He was standing in the shower, arms bracing himself on each side, fringe falling in his face, dick still hard, when he thought he saw the door to the bathroom open.  He figured it was just one of the dogs wanting to find warmth in the bathroom til he flicked his fringe out of his eyes to see Harry standing in the room.  His breath hitched and Harry said “I rolled over and couldn’t find you in bed” then he looked down at Louis’ dick. 

“Can…can…can I join you?” Harry asked.  Louis nodded vigorously, not even sure how to create a sentence at this point.  Harry quickly rid himself of his boxers and stepped into the shower.  His dick was even bigger than Louis remembered from seeing it briefly the other day.

_Tell him to leave..._

_NO._

_What's happening? Louis was about to break at least three more Commandments that he could think of off the top of his head but he didn't-couldn't?-stop himself because the beautiful, gorgeous Harry was standing in front of him naked asking to join him in the shower..._

“Have you ever touched a penis that isn’t yours?” Louis asked.

Harry shook his head. “Well, me neither. Now c’mere” Louis said and he pulled Harry into the shower by his hips.  They stood looking at each other, naked, with Louis’ dick still half hard. “I’m scared,” Harry said softly. “Me too,” Louis answered and pulled him in for a hug.  When he did that their dicks brushed up against each other and Harry wrapped his arms around Louis.

_It was just a hug but it meant so much more..._

“Now, relax and lemme wash your hair, this is what me and….” His voice trailed off because he was about to say his wife’s name while in the shower with Harry.  _Awkward_. 

Harry smiled and tilted his head back so Louis could scrub shampoo into his hair.  He came around the front of Harry, saying “now, rinse, love” and placed a wet, sloppy kiss on Harry’s chest then traced his tongue up to his jaw and licked the dripping water off of it.  He could see Harry’s dick getting harder by the minute and his body shuddered at the sight. “Harry you’re so pretty” he muttered into Harry’s neck. “So gorgeous…”  At that, Harry reached around and squeezed Louis’ butt cheek and whispered “can I?” while motioning to Louis’ dick.  “Yes, please, please…” Louis was practically begging him, not something he ever imagined himself doing.

_How in the world was he going to explain THIS to his wife? And GOD? He'd just begged another man to touch his dick...._

“Tell me if you want something else,” Harry said so Louis gave him instructions as he grabbed his cock.

_Now he was telling that man how to give him a hand job..._

“That’s it, ooh, not too fast yet, wanna last a bit” and he chuckled. “Can you grab my balls? And when you get up to the top, cup your hand over the tip. And rub your thumb across my slit..” Harry did all of that and Louis groaned.  He got the hang of it so he started licking Louis’ neck while jerking him off and Louis almost melted into the shower floor.

“Oh my godddddd, Harry” Louis moaned then Harry took his hand to the bottom of his penis and applied soft pressure.  At the same time, he grabbed Louis’ balls and tugged them slightly and Louis was gone. “Ahh, ahhh, AHHHH!” Louis yelped as cum spurted out of his dick and onto Harry’s hip.  Harry pulled him in for a kiss and before the cum washed down the drain, Louis bent over to lick it off-just ghosting his mouth over Harry’s rock-hard dick-and Harry took a step back.  Louis grabbed his butt and pulled him back saying “don’t worry, love, just looking…” then made his way up to Harry’s chest and neck.  

_Now what? He'd already broken his marriage vow and quite a few Commandments but he really, really didn't want to stop...he really, really wanted to touch Harry..._

Harry then said, “Louis please touch me. Pleaseeee. I want you to. Now.”

_No, turn off the shower and walk away..._

Instead, Louis pulled Harry closer to him with his left hand and buried his face into in his shoulder.  With his right hand he took to slowly riding up and down his dick with his hand. “Oh Louis,” Harry whispered in his ear, “Ohhhhh, Louis….” Harry groaned.  He used his thumb to make circles around the top of Harry’s dick with the precum that had now leaked out and Harry’s hips snapped toward Louis voluntarily. “You gonna cum, baby?” Louis asked.  “Unfkahlk” was all Harry could muster so Louis started jerking him off quickly and he came soon after.

_He'd just called another man "baby" while touching his dick...OH MY GOD...._

They were both breathless and stood hugging, their slack dicks in between them, each grabbing the other’s butt, until the water ran cold. 

“What time did you get into bed with me?” Louis asked.  Harry squeezed his bum again and whispered, “I never slept in Noah’s room.”  Louis smiled broadly.  “C’mon I’ll make you breakfast,” Louis said as he pressed a chaste kiss to Harry’s lips and led him out of the shower, dried him off and took him back to the bedroom.  They dressed in silence and Louis walked downstairs, leaving Harry to pack up his things which Harry brought down and left by the front door.  He was wearing sweatpants and a Bible college t-shirt and Louis was sure he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.  But he was very quiet so Louis busied himself with making eggs while Harry checked his phone. 

Louis was about to ask him if anything was wrong when Harry held up his phone and showed Louis a picture. “This is my mom and sister from their last trip to Nicaragua. They go a few times a year so Ali can reconnect with her heritage.” Louis sat down the pan to look and saw a beautiful older woman in sunglasses and a younger, dark-skinned girl in traditional tribal dresses. “They’re beautiful, Harry. You have your mom’s eyes” which made Harry smile. “My sister is 24 and she’s special needs but she’s my hero and so is my mom. My sister went to a public school which was hard in my small town but my mom insisted. She takes my sister all around the country for treatments. They also travel abroad quite a bit and my sister’s passport is fuller than mine” he said with adoration.

“Well, your sister is very lucky to have you and your mom on her side,” Louis said then he hesitated. “Um, what about your dad?” Harry’s entire demeanor changed and Louis immediately regretted asking, even though he knew the answer to the question. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything,” Louis practically apologized. But Harry cut him off. “No, he’s just…I mean…he’s….he’s not my mom is all. She’s amazing but he’s….not.  Is that bad to say?” Thankfully, the timer went off on the cinnamon rolls and Louis busied himself getting them out of the pan so he didn’t have to answer the question. 

“Louis, I’m sorry. My head is just swimming right now and I don’t want to muddle it up by talking about my father, if that’s okay.” Harry said.  Louis put his breakfast plate in front of him and patted his hand. “Harry that’s fine. Just enjoy your meal and I’ll go warm up the car.” A few minutes later he came back, brushing snow out of his hair and stomping his feet on the floor. “Jeez, it’s started to snow! I’m gonna go get my hat and gloves. Do you need any, Harry?” “Um, yes, can I borrow a hat? It was 50 degrees when I came here so I don’t have anything for my head.”  Louis disappeared into the mud room and came back with two wool beanies and tossed one to Harry. “Okay, I’m ready whenever you are” and Harry climbed off his seat and started putting on his boots. Louis grabbed his luggage and put it in the car with Harry close behind. 

Once again, Harry was very quiet for most of the drive so Louis grabbed his hand and he felt Harry relax a bit.  Louis didn’t mind the silence but he could tell Harry’s mind was racing. “So I’m gonna drop you off a bit up the street from your dorm because if my boys see my truck, I will have a lot of explaining to do” and he chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” Harry said flatly. “And you have my number so text me if you need anything, yeah?” Now it was Harry’s turn to squeeze Louis’ hand. “I will, trust me.” And they had arrived on campus so Louis pulled off to the side of the street. “I would like to kiss you again, Harry, but I can’t right now so…” Louis kissed his finger tips then pressed them to Harry’s hand. “Talk to you soon, yeah?” Harry smiled said “of course!” grabbed his bag from the back, slung it over his shoulder and waved bye to Louis.  Harry popped his pea coat collar up to his ears where it met Louis’ gray beanie and a few curls came untucked.  Louis’ heart skipped a beat watching him walk up the street as he drove off.

Louis’ heart was heavy knowing that Harry was struggling with what happened and racked his brain to think of something to help him. About halfway to the interstate, it hit him: a journal. Harry needed a journal to write his feelings and problems in so he could start to work through then.  So Louis found a local bookstore and ducked in to buy Harry the nicest, leather-covered journal he could find.  He also purchased a high-quality pen and wrote a short message in the cover. Then turned around to take it to Harry but he didn’t want to be seen so he took it to his dorm and asked the RA at the front desk to put it in Harry’s mailbox. Then quickly beat a retreat to his car and sped off.  Hopefully, Harry would appreciate his gift.

Louis made a few stops on his way home so it was mid-afternoon when he got back.  He still hadn’t heard from Harry but he knew he had class all day and probably had homework and…gosh, he sounded like a teenager waiting for his crush to call him, not a grown- _married, straight!_ -man. He had plenty to do around the house-three boys can make a giant mess-so the time went by very quickly so he ate leftovers and crashed on the couch around 8 pm. He fell asleep with the TV on and woke up to his phone ringing around 9:30. It was Harry. “Uh, hi!” Louis tried to sound cheery when he was really half-asleep. 

“Hi Louis!” Harry’s demeanor seemed happier than when he left him earlier in the day. “I wanted to say thank you for the journal. I’ve already written five pages. And I liked your message: ‘only God has all the answers’.  I really can’t thank you enough.”

Louis tried to brush it off, “I’m glad you liked it Harry, it seemed like you needed a ‘neutral party’ to talk to and the journal is non-judgmental. So you can tell it your deepest darkest secrets!” and he laughed. “I do have a lot of those,” Harry said. “And the journal doesn’t distract me with its amazing body…” and his voice trailed off which made Louis sit up straight on the couch.

_UMMMMMMMM_

“Sorry if I was quiet earlier, Louis. I promise I enjoyed myself with you I was just struggling with some things,” Harry said. “Harry you don’t have to apologize. Just know I’m here for you if or when you need to talk,” Louis told him.

"Louis, can I tell you something?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Of course," Louis replied.

"Uh, I'm not 'out' to anyone except you. Not my parents, Abe, no one. Just you," Harry admitted.

_That makes two of us..._

"Well, Harry, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me that. It means a lot. Promise"

"Good. I mean, I just...I feel like I know you, like I've known you my whole life. You're easy to talk to," Harry told him and Louis couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks, you can talk to me about anything," Louis said.

"Okay....um, how do you feel about what happened between us?" Harry asked.

_WHOA..._

"Harry, I...just...I..." Louis stammered, not knowing exactly what to say.  He finally said: "I liked what we did today."

He could hear Harry relax on the other end of the phone. ""Good. Me too," he said softly. "Are you still straight?"

_DOUBLE WHOA..._

Louis sighed audibly. "I don't know," he admitted and he heard Harry suck in a breath. "Had you asked me that a week ago, I would've said a definite 'YES'! But now, I guess it's complicated."

"I'm sorry, Louis."

_huh_

"Sorry?! For what?!" Louis asked, confused.

"For putting you in this situation. It's not right. Now I'm sure God hates me because I'm gay and because I helped you break His Ten Commandments!"" Harry exclaimed and Louis could tell he was on the verge of tears.

"Harry, look," Louis said hurriedly. "This is not your fault; I'm a grown man and I make my own decisions.  I don't know how this is all going to get sorted but that's my responsibility, not yours. And God doesn't hate you. For anything. You're a beautiful person, Harry. Always remember that."

"Okay, well, thank you, Louis. You made me feel better. I'll talk to you soon, yeah?" Harry asked.

"Good. I'll look forward to it, promise," Louis assured him and hung up the phone.  He flung his head back against the couch and sighed.

 _DAMN IT all to hell and back..._  

Now he was wide awake, slightly annoyed at himself, and somewhat turned on after talking to Harry and imagining him in his dorm room with those sweatpants hanging low on his waist, boxers peeking out of the waistband, just a hint of his taut abs on display, wearing Louis' gray beanie....Louis decided he needed a shower to help him relax but when he got in there and realized he had been with Harry just a few hours before and now he felt disgusted.

_With himself_

_For allowing it to happen_

_For not stopping it_

_And for God's sake, LIKING it_

_a LOT..._

He reached down to furiously jerk himself off, almost as a punishment for his impure thoughts and actions.  

_Straight, married guys with kids don't kiss other men; they don't touch other men in the shower; they don't lay with other men in their marital bed_

_And for heaven's sake, they don't LIKE doing those things..._

_OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD_

As Louis watched his cum spill down the shower drain, he realized he was one thousand percent screwed...and maybe just a little bit not straight...

_~~~~~~~~~_

Louis had received a text the day before about one of his properties on the outskirts of town so he grabbed a quick breakfast and set out for it.  He was busy talking to the property manager about the problem-something with the heat-and figuring out how to fix it. He spent most of the morning there because of course there were more problems than just the heat and got back to his truck around 11. He found his phone and there were three texts from Harry: wanted to see you today; maybe?; just to talk lemme know, the last one at 10:55.

Louis quickly replied: sorry, left my phone in my car I’m ab 20 min from Paul’s Valley can u meet me @ the Walmart there? Or do u need me to pick u up? Harry’s reply came just as quickly: can meet u there have my car around 12? Louis: Yes. He didn’t have a clue what Harry wanted-they had just seen each other less than 24 hours earlier-but he wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to spend time with him even if it was at a Walmart in Pauls Valley, Oklahoma. Louis drove straight there and had time to shop for dinner and decided to fix steaks and salad. For two.  Just in case…

Louis was putting his groceries in his car when Harry pulled up in a non-nondescript red Toyota Corolla-for some reason Louis expected him to drive a Lexus or Mercedes-and he smiled at him. “Hi! Fancy meeting you here!” Louis said. “Wanna grab some lunch? There’s a Subway inside.” Harry returned the smile, got out of his car and said “sure, sounds good” and they walked into the store. They both got the same sandwich-Philly cheesesteak-and sat down at a table.  Louis spoke first: “so what’s up? How was class today?” 

Louis was trying to make small talk but he got the impression Harry wanted to do more than that. “Fine,” Harry said. “Just chapel then I had to meet with my group for my communications class. But I wanted to thank you again for the journal.  It’s lovely and I wrote five more pages today at the library.  I’m learning that even with everything that’s going on in my life I still feel God in my heart. And I think-I hope-that’s what matters.”

Louis really wanted to grab his hand and squeeze it but instead he smiled fondly at him and said “it is. That’s what matters. Keep God in your heart and the rest will sort itself out.”

Harry smiled and said “Only God knows the answers, right?” Louis nodded.

“Louis, I want you to read my journal” Harry blurted out quickly.

Louis almost choked on his sandwich but managed to swallow it. “Oh, Harry, that’s sweet but I couldn’t. It’s for you to write in and I don’t want you to ‘censor’ yourself when you’re writing because I might read it. It’s about your life and your relationships and it’s none of my business.” 

Louis thought he saw a sad look on Harry’s face when he said: “Yes it is mine but I feel like I can trust you..."

_Probably because I recently had my tongue down your throat and my hand on your dick..._

Harry continued, "I want to be as open and honest with you as I can in hopes that you can help me deal with some of this stuff.  Is that okay?"

"Of course," Louis said. "But I don't know if I should read your journal, Harry. That's personal."

Louis thought he saw hurt flicker across Harry's face then he said, "Yes, but if it’s MINE then I can decide what to do with it, yeah? And I want YOU to read it.  I’d rather you read my words then have to explain it because it’s kind of emotional. Parts of it, anyway. .”

Now Louis felt like a complete jerk for what he said. “Sorry, Harry, I didn’t mean to insult you. If you want me to read it, then I will. And thank you for trusting me enough to share it with me.”  Louis looked around the busy sandwich shop quickly “but do you want me to read it _here?_ ”  Now it was Harry’s turn to laugh and he waved his hand “No! Not here, somewhere else, later, mkay?”

Louis wondered what exactly that meant but decided not to pry. They finished their lunch and headed to their cars and Louis had his back to his car with Harry standing in front of him and Louis said “so, see ya later, yeah?” and turned around to open his door. Harry put his hand over Louis’ on the door handle and pressed his mouth to his ear.  Louis’ heart skipped a beat, praying no one was watching them. Harry’s voice was a combination of a growl and a whisper.  “I wanna come to your house. Stay overnight, yeah?” Louis could only nod quietly and open his door. “Hop in,” he said and they quickly drove off.

_Now Harry was in his car, with the promise of staying overnight at his house, most likely in his bed, heaven only knows what could happen._

_Take him back to his dorm, remind him you're straight. And married._

Louis’ head was spinning at this recent change of events but he decided to just pray that everything would be okay. “When is your next class?” he asked. “Tomorrow at noon,” Harry replied. “Hmm,” Louis said and reached over to grab Harry’s hand. He pulled it up to his lips and kissed the back of his hand. “I kinda wanted to do this at lunch but I couldn’t. Hope that’s okay?” Harry just smiled and nodded and laid his head back on the head rest and closed his eyes. 

_Louis didn't take Harry back to his dorm, he held his hand while he drove to his house, because he was maybe, just a little bit not straight...and he maybe, just a little bit, wanted to kiss Harry again...._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm V, verses 1-3, 5-6, 8-10: _Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry. The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers. You destroy those who speak lies; the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man. Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies; make your way straight before me. For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue. Make them bear their guilt, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out, for they have rebelled against you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis' thoughts/moral compass in italics

When they got back to Louis’ house, Harry grabbed his backpack, said hi to the dogs and plopped on the couch while Louis put his groceries away. “Steak for dinner sound good?” he asked. “Great!” Harry said. “Beats dorm food, hah!” When he was done, he could see Harry on his laptop and his brow furrowed so he casually said “Harry, I’m sweaty and gross from being in that attic earlier. Gonna hop in the shower, make yourself at home. You know where everything is!” and Harry glanced at him, nodded and went back to reading his laptop.

_I want you to join me..._

Louis grabbed his sex toy and magazine stash from the garage in case nothing happened with Harry and he needed to take care of his own “business” later. He stuffed it in his bedside table and quickly jumped in the shower. He was in there for a few minutes, taking his time, relaxing and letting the water flow over him when he looked up and saw Harry standing there. Naked. Louis sucked in a breath at the sight and nodded his head for Harry to join him.

_God, whatever I have done to deserve this, I want to thank you…_

Harry stepped in and embraced Louis for a hug and he rubbed his back with his large hands.  “Is this okay, Louis?” Harry asked. “I know you didn’t invite me but I wanted to have you wash my hair again. I liked that.” Louis held both of Harry’s hands and said “of course it’s okay, Harry. I would love to wash your hair if that’s what you want, mkay?” and he kissed him. “Now, turn around” and Louis first slathered his hands up with soap and rubbed his hands over Harry’s broad shoulders and down to the small of his back.

_He is so gorgeous...I want to learn every curve, nook and cranny of his body..._

Then he went around his waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder while he massaged Harry’s pecs.  Harry reached around and gently grabbed Louis’ butt cheek and Louis was pretty sure that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done to him. He grabbed the shampoo and soaped up Harry’s hair, trying to ignore his growing erection as he scrubbed and massaged Harry’s head. “Now, turn around, love, so I can rinse you,” Louis said and when Harry turned around he couldn’t ignore HIS erection but he tried not to stare.  As Harry leaned his head back to rinse, Louis pressed a kiss to his Adam’s apple and Louis could almost see the tension leave Harry’s body as he relaxed.  “It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you,” Louis said softly and rubbed Harry’s waist.

"Harry, why did you want to come home with me today?" Louis asked.

"Because I wanted to see you naked again. It's all I've thought about since yesterday," Harry admitted softly and Louis literally thought he was going to cry. 

_Good lord...SAME..._

At that point, Harry grabbed Louis’ hand as it rested on his waist and said, “Louis, I want to jerk you off while I touch myself at the same time. Is that alright?”

_Now he really was going to cry.  YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Louis gently kissed Harry and said, “of course it’s alright, if it makes you feel alive…”

Louis saw a hunger and neediness in Harry’s eyes that he’d never seen before as he stepped forward and pulled Louis to him in a strong kiss. He grabbed Louis’ very hard, erect dick and started stroking it slowly while kissing him and letting little “mmms” escape his mouth. Water from the shower dripped between them.  Then Harry grabbed his own dick and Louis was pretty sure he could die happy now.

Harry was a quick study and took it slow at first then sped up and worked his hand over the top of both of their dicks so pre-cum was leaking out. Then he used that to rub circles into the top of their dicks then brought his hand all the way to the base. Since they were so close, Louis reached down and grabbed both of their balls and Harry’s knees buckled. “I wanna come together, Harry, yeah?” Harry managed a nod then a quick squeeze of the base of their collective dicks sent cum shooting out of both.  They watched their cum collect on the shower tile floor and combine as it went down the drain. Both were practically breathless and stared at each other for a minute before Louis pulled Harry in for another hug and whispered in his ear “that was lovely, let’s get out and relax” and he could feel Harry nod. They hopped out, dried off and walked into Louis’ bedroom where he could see Harry’s backpack sitting by the door. Louis put on his boxers and saw Harry’s bare ass when he bent over. Louis couldn’t help but stare because it was lovely…

_Now he really liked that view..._

Louis jumped on the bed, grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. He saw Harry pull his journal out of his bag and Louis felt a tightening in his chest when he realized what was happening.  Harry climbed up on the bed, clad only in his boxers and sat on his knees beside Louis, holding his journal in his hands. Louis pretended to be distracted by the tv and his phone until Harry put the journal in his lap and said “I want you to read it. Now.” The pleading look in Harry’s eyes told Louis he was very serious about all of this so Louis simply said “okay, if you insist. C’mere, lay down right here” and he motioned to his chest “while I read it.” And Harry, being the dutiful boy that he was, did just that.

_So here lay Louis William Tomlinson, Christian extraordinaire, in his marital bed at 4 o’clock on a Monday afternoon, snuggling with a half-naked twenty year old. Who had just jerked him off.  Lord help me..._

“Just relax, love, while I read” Louis said and Harry nodded. “This will explain a lot. But I’m still working out some things about my dad. And you.” Louis’ stomach did flip-flops and he hoped Harry couldn’t feel it. He stroked Harry’s hair and said “It’s fine, now shush” and he picked up the journal and started reading.  Most of it was a rehash of what Bill had told him about Harry’s grandfather and father but there were specifics that tempted to blow Louis’ mind: CJ, Sr. had six (SIX!) illegitimate children who didn’t get a red-hot cent when he died; Harry’s trust fund was valued at $20 million of which $10 million would be available to him soon; Harry had been engaged to a local girl and broke it off before he came to college because he felt that she was only interested him for his money (well, there was more to it of course, but that’s what he told his parents); he ruined her reputation in their small town and Harry had a lot of guilt about that. But when Louis got to the part about CJ, Jr. he was absolutely gobsmacked: Harry had listed dates going back fifteen years, women’s names, and places of his father’s affairs including hotels, conferences and (gasp!) the church. CJ, Jr. had paid for two (!!) abortions, telling Harry “none of those whores’ spawn are gonna get MY money.” 

How did Harry know all of this? Louis wondered.  Had his mother told him? Or was he privy to this information some other way? He looked down and saw that Harry had fallen asleep and he looked so sweet and innocent and Louis got very angry at his father for putting him through all of that. Louis was beginning to have a visceral reaction to what he was reading-his mouth felt dry and his shoulders were heavy. And he still hadn’t gotten to the part about him. He stroked Harry’s curls, took a deep breath and continued.

The next entry detailed a sermon CJ, Jr. gave when Harry was twelve based on Ephesians 6:1-4 _“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”_   Harry reflected on the sermon and how it was a turning point for him and his feelings toward his father; “how can I honor my father when he doesn’t honor my mother? Or me? Or my sister? His actions make me very angry.” This was all making Louis very, very sad if he was being totally honest…”I love my mother and sister unconditionally but I didn’t think at the time-and now I know-my father felt the same way about us,” he wrote. “My sister doesn’t understand because my mom shields her from my father but I get it now. How could he preach in the Lord’s house about how kids should honor their parents when he didn’t honor me?  God wouldn’t lie to me but my father would-and has-for a very long time.”

Sweat was beginning to form on Louis’ forehead and he was just about to put down the journal because this was all a bit too much when he read the next line: “I’ve met someone who is helping me and I haven’t known him very long but I like him very much. Yes, HIM, not HER. A week ago I was scared because I thought I was gay and that God would condemn me but MSS (who was THAT? Louis thought…) taught me not to be afraid. Only God has the answers to our questions and he wouldn’t put obstacles and opportunities in our paths if he didn’t want us to confront them.  My parents don’t have the answers, I don’t have the answers, MSS doesn’t have the answers. But I would like to figure them out with him and God, together.”  Louis felt like he took a breath for the first time in about ten minutes.

 _Wow, this is… a lot._   _I hope I’m ‘MSS’ but what does that mean?_

Louis suddenly felt very tired. So he put the journal down on the side table and slid down on the bed. He pulled Harry closer and drifted off to sleep.

He was woken up to his phone buzzing and it said “Mary Grace: Facetime” and Louis was paralyzed with fear at what to do. He sat up quickly, swiped his phone open and said “hi, love!” Harry stirred beside him but didn’t wake up.

_How in God’s name did he get to this point? Answering his wife’s FaceTime request while he was lying in bed with another man.  Oh yeah, once he realized he might be a little bit not straight..._

He quickly realized it wasn’t Mary Grace but Rebecca because she said “daaad, you don’t have a shirt on!” and quickly covered her eyes.  Louis jumped out of bed and said “oh good heavens I fell asleep after my shower and I thought it was your mother! Hang on!” and he scrambled to open his tshirt drawer. “Daad, mom doesn’t wanna see your bare chest either!” Rebecca exclaimed to which Louis just rolled his eyes.

_He knew someone who DID want to see his bare chest and he was laying in his bed right now..._

_ANYWAY..._

Once clothed, he sat back down against the headboard and quickly glanced to see Harry soundly asleep. Thank heavens he wasn’t snoring. “What’s up, love?” he asked her. Rebecca said “I heard you talked to Joshua’s dad and it’s good? We can all meet this weekend and discuss mine and Joshua’s courtship?”

          “Yes, of course we can! I told him that I would get in touch with him later this week to arrange specifics but perhaps they can go to church with us and then stay for supper? I can get the house ready and buy the groceries since you girls won’t be home until Saturday night. Oh, in all the excitement when I was talking to him (well, when Harry was licking my neck while reciting the Lord’s Prayer…) I forgot to ask which church they went to.”

            “They used to go to the Westboro Baptist church when they lived in Kansas but now that they live in Tulsa, they go to the Baptist church there. You’ll like them a lot and Joshua too. He’s really nice and cute and I kinda like him” and Rebecca smiled coyly.  Louis’ heart sank slightly at the mention of Westboro who was known for their staunch anti-gay stance and protests. But that was not a topic for discussion right now.  He could see Harry stirring and he rolled over to put his arm across Louis’ waist and Louis hoped Rebecca didn’t notice him flinch. She went on to espouse the wonderful aspects of Joshua and his family-Jack and Sarah his parents and his eleven siblings-and how he was the second to the oldest but his sister was already married.

At some point during the conversation, Harry woke up and Louis could feel him purposely rubbing the inside of his thigh, dangerously close to his dick. But Rebecca wouldn’t stop talking and Louis just smiled and said “oh wow!” every few minutes to oblige her. Harry soon took to giving him a dry hand job over his boxers and kissing Louis’ side which made Louis jump because it was ticklish.

_God, make him stop..._

_The only one who can make him stop is YOU..._

_Well I want him to continue..._

“Dad, are you okay?” Rebecca asked. “Oh yes, love, just hurt my back a bit today, must’ve moved wrong just then” Louis replied and grabbed Harry’s curls and gave a hard tug as if to say “STOP.” So of course Harry just bit harder on Louis’ waist and pulled the tip of his dick out of the top of his waistband. He had to get Rebecca to shut up ASAP so he could yell at Harry for being a menace and almost single-handedly destroying Louis’ life.  “Alright, love, well, I need to go I have to run to the store and get some food for dinner. Your brothers ate me out of house and home this weekend! Kisses to your mom and the rest! Love you!” and he blew her a kiss and she clicked off the face time.  Louis quickly locked his phone and threw it on the night stand while Harry squeezed the top of his dick.

 “Harry Styles, you are a menace!” Louis exclaimed and pulled Harry in for a deep kiss.  Harry was straddling Louis’ lap and Louis nipped kisses into his chin then pushed him over onto the bed so now he was laying on his back.  “You should be kissed. And often. And by someone who knows how.” Louis said. Harry’s laugh rang off the walls. “Louis that’s so cheesy. And you’re the only one I’ve ever kissed, um, like THAT…” 

"Louis can I tell you something?" Harry asked as Louis peppered kisses on his jaw line.

"Of course!'

"I touched myself last night after we got off the phone.  I was thinking about you in the shower and I, um, yeah..." he said, voice trailing off.

_Is this really happening? Another man touched himself thinking about ME?_

Louis' brain turned to mush & his body went slack but he managed to say: "really? Have you done that before? Tell me about it..."

Harry smiled "well, I've done it before but not while I was thinking about another guy," he admitted.

_SAME_

"Were you naked?" Louis asked

_No, you don't want to know the answer to that question..._

"Yes, except for your beanie I was totally naked under my covers," Harry said as Louis lost feeling in his lower body.

Louis bent into Harry's ear "tell me more. What were you thinking about?" he asked seductively.

"Well, you, of course. Naked. Dripping wet. Pretended it was you touching me," Harry began as Louis felt his brain slide out of his left ear.  The visual image of Harry touching himself was almost too much to take.  His wife never liked "dirty talk" in the bedroom, said it was only for prostitutes and whores....

_But Harry was neither, and this was HOTTTTTTTT._

"Go on," Louis requested, licking up Harry's neck.

"I did it like you told me to-slow and steady, brushing my hand over the tip again and again..."

_aaskdlf;akdfjkafklaf;kjadsfljas;fadfjdslfjdslfjdklswierewor_

"Did you make noise?" Louis asked.

_He really did want to know the answer to this question..._

"Yes A lot! Thankfully Abe was at a study group," Harry said and Louis forgot how to spell his own name, thinking about Harry naked, stroking himself, groaning, while thinking about LOUIS.  This was probably the most turned on he'd ever been in his life.  Louis laid his chest on Harry’s so their hard dicks were rubbing together and pressed his hips down to Harry’s. They kissed deeply and longingly like they hadn’t seen each other for days, weeks, months...

Suddenly Harry ripped his face away from Louis' and looked longingly into Louis' eyes; he intertwined his hands with Louis' and said "Louis, is this wrong? What we're doing? Right now?"

_YES, very, very wrong, but oh so very right..._

Louis desperately wanted to continue tasting Harry; "I don't know, babe. It feels right, doesn't it?" he asked and Harry nodded then bit his lip and motioned to Louis' left hand.

"Yes, but you're  _married_ and you're still wearing your wedding ring," Harry pointed out.

_SHIT_

Louis took his wedding band off and dropped it into the nightstand drawer, then returned his hand into Harry's.  "Better?" Harry nodded an affirmative "yes"

_Louis William Tomlinson, you have worn that ring every day for twenty years how dare you take it off now!_

_SHUT UP_

_I have the most gorgeous boy with me and I want him to kiss me until the cows come home, so don't ruin this..._

"Now where were we?" Louis asked and pulled Harry into him to kiss him some more; "tell me more about you touching yourself last night..."

Harry laughed softly, "my dick was so hard just imagining you naked, I even played with my balls, used both hands on myself..."

Louis whimpered into Harry's mouth, "keep going"

"I started slow, like you said, then as I got harder, I went quicker and quicker, pretending it was you touching me; I came hard all over my stomach," Harry admitted and Louis responded by bucking his hips into Harry who could no doubt feel Louis' erection.

Louis really wanted to put his fingers inside Harry and feel him.

_Because if you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly bear, right? If you're gonna break one Commandment and marriage vow, might as well break them all right?_

Louis mustered up the courage to say "that's so hot Harry, you've no idea. Can I ask you something?" and he searched Harry's face for a response.

"Yes," Harry breathed softly.

"I was watching a porno the other night with two guys and they, um, fingered each other. I'd really like to do that to you. Can I?"

_Why did he need to feel Harry? He knew what a woman felt like-well only ONE woman-so why did he want to do this??_

Harry looked anxious and tentative. "How, how does that work? And, does it feel good?" he asked.

Louis wiggled his index finger. "I'll put this gently in your hole and see if you like it.  I've done it to myself and it felt really good," Louis admitted.

"Yes," Harry said softly. "Yes, I want you to. I trust you, Louis."

Louis sat up in his lap; Harry grabbed both of his hands in his. “Louis I’m nervous. Does it hurt? I’ve never stuck anything up there. But if you like it then I’m sure I will too.” Louis tilted his head and said “I’m gonna take care of you, promise, use lots of lube, only one finger softly inside, okay. You will like it I promise but if you don’t, tell me, okay? Don’t wanna hurt you” and Louis twisted off Harry’s lap and grabbed the lube from the bedside drawer. 

"Lube?" Harry questioned.

Louis squirted a small dollop into Harry's palm; "yeah, lube, makes things, uh, slick, easier," he explained and Harry nodded.

"Okay," Harry said. Harry shucked off his boxers and his huge dick flopped back on his stomach and Louis’ mouth started to water.

_Now Louis was going to put his fingers inside another man...yup, Hell was definitely calling his name..._

He squirted lube onto his index finger, put his other hand on Harry’s hip and bent down to say “okay, baby, now open your legs for me-you can put your knees up if you like-and I’ll be gentle I promise.” Harry did as he was told and Louis reached around and slowly entered Harry’s hole with his index finger. Harry flinched slightly and Louis rubbed his hip with his free hand and Harry relaxed. “Close your eyes, take deep breaths, I’m here for you, take good care of you” Louis was only one knuckle deep with one finger and Harry was so tight and rough under him that Louis’ mind started racing over what his dick would feel like in there…

_NO DON'T GO THERE, YOU'RE ONLY A LITTLE BIT NOT STRAIGHT, YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM...._

Louis twirled and swirled his finger around and it was hard to open Harry up with only one finger but he didn’t dare put another one in unless Harry told him to.  Louis leaned up Harry’s torso and started kissing Harry’s neck, rubbing his hip and waist when all of a sudden, Harry grabbed Louis’ arm that was in his ass and breathed out “Louis” so he stopped.

_UH OH I screwed up and he wants me to stop..._

Harry whined when he did and said “that feels so good, one more finger please, don’t stop” Louis smiled, poured more lube on his second finger then slowly inserted that one. Now Louis could get some leverage and stretch Harry open further with both fingers; he decided to slowly push them into the second knuckle to see if Harry could take it and he responded by opening his legs even further.

_Harry was getting hard and turned on because of Louis' fingers inside him. OH MY GOD._

Louis crawled in between Harry’s legs and when he was in with the second knuckle, he could use his thumb to massage Harry’s taint which made Harry kick up his legs so they were off the bed now. “Louissss” he moaned and Louis realized he had been neglecting his dick so he leaned up and grabbed it with his other hand. He was two fingers deep in Harry’s ass, which he could feel when he massaged his taint and in between his balls and now he was jerking him off.

_Louis wondered what bus number went straight to hell…_

Harry had been watching Louis but he soon closed his eyes, laid his head back on the pillow and let it happen. In one motion, Louis scissored and twisted his two fingers into Harry’s ass, pressed firmly on his taint and pulled at the top of his dick and Harry’s legs started shaking, his hips rutted up and a load of cum shot out of his dick, onto his chin and his sweaty curls on his neck. Louis kept up his motions to work Harry through the orgasm and even after it stopped just to make sure it was done. 

_What ARE you doing? Why are you doing this?_

_I don't know but it's so hot I think I'm going to scream...look at how gorgeous he is??_

Harry’s eyes were still closed so with two fingers still inside him, Louis patted Harry’s hip and Harry slowly opened his eyes to view the scene and a smile spread across his face, almost as wide as his legs.  He motioned with his arms for Louis to come and cuddle so Louis went over Harry’s leg and slid into Harry’s right side. Harry pressed a kiss to Louis’ fringe, silently.

But Louis wasn’t done with him yet. 

_Again, if you're gonna be a bear with your gay friend, be a slightly not straight grizzly bear..._

He took the two fingers that had just been in Harry and scooped up a glob of cum into them. He raised up on his left elbow and said, “Harry, I want to show you what I did to myself the other night” and took his right hand-covered in lube, cum, and other bodily fluids-and stuck those two fingers into his own hole. 

"Oh my god, Louis," Harry exclaimed at the sight.

 _I_ _KNOWWWWW...._

"Harry," Louis breathed out. "Grab my leg, pull it towards you," he requested so Harry did, allowing Louis to work him self open better.

Louis’ head was bent down and Harry’s mouth was right beside his ear so he gave a quick tug on his earlobe with his mouth and whispered “so hot, soooo hot” and Louis started fucking himself faster with his fingers. Then Harry said “gonna grab both our dicks in my hand, jerk us both off at the same time” and Louis quickly nodded.  So while Louis fucked himself with Harry’s cum, Harry pressed their dicks together.

_Whyyyy is this so hot?? Whyyyy am I so turned on? Whyyyyyyy????_

Harry’s hands were big enough to take both of their dicks into one hand and he started roughly tugging at them and Louis knew his orgasm was going to be amazing.  Somehow he managed to form words and screamed “babe…OH MY GOD…HAR…UNF” then Louis William Tomlinson screamed something he’d never said before in his life: “FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK MEEEEE” and he came all over Harry’s chest as Harry came also.

Neither of them could speak, move or practically breathe for what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes.  Harry’s head rested on Louis’ right shoulder and cum dripped down their chests and onto the bed. Louis managed to roll onto his back and pulled Harry into his left side “sorry to make you sit in the wet spot, babe” Louis said and Harry just laughed. “S’okay” as he settled into Louis. Louis had a lot of questions for Harry about his journal and all of that but as soon as he could remember more than just his name he would ask him. Til then, snuggles and sleep.

_That? Was beautiful. And amazing. I felt so connected to Harry because of what we did. God, he's so perfect. And sweet. And he tastes delicious...._

Louis woke up a few hours later to his stomach rumbling and remembered they hadn’t eaten dinner so he decided to go down to the kitchen to fix a sandwich.  It was close to ten o’clock and he didn’t want to wake up Harry by fixing a meal and banging pots and pans around.  He quietly went down the stairs, wearing just his pajama bottoms, let the dogs out then made a sandwich and sat on the couch. His head was still a bit muddled from what he had read in Harry’s journal and what they had done together in bed.

_I've been with one woman in his entire life and had never, ever, felt as much pleasure as he did with Harry...but it was more than just sexual satisfaction..._

And they hadn’t even progressed to blow jobs or penetration. Louis wasn’t even 100% sure how that part of it worked but he figured he would just watch more porn to figure it out. He smirked to himself at that thought…

He saw Harry stumble down the stairs, curls a mess, shirt off, sweatpants tugging downwards off his waist and he drew in a sharp breath.  “Jesus…” he muttered to himself then asked Harry, “you hungry? I’ll fix you a sandwich, kay?”  Harry looked confused but just nodded and walked to the couch where he tucked his legs under himself and sat down. Louis returned quickly with a sandwich, chips and a Gatorade and put it on the coffee table. 

Harry stared at it, then looked at Louis, shook his head and said “thanks”. Louis sat back on the other end of the couch and returned to his laptop, just checking his Facebook where he saw pictures of baby Louis on Mary Grace’s page.  His smiled and Harry asked “whatcha lookin at?” and Louis turned around his laptop so Harry could see the picture. “Aww, he’s cute. He has your smile. Your wife’s pretty too” Harry added.  Louis nodded and the next thing he knew, Harry grabbed his laptop, set it on the table and crawled in between Louis’ legs so his shoulder was on Louis’ chest. 

            “Louis, what are we doing?” Harry asked.

            “Well, I’m sitting on the couch and you’re sitting in my lap” and he laughed.  He knew what Harry meant but he was avoiding the subject.

            “No I mean what ARE we doing? With this? And what we did today?”  Harry demanded.

            Louis sighed. “Look, Harry, I don’t know. But I know that I enjoy spending time with you.  And you make me feel things, um, sexually, that I’ve never, ever felt. _EVER_.” And he emphasized the last word.

_EVER. Honestly. I've only just met you but I want to know you better, learn your quirks and idiosyncrasies, learn how to get you so turned on you're begging for it..._

_WHOA..._

            That seemed to placate Harry because Louis could feel him smile. “Well, I feel happy when I’m with you and I've never fully felt that way, _EVER_.  Is that bad, Louis?” he asked tentatively.

_No, Harry, nothing about you is "bad", nothing..._

"No, Harry, it's not bad to feel that way.  Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to how or what we feel; it just kind of happens. But it is what it is, right?" Louis explained.

_Louis just summed up the last 72 hours of his life in one sentence..._

“I feel closer to God with you, closer than I've felt even in church, especially my home church.”  And he shrugged. “Don’t know why but I do.”  Louis started rubbing his back and brushing his curls off his forehead. “Good,” he said.  Harry started rubbing Louis’ arm and it was so perfect Louis didn't really know what to say.

            “Harry, who’s ‘MSS’? And what does that mean?” Louis asked.

            It took Harry a minute to realize what Louis was asking then he said, “It’s you. It stands for ‘my special someone’” and he squeezed his arm.  “I didn’t want to put your name in my journal in case Abe or Noah peeked in it. Not that they would, but you never know.  Is that okay?”

_Precious, beautiful, lovely Harry,_

            Louis tilted his chin up to look at him. “Of course. I’m just glad it didn’t stand for something bad!” and he ruffled Harry’s hair.

            “But is what I said in the journal okay? About you? And me? And God?” Harry asked.

Louis was a bit taken aback by the question so he stammered “of course, yes, I mean I don't know how this is gonna sort out and I don't have all the answers but I would like to help you figure some of them out…”

            Harry’s face relaxed and he said “good, I knew I could trust you to have at least _some_ of the answers.”

_WELL I'LL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT PART..._

            Louis knew there was another elephant in the room but he wasn’t going to talk about THAT right now. 

            “Louis I want to stay” Harry blurted out.

            Louis laughed. “Of course you can stay tonight, Harry! I’m not gonna kick you out at eleven o’clock at night!”

            “No, I mean, tonight. And tomorrow. Until your wife comes home.” Harry said and squeezed Louis’ leg.

_OH YEAH, MY WIFE...HER...OH MY GOD THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND...TELL HIM NO, TELL HIM NOOOOOO..._

            “Ohhhh,” Louis said. “I would love for you to but what about your classes?  And I have some appointments this week but I guess you can just hang out here…”

_SIGH..._

            “I only have one class on Wednesday and Friday but I might just skip them because it’s only the third week of classes” and he shrugged. 

            “Okay, whatever makes you happy, yeah? If hanging out here is what you want to do then it’s God’s will that you do that!” Louis said, not sure exactly what Harry was thinking but he just decided to figure it out later. If Harry felt safe and happy here, then he could stay.

_He was allowing Harry to stay so he could help him with his "issues"; the fact that he was the hottest person he'd ever met had nothing to do with it..._

_OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE??_

_YOU'RE WEAK AND ARE GOING TO HELL FOR THIS...._

_MOST LIKELY...BUT AT LEAST I CAN GO TO HELL FEELING SATISFIED..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm VI, verses 1-3: _O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/attempts at a moral compass

They woke up to Doc licking Louis’ face because he needed to go outside so Louis had to unceremoniously dump Harry off his lap. When he let out the dog, he noticed it was snowing like crazy and _freezing_ and Louis was shirtless. He slammed the door shut but a gust of snow blew in the house and he shivered; Harry stirred as Louis pulled a sweatshirt over his head.  “What time is it?” Harry asked groggily. “Don’t know but it’s still dark outside” Louis whispered, not sure why he was doing that; they were the only ones in the house.  “My gosh it’s snowing!” Harry exclaimed like a twelve-year-old.  “We should go sledding!”

_Oh my god he is the cutest, most adorable person I've ever met_

Louis had just stepped in wet, melted snow and he wasn’t quite in the mood to get even colder so he smirked and said “maybe later” and went searching for his slippers. When he came back, Harry was blowing on the door then rubbing off the condensation with his hand. “What even?” Louis thought and laughed as Harry let the dog back in and dried him off with a blanket.  Louis fixed two cups of tea in his Keurig then grabbed Harry’s hand and said “c’mon, let’s go upstairs!” They ran into the bedroom and Louis jumped on the bed while Harry flopped on his stomach and they both laughed.  Louis looked at his phone-“Harry it’s 5 am!”-and Harry just shrugged.  “So, Louis, do you have any questions for me about what I wrote in my journal?”

Louis thought for a minute and said “So if your dad was named after his father, why weren’t you CJ Styles, III?” Harry gaped at him then collapsed into a fit of giggles. “Harry!” Louis yelled. “Why is that so funny?!” And that just made Harry laugh even harder.  Once he caught his breath he said “Louis, of ALL the things I thought you would ask me-about my money, my dad’s indiscretions, my grandfather’s land-THAT is the last thing I imagined you would ask!”

Louis got annoyed with him so he sat his cup of tea down, sat on top of Harry and tickled him until he cried. “Louis, stop, please, oh my god I can’t breathe, I’m so ticklish, pleaseeeee” Harry wailed.  “I’ll stop, you dork, on two conditions: 1. You give me a kiss and 2. You answer my question!”  Louis snapped with a smile on his face.  Harry got quiet finally, leaned up and kissed Louis tenderly with his soft lips and Louis grabbed his face for more.  Harry pulled back after a minute and said “do you want me to answer your question?”  Louis huffed because he really wanted to keep kissing Harry but said “I suppose” and climbed off Harry to sit against the headboard, picking up his tea in the process.

_One kiss will have to do...for now..._

Harry grabbed Louis’ hand then said, “my dad said he lived in the shadow of his father his entire life and that it was hard being ‘CJ Styles’ son’ so didn’t want to name me CJ, III.  It was probably the only decent decision he made for me his entire life.  My mum’s dad and grandfather are named Harry and Edward so that’s how I got my name” and he smiled. 

>  “Harry Edward Styles,” Louis said. “I like that. It’s very proper, very British, very posh” he said with a smirk.
> 
> “I’ve learned quite a few British slang words from my mum and my granny and right now, Louis Tomlinson, you are being a twat” Harry said, eyes narrowing.  “Do you know what that means?”
> 
> Louis punched his arm and said “I do, Harry Edward, and I believe YOU are being a wanker!”
> 
> Now it was Harry’s turn to tackle Louis and he spilled his tea on him so Louis yelped “ouch! That’s hot you bloody twat!” which just made Harry dig into Louis’ sides and tickle him. They rolled around on the bed until Louis was able to wrench himself from Harry’s grasp and slide back up the bed.
> 
> “Look at me! I’m soaked and you’re lucky that tea wasn’t scalding hot HAROLD! Or you would be in sooooo much trouble, I promise you that young man!” Louis yelped.

Harry smiled and began crawling up the bed to sit on Louis’ lap. He pouted his lip at Louis and said “aw, I’m sorry, maybe we should take that t-shirt off so it can dry” and in one movement he lifted Louis’ shirt off his body.  Louis shuddered and he didn’t know if it was because he was cold or enjoying himself.  “You’re so rotten, Harry Styles! You should be punished” Louis demanded and stuck his index finger into Harry’s chest.

_I know a good way to "punish" you..._

_You've never done that before!_

_Doesn't mean I don't wanna do that to Harry though..._

Harry grabbed Louis’ finger and stuck it in his mouth to suck on it and Louis’ eyes almost bulged out of his head. 

_HOLY JESUS_

“What the…?” he said and then Harry bent down and started pressing kisses into Louis’ chest. “Did the tea burn you here?” Harry asked, “or here?”

Now Louis was definitely getting turned on. “Hmm, yes. Maybe a bit lower, yeah?” which made Harry smile and he worked his way down his chest kissing almost every inch of it. 

_Is this heaven on earth?? Yes, yes it is..._

Louis could feel his dick getting hard and when Harry licked a line across Louis’ waistband he picked up Harry’s head and made him sit up to face him. “Uh, okay, that’s enough of that, thankuverymuch. I’m done with you!” Louis said and made a motion to push Harry off him and get up off the bed.

But Harry pushed him back into a sitting position and whispered in his ear “but I’m just getting started with you” and nibbled on his ear lobe.

“Ohhhhh…” Louis whimpered.  He didn’t know what exactly Harry meant but he was more than willing to sit still while Harry showed him.

_I'm dying a slow death over this kid...what's happening to me?_

Harry worked over Louis’ neck with kisses and soft bites and his tongue; while doing that he pinched Louis’ nipples and Louis almost came right then. “Jesus, Harry, I…how did you…” and Harry just smiled and said “Louis you’re so gorgeous, so strong and lovely”

_Yeah, Louis was 5000% gone for Harry at this point and he 5000% didn’t care what anyone-not God, not his wife, SHIT, his wife!!!-thought either._

Harry tucked his hands under Louis’ waistband to grab his butt and Louis jumped which made Harry laugh.  He bent in for a kiss-a wet, sloppy one-and said “babe, wanna finger you like you did to me, open you up real nice, make you cum, yeah?” 

_HOW DO I FORM WORDS?? I DONT KNOW_

At this point, Louis was literally speechless so he just nodded and let Harry drag him down so he was now laying on the bed. Harry pulled off his boxers and pajamas quickly then reached over to grab the lube out of the nightstand.  He then took his tongue and licked from Louis’ ear lobe all the way down to his thigh and had a close-up view of Louis’ very hard, already leaking dick.

_I want your tongue all over me and in me and everywhere...jesus christ I'm not worthy of this..._

“Harry, two” is all Louis could say and he put up two fingers.

Harry patted his leg and said “sure, babe, now relax and open your legs for me.  Tell me what you want, too?” and Louis nodded quickly. Harry’s long, slicked-up fingers entered Louis’ hole and he swore he saw Jesus in the ceiling. 

“Oh my gosh, Louis, you feel so soft and tight and unf…” Harry muttered but he was only into his first knuckle. "This is so amazing, thank you..." he whispered.

_CAN I CRY? OR SCREAM? OR TELL HIM I WANT TO KEEP HIM??_

“Harry,” Louis breathed out “when you feel, um, resistance” and he swallowed hard, “push through that” and he nodded.

Harry put his hand on Louis’ hip and sat up on his knees to give himself leverage and slowly pushed his two fingers in as far as they could go.  Louis grabbed the sheets, writhing with pleasure and Harry smirked and kissed his hip. “You like that, baby?” he asked. “Should I twist my fingers around like you do to me?” and Louis nodded vigorously so Harry did and a wave of pleasure shot through Louis’ body, the likes of which he’d never felt before. 

_OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK? DO THAT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ADKALJFLDAKSFJ;ALJ_

For some reason Harry thought it wise to begin sucking a bruise into Louis’ hip while twisting his fingers in Louis’ ass and Louis couldn’t take it any longer. He came all over his stomach while his ass tightened over Harry’s fingers as he pushed down onto the bed with his hips. 

_JAYSUS GOD ALMIGHTY THAT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SEXUAL EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE_

“You look amazing all spread out for me, gonna keep going, yeah?” Harry said, the little menace.

Louis got a frightened look on his face and said “oh no Harry, I can’t, my dick, it’s done, pleaseee”

_Ok, maybe I can...for you..._

When Harry took his fingers out of Louis’ ass to switch hands and lube them up, Louis grabbed his right hand and said “Harry, look at me, please” so Harry made eye contact with Louis. “I’ve never come untouched like that before. _EVER_.”

_With her, she always had to touch me or put her mouth on me so I could get hard; and I had to concentrate to stay hard. Hmm, now I think I know why....coming untouched wasn't even in Louis' vocabulary. UNTIL NOW._

"How, how did you know what to do?" Louis asked breathlessly.

Harry shrugged and said "don't know, just watched your reaction and responded to that. And remembered what you did to me that I liked. You're a good teacher, Louis."

_THANKS...NOW I'M THE EXPERT ON ALL OF THIS?? UH OH..._

_YOUR REACTION...so he could tell how much Louis was enjoying this...GOOD..._

Harry smiled and kissed the inside of his thigh and went back to prepping his other hand.  He slipped in two fingers of his left hand and quickly slipped them into his second knuckle and Louis slammed his head back onto the pillow.  Harry climbed up Louis’ body to whisper in his ear “you’re so wet and slick for me, baby, can I put another finger in?” Louis responded by lifting his head up, biting Harry’s ear and growling “you better!”

_THREE FINGERS THREE FINGERS THREEEEE FINGERRRSSSSSSSSS FUUCKKKKK_

_Until a few days ago, Louis hadn't had anything up his ass ever now he was begging a MAN to put three of his fingers up there....why?!_

_BECAUSE IT FEELS AMAZING NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME ENJOY THIS_

“Okay, gonna go slowly if it’s too much you tell me” and gently slipped a third finger into Louis’ ass.  Louis pressed his bum into the bed and lifted his legs up off the bed so his calves were parallel to the bed, knees bent.  Harry took his left shoulder and pushed Louis’ legs even further back and kissed the bottom of his thigh and Louis had never been this exposed for anyone in his life. Nor had he ever been this blissful before. 

_God damn it, fucking hell, I think I'm going to explode and turn to a pile of cum-covered goo_

Harry had three fingers all the way into Louis’ ass and was bumping them in and out so fast and Louis was pretty sure if he died right then he would still go to heaven.  His dick was now leaking cum again and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he came again.  Harry nipped the inside of his thigh with his teeth and said “come for me, baby” and Louis did. Again. Untouched.

_OH MY GOD CAN I CRY? I want to cry because that was beautiful, and amazing and Harry, Harry, Haryyyyyyyyy_

Harry kissed his legs and pulled his fingers out and rubbed his hip.  Now Louis had a pile of cum all over his stomach and all he could say was “baby, ohhhhh” and Harry kissed him on the cheek.  “You’re a mess, Louis, gonna run you a bath and clean you off” and he hopped off the bed. 

_What even? Who even is Harry Styles?? Besides an angel in disguise...and angel who has amazing fingers and a gorgeous mouth and giant dick and..._

_OH..._

Louis rolled over on his side and heard the water running and Harry getting towels out of the linen closet.  In a few minutes, Harry came back and gently lifted Louis up off the bed “I can walk, Harry” Louis said weakly but Harry refused to put him down until he reached the tub.  Harry gently placed him in the tub and quickly shed his pajama pants and hopped in with him. Harry sat behind Louis and pulled him into him so Louis’ back was to his chest.  “Can I turn on the jets or will that be too much?” Harry asked. “No, tis fine, I…”

“Shh, quiet, I’m gonna take care of you” and picked up the shampoo to wash Louis’ hair.  The jets started and Louis could feel Harry’s dick was hard and muttered “Harry, you’re…need to…” and he weakly attempted to grab Harry’s dick.  Harry placed his hand back on his stomach and said “don’t worry about me, just relax” and Louis’ head flopped over to Harry’s left shoulder.  “That’s it, darling, just let go” and Harry scrubbed Louis’ hair, massaged his head and started rubbing his back. 

_He's washing your hair and he just called you "darling"...could he BE any more perfect??_

He made Louis turn on his left side so the jets could hit his back and said “does that hurt?” and Louis shook his head softly.  “Good, now shhhh” and rubbed his chest.  The combination of the warm water, the jets and Harry’s soothing voice made Louis drift off to sleep.  He didn’t know how long he was asleep-he’d lost all track of time recently-but he was woken up by Harry nudging him gently and saying “Louis, darling, the water is cold, let’s get out.”

Louis sat up and put his head on the side of the tub while Harry hopped out and grabbed both of their towels.  Louis noticed he didn’t have an erection anymore so he assumed he “handled things” in the tub.  He wrapped his around his waist then helped Louis out and into his towel and guided him into the bedroom.  Louis was sitting on the edge of the bed in a semi-daze while Harry searched his drawers for boxers and a t-shirt.  He found them and helped Louis get dressed which he protested-“Harry I can do it”-but Harry just ignored him and continued.  He laid him back on the bed, swung his feet under the covers and said “just rest, mkay? That’s what you need right now.”

Louis smiled and brushed his hand across Harry’s cheek. “Okay, g’nite” he said and closed his eyes.

_His last thought was "Harryyyy..."_

Louis woke up-heaven knows how long he slept-and rolled over to grab onto Harry but he wasn’t beside him.  He sat up and looked around and the house was decidedly quiet so he slid out of bed and walked downstairs to find Harry sitting at his kitchen table with the dogs at his feet.  He was writing in his journal, his curls limply falling over his left eye and Louis found it difficult to breathe for a second. 

_Why is he so gorgeous? Why am I so attracted to him? Why? Why? WHY?!?!??_

_YOU KNOW WHY!_

_This is so perfectly domestic, imagine him living here and waking up to him every day, and_

_STOP..._

Harry saw Louis, smiled and walked over to give him a hug, “do you want breakfast? I’m a horrible cook so your choices are cereal or toast, ha!”  Louis squeezed his waist and mumbled “just coffee please, black no sugar” and walked over to the couch.  He flinched because his bum was sore after the working over that Harry gave it and he sunk down into the side and pulled the blanket up to his chin.  Harry was talking and Louis had to make himself focus on what he was saying, “…been asleep almost three hours, fixed myself some corn flakes, fed the dogs they looked like they would eat me if I didn’t, ha ha ha, it won’t stop snowing! I got a text that my classes were cancelled for two days!  Told Abe and Noah I was with my mom and sister, told my mom I was with Abe and Noah. Gosh, that’s bad but I don’t care!” and he brought the cup of coffee to Louis and sat down on the couch.

_What did he just say? Something about snow? Cancelled classes?_

Louis had a perplexed look on his face like he was just processing what Harry had said. “Wait, I’ve been asleep for THREE hours?  Gosh…” and Harry picked up his feet and started rubbing them.

“Yes, sleepy head!  How’s your, um, bum?” Harry asked softly. 

Louis managed a smile “it’s okay, bit sore, but worth it” and Louis was pretty sure he wasn’t moving up off the couch for the rest of the day. 

“Did I hear you say your classes were cancelled?  I need to text Abe and Noah and see if they’re okay. Where’s my phone?” Louis said.  “Yes! We have like a foot of snow, Louis, so no school til Friday at least!  I talked to your boys, they said they were fine, just hunkered down in the dorm. I think they have new girlfriends because I could hear girls’ voices in the background when I talked to them” Harry said.  “Your phone’s in your room, I’ll go get it” and he sprinted off to bring Louis’ phone to him. 

_He’s a gem...I want to keep him…_

_That would be a little bit awkward don't ya think?_

_NO. Shut up..._

Harry came back quickly and tossed Louis’ phone to him then sat down on the couch with his journal.  “I’ve been writing more stuff today, kinda got inspired after this morning” he said sheepishly and Louis nodded.  He was scrolling through his phone and noticed his wife had texted him: hey lots of snow here not sure if we will be home Sat or not. Will let the Johnsons know xx and Louis had completely forgot about them if he was being honest.  His appointments for the next few days cancelled too which was good.  He couldn’t think about anything right now except Harry…

They sat on the couch with the tv on and Louis drifting in and out of sleep with Harry alternately scribbling in his journal and babbling about whatever came to his mind which Louis only half-listened to.  By mid-afternoon his muddy brain had cleared slightly and he felt like he could function so he said “Harry, what are we gonna do today?” and Harry said “SLEDDING!” 

Louis said “you know what? That sounds like a great idea!  You can wear one of the twins’ snow pants and boots-lemme go find them for you!” So Louis went off to scrounge up their snow gear and they both went to change. 

_Forty year old men do NOT go sledding, especially not with adorable, curly-haired twenty year olds..._

_WELL NOW THEY DO..._

Harry came downstairs all bundled up, his hair sticking out of his head and Louis couldn’t help but laugh at him. “I’ll grab a thermos of coffee to take with us then we’ll get the ATV to take out to where we sled” so Harry grabbed hats and gloves for them and waited on Louis. “C’mon Doc, let’s go!” he said to the dog who started barking like crazy.  They went out to the garage, tied up the sled to the back of the ATV and powered it up.  Louis drove and Harry sat behind him, hands on his waist, chin on Louis’ shoulder.  He pressed a kiss to one of the only exposed parts of Louis-the area below his ear-and said “this is gonna be so much fun!” and off they went.

_Louis suddenly felt all warm inside, despite the below-freezing temperatures_

They spent the better part of the afternoon sledding down a hill in Louis’ backyard over and over again.  They both wiped out quite a few times and laughed until they cried.  Harry made snow angels which the dog ran thru and ruined; their sweaty hair was stuck to their foreheads and covered in ice.  Louis’ sides hurt from laughing and his stomach was starting to growl so he pulled Harry up from his 20th snow angel and said “I’m starving, you ready” and pressed a cold, snowy kiss to his lips.  Harry’s eyes lit up-“yes!” he said-and they hopped on the ATV and drove back to the house. 

_That was the most fun I've had in ages...._

When they got to the garage Louis told Harry to take off his wet clothes which Harry did willingly and he also stripped down to his boxers.  Louis stared-he couldn’t help it-and snarked “that’s not what I meant but whatever makes you happy.  Aren’t you cold?” and Harry just laughed and ran upstairs to put clothes on.  Louis shook his head and made his way into the kitchen to fix lunch-or was it supper?-for them both.  His clothes were wet too he had to admit, so he quickly made the salad, put the steaks on and the noodles for the mac and cheese and ran up to his room to put some dry clothes on.  He came back downstairs and Harry was nowhere to be found so he continued fixing the meal as his stomach growled loudly. 

_Now where did my (?) adorable, cute boy go?  Hopefully wherever he is he is shirtless...._

_He's not YOURS yet, Louis, he's just on loan to you right now..._

_shut up...._

He thought he heard Harry talking so he walked into the den and found Harry on his phone FaceTiming someone so Louis just waved, mouthed “dinner’s ready” and went to walk away.  Harry gave him a “thumbs up” and he heard him say “Ok, Ali, love you. Love you too mum!  Hope you both feel better and I miss you! I’ll come home soon. Tell dad I said ‘bye’. I’ll stay warm, mum, I promise” then he hung up the phone.  “Sorry, my mum said my sister wanted to FaceTime me because she was sick and said I made her feel better” Harry said and he shrugged. 

Louis thought it was adorable and said “I’m glad you got to talk to them. I can tell how much you love them” and squeezed his hand. 

“Now, let’s eat!” Harry said and ran down stairs.

They settled in at the kitchen table and dug into their two steaks, heaps of mac and cheese and salad. “Louis, this looks amazing! I’m sooooo hungry” Harry exclaimed. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes then Louis said “so, do you feel like talking a bit more about your journal?  If not, that’s fine…” and his voice trailed off. 

Harry stopped chewing for a second and said “sure, shoot!”  Louis sighed and said “so how old was your grandfather when he died?  And how many, um, _legitimate_ children did he have? Did they get any money?” 

Harry laughed which Louis thought was an odd reaction before he continued “he was 65 when he died of lung cancer, smoked like a chimney, 5 packs a day, what did he expect?  There’s my dad and his sister and he begrudgingly gave her some money-a couple of million-but not nearly what he got.  My grandfather was an idiot-excuse my language-because even though he left a will he didn’t specify who got what except to say that his fortune went to his ‘flesh and blood’ and that my dad was the executor of the estate and could do with it as he saw fit.  But before he died he told my dad not to give his, um, other children a penny because they ‘didn’t deserve it’. Now, Louis, his ‘other’ kids spent holidays with us, I called them ‘aunt and uncle’, I played with _their_ kids and it was _years_ before I knew they weren’t actually my grandmother’s kids.  And I only found out by accident when one of their kids told me at school that we weren’t really related!  So these people were treated like family-I can only imagine what my grandmother thought about all of that-then when the old man died, they got spun.”  He shook his head, “it’s not right that they weren’t explicitly included in the will and they started to make a fuss about it-rightfully so-and my dad got mad so he figured out a way to move the money so that it wasn’t ‘his’ anymore, it was mine and Ali’s.  That way they couldn’t stake a claim to the money because they didn’t have a direct link to us.  He also got out of paying a ton of taxes on it but that’s another story.”  And he shrugged and took a bite of his food.  “So we live in this big house and travel all around the world while our kin struggle to make ends meet.  Some of them are even on government assistance!  Can you imagine?  So much for the ‘Golden Rule’ huh?  I feel so badly about it but there’s nothing I can do, my hands are tied.  And Ali doesn’t get access to hers until she’s 25 but it’s not like that matters because she doesn’t even understand what to do with it or what it means…” and he stopped talking.

Louis had finished his meal while Harry was talking and said “so how old is your dad?” 

Harry said “he’s 46, why?”  “Just curious,” Louis said…”

_only six years older than me, good heavens..._

_Harry's too young for you, Louis..._

_SHUT UP..._

“But if you get, um, control of half of your money soon couldn't you do with it what you want? Like give some to your grandpa’s other kids?” Louis suggested

Harry thought for a minute and said “I guess I could but my dad would get so mad at me he might disinherit ME!” 

Louis said “I don’t think he could do that, Harry, especially since the money is in your name now.  I’m no inheritance lawyer but I’d say it’s yours to do with what you wanted.  Just a thought…” 

Harry looked intently at Louis “hmmm, yeah, well, that’s another issue I guess.  I’ll have to write about it in my journal and see if I can’t sort it out,” he said softly.  “But I’m still hungry, you got dessert?” he asked brightly.

“Ha!” Louis said.  “Talk about a quick subject change! Yeah, I could make strawberry shortcake just give me a minute” and he grabbed both of their plates and headed for the kitchen.  Harry picked up his journal that had been sitting beside him and started jotting down notes-Louis assumed about their discussion-and was still writing when Louis returned.  He sat the bowl down next to Harry and said “whipped crème?” 

Harry said “naw, not a fan, thanks anyway” then Louis said “suit yourself” and squirted a huge pile of it on his dessert. 

Harry scooted his bowl in front of him and Louis quickly straddled him and sat in his lap, their faces looking at each other.  “Louis, what are you…” Harry said then Louis took the whipped crème can and sprayed a dab of it on Harry’s neck. “Hmm, you might not like the taste but I do. And it tastes even better when I lick it off you” Louis hummed.

“Louis, I was busy!” Harry said with mock indignance. 

“I’m busy too, love, just keep doing what you were doing…” Louis deadpanned. 

“Well, it’s kind of hard when you’re sitting in my lap!” Harry exclaimed then grabbed Louis’ hands. 

> “Louis…what’s your middle name?” “William!” Louis squeaked out. “Louis William Tomlinson, I’m _trying_ to work here and you are being incorrigible!” Harry mocked. 
> 
> Louis looked at Harry, his jaw set with defiance. “Harry Edward Styles, I’m _trying_ to lick whipped crème off your neck and you are making it impossible!”

Harry dug his hands into Louis’ sides and Louis wriggled out of the tickles pretty quickly.  He jumped up off the seat and started running around the room, whipped crème can still in his hand.  Every few seconds he would stop and pour a pile of the crème in his mouth and swallow.  “Try to catch me, Styles!” he yelled as Harry chased him. 

Now he was playing tag with Harry in his kitchen...and having a blast...

_I want to do naughty things to you with this whipped creme..._

After a few minutes they were standing in the kitchen across the island-still playing their weird game of “chicken” and Louis got distracted by the dogs running by so Harry grabbed his shirt, twisted it and pulled him in for a kiss.  “Gotcha!” he said as their lips met.  “Mmm, maybe I do like whipped crème now,” Harry whispered.  Louis climbed across the island and sat on his knees while he kissed Harry.

_God he tastes even more delicious now...and am I getting hard already??_

For some reason, Louis felt an intense need to kiss Harry deeply and longingly, almost as a way to apologize for what he’d been through.  Harry could tell that these kisses were different, needier, deeper and he responded in kind.  Harry picked up Louis by his bum and carried him back to the table and sat down in the chair.  He grabbed his dessert and said “feed this to me” to Louis which made him laugh. 

“Yes, sir!  Someone’s hungry!”  Louis said.

“In more ways than one…” Harry smirked. 

_OH GOD ME TOO I WANT TO TASTE ALL OF YOU_

So Louis sat on his lap and fed him his strawberry shortcake.  When he got to the last bite, he squirted whipped crème on the strawberry then drug it across Harry’s neck and licked it off.  “Oooh, ahhh, mmmm,” Harry moaned.  When he got to his mouth, Louis kissed him and suddenly decided to say what he'd just thought to himself: “Harry I wanna taste you. All of you.”

“Louis you just did!” Harry said then he realized what Louis meant and said “ohhhh, yeah, um, okay. Here?” and looked around. 

_You've never wanted or needed another man's dick in your mouth so why NOW??_

_Because have you SEEN Harry's dick?? I bet it tastes delicious..._

> Louis leaned in to whisper, “Yes, love, I want you naked in my kitchen with your hard, whipped crème covered penis in my mouth” and Harry melted into the chair as Louis slid down his body, Harry’s pants coming with him.  “Now, off with your shirt,” Louis said, whipped crème still in his hand and Harry quickly shed his shirt. 

“Louis, I’ve never…” Harry said hesitantly.

“Me neither, darling, but I, um, know what I like, so I’ll try to do that to you, ‘kay?” Louis reassured him. “Now, just relax” and he rubbed his inner thigh and gently spread them apart.  He scooted Harry’s hips up to the edge of the chair and squirted a small amount of whipped crème onto Harry’s dick. 

"Louis, wait!" Harry said. "Is this okay?"

_Louis had another man naked in his kitchen with whipped creme on his dick & now he wanted to have an existential discussion about whether this was "right"?  Nothing was going to stop Louis from finishing this..._

_NOTHING..._

_So he decided to avoid the question...for now..._

He stared up at Harry from his knees and licked a small amount of the whipped creme off his dick. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

Harry bit his lip, shook his head and whispered "no."

So Louis licked more creme off with his tongue and Harry threw his head back.  “Hmm you like that?” Louis said.

“So much, Louis, so, so much” Harry replied.  Louis placed a stream of whipped crème along the front of Harry’s dick then starting at his balls, licked it off, rounding the top of his penis with his tongue.  With every lick, Harry’s legs spread wider and wider then Louis sat down the can and grabbed Harry’s butt with both hands as he sat on his knees and put his full mouth on Harry’s dick. 

_OH MY GOD THIS IS ACTUAL HEAVEN ON EARTH_

_LOOK AT HIM, I'M DRIVING HIM MAD WITH MY MOUTH AND TONGUE I WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN..._

Naked, beautiful, wet, sticky, Harry was spread open for Louis and Louis almost couldn't believe his eyes.  Harry rubbed his fingers through Louis’ hair as he sucked the tip of him then mouthed down to his balls.  When he took them in his mouth, Harry said “god, Louis, I can’t…” and cum spurted out of his penis and onto his stomach. 

_The most beautiful sight I've ever seen..._

Louis licked up his dick again and sat back in his lap. “You liked?” Louis asked. 

“Very very much, I can’t believe it to be honest…” Harry replied and he pressed a kiss to Louis’ neck. 

_Me too, I enjoyed it so very, very much too..._

_WHAT? WHY?_

_YOU KNOW WHY_

“Touch me, Harry,” Louis breathed so Harry grabbed him and jerked him off til he came on Harry's stomach.

“Unf, yes, baby, god, so good….now we’re sticky so, shower?” Louis asked. 

“Hahaha, sure, hop up lemme get my pants” Harry said and patted him on the bum.  They ran upstairs and took a quick shower with just kisses and hugs then collapsed on the bed after. 

Harry crawled into Louis’ arms and said “thank you for listening to me.  It helps a lot, I promise.” 

“I’m glad Harry, now shhh, just relax” and he rubbed his shoulders til he fell asleep.

Gorgeous, vulnerable, sweet, adorable, kind, generous Harry was curled up beside him and instead of feeling satisfied and comfortable, Louis felt guilty for what he'd just done.

_This isn't right, Louis, STOP..._

_I know it's not but when I'm with him I feel strong. Complete. Whole. I've never felt that way before before. Ever._

_People you love are going to get hurt by this, Louis, put an end to it while you still can...._

_Do you think I don't know that? Just shut up and let me figure this out..._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm VII, verses 8-9: _The Lord judges the peoples; judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and according to the integrity that is in me. Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end, and may you establish the righteous—you who test the minds and hearts, O righteous God!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

Louis couldn’t sleep so he went to the den to check his email and of course he had tons so he decided to get some work done while Harry slept.  He saw an email from his lawyer about a tenant he had recently evicted and when he replied he decided to ask him: “I know you’re specialty is residential contracts but do you know anything about inheritance law?” Then hit send.  While Louis was working through the rest of his emails his lawyer replied back: “well I took a class on it in law school!

But I have a friend who’s one of the best do you want me to pass along your name?”  Louis eagerly replied: “Yes! I have a friend who has some questions about some money he’s recently come into”  “Will do!” his lawyer replied. 

When he finished with his emails, he decided to check the message boards and see if anything was going on there.  He logged on and saw a DM from Bill, the other administrator on the site.  It said “Louis I saw you were responding to a young man RUTG but you stopped.  Just wanted to check if he’s okay.” 

_Should I tell Bill that RUTG is half-naked in my bed? Probably not_

"We’ve been privately DM’ing each other and I’m encouraging him to come to our church and talk to Dr. Paul.  He’s considering it” Louis typed and hoped that would satisfy him for now. He quickly checked his Facebook and found pictures of his kids sledding at their home school conference and they looked adorable, all red-nosed and cold and smiling.  Louis missed them tremendously. 

_God the last thing I want to do is hurt them; they're so sweet and innocent...._

He shut down the computer and decided to watch TV for a bit. After a while, Harry came into the room looking disheveled but beautiful at the same time. 

He crawled into Louis’ side and laid his head on his waist. “Hiiiii” Harry said. 

“What’s up?” Louis asked. 

“Nothing, just a bit sleepy I guess,” Harry replied.

“Mmkay, well we don’t have anywhere to be or anything to do so we can just hang out. How’s that sound?” Louis said and Harry nodded. 

_I could sit here all day and all night with you tucked in beside me...._

So they snuggled on the couch, quietly, until Harry said “will you play FIFA with me?” 

Louis giggled and said “only if you know how to turn it on because my boys usually do that for me. Oh, and I’m gonna kick your butt in it too. Let’s go!” then he jumped off the couch. 

Harry yelled “you are soooo going down, Tomlinson!” and ran after him.  They got the game set up and started playing and didn’t stop for over two hours. 

Louis won the first two games and Harry pouted so Louis said “best out of five?” then Harry started kicking _his_ butt until finally Louis won the last game.  He ran around the basement singing “I…am…the…champion…my…frie-end…” while Harry sat in mock anger on the couch.

“You suck, Tommo!” Harry yelled jokingly and ran upstairs. 

 _He's the cutest and funniest person I've ever met...I really want to kiss him again.._.

Louis slowly walked upstairs because he was laughing so hard he was doubled-over.  He saw Harry sitting cross-legged on the couch, arms crossed, bottom lip stuck out in a mock pout which just made Louis laugh even harder.  He was practically crying at this point so he walked over to Harry and tried to give him a hug, “c’mere, I’m sorr…” and Harry put his hand up to Louis’ face. 

“I’m not talking to you,” he said sternly. “Now, fix me dinner.”  Louis’ turned around, still laughing and walked to the kitchen. 

“You know, it’s not very Christian of you to be such a sore loser,” Louis reminded him.

“You know, it’s not very Christian of YOU to gloat!” Harry yelped. 

Louis wiped the tears from his eyes from laughing so hard and opened the freezer.  “Since you’re acting like a child, you’re gonna get kiddie food, let’s see…corn dogs and fries. Yup, that’s what’s for dinner!” and he went about turning on the oven. 

Harry flopped back on the couch in a huff, plopping his arm over his eyes.  While Louis was cooking he hummed “We Are the Champions” and Harry’s body twitched in mock disgust.  Finally, Louis stopped singing and walked over to the couch and sat on the end near Harry’s feet.  He tickled them and said “are you _really_ mad?” and Harry lifted his arm off his eyes and laughed.

“No, I'm not! Come here!” and he motioned for Louis to lay on his chest.

“Okay, good,” Louis said tucking his head under Harry’s chin. 

They sat there for a minute and Louis said “Can I tell you something, Harry?” 

Harry flopped his head back on the pillow and mumbled “are you gonna gloat some more about beating me in FIFA?” 

Louis chuckled, “no, silly” and he tipped his chin so Harry was looking at Louis. “This has been one of the best days of my life. Seriously. I’ve had more fun today with you than I’ve had in years.” 

_Now that was the God's honest truth...._

Harry leaned in for a kiss and said “me too.  Honest.”  Just then the timer went off on their dinner so Louis announced “time for your dinner, little boy!” and Harry shoved him off him and smacked his butt.  “Twat” he muttered.

As they sat down for dinner, Louis said “Harry, what did you call me downstairs?” 

“Twat?” Harry replied cheekily.

Louis smacked his arm, “no, wanker, you _just_ called me that. What did you call me after I beat you in FIFA?”

Harry thought for a minute, “Tommo?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s it, ‘Tommo’. I like that. No one else calls me that except you, okay?” Louis said and Harry nodded.  “Now, enjoy your corn dogs and fries!!” 

Harry promptly chucked a fry at Louis who threw one right back at him and Louis honestly felt like a teenager again. 

“Harold, don’t play with your food,” Louis mocked. 

“Louissss, don’t call me ‘Harold’” Harry smirked.  Louis dipped his corn dog in ketchup and licked it off seductively while looking at Harry who replied “now, I DO like ketchup that gives me an idea…” and Louis almost spit out his food laughing.  Harry threw another fry at him and Louis tried to catch it with his mouth so they started lobbing fries to each other.  Then Harry took his corn dog and shoved it in his mouth almost the entire way, until his cheeks hollowed out then popped it out of his mouth, staring at Louis the entire time. 

“My, what a big mouth you have, young man. You should put it to good use some time” Louis teased. 

_Please put it on me sometime very, very soon...please...._

“Maybe I will?” Harry said as he bit into his food.  Louis roared with laughter and threw his last remaining fry at Harry then picked up his plate to put in the kitchen.

Louis busied himself tidying up the kitchen while Harry finished his dinner then brought his plate to the dishwasher.  Louis had his back to him, standing at the sink when Harry stood directly behind him and said “how about if we put my mouth to good use now, hmm?” and licked the back of Louis’ neck.  Louis dropped his plates, turned around, grabbed Harry’s head and smashed his lips into his. 

“Yes, NOW” he said quickly and they closed up the dishwasher and ran upstairs to Louis’ bedroom, laughing the entire way. 

Harry grabbed him by the butt and spun him around to press him to the bed then jokingly fell forward, catching himself on his hands right beside Louis’ chest.  He nuzzled Louis’ nose and said “I wanna do a good job for you, yeah?  Let me know what you like” and his voice trailed off as he slid down Louis’ body.  “Louis you are so gorgeous” as he kissed his stomach and Louis replied “thank you, baby, so’re you…”

_No one’s called me 'gorgeous' in a very long time_

_HARRY FUCKING STYLES IS ABOUT TO PUT HIS MOUTH ON MY DICK JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL...I WANT THIS SOOO BADLY, MORE THAN I'VE EVER WANTED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE...._

“Should I kneel on the floor or just stay on the bed with you?” Harry asked.

“Whatever’s more comfortable for you, love” Louis said. 

So Harry sat in between Louis’ legs on the bed and kissed him from his toes to his hip bone and Louis’ entire body shuddered. “I like that, baby” he said softly.

_I like that very much a lot..._

“Mmm, good,” Harry said.  “Gonna start now on you for real” and Louis nodded. 

“Just do what I did to you this afternoon if that felt good?” Louis offered.

“Felt great, gonna do that even though I don’t have any whipped crème” Harry said jokingly. 

“Just pretend,” Louis said eagerly.

_Good lord if you don't put your mouth on me soon I will literally die from the anticipation..._

And with that, Harry kissed the inside of Louis’ leg right next to his balls then licked in between them slowly, causing Louis’ hips to lift off the bed. 

_Fffucking helll...._

Then he licked up Louis’ hard shaft to the head of his penis and Louis said “make circles around the head with your tongue, like, ohh, yeah, that” as Harry obliged.  Louis watched with intensity as Harry put his entire mouth on Louis’ head and sucked and bobbed his head.  Louis muttered “Jesus” and grabbed the headboard to scoot his head up further on the pillow. “Sorry, love, wanna see this, yeah? Had to move a bit” and Harry didn’t say a word, just patted his leg and moved up the bed to reach the base of his penis. 

Somehow, Harry’s tongue fit _all the way around_ Louis’ dick like he was eating a popsicle and it was about the hottest thing Louis had ever witnessed.  He traced his tongue up Louis’ dick then in one motion, put his mouth on the head and swallowed it up.  “God, Harry, you sure you’ve never done this? You’re amazing” Louis said.

_This is the most perfect blow job I've ever had in my life....she isn't this good....this might be Harry's first bj but it is the best one ever...I want more, more, more....from him..._

_HIM, not her..._

_OH GOD..._

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Harry laughed “now, stop interrupting me! I’m _busy_ ” and he returned to licking Louis.  The up-and-down motion of Harry’s mouth went on for a few minutes then Louis thought he saw a glint in Harry’s eyes like he was planning something. “What baby?” Louis asked but Harry just shook his head and kept his mouth on Louis. 

Then he did something that made Louis let loose with a string of obscenities and cum: while bobbing up and down on Louis’ dick, Harry grabbed his balls and stuck his finger in Louis’ ass quickly. 

“Shit, fuck, damn, Jesus” Louis yelped as cum literally streamed out of him and he couldn’t move for a few seconds.  While Louis came, Harry licked his shaft and got a close-up view of the scene.  Louis was breathing heavily, chest rising slowly and Harry pulled out his finger, gave one last lick to Louis’ balls and crawled up his chest so his knees were just under his armpits.  He smoothed his fringe out and said “did I do a good job?” which made Louis reach up to touch his chest and say “the very best, the best job ever, promise.  I cursed _and_ took the Lord’s name in vain, so yes, it was lovely. Now lay down with me, please. I wanna cuddle” so Harry obliged. 

_What just happened? Am I still breathing? Do I still have all my limbs??_

Louis’ breathing regulated and he regained the ability to form coherent sentences but they lay there in silence enjoying the afterglow.  He could tell Harry was staring at his chest so he said “whatcha lookin at?” and Harry blushed.

“It’s embarrassing” he said. “Harry, you just had your fingers in me and your mouth on my penis, I’m pretty sure nothing is too embarrassing right now,” Louis snarked. 

Harry sat up on his elbow and said “what’s it taste like?” and motioned to Louis’ chest. “What’s _what_ taste like, Harry?” “Um, cum…”

_aldkjfadkfjljfljkljfioiwerwioejrl;sdjsk;ljfaslkjflas_

Louis’ mouth dropped open and said “Got a little taste of yours today, was kinda good and a bit salty.”  Then he narrowed his eyes and looked at Harry. “WHY?” then Harry dipped his head and raked his tongue across Louis’ chest, scooping up cum as he went.  “Holy mother of God, Harry, _what_ are you doing?” and Harry just smiled as he swallowed it.

“Mm, tis a bit salty. Kinda tastes like strawberries.”  Louis was pretty sure he was having an out-of-body experience at this point but he managed to blurt out “kiss me” which Harry did quickly, leading with his tongue.

_GOD DAMN IT THIS IS TOO MUCH_

_NO IT"S NOT KEEP GOING_

Louis was kissing his boyfr-um, Harry-with traces of his own cum on his mouth and he could hardly breathe.  He wrenched his mouth away from Harry’s and said gruffly “you’re so naughty, Harry, you know that?” and Harry just nodded.

_I've got no control over myself right now, I need him, I want him, NOW...._

“You know what naughty boys get? Two fingers in their ass until they cum!” and he flipped Harry over and ripped off his shorts quickly.  “I’ll use a bit of lube but I want it rough and hard because you are very, VERY naughty and deserved to be punished”

Louis was so worked up at this moment he didn’t hardly even know what he was saying or doing.  The thought crossed his mind to stick his dick in Harry’s exposed ass but he didn’t want to completely freak the poor kid out.  Though he wondered….

_I'm powerless against you, want you, NEED YOU, like I've never needed or wanted anyone ever..._

Louis put a drop of lube on his fingers and spread Harry’s cheeks with his other hand.  He kissed his cheeks and he could see Harry’s dick start to twitch. Then he bit down somewhat hard on the fleshy part of his cheek at Harry lurched forward, his head lightly hitting the headboard.  Louis laughed and said “now it’s time for my fingers” and Harry nodded roughly.  Louis thrust his two fingers into Harry hard and Harry dipped his shoulders into the bed and spread his legs out even wider.  “Oh yeah, that’s it, spread it wide for me baby” Louis gruffed and Harry whimpered. 

Louis could see Harry’s balls hanging down so he grabbed them roughly while twisting his fingers and Harry said “Louis, I…” and Louis said, “not yet, baby, gotta last for a bit because you were naughty” and let go of his balls.  He could see sweat on Harry’s back so he took his hand and traced it down his spine with his other hand and slowed down his fingers.  He purposely pulled them almost the entire way out of Harry’s ass which made him turn his head and whine at losing the friction, then Louis plunged them far back in and Harry arched his back upwards.  Louis did this a few times then moved Harry’s left hip closer so he could get by, keeping his fingers in his ass.  He bent down to his ear and said “you should see how hard your dick is right now. It’s angry with you for being naughty” and Harry breathed out “naughty, so naughty, baby, _please_ …”

_GOD HE WAS CALLING HIS BOYF-HARRY-naughty and sticking his fingers in his ass...THIS IS GLORIOUS_

Then as Louis pushed his fingers in even further, Harry pushed back on them and said “now, Jesus, now, gonna ung,” and Louis whispered “whadda ya gonna do Harry? Say it out loud…” “CUM CUM CUMMMMMMM” Harry yelled at the top of his lungs as white-hot cum shot out from his dick.  Harry was covered in sweat, on all fours, with cum dribbling from his dick and Louis’ fingers in his ass and he was honestly, the most beautiful person Louis had ever seen.  Louis massaged and kissed Harry’s bum cheeks then slowly pulled out his fingers and crawled under Harry and pulled him on top of him.  His breath was ragged and his hair was sweaty but Louis just wanted to feel him close. 

_So beautiful, so gorgeous, can I call you "mine" now?_

He didn’t say a word for near on 5 minutes but Louis just rubbed his back and his bum cheeks and whispered “it’s okay, baby, I’ve got you” to him.  Finally Harry moved slightly to roll off Louis so he let him slide onto the bed, pressing kisses to his forehead.  “Do you have the energy for a shower?” Louis asked him.  Harry shook his head and mumbled “sorry” and Louis said “don’t be. I’ll be right back.” And he rushed into the bathroom to get wet towels to clean him off and a new pair of boxers for him to put on.  While Harry laid there like a rag doll, Louis wiped him clean with towels and dried him off then slid on his underwear.  He patted his bum when he got them on and said “I’m gonna hop in the shower, you just stay here and relax” and Harry nodded and said “kiss?” which Louis was happy to oblige.

When he came back from his brief shower, Harry was tucked under the covers, snoring loudly and he looked absolutely angelic; dark brown curls draped over his forehead, eyelashes splayed out against his creamy white cheeks, beautiful pink lips pressed into a half-smile.  Louis put his pajamas on and crawled next to Harry and lightly brushed his hair off his eyes. 

_GOD HELP ME, I'm pretty sure I'm madly in love with this beautiful boy_

_I'm also pretty sure I'm 1000% screwed about what to do with my life._

_I trust you, God that you have a plan for both me and Harry_

_I selfishly pray that your plan for us includes them being together._

_BUT what about Mary Grace? And the kids?_

_I don't know I just hope God helps them too..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm VIII, verses 1-3: _O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

_God, I can't sleep...I hope I wasn't too rough with Harry last night...though he seems to be okay..._

_How can I help him with his inheritance? Hopefully the lawyer will have some advice..._

Louis tossed and turned-while Harry slept like a log-and finally at 6 am he decided to just get up and be somewhat productive to get his mind off things. 

_It's still snowing...maybe the family will have to stay another day which means Harry can stay another day..._

_He has to go home at some point...just not any time soon..._

After putzing around the house for a few hours, he realized he was starving so he decided to fix breakfast for him and Harry; homemade gravy, biscuits, eggs and a pile of bacon. He ate his then brought Harry’s up to bed on a tray. 

Sleeping Beauty was still asleep so he nudged him gently and Harry opened his eyes. “Harry, love, breakfast, hope you like bacon” Louis said and Harry smiled.  “I love bacon!” Harry exclaimed and sat up in bed so Louis could put the tray across his lap.  “What’s this for?” Harry asked. “Dunno, just wanted to” Louis smiled and crawled in beside him in bed.  He laid his head on Harry’s arm as Harry stuffed his face.  “Dis hommmade gravvyy?” Harry mumbled with a mouth full of bacon. Louis laughed, “yes, now chew your food, silly.”

Louis looked him up and down, admiring his beautiful face...

_Stay, please stay, I don't want you to leave...don't want to go back to my "old life"...what even was my life before Harry?? It was a sad, sorry excuse for a life (except for my kids)..._

Harry made quick work of the meal then sat the tray down on the floor. “Louis you’re an amazing cook! What a wonderful way to wake up!”  Louis replied, “so you’re not mad?” Harry’s eyes shifted from side-to-side like he was trying to remember if he was supposed to be mad or not. “Mad? At what?” he questioned. 

Louis straddled Harry’s lap and laid his head on his shoulder.  “I’m sorry if I was too rough with you last night.  You just got me so worked up I almost didn’t have control over what I was doing so I’m sorry if I hurt you at all,” Louis said softly. 

Harry pushed Louis’ shoulders so he was now facing him and grabbed his hands. “Louis, no! You don’t have to apologize and you weren’t too rough with me!  If you had been, I would’ve _told_ you last night I promise.  I _like_ what you did to me and I want you to, um, do more things to me, okay?”  Louis nodded. “Now, c’mere” and Harry pulled him in for a big hug.  He could feel Louis relax into it and his shoulders and head went slack against Harry’s body.  They stayed that way for a few minutes and Louis started giggling.  Softly at first then louder and louder until Harry pulled his head up and said “What! Is so funny??”

That made Louis laugh louder. “It’s just that….a few days ago…you didn’t even know how to French kiss…and now you’ve sucked me off…and fingered me…” and collapsed into a fit of giggles.  Harry pinned him on the bed and said “now who’s being naughty, TOMMO?” and started nipping kisses into Louis’ neck.

“Me, me, MEEE!” Louis exclaimed and Harry rolled him on his side and smacked his bum. “Yes, YOU! I’m sticky & greasy from the bacon-ha!-gonna wash off. Join me?” Harry said. “In a minute, babe” and Louis smiled at him. 

He picked up Harry’s dishes and took them downstairs to the kitchen. He checked his phone quickly and had a number of texts from his tenants and his boys so it took him longer than he expected to join Harry.  When he got to the bathroom, Harry was in the tub full of bubbles, his head back on the side of it and Louis thought he was asleep.  Louis stepped into the tub with his left foot so he was facing Harry who lifted up his head as Louis bent down.  When he did that he grabbed Louis’ half-hard dick and raised his eyebrows quickly then put his lips to it softly. Harry licked the tip around and around and down the shaft until Louis said “open up, baby” so he did and took in Louis up to his balls. “Mmmfff, goh, so good Harry” he muttered as Harry moved his head forward and backward in quick succession sucking him just to the edge. 

_RED ALERT I AM FUCKING HIS MOUTH WITH MY DICK WHAT EVEN IS HAPPENING? GOD THIS IS AMAZING_

Then he stopped and said “turn around and slide down into the tub” and when Louis did that, Harry’s hard dick brushed against Louis’ crack and they both flinched. 

_WHOA...THAT WAS CLOSE...._

Louis laid back and Harry said “now spread your legs, baby, wanna put my dick on top of yours, jerk us both off” 

_OH MY JESUS GOD WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT_

So Louis’ bum was resting on Harry’s hip, his back against Harry's chest and Harry’s dick was resting in between Louis’ balls. “Oh baby, this is so hot” Louis said as he stuck his tongue in Harry’s mouth.  With his right hand, Harry grabbed both of their dicks and slowly worked them over.  With his left hand, he played with Louis’ nipple and Louis let out a low groan. 

Harry whispered “Louis, you’re so gorgeous and sexy and your dick is huge” and Louis whimpered.

_No one has told me that...ever..._

“Gonna cum, baby?” and Louis nodded. “Yeah, cum for me” and Harry gave a hard tug of both of them and they both came.  Had Harry not been holding him up, Louis would’ve slid down into the water and drowned because he was limp like a rag doll.  “At least we don’t have to clean up when we do it in the tub” Harry chuckled. “Yeah, but now we’re swimming in our own filth,” Louis replied and they both laughed. 

Louis kissed Harry and climbed out of the tub and Harry watched his every move.  “Louis, come here” Harry said and he patted the side of the tub so Louis sat down, bum close to Harry’s face, towel on his lap.  “What, darling?” Louis asked, running his fingers through Harry’s hair. “Nothing, just wanted to do this” and he raked his teeth down Louis’ bum cheek. “You’re so naughty!” Louis said and ruffled his hair then sashayed out of the bathroom. “I thought that’s how you like me to be?” Harry yelled after him then climbed out of the tub to dry off.

Louis was getting dressed and Harry walked in and smacked his bum hard and Louis jumped. He threw his towel at him in mock disgust and Harry laughed. They both got dressed and Louis walked downstairs with Harry close behind.  They sat on the couch, Harry in Louis’ lap and Harry said “what’re we gonna do today?”

_each other?_

He said out loud “dunno, whatever you want I guess…” and shrugged his shoulders as he absentmindedly scrolled through his phone. “So I get to choose what we do?” Harry asked. “Sure, you’re the guest, right? Seems only fair. Though I will need to do some laundry if we keep messing up the sheets” Louis said and he cocked an eyebrow at Harry. 

Harry smacked him on the arm and said “I wanna play pool!” and Louis made a motion for Harry to get up.

“I have to warn you, though Styles, I’m gonna kick your butt at pool like I did at FIFA…” Louis challenged.

“Oh REALLY?” Harry asked loudly. “Let’s make it interesting then, shall we? Loser has to give the winner a massage.”

“DEAL!” Louis said as he ran past Harry to the pool room.

“Best out of three, you rack ‘em, I break ‘em,” Louis ordered and Harry went about collecting the pool balls into the rack and Louis made a crisp break on them, landing two solid-colored balls in the back two pockets.  Harry let out a low whistle “wooo, you’re pretty good, Tommo, seems I’ve got my work cut out for me” then proceeded to beat Louis, 2 games to 1.  When he won, he ran around the game room celebrating while Louis pouted and laughed at him. 

“Wanker” he muttered at Harry which just made Harry laugh. “You OWE me, Tommo! WOO!” then he ran out of the room, leaving Louis to clean up.

_He is literally the cutest..._

“Snot,” Louis snarked and found Harry in the TV room in the basement flipping through the channels. “So when am I getting my massage?” Harry asked.  Louis flopped on the end of the couch and said firmly “never. And I’m not feeding you today, either, you’re just gonna have to eat toast.”

And Harry laughed hysterically and crawled up over Louis to put a kiss on his cheek. “Awww, someone’s a sore loser” and Louis pushed him off with a gruff.  Harry sat back down and started rubbing Louis’ legs and Louis finally smiled at him.  “So, tell me about your kids, Louis.  You love them lots, yeah?”

“More than I ever thought possible,” Louis said and went on to extol the amazing characteristics of his children, all ten of them. Harry listened intently and occasionally laughed especially when Louis joked that the little ones’ favorite activity was picking their noses.  “Why did you have so many?” Harry said.

“Dunno!” Louis laughed.  “They just kind of kept coming along! And we never use birth control, of course so….” And his voice trailed off.

_My kids...God, I love them so much it hurts...._

“What about your father? What was he like?” Harry asked.  “My dad was,” and Louis paused, “amazing. Very kind, very loving, very generous, he was the last of the Oklahoman ‘cowboys’.  He loved my mom and treated me and my sister like we were his whole world.  It was very ‘Beaver Cleaver’ quite frankly.  Do you get that reference, Harry?”

Harry chuckled “yes I do, Louis! He sounds great.” 

“He was,” Louis agreed “and when he died suddenly-he had a heart attack while out on the ranch-we were all devastated, my mom especially.  She even built a new house on her property after because the old one reminded her too much of him.  I miss him and I’m sad he never got to meet any of my kids because they would _love_ him” and he shrugged.  “But life goes on I suppose. I know he’s up in heaven and I know I’ll see him again some day” and he stifled a sob in his hand. Harry reached over and pulled him in for a  hug, “it’s okay, shhhhh” and rubbed his back. 

_I miss him so much..._

Louis said “sorry, I’ve just never really talked about his death, I guess it affected me more than I imagined” and wiped his nose. “Well, enough about me and my sad story!” Louis exclaimed. “What about you?” and he stared at Harry. 

“Uh, my turn? Hmm, well, mine’s not as ‘Beaver Cleaver’ as yours to say the least.  My dad comes across as a nice guy, a real ‘family guy’-he could charm the pants right off you, Louis, metaphorically speaking of course-but he’s the exact opposite,” Harry started and drew in a breath. “Whew, well, here goes nothing” he said softly and Louis reached out to grab his hand which made Harry smile gently. 

“He and my mom met on a mission trip in Nicaragua and she claims she was smitten from the start. He courted her, even brought her parents over to Oklahoma so they could all meet and they loved him and they got married soon after. They tried to have kids but the doctors said she couldn’t so that’s why they adopted my sister. Then when Ali was 2 ½ she got pregnant with me which was a big surprise.  Everything was hunky-dory for a while and my mom helped him build the church from the ground up-literally-and stood by him through all the ups and downs that entails.  Then once he became ‘Pastor CJ Styles, Jr.’ it was like he didn’t need her anymore, just wanted her to stand by his side and be his ‘wife’ and take care of his kids.  It was just about appearances and that’s when…” and he paused. “That’s when the cheating started” Harry said thru gritted teeth, “and it hasn’t stopped since” and a tear fell down his face which Louis wiped gently away with his other hand. 

_Jesus, he sounds like a real jerk..._

Louis wanted to know more but he wasn’t sure Harry was ready to give the details so he just rubbed his hand in silence.  Harry flipped his head back, eyes pooling with tears and said “Louis, maybe that’s why I’m gay?! I’ve seen what a man can do to a woman he supposedly loves and it drove me away from that. That’s why I didn’t want to marry that girl in my hometown because of my parents! Maybe if I just get some therapy and talk about my issues then I can be straight!”

_WHOA, slow down, Curly...I'm not holding you captive for days just so you can figure out you're straight, lol..._

Louis scooted over to him and wrapped his arms around Harry while he cried. He pulled him closer and let him sob into his sweatshirt until it was almost soaked thru, simply rubbing his back and head to calm him. Louis really didn’t know what to say so he just stayed silent, letting Harry get out his emotions.  After a few minutes, he could tell that Harry’s tears had slowed and he said “Harry, darling, have you talked to either of your parents about this?”  Harry started crying in earnest again-“shit” thought Louis-and mumbled “can’t…won’t listen…don’t care…I don’t know. Mom doesn’t like to address it because then it’s ‘real’ and dad just goes about his life like no one knows. But we all do.” Louis just hugged him tighter until Harry was like a baby koala curled up on Louis’ chest.

_Poor Harry, sweet, precious Harry, he doesn't deserve this..._

“Louis,” Harry sniffled. “Sorry I got your shirt soaking wet” and Louis brushed it off saying “don’t be sorry, Harry, it’s no biggie. I just want you to feel better but I don’t know how so if holding you and letting you snot all over my sweatshirt helps, then so be it” and he lightly tickled Harry’s side.  Harry looked up at him, eyes swollen from crying, tear-stained cheeks puffy and said “can you take it off?” and nodded at his shirt. “I don’t wanna mess with you or anything, just wanna feel close to you is all” he said softly.

_OH GOD_

Louis’ heart leapt into his throat, “of course, darling! Sit up a bit, lemme take this off” so he did then pulled Harry back to his chest.  He rubbed his hair and at some point, Harry’s chest was flat against his, head turned to the side and Harry fell asleep.  “My poor, sweet angel,” Louis whispered as he kissed his forehead and wiped the tears off his face with the waistband of his pants. “I can’t believe someone who supposedly loves you would put you through this. I just wanna protect you from all of it if I can” and he settled into the couch with Harry planted firmly on his chest.

Louis lazily watched TV and stroked Harry’s hair for what seemed like hours and his leg was starting to fall asleep but he didn’t dare move and wake up Harry. At some point Harry stirred and a puddle of his drool had collected on Louis’ stomach; Harry wiped his mouth, muttered “sorry” and turned his head the other way. “’sokay, love” and Harry wrapped his large arms around Louis’ waist to his back and gave him a squeeze.  “You okay, darling?” Louis asked softly and Harry nodded, eyes still closed, mouth still wide open like a cod fish. “Mmkay, just relax, shhhh” as he raked his hand through Harry’s curls. 

He thought he had fallen back asleep until he felt something tickling his side and realized Harry was tracing circles into it with his finger. “Harry, don’t play with my love handles” Louis joked and Harry placed a firm kiss on the area above Louis’ hip and said “they’re not love handles, Louis, they’re a gorgeous part of your amazing body” and trailed kisses all the way around the side and front of Louis’ waist.

_I have an amazing body?? Huh..._

“You’re so sweet, Harry, thank you” Louis said then Harry made his way to Louis’ nipples and sucked on them.

_Oh wow that's oh wow, keep going, holy Jesus_

“Oh baby, that’s nice too” Louis moaned and Harry met him with a kiss.

Harry had a desperate, needy look in his eyes which made Louis concerned. “You okay, baby?” Louis asked and Harry grabbed the side of his face with his hands and put his forehead on Louis’. “Yes, fine now. You always make me feel better, Louis, you always know just what to say and,” he paused “thank you. Wanna make you feel good now, kay?” he finished and smashed his tongue into Louis’ mouth and Louis could taste the salty tears on his tongue.

_What does he mean by that?!_

He did exactly what Louis liked: long, wet, dragging kisses down his neck that trailed to his waist then rubbed down his hard cock to massage his balls while licking the tip.

_OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THATTTTTTT....._

“Harry, baby, you make me feel _goooood_ ” Louis said softly as Harry took his dick in his mouth. “Can you go further, baby? Take it all in? Loosen your jaw so I can” Louis said and the next thing he knew the tip of his penis was touching the back of Harry’s throat and he thought he would die.

_That's the most amazing feeling, better than being inside a woman..._

_WHOOPS_

“OH that’s IT baby, stay there for a second, you feel so good, shit” Louis groaned and softly pressed his hips up. At that point, Harry-with Louis’ dick still deep in his mouth-took his tongue and licked around it and Louis exploded down his throat.  “Harry! Sorry!” Louis exclaimed, but Harry just stayed still as the cum rolled down his throat then he licked the last of it off the tip after he swallowed.  Louis was breathless and Harry sat up on his lap and buried his head into his neck “but, how, did, why?” Louis stammered and Harry just smiled and licked his neck. “Wanna kiss you, baby” Louis growled then grabbed Harry’s hard dick and jerked him off til he came on Louis’ stomach.

"Did you like that, Louis?" Harry asked tentatively.

_LIKE IT? DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN...PLEASE...._

“Baby, you’re perfect” Louis whispered as Harry laid down and nuzzled his head back into Louis’ chest and he was pretty sure he wasn’t moving for the rest of the day.

_How in the world are you falling for this kid so quickly?!_

_I don't know but I adore him..._

_Imagine if I would've met him when I was twenty...._

_Oh, well, he wasn't even born yet..._

_Shit, you know what I mean..._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm IX, verses 1-2: _I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are Louis' inner most thoughts/moral compass

Soon his stomach betrayed him and started to grumble so he reluctantly got up and told Harry he was fixing something.  Harry nodded and whined softly at the loss of Louis’ body heat when he left but curled up into the couch with a blanket as a poor replacement for Louis.  Louis returned shortly with pizza and salad and said “hope you don’t mind frozen pizza, seems it’s all we’ve got” and Harry just shrugged. They ate in silence, watching TV, then pushed their plates away and resumed their snuggling on the couch.

“Louis can we do this for the rest of the day? I don’t wanna move” Harry requested. “Well, considering it’s almost early evening and we haven’t done anything else today, I don’t see why not” Louis snarked as Harry tucked into his side. “That’s it, darling, just relax, I’ve got you” Louis cooed and Harry closed his eyes again.

“You still owe me a massage” Harry whispered and Louis laughed. “Ha! I know, baby, but let’s save that for later, mkay? Maybe after our shower tonight?” and Harry squeezed his hand as if to say “okay” and they both settled in.  They found a movie to watch-something light-hearted that made them laugh-and only moved to go to the bathroom and get a refill on their drink.  Louis’ hip was going numb but he honestly didn’t care if it fell off, as long as Harry was the one laying on it. 

_Harry, Harry, Harry, please stay...._

The buzzing of Harry’s phone on the table jolted them both out of their trances and it was a text from his school’s alert system: NO CLASSES TOMORROW, FRIDAY. PIPES BURST IN CLASSROOM BUILDING DUE TO COLD WEATHER.  Harry held it up for Louis to read, a big smile spreading across his face. “Look, no class tomorrow either, gonna stay, yeah?” he said and Louis replied “well, you weren’t going to your class tomorrow _anyway_ ” and chuckled.  “C’mon, I’m hungry again, let’s go upstairs and I’ll fix us a snack” and they both rolled off the couch, Louis limping because his leg was asleep.

_He's staying another day...yeah!_

“Whadda ya want?” Louis asked when they got in the kitchen. “Dunno, just whatever,” Harry replied so Louis found some Bagel Bites and chicken fingers to fix quickly.  Harry found his journal and sat down at the table to write in it.

“That’s helping, yeah?” Louis said as he nodded towards the journal.

“Yes, very much so, as are you” Harry replied smiling and started writing.  When the food was done, Louis put a plate in front of Harry and they talked while they ate.  Louis checked his phone and replied to the texts from his boys saying they didn’t have class tomorrow.  Harry returned to writing in his journal while Louis cleaned up and then said “gonna go hop in the shower, you joining me?” and Harry nodded. “Just a sec, meet you there” as he finished scribbling his thought. 

The shower was warm and welcoming and Louis didn’t care if Harry touched his dick he just wanted to feel him, have his large arms hold him close.  So after he washed his hair, that’s what they did; a long embrace, letting the water drip over them, their breathing and heart beats falling into rhythm. Louis honestly didn’t want to get out ever but Harry said softly “how about that massage now?” and Louis squeezed his bum and said “of course, a bet’s a bet” and pressed a kiss to his neck.  They dried off and Harry laid down on the bed, his back and shoulders up waiting for Louis.  He returned with lotion and sat down over Harry’s lower back and put his hands on his shoulders to start rubbing.  They were both naked and wet and Louis’ dick started getting hard just from looking at Harry so he tried to control it but failed miserably.

 _His body is a wonderland...that's cheesy but...I want to explore all of it with my fingers, tongue, dick..._  

So as Louis rubbed Harry’s back and kneaded the tension away from his shoulders, his dick grew harder and started poking Harry. “Having fun back there?” Harry smirked and Louis swatted at his curls.

“Shush! Don’t you worry about me, I’m just fine! Now, relax!”  Louis suddenly got an idea but was afraid Harry would balk at it. 

_Um, yeah, I wanna see what he thinks about the vibrator...she never was open to it...._

He decided to ask anyway.

“Harry, I have, um, something that will, um, make you feel really good. Can I use it on you?”

“Sure, whatever you want” Harry mumbled, too relaxed to care.

Louis reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the vibrator and pressed it to Harry’s shoulder muscles.  “Mmmm, that feels nice” Harry groaned and Louis bent down to his ear and whispered “wait til I put it where it’s _supposed_ to go. You’re gonna _love_ it” Harry nodded as Louis traced the vibrator down his spine, the crack of his bum to his balls which made Harry spread his legs wide. 

_Now his gorgeous boy was spread out underneath him and he looked glorious_

_HIS BOY...._

Louis nudged the toy to Harry’s hole and asked “can I?” and Harry whimpered “yes, yes” so he poured a generous amount of lube on it and let the vibrator sit at the entrance to Harry’s hole.  Harry pushed his hips up so his bum was up off the sheets and Louis took to rubbing his shoulders. “You like that?” Louis asked and Harry nodded quickly.  Louis continued his massage and Harry’s hips flicked up every few minutes and Louis’ dick was hard. 

_Gorgeous, so hot, oh my GODDDDDDDDDDD_

Harry lifted his head off the pillow and said “wanna take you, flip over” and he patted his thigh so Louis lifted up while Harry rolled over.  When he did, the vibrator fell out and he whined.  “Shhh, just a second, love, lemme put it back” and Louis pushed it in so the entire head was in Harry’s hole and Harry groaned with pleasure.

_Doing this to myself was one thing but doing this to Harry is literally the best thing everrrrr...._

“Come here” Harry said and grabbed Louis’ dick to put it by his mouth. “Yessss, baby” Louis said softly as he put his dick in Harry’s mouth and he licked it up and down slowly.  After a few minutes, Harry opened his mouth widely and Louis’ dick slid all the way in his mouth and Louis groaned.  He sat up on his knees and grabbed the headboard and shifted his hips back and forth while his dick did the same in Harry’s mouth.  It was pure pleasure.

_This boy and his gorgeous mouth that wraps around my dick like it was made for it are gonna be the death of me..._

Harry grabbed his dick and said softly, “Louis, look at me” then grabbed Louis’ bum to push his hips all the way to his mouth. “God, Harry, so beautiful the way you take me in, my balls on your chin, unf, unf,” Louis and about the third time his dick hit the back of Harry’s throat he came. “Uhhhhh, ohhhhhhhh” he said as he watched Harry swallow his cum. Once his dick got soft, he slid down Harry’s chest and peppered his neck with kisses saying “so good for me, take all of me, do I taste good?”

“Yes, very” Harry croaked, “now kiss me” which Louis did quickly.

_He tasted delicious...._

“Can I put the toy in further? And turn up the setting?” Louis asked.

_If you let me do this I won't ask for anything ever again...at least for tonight...._

Harry nodded then said “how many settings does it have?”

“Five,” Louis said softly and Harry smiled. “Gonna put it to two for you” Louis said and crawled down to Harry’s hip so he could get leverage with the toy.  He slowly nudged it in further and twisted the setting to two and Harry pushed his hips up, feet flat on the bed.  Louis knew he was going to try to find his prostate and blow his mind so he pushed his hips down and twisted the toy up and down his hole repeatedly until Harry was writhing on the bed.  Louis leaned up to Harry’s ear “gonna do something you will _really_ like” and Harry’s flushed face nodded quickly.  Louis twisted the toy down then put the tip up and slowly rubbed it back up Harry’s hole until he found his prostate then pressed it to it. 

_This is gonna be amazing...._

When he did, Harry’s entire body shook, his hips rolled side to side, his eyes rolled up in his head, he yelped and cum shot _everywhere_.  Louis honestly didn’t know cum could go that far or in such random places; Harry’s face, the sheets, the pillow, Harry’s pecs.  And it just kept coming for a few minutes. 

_WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD_

Louis was literally amazed by it and when it stopped, Harry lay slack on the bed, curls sweaty and stuck to his head, breath ragged.  Louis was afraid for a second that he was out of it so he gently nudged him while he slowly pulled the toy out of his ass.  “You okay, baby?” Louis asked and he saw Harry’s head nod.  Louis was sitting on his knees beside Harry’s hip, toy in his hand and Harry weakly put his hand over the toy too and said “you. Three.”

_Ok so he's alive and breathing, that's good...but is he trying to communicate with me via a language twins use??_

It took Louis a second to realize he wanted him to fuck himself with the vibrator so he pointed at his own chest and said “me? You want me to do this? On setting three?”  and Harry nodded again.  Louis laughed but before he could put the vibrator into him, Harry pulled it from his hand and dipped it in cum that lay on his stomach then pushed it to Louis. “Now,” he croaked and Louis’ eyes bulged out of his head.  “Anything for you baby but I want you to watch. Can you do that?” Louis asked and Harry rubbed his leg in agreement. 

_He was now gonna fuck himself with a vibrator while his boyfr-Harry-watched...WHAT EVEN?!_

So Louis put the vibrator between his legs-on setting three-then lowered himself on to it.  He saw Harry looking at him with hooded eyes, pupils blown and he wanted him to enjoy the show.  So he went up and down on the toy, sitting on his knees and threw his head back in ecstasy. It didn’t take him long for his dick to get hard again and he increased his movements so he was moving quickly up and down. 

_JESUS THIS FEELS AMAZING I WANT HIS HANDS ON ME NOWWWWWW_

“Touch me, Harry” he breathed out and Harry managed to move his hand from Louis’ knee to cup his balls. “That’s it, oh baby” Louis moaned “keep doing that, gonna, unf” and he sat fully down on the vibrator for a hard second and he came too. 

_DO I STILL HAVE A BRAIN?!_

Louis fell forward so he was on all fours and gently pulled the vibrator out of his ass then spooned with Harry and pressed his cum-covered chest to Harry’s back.  He couldn’t hardly talk but he managed to say “so good, baby, so amazing, perfect you’ve made me come like 5 times today, that’s gotta be a record” and Harry just patted his leg.  “You okay?” and Harry croaked “wonderful” and they lay in a sweaty, cum-covered heap for quite some time.  Louis rubbed Harry’s side until they both fell asleep.

_So gorgeous, so beautiful, so incredibly perfect to me_

Harry woke up with a start in the middle of the night which woke Louis up so he grabbed Harry and soothed him. “Oh gosh, Louis I was having a nightmare” Harry said, voice shaking. “It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you” Louis said and pulled him in closer and placed a kiss on his nose.  Harry’s breathing regulated as he calmed down and he said “I’m cold” which made Louis chuckle.

“Well, you are laying naked on top of the bed.  Wanna get under the covers?” Louis asked.  Harry shook his head, “no, wanna lay here with you, come here” and opened his arms to pull Louis in for a hug.  “

What time is it?” Harry asked and Louis said “Harry I’ve no idea I’ve lost all track of time since you’ve been here” and they both laughed. 

After a few minutes Harry said “Louis, what _was_ that? What we did tonight?  Like my brain was foggy, I couldn’t really remember my name, things were moving in slow motion, I…I’ve never experienced anything like that before.” 

Louis shrugged “I don’t know Harry, but it happened to me the other night, the first time I used the vibrator, like I saw stars and my mind went blank. It’s just like pure, unadulterated bliss  That’s why I keep asking you if you’re okay cause I wanna make sure you’re just blissed out and not like having a heart attack or something.” 

Harry roared with laughter when Louis said that and smacked his butt.  “You’re so funny, Louis” and pressed his lips to his.  "I like making you feel good because you're so nice to me. Is that okay?"

_OKAY? Is this kid for real??_

"Of course, Harry. It's perfect; you're perfect. Amazing, even," he said and Harry blushed. Louis rubbed his arm and could feel goosebumps rising on it and said “Harry, love, you’re freezing! Let me go get a blanket and something to drink. You’re voice sounds hoarse” and he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

He came back soon with two bottles of water, some cookies, and a giant quilt which he draped over Harry. “I turned up the heat too, thought you might be hungry. Cookie?” He asked and handed Harry the box of cookies and he dug into them with abandon.

They spent the next few hours eating and drinking and laughing.  Harry regaled Louis with his vast array of bad knock-knock jokes and puns which had Louis alternating between groaning and smashing his head into the pillow and doubled over laughing.  “Harry, if you weren’t so cute, I’d have shoved you off the bed already because these jokes are _bad_ ” which garnered a swat at his bum from Harry.  He draped his arm across Harry’s chest and drifted off to sleep listening to Harry gabbing about this and that, peppered with the occasional horrible joke. 

_He's gorgeous and hilarious...perfection..._

They both woke up around noon to the dogs barking and for a short, panicked second Louis thought his family was home.  Then he realized it was only Friday so he threw off the covers, put his slippers on and went downstairs to see what all the commotion was. Turns out, there was a family of deer in the backyard that the dogs wanted to chase so Louis opened the door for them and they ran after them quickly.  It was still cold but had finally stopped snowing and Louis wondered what the weather was going to be over the weekend. 

He realized he hadn’t checked his mail-heck, he hadn’t left the _house_ in a week-so he grabbed his keys and yelled “be right back” to Harry who was still half asleep in bed.  He was back in a few minutes with an armful of mail that needed to be sorted so he sat at the table and started looking through it.  Harry was still in bed when Louis was finished so he started fixing grilled cheese sandwiches in hopes the smell would lure Harry out of the sack.  No luck.  So he put together another tray of food to take to Harry who he found awake-and still naked-but laying on the bed.

“Lunch in bed, I guess, since you’re too lazy to get up!” Louis exclaimed and Harry rolled over and sat up against the headboard smiling “this looks delicious! I’m starving!” Harry exclaimed as Louis climbed into bed. 

He kissed his cheek and said “you’re also _lazy_ but I’ll let it slide” and picked up his iPad to play Farm Heroes while Harry ate. When he finished he put his tray on the floor then leaned up and raked his teeth across Louis’ shoulder blade.  Louis was engrossed in his game and jumped when Harry kissed him and said “I’m sticky and sweaty. You?”  Louis laughed, “yes, very, but ‘sokay. It’s worth it.”

Harry patted his back and said “stay here, be right back” and hopped out of bed, naked, and ran into the bathroom.  He heard him rustling around in there and then the tub water started running and Harry popped his head out of the bathroom door and used his index finger to motion for Louis to join him.  When Louis walked in he found candles all around the tub which was filled with bubbles and the lights were dimmed.  It was so beautifully romantic that Louis was temporarily speechless.  “Harry, what? You didn’t have to…” he stammered.

_This is the first time anyone has done this for me..._

Harry pulled him in for a hug and said “you’re taking care of me Louis and since I suck at cooking, this is how I wanted to return the favor. Now get naked. Please.” Louis did that quickly and sat at one end of the very large tub while Harry was at the other and Harry grabbed his feet and rubbed them. 

“That feels great, baby,” Louis said.  “Do you remember telling me really awful knock-knock jokes last night?” 

Harry laughed, “you might have made my brain foggy but I do remember that.  And heyyyyy, they weren’t THAT bad” and Louis rolled his eyes. 

Harry started babbling on again, making up for his earlier blissed-out silence Louis guessed, and Harry scrubbed Louis’ back, washed his hair and even exfoliated his entire body. When they got out and dried off, Louis said “I need to wash these sheets, my heavens, they are filthy” and went about stripping the sheets off and put them in the washer.

Harry came downstairs soon after, face freshly scrubbed, wet curls bouncing around his head, tight body just begging to be ravished and Louis had to swallow hard to keep his dick from getting hard again. 

_I wanna kiss you all over...._

“So what’re we gonna do today?” Harry asked, kissing his cheek. 

“Don’t know, maybe we could get out of the house? Go see a movie? Go get your car and some food because we are running low” Louis replied. 

Harry nodded, “sounds good. Are the roads okay?” 

“When I drove to the mailbox the snow on the driveway was melting so maybe it will be good.”  Louis got a text from his wife that said: Snow should melt by tomorrow, Johnsons coming to church & supper Sunday xx and he frowned.

 _SHIT, her...LIFE...go away..._  

“What’s up?” Harry asked. “Nothing, just…nothing. C’mon, let’s go!” and they scrambled about getting their coats on and out the door.

Once in the car, Louis said “um, Harry, we probably need to go to the store and a movie in Pauls Valley where no one will, um, see us. Because, you know…” 

_Things are getting weird and awkward right now...this was a bad idea...I don't wanna hurt his feelings..._

_Look at his face...he's mad and sad and annoyed...and I did that..._

_SHIT_

Harry sighed heavily and nodded. “So what happens after this?” Harry asked. 

“I thought we were going to the movie?” Louis said, clueless. 

Harry shook his head, “no, I mean THIS” and he waved his arms around and Louis’ face registered the connection.

_This?? Oh, you mean LIFE? Fuck if I know..._

“Ohhh. I…don’t…know,” Louis said slowly. “But we will figure it out together, yeah?” he said, trying desperately to sound cheerful.  He was pretty sure he'd failed at that...

“Hmmm,” Harry hummed but Louis could tell he didn’t like that answer because he crossed his arms over his chest and hunched down in the seat. 

_Please don't be mad at me..._

When they got to the Walmart where Harry’s car had been for four days, it was covered in about two feet of snow so they spent a minute cleaning it off then went inside the store.  Harry was still rather quiet but Louis tried to engage him in conversation by asking him to pick out whatever he wanted to eat then lost him somewhere in the frozen foods aisle. 

Louis went about getting the ingredients for a roast for Sunday because if the Johnsons’ entire family was coming then that would mean thirty people to feed.  He finally found Harry with almost an entire cart filled with food and Louis laughed.  “You planning on eating a lot over the next day or so?” he asked.

“No, silly, I’m taking most of this back to my dorm so I don’t have to eat that awful food in the cafeteria. I’ll pay for it” and Louis laughed.

“No I don’t care about that, _silly_ ” and they went to the check out.  The total was close to $400 and Louis would’ve spent ten times that if it meant making Harry happy.

They put the groceries in the car and Louis said “so what movie do you want to go see?”

Harry said “not sure I want to do that now, can we just go back to your house?” and Louis nodded. “Sure, anything you want” and hopped in his car.  Louis knew that Harry was worried about a lot, with this situation weighing heavily on his mind, and he didn’t have a clue how to fix it.  So he decided to pray about it…

_God, please give me the strength to know how to deal with this, without the people I love getting hurt..._

When they got home they put the groceries away and Harry grabbed his journal while they sat on the couch.  “Sorry I didn’t want to go to the movies.  Just couldn’t imagine being in a public place watching a romantic movie and not being able to hold your hand. Or kiss you,” Harry said, his eyes cast downward. 

_UGH, this was getting complicated, and Harry was feeling badly about it too, but this was Louis' problem to sort out, not Harry's...Harry was nothing but perfect and wonderful...Louis was the jackass...._

Louis grabbed his face and said “Harry, darling, it’s fine. I promise. This is more fun anyway!” 

Harry handed him the journal and said “I’ve written lots more. Can you read it now?” and Louis replied with a nod.  Harry pressed himself into Louis’ side and Louis settled in to read the journal.  

_This still feels weird reading his inner most thoughts...what am I going to do about all of this? Beautiful Harry who doesn't deserve to be hurt by anymore people, his wife who, well, she doesn't deserve to be hurt either...SHIT_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr www.straightguysdont.tumblr.com  
> And on twitter www.twitter.com/1d_beards :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 10, verses 16-18: _The Lord is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

There was quite a bit to read and went into more detail about Harry’s dad’s escapades with other women, seeing as it spanned decades.  And for being a small boy when some of it happened, Harry knew an awful lot about the indiscretions. 

_Yet he still didn’t say how he knew; surely he couldn’t remember all of that?_   

He talked about his mom, how she did everything for the kids: cook, clean, shuttle them to various events, take his sister to treatments.  Louis could tell Harry was struggling with his feelings towards his mom: deep abiding devotion versus contempt for what she blatantly ignored and even permitted regarding CJ, Jr’s affairs.  He also found it hard to reconcile how his mom could be such a wonderful, godly person yet she “condoned” cheating and breaking the covenant of marriage. Harry quoted Proverbs 1:8 “Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.”  It was a valid concern, Louis thought, and one he most certainly did NOT have the answer for. 

_Also an ironic proverb, considering what Louis was doing right now with his boyfr-Harry..._

Harry wrote more about his grandfather and _his_ indiscretions (seemed like this was a recurring theme in the family, Louis thought) and quite frankly, it was all a bit much for Louis to process and he was close to putting it down when he got to the part about him:  Harry went into detail about some of the things they’d done sexually (Louis started blushing) and how much Harry enjoyed it.  Harry talked about his virtual lack of experience with girls, much less boys, and how the situation with Louis was so new and wonderful and Louis had to agree.  But of course, he was struggling with the morality of it all, seeing as Louis was stepping out on _his_ marriage.  And now Louis’ head officially hurt.

_SIGH...._

During the time Louis was reading Harry’s journal, he sat up to do homework on his laptop and mindlessly flip through channels at the other end of the couch.  “Harry, love, come here” Louis said and motioned for Harry to sit on his lap which he did willingly.  “Do you want to talk about some of the stuff I just read?” 

_If not, that's fine because WOW, some of this stuff hits a bit too close to "home" if you know what I mean..._

“Um, maybe some…” Harry said hesitantly.  Louis continued “like what about your mom?  You seem to be struggling with your feelings towards her…” and Harry nodded. 

“Louis I love my mum with everything I have and I would die for her-and my sister-any day of the week.  She is the kindest, sweetest, most amazing woman in the entire world-I might be a bit biased-and she has done a great job of raising me and my sister,” Harry said and Louis agreed.  “But, _if_ she is a ‘woman of God’ like she says she is-and she acts like she is-then _howwwwwww_ can she think what my father does is okay?”

Louis thought for a second then said: “Harry, I don’t know. Maybe it's more complicated than that; I mean maybe she deals with it in her own way? Maybe she compartmentalizes it so she can handle it? Have you talked to her about it?”

Harry shook his head “No, I can’t. Whenever I mention it, she just gives me some ‘God will provide for me’ excuse. So I stopped bringing it up” and he shrugged.

_I understand her hesitation in wanting to discuss her husband's cheating...ahem...._

“Harry,” Louis said gently. “How do you know all of the, um, _details_ of your father’s, um, indiscretions?  Like you were young when some of it happened yet you seem to know a lot…”

Harry set his jaw like he was trying to muster up the courage to answer. “My _grandfather_ told me, before he died.  Like it was a ‘badge of honor’ for the Styles’ boys to screw-oops, sorry for the swear word-anything with boobs and cheat on their wives.  Which, obviously I’m not going to follow that lead but…That’s one of the reasons why I broke it off with Emma, the girl who I was engaged to.  Well, _all_ she talked about was my money  & what she was going to do with it once we were married-the cars she would buy, the clothes, the trips-and I hated that.  I mean money isn’t _everything_ , is it?  And look what it did to my family…  Also, it seemed like I had a ‘reputation’ to live up to in our town-one that involved cheating on my wife-and if I didn’t desire to have sex with _her_ then how the heck was I going to mess around with _other_ women?”

Louis had been listening intently to Harry but the last sentence made him bust out laughing. “Sorry, Harry, that last part was just funny!”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, but it’s true!  So instead of ‘coming out’ to everyone and ‘man-up’ I ran away to college.  I think I just needed to clear my head, find out more about God, see what else life had to offer.”

“Harry, you’re twenty-one years old. The world is your oyster-excuse the cliché-and you can do _anything_ you want, wherever your heart and God take you.  Just remember that” Louis said and patted his hand.

Harry grabbed it and pulled Louis to him. “Thank you for always knowing what to say to make me feel better.  Sorry I’m dumping my problems on you.”

Louis swatted at his chest and said “don’t be. Yes, it’s a lot to take in but I don’t mind helping you because you deserve to be happy.  Everyone does.”

Harry bent his face closer to Louis’ and said “you make me happy.”

_You make me so happy I want to shout it to the world, happier than I've ever been_

Louis was pretty sure he was going to explode from how he felt at that moment and Harry would have to clean up the mess on the walls-organs, brains, his _heart_ -“good” Louis managed to say. “You make me happy too, kay?” And he brushed a curl off Harry’s forehead and kissed his nose. “Now, c’mere and cuddle with me because that would make me really happy” and Harry happily slid into Louis’ side and wrapped his long arms around his waist. 

“Mmm, feels good” Harry muttered.

They lay there, bodies intertwined, exchanging slow, lazy kisses for most of the afternoon.  Louis’ mind was still racing somewhat over what he had read but being next to Harry centered him enough so he could relax slightly.  But he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in his head that he was _no better_ than Harry’s dad for what he was doing with Harry…

_You're a cheater and a liar and a disgusting excuse for a godly man!_

_UGH_

Louis fixed dinner and they ate in virtual silence, quite different from their normal banter. Harry stared at Louis quite a bit, trying to make eye contact with him and Louis just pressed a smile to his face in response.  Finally, Harry said “Louis, what’s bothering you? Please tell me”

Louis hesitated then stammered “Harry, it’s just, I…don’t, well, your dad…” and he just couldn’t seem to spit out the words. 

_SHIT this is harder than I thought_

Harry came over to his chair, sat in his lap and pressed his thumbs into Louis’ chest.  “Spit it out” and Louis sighed. “How is what we’re doing any better than your dad’s actions?  Like I’m stepping out on _my_ marriage too!” and he practically yelled the last part.

Harry looked like he was going to cry and said “oh, Louis, you are _nothing_ like my father.  He does what he does because he can’t keep it in his pants and has zero respect for my mother, me and my sister.  You’re doing this because you’re finally realizing your _true self_ and thankfully, that includes me.  1 John 1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.’  You made a mistake and you’re trying to repent and correct it  & there’s nothing wrong with that.”

_WHAT?! Oh my god, I just...can he be anymore perfect? And gorgeous? And adorable? NO IS THE ANSWER TO THAT_

Louis sighed. "I hope you're right because right now it's practically eating me up inside. I mean, if getting married to her was a 'mistake' then why did I do it?!"

Harry smiled softly. "I don't know, you tell me?"

"I did it because...I loved her-at least I thought I did. I did it because...it was the right thing to do. I did it because...that was what was expected of me at the time. I did it because...jeez, because it was my only option. I didn't have time to explore my sexuality; heck I didn't even know what that meant. Everyone-me included-assumed I was straight so I just went with it," Louis admitted.

"Hmm, sounds about right," Harry said and Louis gave him an inquisitive look.

"Well, I mean, that's what happened with me between Emma but I knew deep down I couldn't marry her," Harry replied.

"That's admirable, Harry, because now at least you can 'find yourself' without hurting other people in your life. Unlike me....god I'm such a selfish jerk!" Louis exclaimed.

"No, Louis, you're not," Harry told him, gently rubbing his hand. "Trust me, I know 'selfish jerks' aka my father, and you are nothing like him. Nothing. You're kind and gentle and thoughtful and generous. And whatever is happening here between us will get sorted out, one way or another."

"I guess you're right, Harry. It's still hard, though," Louis reminded him.

"I know. It is what it is, though, right?" Harry asked and Louis nodded.  Louis leaned his head into Harry's chest and inhaled him as tears gently fell from his eyes.

"Hey, babe, look at me," Harry said, gently tilting Louis' head up. "Don't cry. It's okay, I promise," he soothed.

_I really, really want to kiss you again, and again, and again, and again...._

Louis said nothing except grabbed Harry for a deep kiss, tongues fighting over each other’s mouths.  “Harry let’s go upstairs” Louis gasped and led him up to the bedroom.  He picked up his iPad from the side table and had a glint in his eye.  Harry looked at him suspiciously.

“Harry,” Louis grinned, “have you ever watched _porn_?” 

Harry’s eyes got very big and he shook his head, “oh noooo, Louis, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve, um, touched myself.  And I’ve kissed one _girl_ before this, so all of this is new.  Is it, um, good?  Is it okay to watch it?” Harry asked. 

“Well, I don’t have a lot of experience with it but from what I saw the other night, it’s very, very good and very, very okay to watch.  Ya wanna?” and he raised his eyebrows suggestively. 

Harry shrugged his shoulders, “sure, why not? What’s one more thing to put on the ‘reasons why I’m going to hell’ list?” and he squeezed Louis’ arm as he sat down on the bed.

“Okay, well, you’re fully clothed and THAT is a problem for me right now,” Louis mused and Harry quickly ditched all his clothes except his boxers.  “Your turn now,” Harry challenged and Louis happily obliged.  “Lemme find something on my iPad then I’ll put it on the Air Drop so we can see it on the 70” flat screen.  If it’s weird or you don’t like it please let me know.” 

Louis wanted to find something relatively ‘normal’ on PornHub which proved a more difficult task than he initially thought.  He didn’t want S&M, no dom/sub, just two guys having non-violent sex.  He finally found one titled ‘Bareback Mountain’ and the description seemed reasonable: two young cowboys meet on the trail and explore more than just the countryside.  He sat back against the headboard, motioned for Harry to turn off the lights and soon the movie started.  Harry was sitting next to him, holding his hand like he was seeing a scary movie for the first time and needed to be comforted.  Louis found it remarkably endearing.

_He is so cute I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around with me everywhere_

The two guys were very fit-cut abs, biceps bulging out of their overalls which they were wearing shirtless, of course, and so far, Louis liked what he saw.  They both rode their horses and there was small talk and then they kissed and Harry smiled and squeezed Louis’ hand.  They decided to make camp for the night so they set up their tent and pretty soon, they were giving each other blow jobs in the woods.  Louis could see Harry’s dick twitch.  The one boy took the other one’s hand and led him into the tent when he said “turn over, baby, gonna tongue fuck you, rim you really good” and Harry’s hand reached out and hit the pause button. 

“What’d you do that for?” Louis yelped. 

“Louis, they’ve said the F-word like a billion times along with the d-word. And what does ‘rim’ mean?!” Harry was practically screeching like an owl. 

“Harry, darling, calm down, kay?  I think them swearing is kinda hot-it’s naughty, yeah?  And I dunno what ‘rimming’ is either.  And if you would _hush_ we could both find out!” Louis said as he very deliberately pressed the play button.

The next scene had the one guy on his knees, ass up in the air, being fingered by his ‘friend’.  Then the friend bent down and stuck his mouth on the other guy’s hole and he groaned deeply and spread his legs out even wider.  The camera angle showed a close-up of the dude’s mouth in his hole and

_Holy Jesus that's hot_

Then it showed a close up of his dick which was bobbing against his stomach, leaking cum already.  Both of their groans got louder and louder until the bottom guy said “fuck me NOW!” and his friend unceremoniously stuck his dick into his ass, bare no condom.  Louis was getting excited-and very hard-and he glanced at Harry out of the corner of his eye and he could see his eyes darkening, eyelids half closed. 

_Does Harry like this?_

While they were doing it doggy-style, the top reached around and jerked off his bottom friend until he spilled out cum in his hand.  Then a few hard thrusts later, he was coming into his ass and they collapsed into a heap on their sleeping bags.  Louis was pretty sure he had completely scarred Harry for life because he looked over and Harry’s eyes and mouth were now wide open, staring intently at the screen.

_Ok maybe this was a bad idea...._

Then the movie went to small talk, cuddles, sleep, and cut to the next morning where both of them were naked and sitting on top of the horse. The guy who had bottomed the night before was now sitting behind his friend and was slowly jerking him off.  He stood up in the stirrups so his ass was in front of his friend who then fingered and rimmed _him_ for a decent amount of time.  Then he sat back down on his friend’s dick while sitting in the saddle.  Now it was Louis’ turn to press the pause button and take a breath.  Harry glared out him and without saying a word, pressed the play button.  Louis laughed and decided to watch the rest of the movie.  The top guy bounced the bottom guy up and down over his dick while grunting “fuck you feel good, fuck so tight, fuck, fuck, fuckkkkk” as he came. Then jerked off his friend to finish him off.

At this point, Harry hadn’t said a word in about twenty minutes which absolutely had to be a record for him.  So imagine Louis’ surprise when Harry leaned into his ear and said “fuck that was hot. Wanna rim you, baby” and now Louis was officially dead. Like graveyard dead. 

_o_0_

“Yes, oh yes, I want that” Louis breathed out. “Let’s shower quickly then you can, um, do that” Louis said quietly and Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bathroom.  They scrubbed each other-giving special attention to their respective bums-and were squeaky clean when they came out of the shower.  Louis could tell Harry was about to bust out of his skin with excitement over this new adventure. 

“What do you think it tastes like?” Harry asked.

"Have you ever eaten out a woman?" Louis asked

"EW! NO!" Harry exclaimed

Louis laughed, "well, I would imagine it's like that, except I bet you will like this.  If you don’t though, and it’s weird, you can stop, no worries.” And Harry nodded. 

Louis bent over on his knees, elbows on the bed, ass up with Harry behind him.  He spread apart Louis’ cheeks and said “I’m nervous”

Louis replied, “Me too, but just give it a go, and we will take it from there.” So Harry took a deep breath and quickly licked across Louis’ hole and Louis flinched. He knew what it was like to eat out a woman but he assumed this was different. She always liked it when Louis did that but he wasn't crazy about it because it did nothing for him.  Now, maybe, he knew why. 

_why are you thinkIng about her?? BACK TO HARRY_

“Hmm, tastes…musky…” Harry said then took a slower lick, pausing at the entrance and Louis felt his body shudder in response. "Tastes like...you.  I like that.  You okay?" he asked.

"Mmmhmmm," Louis mumbled.  "Do that again, please"

"Oooh, it's so pink and warm and soft," Harry started describing his view and it was really turning Louis on because Harry's TONGUE was in his ass.

Harry started slurping over his hole again and again; at one point he dragged his tongue from Louis' crack, down his taint and to his balls.  

“God, Harry, feels soooo good” he said “Fuck,” he muttered and Harry smiled.  “Can you…can you stick your tongue…unf,..innnnn it?” Louis asked. 

"Uh, sure," Harry said somewhat hesitantly.

"Babe, if you don't want to it's fine, this is amazing," Louis reminded him.

"No, Louis, it's fine, just gimme a sec," Harry said and Louis felt him take a deep breath then he bent down so he could feel his hot breath on his hole.  He felt Harry spread his cheeks wider then as he began to lick, he quickly stuck his tongue inside, as if he was "testing the waters" to see if he liked it.

"Mmmm, Louis," He moaned. "I'm gonna do that again, okay? You feel amazing, promise. Just let me make you feel good."

_HOLY JESUS_

The next time his tongue licked up his hole, Harry pushed it in further to the point that his entire tongue was inside him then he dragged it out slowly.

"HARRYYYYY" Louis' breath shuddered.

"Oooh, you like that? Good to know," Harry replied as he dug his face into Louis' as and wiggled his tongue around.  When he pulled it out, he said "Louis I like doing this, promise. It's so yummy."

_YUMMY?? YOU'RE YUMMY_

"Can I try something?" Harry asked & Louis nodded quickly; Louis could feel Harry's tongue enter him then his teeth gently nipped at his rim and 

_WOW_

Louis bucked his hips back in response

_THIS IS BETTER THAN A BLOW JOB OR SEX OR ANYTHING THIS IS THE BEST EVERRRRRR_

“Louis look at me!” Harry said, and as Louis turned his head around, Harry's tongue was stuck out like a point and he dipped his head into Louis’ ass.  “Shit! Fuck!” Louis yelped.

“Mmm, you like that, baby?” Harry asked and Louis could only nod. 

Then Harry started alternating slow licks from Louis’ balls to the top of his crack with quick, staccato bursts of his tongue in Louis’ hole and Louis was about to cry from pleasure. “Harry,” he said softly, “please touch me. Can you do that?” so Harry reached around and started stroking Louis’ dick.  “God, this is the best thing _ever_. Please don’t stop, Harry, pleaseeeee” Louis was begging and _he never begged_. 

“You taste _so good_ , Louis,” Harry muttered "Louis I like this a lot, tastes good, love seeing you fall apart because of me," Harry admitted.

Louis wasn't just "falling apart" he was absolutely being wrecked by Harry's tongue.  “Harry” he moaned, “stick your tongue in there and stay still & let me do the work”  Harry didn’t really know what he meant but he put his tongue in and used his hands to hold open Louis’ ass cheeks, while Louis rocked his hips back and forth.

“God, shit, fuck” Louis groaned “I love fucking myself on your tongue” and Harry managed to smile.  “So good, so warm, so unf, ah, shit, gonna cum…” and he did all over the sheets. 

"Mmmm," Harry moaned against Louis' overstimulated rim, causing Louis to whimper and fall forward onto his stomach, leaving Harry sitting on his knees, tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Louis rolled over on his back, sweaty and flushed and covered in cum, and motioned for Harry to join him. His limbs felt heavy and weak yet he felt amazing. “Babe, good, too much, have to stop” Louis muttered and peeked at Harry’s hard dick.

“Wanna finish you, don’t have the energy…” Harry laughed. “It’s okay, I’ll finish myself just kiss me” and bent up to kiss Louis.  It was just about the hottest kiss Louis had ever experienced and it didn’t stop until Harry came on Louis’ leg.  They rolled apart, breathless and sweaty and blissful and Louis wasn’t sure if his legs and arms would ever work again because they felt like jelly. 

Harry reached over and rubbed Louis’ arm “babe, you okay?” and Louis shook his head “no, weird space again, can you…” and he motioned for Harry to wipe him off which he did promptly. 

_My brain is literal mush_

_What WAS that? ? It was better than a blow job, I tell you what...Now I want to do that to Harry...I bet he tastes and feels amazing!_

“Harry, don’t know what…” Louis started and Harry pressed a kiss to his lips and said “shhh, baby, don’t talk, just relax and lay here. I’ll cover us up, it’s okay” and he started stroking Louis’ entire body with soft strokes.  Louis responded by almost sinking into the bed and completely tuning out the world.

Louis pushed his eyes open deliberately to find himself still sprawled out longways across the bed and Harry curled up in a ball in the other corner. Naked, of course.  Louis’ brain decided to tell his arms and legs to move so he rolled up the bed and slid behind Harry.  He absolutely wanted to ravish him but he settled for wrapping his arm around his waist and tucking his chin into his shoulder.

Tears fell gently down his face and he wasn’t exactly sure why but he said softly “Harry, you’re so good.  So lovely, so wonderful, and you deserve to be treated like the angel you are…” Then he squeezed Harry tightly and drifted back to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr www.straightguysdont.tumblr.com  
> And on twitter www.twitter.com/1d_Beards


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 11, verses 1-3: _In the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, “Flee like a bird to your mountain, for behold, the wicked bend the bow; they have fitted their arrow to the string to shoot in the dark at the upright in heart; if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

Saturday morning dawned cold but sunny and Louis’ mood was anything but: he had a pit in his stomach knowing that Harry had to leave today.  He didn’t want to move away from the bed while wrapped in Harry’s arms but life had other ideas.  His wife had texted him last night-he missed it when his boyfr…um, Harry…was tongue deep in his _ass_ -and it said “gonna be home around noon. The kids miss you xx”  Louis looked at the clock-7 am-and muttered “shit” as he chucked his phone on the floor. The racket made Harry stir and Louis had him in such a tight arm lock that he could barely move. Harry looked the most beautiful first thing in the morning, Louis thought, with his sleepy eyes, curls slack on his forehead, pink mouth in a luscious pout.  And his morning wood was nice…

 “Louis, what?” Harry said softly and stroked his arm. “S’nothing, just wanna snuggle for a bit, kay?” Louis replied and Harry just nodded. 

“You’ll have to leave soon,” Louis said softly and Harry replied by patting his hand and loosening Louis’ death grip on him so he could turn over to face him.  He pulled Louis in for a giant bear hug and whispered “then let’s make the best of the time we have left” Louis squeezed his bum and said “shower?” and Harry agreed by rolling off the bed.  Louis stumbled in behind him, legs still refusing to cooperate and Harry had to practically hold him up in the shower.

“You okay?” he asked. “Yeah, just still in that ‘weird space’ a bit, thanks to you” Louis replied. “And my bum’s sore too” and he nipped at Harry’s lip. 

“Sorry” Harry replied “don’t be” was Louis’ response as he grabbed him for a  proper kiss.

The shower was long and lovely like Harry’s dick, and involved slow hand jobs and even slower blow jobs.  They both came twice in the shower before the water ran cold and they were forced out.  They made their way to the bedroom and Louis said “Harry, wanna rim you too, kay? You will _love it_ , I promise” and Harry nodded nervously.  “You did such a good job on me last night and I wanna return the favor, so roll over if you want…” Louis told him. 

Harry was quick to flip over on his hands and knees, ass up like Louis was last night.  “I can’t wait to see what you taste like, baby” Louis whispered at the entrance to his hole and Harry groaned.  Louis put his tongue flat on Harry’s hole and pressed it there for a few seconds then licked up.  He assumed this was like when he ate her out, so he knew how to use his tongue to turn HIM on.  Except this actually turned both of them on...finally...

Louis moaned with pleasure “Harry you taste so good, now I know why you liked this” and returned to licking long strokes over Harry’s wide-open hole.  Harry was wriggling beneath him, dick getting harder and harder with every lick, as was Louis’. 

Without warning, Louis dug his tongue into Harry’s sensitive hole then dragged it out slowly and Harry yelped. “Louis, Louis, Louiss, ah, ah, ahhhhhh” He reached around and gave Harry’s dick a few quick tugs while he sucked on the entrance to his hole and Harry came, hard. When he did that, he pressed his hips backwards so Louis’ entire face was in his ass and Louis moved his tongue back and forth.  As Harry came down from his orgasm, Louis started fingering him slowly.

Harry fell down chest first on the bed, Louis’ fingers still in his ass. “Gonna need another shower after this,” Harry replied as he turned over on his back.  Louis felt like the Grinch because he got an idea, a wonderful, awful idea and Harry could tell he was up to something. “What?” he asked leadingly. Louis leaned forward to kiss him and said softly “do you think you can come untouched for me?”

Harry nodded quickly “yes, I will for you” and Louis patted his stomach. “So good for me, Harry. Now relax” and Harry laid his head back on the pillow. 

Louis was dragging his fingers in and out of Harry’s very sensitive hole and Harry muttered “more, please” Since Harry was already so wet from the rimming, Louis was able to easily fit three fingers in him.  “Baby, you’ve no idea how amazing you look right now” and Harry just nodded, skin flush, dick hard, curls stuck to his forehead. “Want me to get the toy?” Louis asked and Harry shook his head. “No, just, un, fingers, kisses” he managed to breath out so Louis took to nipping kisses on the inside of Harry’s thighs and around his balls.  Harry started rocking his hips up and down and Louis knew he was close.  As he sucked a bruise into Harry’s inner thigh he said “come for me, baby” and Harry _did_.

Harry writhed and wriggled under Louis as his orgasm stretched out-Louis could feel him tightening around his fingers-and he finally stopped so Louis pulled his fingers out and crawled up to his head. He stroked his forehead, peppering kisses to his face, “Sooo good for me, sooo good” he told him.  “This was so amazing I just..” and Louis practically choked back a sob.  Harry rubbed his leg and whispered “I know, me too” because he did. He _knew_.

"Babe, you're amazing, okay, so, so amazing," Louis cooed, wrapping him up so Harry was the little spoon.  They stayed there for quite some time-Louis wished it could be longer-but soon Louis said “gonna make breakfast, stay here” and Harry said “couldn’t move if I tried” which made Louis laugh.  He dressed quickly and ran downstairs to cook breakfast.  He replied to his wife: okay, text me when u r leaving xx then went back to his task. He made all of Harry’s favorites: bacon, eggs, gravy, toast and was planning on serving it to him in bed when he saw him coming down the stairs, “Heyyyy, I was gonna bring this up to you” Louis said. Harry replied “it smelled so good, I couldn’t wait” and kissed him on the cheek.  “Do you want me to help you clean up before I leave?” he asked.

Louis shook his head. “No, don’t wanna do anything with you except cuddle until you have to leave. The dishes and laundry can wait” he said firmly. 

“Suit yourself” Harry said and dug into the pile of bacon in front of him. “Mmm, so good, fanks you” Harry mumbled, mouth full of food. “How many times do I have to tell you _not_ to talk with your mouth full?” Louis chastised. 

“You seem to like it at other times,” Harry joked and wiggled his eyebrows.  Louis smacked his arm, “so cheeky…”

Harry was getting ready to get up from the table when he said “uh, Louis, are we gonna keep in touch after this?”

Louis was mortified that Harry would think this was all going to end today so he pulled him in for a hug. “Yes, of COURSE! I’m not gonna let you go quite that easily” Louis assured him.

“Well, I didn’t mean _that_ but thank you,” Harry snarked. “I meant that if we are gonna text each other, um, a lot, we should probably use Kik or Whatsapp so your, um, wife doesn’t see my phone number on your bill” he suggested.

“Hmm, good thinking. Can you do that for me cause I haven’t a clue how” Louis asked.

“Yes, you _luddite_ ” Harry joked and grabbed his phone.

“Hey, THIS luddite kicked your butt at FIFA, remember?”

Harry just wrinkled his nose at the thought then proceeded to download and install WhatsApp for him.  He checked and he was listed as “Tommo” while Harry was just “H”. “You’re quite clever with this, maybe…” and his voice trailed off . He was going to say “maybe the old man did teach you a thing or two about how to cheat” but figured that was rather inappropriate.

Harry sighed. “You’re welcome. Gosh I can’t believe how many lies I’ve told this week and am going to have to continue to tell in order to make this work. I’m gonna pray about this daily.”

_SAME._

Louis quoted Ezekial 25:17 “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost souls.”

“Good point, Louis,” Harry agreed.

“I know,” Louis said. “Now go get dressed because you sitting around without a shirt on is causing me all kinds of trouble” and he waved his hand upstairs.  Harry kissed him softly on the lips and said “hmmm, we still have a few hours, could do some, um, more stuff if ya want?”

Louis shook his head. “No, I’m done with you-for now.  Now, go change, you absolute menace” and he smacked him on the ass.  Harry stuck out his bottom lip and said “FINE!” and scampered off to pack.  While Louis cleaned the kitchen and tidied up the living room, Harry got his stuff together to leave.  He came downstairs carrying the comforter and sheets from Louis’ bed “good thinking” Louis agreed and grabbed them to put them in the wash.  

“You got your journal?” Louis asked. “Right here,” and Harry patted his backpack. He glanced at the clock and said “c’mon one more game of pool before I leave? Winner gets a blow job”

"DEAL!” Louis yelled and ran past Harry to go downstairs.

Needless to say, Harry won _again_ and Louis didn’t mind too much. He pressed Harry against the pool table, dragged down his sweatpants and started repaying his debt. “God, Louis, you’re so beautiful” Harry murmured while he was balls deep in Louis’ mouth.  Harry lasted a lot longer than he usually does because Louis took his sweet old time getting him to come.  Louis honestly never wanted it to end…

_WHyyyyy does he have to leave?? Whyyyyy does my old life have to return?? I want him to stay...for a while...maybe longer than that?_

After he was done, Harry pulled Louis up by his underarms into a tight hug and quickly jerked him off until he came on Harry’s stomach.  “Uh, sorry, lemme go get some towels to dry you off” Louis whispered then Harry grabbed his arm. “No, don’t. Leave it. Want a reminder of you to keep with me.”

_Sweet, adorable, and getting quite naughty, Harry. Whatever was Louis going to do without him around?_

“Hmm, I should probably go, Louis” Harry said and Louis nodded. “Yeah, let’s clean up this room quickly then I’ll walk you out to your car” so they quickly cleaned the pool room and walked upstairs. 

Louis pulled Harry in for a deep, long, warm hug.  “Harry, I don’t want you to go, just know that okay?” he said.  Harry rubbed his back “’s’okay, I know” then he started to cry softly.

_Oh god please don't cry, PLEASE_

Louis’ heart was breaking. “Harry, darling, noooo” he said as he cupped his face and kissed away the tears. “Don’t be sad, you’ll make me cry” he pleaded. 

Harry wiped his nose and said “this has been the most amazing week of my life Louis and it’s all because of _you_.  And not just the um, sexual stuff, but everything, so thank you.”

“Right back at ya, babe” Louis said and he nipped at his nose and patted his bum. 

Harry turned around and started walking out the door, Louis close behind, holding his hand and his backpack.  When Harry got in the car he rolled down the window and kissed Louis. “I’ll probably text you a lot, just so you know. When am I going to see you again?” he asked.

“That’s fine, text me all you want, babe!” Louis replied then his demeanor got serious. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again but I promise it will be _soon_.  I don’t know how this is going to go or work but we will figure it out _together_ ,” he said.

Harry kissed Louis’ fingertips and said “together. Good. That’s all I want” and gently kissed Louis.  “Bye” he breathed as he pulled away from Louis’ lips and his house. 

_He's gone...he's really, really gone...I want to go with him...leave and never come back..._

_NO, you coward, you have to deal with this mess YOU made..._

 

Louis literally wanted to run upstairs to his bed, crawl under the covers and cry for the rest of the day, but his family was due home soon and he had to make sure there were zero traces of Harry left at the house.  His mind was racing while he was tidying up:

_Oh, there's the couch where we kissed the first time; those are the towels we used the first time we showered; there's that damn whipped creme bottle...._

_UGH..._

_I want him so badly, so so soooo badly...all of him..._

_Maybe I'm more than just a little bit not straight?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's kinda short! Follow me on tumblr www.straightguysdont.tumblr.com and twitter www.twitter.com/1d_beards


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 12, verses 1-2: _Save, O Lord, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man. Everyone utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning:** het sex scene (lol)  
>  Italics indicate Louis thoughts/moral compass

Louis sat on his bed-the one where he'd just been intimate with Harry-put his head in his hands and cried.  Louis was a strong, Oklahoman cowboy, a "man's-man" who didn't cry but in this situation, crying seemed to be the only reasonable reaction.

_What have I done?  What am I going to do?_

_Sweet, kind, innocent, gorgeous, adorable, insecure, hilarious Harry doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve ME._

_Maybe I should just break it off with him, tell him I'm straight, tell him what we did was a mistake, that it shouldn't have happened. I love my wife. I'm STRAIGHT._

_Yes, that's it, that's what I've got to do; yes it will break Harry's heart but he's young, he can recover, find someone better than me...._

As Louis made his decision, his phone showed a notification from his Whatsapp and of course it was Harry.  It said: Miss you already with a teary-eyed emoji. 

_Damn...I need another plan. I can't let him go, I ADORE this kid, so much._

“Same,” Louis replied “now don’t text and drive xx”  

Louis busied himself with cleaning and starting supper in hopes of distracting himself from what he was feeling: dread? Remorse? Guilt? Missing Harry desperately? If he was being honest, it was probably a mixture of all of them…When he got a text from his wife saying “be home in 30 min” he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.  He honestly didn’t know if he wanted to see her right now…

A little while later, he heard the giant family van pull up and he threw open the door to his kids piling out of the car.  He felt his heart leap into his chest; he loved them so much.  “My baby ducklings!” Louis exclaimed as they tackled him. 

“Hi love,” he said as he kissed his wife on the cheek. “Everything okay?” he asked and she nodded. “Fine, just happy to be home I guess. What’ve you been doing?”

_Oh, just becoming maybe not completely straight, rimming my boyfriend this morning, ya know, the usual_

He said “just working! Trying to arrange some more deals in towns around here, takes a lot of time.” Lie #1 for the day…

She glanced at his left hand; "Where's your wedding ring?" she asked.

_SHIT_

"Um, was doing some repairs on my lawnmower, took it off so it wouldn't get caught in the equipment, forgot to put it back on I guess," Louis said quickly, hoping she believed him. Lie #2

"Hmmm, okay, well the kids are happy to see you," she told him.  He wondered if she was happy to see him?

Louis ran up the stairs to pull his ring out of the bedside table and slip it back on; for the first time in twenty years, he he dreaded wearing such an outward, visible sign of his marital status. It was depressing to look at now, if he was being honest...

After sorting through the laundry and getting the kids settled, Louis saw Mary Grace in the kitchen:

_Maybe if I have sex with her, that will prove to me that I am in fact straight. That's a good plan, though she might not be up for it since it hasn't been that long since we last, uh, ya know...._

He snuck up on her and wrapped his arms around her waist.  He kissed her neck and said “hey, you” and she said “Louis, stop! What’s gotten into you?” 

Louis was somewhat offended because Harry responded favorably to his touch. He said “dunno, just missed you is all. (Lie #3) Maybe if we get some quiet time later we could…you know…” and she swatted his hand.  “Maybe” she said firmly.

“Louis it’s only been two weeks since we last… _you know_ ” she whispered.  Louis thought back the last time they’d had sex, _before_ he met Harry and well, did it really matter?

“What difference does that make, dear?” he asked, increasingly annoyed by the conversation because he was trying to prove himself straight for crying out loud!

She shrugged. “I dunno. If you wanna, then fine. But later” and she emphasized the last word.

_Wow, don't sound so enthusiastic..._

“Well we’re not gonna do it right here in front of all the kids” Louis snarked and she shot him a weird look and Louis just turned on his heel and went up to the den.

_What the hell was THAT?! She seemed annoyed and angry with him for even suggesting they have sex!_

Three of the kids were there playing a board game and Louis kissed them all saying “hello, my ducklings, dad’s gonna check his email and hang out with you, kay?” and they all laughed.  Louis sat down at the computer and pulled up his email, some from his investors, some from his clients, but there was one with the subject: Inheritance questions and it was from Benjamin Jackson, Esq.  Louis clicked it open quickly and it read:

> “Louis, I was given your name by Ron Allen, your business lawyer, he said you had a friend who needed advice on inheritance he had recently come into.  I’m happy to meet with you both; however, my schedule is jam packed for the next few weeks. So if you could reply with your phone number I will call you if something opens up.  Looking forward to meeting you. Best, Ben”

Louis hit the reply button and sent Ben his cell phone number and said that their schedules were flexible so please call as soon as an appointment opened up.  He texted Harry quickly about the email & said it might be worth talking to him and seeing what he says.

Harry replied “okay, sounds good. Miss you xx” and Louis wanted to scream in frustration that now _he_ was the one causing Harry emotional pain, making him go through all of this because of him.  But he managed to text back “you too xx” then quickly closed his phone to play with his kids.

After dinner and getting all the kids to sleep, Louis crawled into bed and waited for his wife to finish putting little Louis down.  She soon arrived and he rolled over to kiss her and take off her night gown.  “Oh Louis, someone’s frisky” she laughed as he raked his thumb over her breast and nipple.  “Mmmm,” he said, kissing her and reaching down between her legs to get her wet.  When he did that, she grabbed his penis to stroke it and he was having difficulty getting hard. 

_SHIT...I've had trouble getting hard before but not like this...._

She stroked him faster and his penis responded-thank goodness-as he brought her to a quick orgasm with his fingers. Then he rolled her over and went to enter her and his penis was soft again.

_Double SHIT...this never happened with Harry, hell I'm not sure my dick was ever soft when he was here..._

Mary asked, “you okay?”

“Yeah” he said quickly “just weird this hardly ever happens” as he stroked himself.  But as soon as he tried to enter her, it flopped out. He sighed, frustrated, and said “can you sit on me? Stroke me?” as he rolled over on his back.  She sat on his hips and as he reached for her breast, she grabbed his penis. 

_STAY HARD STAY HARD_

It was hard then when she went to sit down on it, it softened. 

_DAMN IT ALL TO HELL_

“Louis, what’s wrong?” she asked hesitantly. “Don’t know” he said, increasingly frustrated. He was about five seconds away from shoving his fingers in his ass but he knew she would totally freak out so he decided against it. He closed his eyes and said “touch me again” so she did.

_Harry's beautiful mouth on me, in me, telling me how gorgeous I look...ahhhh....._

_Imagine _Harry_  touching and rubbing me, cupping my balls, licking me, his beautiful hands going up and down my dick...BOOM_

_SUCCESS!_

He pushed his hips up and she lowered herself down on him. She felt good, but not like _Harry_.  And he hadn't even been fully inside Harry with his dick, just with his fingers, heaven help him.

_I AM STRAIGHT_

He opened his eyes to see her rocking her hips on his dick and the only way he lasted was to imagine she was Harry, strong legs wrapped around him, broad shoulders twitching in pleasure. 

_Uh....._

He bounced her up and down on his hips to hurry up the process-praying he would stay hard-and he came a few minutes later.  “Oh, baby, yes” she moaned, grinding her hips into his. Louis let out a breath, thankful he was able to last then pulled her down to his chest.

“Sorry ‘bout that” he whispered.

“No problem,” she replied. “Louis, you know I’m in the middle of my monthly cycle so it’s possible I’m ovulating right now. Wouldn’t that be amazing I got pregnant again?”

As Louis’ dick softened and fell out of her he muttered “sure” and she said “let’s pray about it” and launched into a prayer about how she wanted God to bless them with another child, created in love. He joined her in an “Amen” then kissed her cheek and rolled her off him then got out of bed. 

Louis went to use the bathroom and clean himself off and when he returned, she was dressed and reading the Bible in bed.  He kissed her goodnight and in the semi-darkness he realized two things:

1\. He was a _really bad_ Christian and 2. He was maybe more than just a little bit not straight: he was gay.

He wasn’t sure if they were related or mutually exclusive but he knew he was seriously screwed either way...

Sunday the entire house was busy getting ready for church and preparing food for when the Johnsons visited.  They met briefly before church started and sat with them during the service, which extolled the virtues of living a truthful life and being honest with God. Louis knew God was “all-knowing” but _this_ was a bit much…

_God why have you forsaken me like this?_

The Johnsons returned to Louis’ house for supper there were almost thirty people there.  Louis finally got a chance to talk to Jack about Rebecca and Joshua’s courtship. “So, you are new to this area? Rebecca said you used to live in Kansas” he asked.

“Yes, we moved to Tulsa for my job from Westboro and went to church there,” Jack said.

“Hmm, did you participate in their, um, protests?” Louis swallowed hard. “Yes, we had to if we were part of the church, but we don’t anymore. Our church now is a bit more liberal” Jack replied and Louis decided to change the subject to Rebecca.  They both agreed that Rebecca and Joshua could begin their courtship, with strict rules limiting them to holding hands and always having a chaperone on any dates.  Rebecca hugged her dad and said “thank you, daddy!” and Louis said “love you, baby.” 

_Rebecca seemed to like Joshua but now Louis was encouraging her to be chaste and pushing her into a "normal" lifestyle, but what if she didn't want to do that??_

After they left, Louis and Mary Grace were lying in bed and he said “do you think this whole ‘courtship’ thing is a little, I dunno, antiquated?” 

She gasped and said “Louis this is how _your_ parents and _my_ parents did things  & how _we_ did things, so why shouldn’t it be how _our daughter_ does things with regards to finding a mate?” 

Louis shrugged and said “don’t you think it’s a bit of a ‘double standard’ though? Like why do the girls have to be so protected but not the boys?  I hear Abe and Noah have _girlfriends_ at school and we’ve never even met them, much less their parents.” At the mention of the twins, he saw her eyes flicker with sadness.  “Because she’s _our daughter_ , Louis and we need to protect her virtue. And how do you know that the boys have girlfriends?”

_Shit_

“Uh, I talked to them the other day and heard female voices in the background. I asked them about it and they just laughed” he explained. Lie #16, was it now?

“Well, maybe those girls are fast and loose with their purity but my daughter won’t be if I have anything to say about it,” she said firmly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Louis replied. “Good night,” and he kissed her cheek and rolled over to go to sleep.

_I wish I would've been fast and loose with my purity before I met and married you..._

_Ok, maybe that's a bit extreme but I wonder if I'd gotten the chance to explore life a bit more, would all of this have happened?_

_Ugh, my head hurts, I'm going to sleep..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is short too!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 13, verses 1-2: _How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

The next few days were back to their routine of Mary Grace homeschooling the kids while Louis left early to manage his properties, some of which had damage due to the snow.  He was working long hours-or maybe he just didn’t want to go home?-and he missed Harry like crazy.  They texted multiple times a day and by mid-week, Louis absolutely ached to see him.  But how?  If he went to Harry’s dorm, his boys would see him and that would be _weird_ but getting a hotel room might be too presumptuous so he racked his brain trying to figure out a plan.  On Thursday, Louis was running errands in his truck and he texted Harry to call him.

            “Hi” he said softly to Harry. “Hi yourself,” Harry replied.  “What’s up?”

            “Mmm, nothing just running around and wanted to hear your voice. How are you?” Louis asked.

            Harry laughed. “Good. Fine. Trying to stay busy with classes and studying. I have an exam coming up so I’ve been at the library every night. Been writing in my journal too and it seems to help calm me.”

            “Harry, that’s great, I’m so glad.  I miss you…” Louis said.

            “I miss you too. I’d like to see you but I totally understand why you can’t, Louis so don’t feel badly. It is what it is, right?” Harry mused.

            “I suppose,” Louis sighed. “I’m sorry you have to go through all of this, Harry.”

            “It’s okay, you’re worth it” Harry replied. Then he lowered his voice “Louis I’ve touched myself every morning in the shower thinking of you.”

            Louis almost drove off the road from the shock and a noise escaped his mouth that was a mixture of a moan and a sob. “Oh God, Harry, baby…” and he didn’t know what else to say.

            “Is that bad?” Harry asked with trepidation, afraid that he had upset Louis.

            “No, god, NO!” Louis was almost yelling. “It’s lovely, Harry. You’re lovely. Can you…can you…can you…” Louis couldn’t bring himself to ask but Harry said “next time I’m alone, I’ll take a quick video and WhatsApp it to you, kay?” as if he could read his mind.  “Yes, thank you. I would like that very much” Louis replied. 

            “Kay, I gotta go, class starts in two minutes. Talk to you soon, bye” and Harry hung up the phone. “Bye…” Louis’ voice trailed off and was officially frustrated by the entire situation.  He prayed for guidance-and threw in a bit about forgiveness cause that never hurt, right?-as he drove home.

_Lord give me patience and guide me thru this; also if this kid wouldn't kill me with being so hot and horny all the time that would be great too..._

His wife could tell something was bothering him and she asked “are you okay?” and Louis just said “just stuff at work, tenants are being a pain, can’t get the financing lined up for this one property I want to buy, you know…Sorry to bring this stuff home.”

“No, it’s okay. But you seem _different_ since we’ve been back from the conference, I'm not sure why” she replied and Louis shrugged. 

_Well maybe because I'm gay now, but whatever..._

Then he turned to the kids and said “who’s up for a game of FIFA?!” and he ran downstairs trailed by his ducklings.

While he played FIFA and pool with the kids, he got a WhatsApp notification and of course he knew who it was from: Harry. But he didn’t have time to check it so he sent the kids off to bed and sat down on the couch in the game room.  It said: Miss you xx and there was a video attached and Louis felt his heart jump and his dick twitch.  He scrambled around to find some headphones so he could listen.  It was Harry _naked_ in his bed and he was whispering “Louis, I’m alone, wanted to show you what I do when I’m thinking about you” and he took his phone down his body to show his rock-hard dick. 

_OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. He will be the death of me_

Louis was pretty sure his brain was going to start leaking out of his ears before this video was over but he steeled himself to watch.  Harry was holding his phone in one hand and his dick in the other and the video switched from a close-up of his face to a shot of him slowly jerking himself off. 

_This is way hotter than that porn we watched the other night, my dick is already getting hard._  

Harry didn’t say much but Louis could hear the friction of his hand against his dick plus the occasional moan.  “Louis,” Harry moaned, licking his lips and staring straight into the camera, “wish you were touching me, want your hand on me, in me, making me, unf, cum” and his face was starting to get flushed, eyes starting to water.

_Please show me your dick when you cum, I won't ask for anything ever again..._

At that moment he heard his wife’s voice from the top of the stairs “Loo-isss, I’m going to bed, dear”

_SHIT...Talk about a buzz kill…_

”Okay, dear, be there shortly” Louis said quickly and he heard her walk through the kitchen and up to their bedroom.

Louis went back to his video, dick hard and straining against his pants which he unzipped to release the pressure.  Harry had his face close to the camera and whispered “watch this” then put it at his waist and stroked himself hard a few times then cum shot out of him and onto his stomach. 

Louis couldn’t take it anymore so he started jerking himself off as Harry brought the camera back to his face, pupils blown, sweat on his forehead. “So that’s what I do when I miss you and I miss you A LOT” Harry said as he blew a kiss to the camera and shut it off.  It didn’t take long for Louis to orgasm and before he cleaned himself off, he took a picture of his dick on his stomach, surrounded by his cum.  Then he sent it to Harry with the message: Best. Video. Ever. Miss you xx

And quickly deleted the pic off his phone and went into the bathroom to clean off. 

_This kid will be the death of me_

_Now I'm gonna go lay down next to his wife._

_WHAT EVEN IS MY LIFE NOW??_

The next day Louis had an appointment to help clean up one of his properties where the tenants had recently moved out.  It was a ways out of town so it was mid-morning before he arrived and his crew had already started.  Since the place was already furnished, it was just a matter of cleaning surfaces, washing linens, vacuuming and making sure they hadn’t broken anything and could get their security deposit back.  His crew told Louis he didn’t have to help them clean, that he could just show up to do the final inspection but he always insisted on helping. 

With so many “hands-on-deck” they finished by early afternoon and Louis told them to go home and he would finish the final walk-through.  “See you Tuesday” he yelled as he walked back into the house.  He looked around and realized he was alone in a clean house with a bathroom and a bedroom and he wasn’t expected anywhere for at least three or four hours. 

_Harry. Here. Now. NOWWWWWWWW._

Louis quickly texted him: how far are you from here? And he texted him the address. 

“30 min. Why?” Harry replied.

Louis ignored his question: “How fast can u get here?”

“35 min. Why?” Harry sent back.

Louis was drumming with excitement and adrenaline and said: START DRIVING. See you soon xx.  Harry replied with two heart eye emojis and a car emoji and Louis laughed and ran out to his truck to go to the store.  The closest was a convenience store so Louis grabbed some frozen pizzas, Twinkies and soda; not very romantic but it was sustenance.  He went back to the house and anxiously awaited Harry’s arrival.

_I can't believe I'm doing this, this is so naughty. I'm so going to hell for this. But it's gonna be so fun....I've missed him so much it hurts. I've never felt that way before._

_I didn't miss her AT ALL while she was gone; wonder why?_

_YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!_

It didn’t take long for him to pull up and he hopped out of his car.  When Louis saw him, his heart skipped a beat.  Harry walked in the door and Louis rushed into his chest, burying his head in his shoulder and wrapping his legs around his waist.

“Heyyy, you,” Harry said softly, cupping his bum so Louis didn’t slide off him.

“Missed you” he whispered. 

Louis choked out a sob “missed you too, so much” as he peppered his face with kisses as Harry laughed. 

Louis put his feet on the ground and Harry said anxiously, “so what’s this all about? Is everything okay?”

“Yes! It’s fine! Better now, in fact,” Louis smirked. “I just realized we had the whole place to ourselves and should take advantage of it” as he waved his hand towards the living room. “It’s not much but it’ll do, yeah?” 

"Oh, gosh, I thought maybe something was wrong with you! Like you'd had a wreck and needed help!" Harry exclaimed.

"The only 'wrecking' I"m gonna do is to you," Louis whispered seductively into Harry's ear.

_WHOA. Where did that come from??_

Harry crashed his lips into Louis’ in agreement and pulled him on the couch to start licking on his neck saying “I missed you, baby, so much” the entire time.  Louis was already getting hard so he grabbed Harry’s bum and said “bed. Now.”

They did everything they had done before but with more passion and abandon like they would never get to do it again; quick hand jobs, slow & sloppy blow jobs, fingering, rimming. By the time it was all said and done, Louis had come three times and had his and Harry’s cum from his waist to his chest.  After an extensive rim job on Louis, Harry collapsed on his chest, breathless.  They were both panting like they’d just run a marathon and stayed that way for quite some time. 

“You good?” Louis asked, massaging Harry’s bum and Harry nodded.

“Sorry you can’t stay over” he added

Harry said “Yeah, I know. The Godly side of me thinks we really shouldn't be doing this right now, because it's wrong.  But the selfish side of me ignores that and thinks 'I want to see you regardless of the consequences'.  Is that bad?”

"No, Harry, it's not bad to think that way because I do too.  I think we should just focus on the positive things right now and the details ( _oh boy were they DETAILS_ ) will sort themselves out. I guess. I hope?" Louis admitted. 

_It shouldn't have to be like this..._

“Shower?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

It was much smaller than the one at Louis’ house but large enough for two people and they stayed pressed close to each other for a long time, not saying a word. Harry kissed Louis’ shoulders and rubbed his back and Louis responded by pressing two fingers into Harry’s soft hole.  He responded by spreading his legs wider and deepening his kisses over Louis’ body.  “Sorry I don’t have any lube, baby, the gas station was all out” Louis snarked and Harry erupted into laughter. “Don’t think I need any” Harry smiled as Louis pressed further into him.  “Mmm, you feel so good, baby. Wanna put my mouth on you, now turn around” and Harry spun around to put his arms against the shower wall. 

Louis ducked down to suck on Harry’s hole and press a finger in at the same time which caused Harry to spread wide open for him.  Louis flicked his tongue in and out of Harry and said “touch yourself” so Harry grabbed his dick while Louis ate him out.  Harry came quickly and Louis continued to work over his hole while Harry cried out in pleasure. Finally he turned around and pulled Louis’ face to his to kiss him “god, you’re so good to me, baby” and cupped his balls to start rubbing him off. As the water ran cold, Louis came again and they got out of the tub and dried off.

Louis put his pants back on and went into the kitchen to fix the frozen pizza.  “Want a grape soda? And a Twinkie?” he asked.

“Are we twelve, Louis?” Harry joked.

“No, you twat, I was at a gas station and my options were limited!” he yelled.

“Okay, TOMMO,” Harry mocked and Louis came around the corner of the kitchen and chucked a Twinkie at him which just made Harry laugh harder.

After putting the pizza in the oven, Louis went into the living room and sat down with Harry.  He pulled out his phone and said “Harry Styles, you absolute _menace_. WHAT was the meaning of THIS?” and he pointed to the video Harry sent him.  Harry clapped his hands, threw his head back and laughed hysterically. “It’s NOT funny! I almost had a heart attack in my basement, Harold!” Louis said.

Harry shrugged “just wanted you to know how much I missed you” and Louis climbed on his lap and replied “oh, you showed me alright!” and twisted his nipple.

“Owwww!” Harry yelped “You twat that hurt! And don’t call me HAROLD”

Louis leaned in and kissed Harry’s neck “good thing you’re so cute” and twisted his hips into Harry’s, dicks grinding together. “Unf, Louis” Harry said as Louis trailed a line of kisses to Harry’s waist and back again.  He paused at his hip, nipping hard at it, causing Harry to jump.  He sucked and licked it quite a bit and soon a mark started to appear.

"Louis, what is _that_?” Louis met him for a kiss and said “congrats, you just got your first hickey!”  Harry narrowed his eyes and swatted Louis’ bum “you’re rotten” he muttered. And the timer went off on the pizza so Louis peeled himself off Harry’s lap saying “not as rotten as you”

They sat down to eat their food and Harry said “I think I could even make this” which garnered a side-eye from Louis. “Shut up and eat!” he said.  While they were eating, Louis explained to Harry about the inheritance lawyer and the situation surrounding him. 

“I hope that it’s okay I reached out to him, Harry. I just wanted you to talk to someone who wasn’t associated with your dad and get an unbiased opinion,” Louis remarked. 

Harry nodded “’tis fine, I’d like that and thank you for going to all this trouble for me. You know my birthday is next week?”

            “No I didn’t!” Louis said. “We will have to celebrate! Not sure how though,” he said softly.

            “It’s next Saturday, February 1 and I think my mum and sister are coming up to school to take me out to dinner which should be nice” Harry said.

            “Hmm, maybe I can come up on Sunday, tell my boys I’m taking you guys out for dinner just for fun. Maybe I can meet their girlfriends too” Louis mused.

            “Yeah, that would be fine,” Harry said, mouth full of pizza.

            “Don’t talk with your mouth full, silly. How many times do I have to tell you that?” Louis admonished.

            “Apparently quite a few” Harry said, mouth still full and Louis chucked his pizza crust at him. He grabbed a Twinkie and walked over to straddle Harry’s lap. “M not done yet Louis!” and Louis just shrugged, opened up the Twinkie package and took a bite, exposing the creamy middle. “Hmm, that looks familiar” he observed and touched it to Harry’s nose.  Harry laughed while Louis licked the cream off. “It’s not whipped crème but it will do” he said as Harry swallowed the last bite of pizza then threw his head back. 

            “Since when are Twinkies a turn on?” Harry asked.  “Since I put the cream on your neck and licked it off,” Louis replied and Harry shuddered.  The Twinkie kink ended with both of them naked and Harry jerking both of them off with one hand.

            “I’ve cum more with you than I have in my entire life,” Louis remarked and Harry said “me too!” and they both laughed. 

            “C’mon, let’s clean ourselves and this place up before we leave” Louis said and Harry pouted.  “Sorry, babe” he said. 

Once they tidied up and rinsed all the surfaces with bleach and emptied the garbage, they both got ready to leave.  Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and pulled him in for a long hug. “This was nice, if a bit too short, yeah? Thanks again for coming on such short notice.” 

Harry kissed his cheek, “anything for you, Louis. Promise.  See you soon?” and Louis nodded.

“You go out first, I’ll leave in a few minutes” he said as he watched Harry walk to his car and he waved, his heart sinking. 

_It shouldn’t have to be like this_

Harry blew him a kiss and Louis felt his heart breaking, watching him leave AGAIN.  He locked all the doors and left shortly after to drive home.

He felt an incredible amount of guilt for quite a few things: for what he was putting Harry through, for lying to his wife, for all of it.  He probably needed to talk to his pastor about this, but should he tell him _everything_?

After he arrived home, he was on his laptop when his wife sat down beside him. He didn’t acknowledge her presence and she said “Louis, are you okay?”  He glanced at her over the top of his computer and said “yes, why wouldn’t I be?” curtly.

She shrugged and said “I don’t know. You just seem different since we got back.”

Louis sighed “I told you, I’m just really stressed about work; all this snow has thrown off our schedule and I’m working on buying new properties south of here and it’s taking forever.  Sorry if I’m taking it out on you” and he patted her hand. 

“No, it’s okay, I understand” she said and kissed his cheek.

“See you upstairs?” and Louis nodded. 

He finished his work and texted Harry before he went to bed: Miss you lots xx. Then the guilt sat in, _again_.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 14: verses 1-2, 5-6: _The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. There they are in great terror, for God is with the generation of the righteous. You would shame the plans of the poor, but the Lord is his refuge._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

The next few days consisted of more of the same-work, family, texting Harry, feeling badly about it-lather, rinse, repeat. By mid-week he decided to call the twins and see if they were available for dinner on Sunday.  They said they were and said Louis could meet their ‘friends’ Anna and Jessa.  

“Hey,” Noah said, “you know Abe’s roommate, Harry?” 

It was all Louis could do not to burst out laughing. “Uh, yes, fella you brought home a few weeks ago?” he said.  

_ you mean the guy whose ass I’ve eaten out? _

“Yeah, that’s him. It’s his birthday this weekend so can he come too so we can celebrate?” he asked. 

“Sure!” Louis said, trying to rein in his enthusiasm.  “The more the merrier!” 

            “Is mom coming,” Abe asked.

            “No, she’s leading the women’s Bible study this Sunday evening, so it’s just me. Be there around seven?  Look sharp!” Louis said and hung up the phone.

            He texted Harry: so it’s a date for Sunday let’s go somewhere nice, my treat. Miss you xx

            Harry replied with two heart eye emojis and a thumbs up and Louis just smiled to himself.

Saturday found Louis trying to find a single second to call Harry and wish him happy birthday but the kids needed him for one thing or another and his emails had piled up too.  Mary Grace finally took all the kids except Rebecca and baby Louis for their monthly visit to Sam’s Club which was an epic affair to buy enough food for them.  Rebecca left soon after with the baby to take him to a church play group and Louis finally found himself alone in the house.  He quickly called Harry “Happy birthday! It’s your twenty-first too! When’s your mom coming to visit?”

            “Her and Ali will be here around six to take me out to dinner; she says my dad is ‘busy’ but I think we know what that means…” he said.

            “Heyyyy, don’t be sad on your birthday!” Louis chided.   

            “No, it’s fine. It is what it is, right?” and Harry smirked. “So what are you up to?”

            “Nothing, just finally got a second to myself it’s been nutso around here” Louis remarked.

            Harry paused. “Soooo, you’re alone?” he asked cautiously.

            “Yes praise the Lord,” Louis laughed then he paused. “Ohhhhh….are you?”

Louis said, “FaceTime me, baby, quick, I’m gonna run up to the bedroom” and hung up the phone. He took the steps two at a time and when he answered Harry’s FaceTime request he was peeling his shirt off and locking his bedroom door.

He stripped off his pants and boxers and hopped on the bed naked. “I’m gonna give you part of your present right now” he smiled slyly then directed his phone camera to his half hard dick.  Harry groaned as Louis grabbed his shaft and slowly started working it over. 

“Baby, can you do this too?” he asked. “I will, wanna see you first” Harry replied and Louis said “oh, yeah…” as he thumbed the head of his dick.

“Did you miss me?” Louis asked. Harry nodded “every day” and Louis smiled because he knew what that meant. 

“Wish it was you touching me, baby” Louis breathed into the phone as cum started leaking out.  “You get me so hot, baby” he said and he could see sweat forming on Harry’s upper lip. “Look at me getting all worked up for you, birthday boy!” and Harry laughed.  Louis didn’t say much for a few minutes and kept the camera at his waist so Harry could see everything.

            “God, Louis, you look so hot…” Harry said and that was all it took for Louis to shoot his load all over his stomach.  “OH GOD BABY” he yelped as Harry took his phone camera away from his face and showed Louis his already hard dick straining at his zipper.

            “You got me all worked up” he laughed and unzipped his pants. His hard cock flopped out as Louis watched, laid back on the bed. He grabbed his dick and started stroking himself, showing it all to Louis and he said “I’ve had a lot of practice with this because I miss you sooo much.”

Louis guffawed and said “good!”  It didn’t take long for Harry to climax and Louis wished it didn’t have to end.

            “That was amazing,” Harry said. “What a lovely present, Louis”

            “Ha! Glad you liked it, you menace!” Louis replied

            “Well, I better go clean up before my mum and Ali get here. Miss you!” Harry said

            “Miss you too! Happy birthday! See you tomorrow!” Louis said and Harry blew a kiss at the camera before ending the call.

Louis decided to be very, very naughty so he lay down on the bed on his stomach and with the camera facing him, he filmed himself putting his butt plug in then sent it to Harry.  He wasn’t even sure if Harry knew what a butt plug was for but he provided a close-up of it so he could learn.  He also enjoyed the tightness of it and decided to leave it in for a while just to remind him of Harry’s fingers being in there.  Before his family came home, he took it out but not before texting Harry hourly updates on it: feels like you baby; so tight, making me hot; I might cum again.  He got no response because he knew Harry was with his family which made it even hotter.

Later that night, Louis was sitting on the couch with his kids when he started getting a barrage of WhatsApp notifications because Harry had just discovered what Louis sent him.  He didn’t check them right away because he figured they were _very_ inappropriate for young children so after sending them off to bed he pulled his phone out of his pocket and read his messages.  They were short replies consisting mostly of exclamations and emojis but Louis got the gist: Harry was highly turned on.  One of them said “what’s a butt plug?!” and Louis laughed. 

Then he assumed Harry Googled it because the next one said: OH MY GOD LOUIS YOU ARE SOOOOO NAUGHTY P.S. I want one **heart eye emoji**

            “Anything for you,” Louis replied then he almost immediately got a dick pick back from Harry which made him explode in laughter.  “Can’t wait to see it-uh, YOU-tomorrow.  Happy birthday xx” then turned off his phone and went to bed.

Sunday was busy with church and an early lunch because Louis was taking the twins-and Harry-out to dinner later that day.  Louis could see the disappointment in Mary Grace’s face knowing she couldn’t go with him but Louis promised to have them come home soon.  He only had time to briefly text Harry when he was leaving and he was literally buzzing with excitement.

When he got to the boys’ dorm, they signed him in at the front desk and took him upstairs.  He saw Harry and wanted to stop everything and kiss him, but alas, he didn’t. 

_God you look so gorgeous; it's all I can do not to ravish you right here in front of everyone..._

Harry said “Hi, Louis, good to see you” in his polite voice and Louis nodded, trying not to give away what he was _really_ feeling. 

_This is weird...I can tell by the look on your face that you want to kiss me_

He met the twins’ girlfriends and they were lovely then they all left for dinner.  Abe made Harry sit up front with Louis so he and Noah could sit in the back with the girls and Louis’ heart was thumping so loud he swore people could hear it.  He wanted to hold Harry’s hand like he always did in the car…He made eye contact with Harry and shrugged slightly, hoping Harry knew what he meant....

Harry seemed subdued and quiet but Louis thought maybe he was just nervous and acting reserved so as not to give away their secret.  They made small talk until they arrived at La Ristorante, the nicest Italian restaurant in town.  “Wow, dad, nice place!” Noah exclaimed and Louis replied “wanted to treat my boys!” and he hoped Harry knew he included him in that statement. 

Dinner was lovely-four courses, plus dessert-and the conversation flowed quickly.  The girls told Louis about their parents and how they met his boys and Harry was being very quiet throughout.  Finally, Louis directed a question to Harry: “so, your birthday was yesterday, right Harry? How was it?”

Harry smiled briefly then said “it was okay. My mom and sister visited, so it was nice to see them” and he shrugged.  Louis wasn’t quite sure what that meant but he pressed his leg against Harry’s in an attempt to comfort him.  He thought he saw a look of recognition on Noah’s face but maybe he was just being paranoid.  He couldn’t help but think that all of this looked like a proper “triple date”.

_Me, my boys, their girlfriends and HARRY, not HER, HARRY..._

After dinner, they returned to the boys’ dorm and went up to Abe and Harry’s room so they could get the books they needed.  The boys gave their dad a hug, said “I love you” and then left to walk the girls back to their dorm and they both had a study group meeting for an upcoming test.  So now Louis and Harry were alone in Harry’s dorm room.  The silence was a bit awkward at first and Louis wasn’t really sure what to say so he sat down at Harry’s desk. 

            “Do your boys always say ‘I love you’ before they leave?” Harry asked.

            “Yes, it’s kind of a rule with us” Louis laughed.  “I always did it with my dad and my family, just seems like a nice thing to say before you leave, yeah?”

            “Why did you make the girls call you ‘Mr. Tomlinson’ during dinner and when they left? You told me to call you ‘Louis’ from the moment I met you.”

            “Wow, I did? Don’t know, maybe because they’re girls and not _you_?” Louis replied and Harry smiled.

            “Is everything okay, Harry? You seemed kind of quiet during dinner,” Louis asked.

            “Yeah, just family stuff, you know? Sorry if I ruined your dinner; it was lovely,” Harry replied.

            Louis waved his hand and said “psh, Harry, you didn’t ‘ruin’ dinner; having you there made it a hundred times better, even if I couldn't touch you or kiss you.”

He saw a flash of recognition and agreement wash over Harry's face then he glanced away.  Louis was sitting at Harry’s desk looking at photos of his family while Harry sat on the bed.  “Louis did you ever go to college?” Harry asked.

Louis shook his head “nope. Didn’t need to, didn’t want to, couldn’t. I knew I would just do what my dad did and I dunno if I was cut out for it anyway. Also, by the time I was your age I was already married with the twins almost on the way. That’s why I wanted my boys to go so they could experience it. Most likely Noah will help me with my business but I’m not sure if Abe knows what he wants to do, though he talks about being a pastor, so we will see.” 

“Do you regret not going?” Harry continued.

Louis thought for a second then said, “Hmm, a little bit? Maybe? No. It is what it is, Harry, I suppose. Like you make decisions in life that are right for the moment in which you make them and you have to live with that choice. When you look back, it might not be the same one you’d make again but whaddaya gonna do?” and he shrugged.

“’It is what it is’, I like that,” Harry said. “You definitely learn a lot about yourself at this time in your life and I’m walking proof of that” Harry chuckled.

When Louis went back to looking at Harry’s pictures, Harry got up off the bed and walked over to the chair where Louis was sitting. He bent down and whispered in his ear “and you’re helping me figure out who I am and for that I am eternally grateful” and Louis spun his head around to meet Harry’s lips for a kiss.

“I so wanted to do this to you during dinner” Louis muttered as Harry picked him up off the chair so they were standing face to face and then grabbed his bum while he dragged him over to the bed. “Mmm, me too,” Harry agreed as they crawled under the covers of his bed.

Louis was laying on Harry’s chest, Harry’s hands on Louis’ cheeks and said “Harry, missed you, want you, need you” in between wet, soft, deep kisses.

“Me too, Louis” Harry breathed as he massaged Louis’ butt, “take these off” he demanded and Louis quickly kicked off his pants to the bottom of the bed and took off his shirt.

“Wanna feel you close to me, baby, suck you off yeah?” Louis said to Harry and Harry quickly shed his clothes too and Louis could feel his hard cock rubbing his leg.

> “Wanna…finger you first, Louis, don’t have lube though” Harry whined as Louis pulled his knees up by Harry’s waist and sat on his knees as he kissed Harry.
> 
> “Gimme your fingers” Louis demanded and stuck two fingers of Harry’s right hand in his mouth and sucked them wet. “Now try it,” Louis said with a smirk and Harry moved his hand down to his hole and gently nudged his fingers in. This pushed Louis up the bed so his chest was just above Harry’s head and he nipped a bite into Louis’ nipple.
> 
> “Sssss, gah,” Louis yelped quietly and then sat back down into Harry’s fingers. “Do that again, Louis” Harry begged so he pushed forward slightly on his knees then sat back down.
> 
> “God you feel so good and tight for me do you like it?” Harry asked. And Louis could only manage a curt nod while he moved up and down on Harry’s fingers over and over again. 

When he sat back again, Harry opened up his fingers to form a “V” and Louis hissed and held his hips in place. He bent down his head into Harry’s shoulder and said “I’m close, Harry, wanna suck you off before I cum, baby” then pulled himself reluctantly off Harry’s chest and down to his dick. 

“Oh baby, you’re ready for me” Louis amused when he saw how hard and wet Harry already was. “Can’t help it,” Harry panted, “you’re so hot when you’re fucking yourself on my fingers” which made Louis smile and dip his mouth onto Harry’s penis. 

Harry groaned in ecstasy and rutted his hips forward pushing his dick further into Louis’ mouth. “Mmmm, Harry, do that again” Louis said softly and Harry flicked his hips again so his dick was almost in the back of Louis’ throat. 

In short stutters, Harry pushed his hips up and back and said “Louis…this…feels…so…good…Im…gonna…cum” and Louis grabbed the base of his penis and said “then cum for me baby” while he squeezed his balls.  Harry shot his load on one of his upticks in his hips so the hot cum shot down Louis’ throat and Harry let out a semi-gasp and semi-sob as Louis swallowed it. 

Louis climbed up Harry’s sweaty body and met him for a deep, wet kiss in his cum-flavored mouth. “Jerk me off baby, please?” Louis begged and with a few quick strokes, Louis came all over Harry’s stomach, cum pooling on his lower abdomen. 

When Louis lowered himself down on Harry’s chest, the wet cum made a “schwoop” sound and they both laughed.  “Kinda wish I had a single room right now” Harry joked as he grabbed Louis’ butt and pulled him up so his head was resting almost on the pillow with Harry.  Louis could feel Harry’s limp dick next to his butt and he really wanted it to move closer…

_NO YOU DON'T...YOU'RE STRAIGHT..._

_OK MAYBE YOU DO BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY_

_AND IN L...._

_NO NO NO_

They laid there for a few minutes in the afterglow, chests rising and falling in unison.  Louis turned to look at the posters on Harry’s wall and started to chuckle. “Ha, kinda funny how I just swallowed your cum and kissed you while there’s a copy of The Lord’s Prayer right next to us.  Wonder what He would think about that?” 

> “WHAT?!” Harry practically yelled.  Harry’s head flew up off the pillow then dropped it and flung his arm over his eyes. His body started to shake and at first Louis thought he was laughing but then he saw tears falling from his eyes and he got concerned. 
> 
> “Harry, darling, what’s wrong?” he asked in a panicked voice and Harry just shook his head, so Louis climbed up his chest and started peppering kisses on his face. 
> 
> “Is this why you seemed upset at dinner? Harry I’m so sorry, I was trying to be funny but I failed, Harry please say something” Louis squawked. 
> 
> Harry took his arm off his face and said firmly “Louis, I can’t.  Please leave. Now” and he pushed Louis off the bed, throwing his pants after him.
> 
> “Harry, I just, I’m sorry” Louis stammered as he got dressed. “That was a really bad joke, don’t be mad, _please_ ” he pleaded but Harry just turned his back to him to face the wall. 

Louis was crushed by the turn of events but knew he would make it worse by staying.  As he was leaving he said “Harry, here’s your birthday present” and tossed it on the desk. “Hope you like it” and took two steps towards Harry to kiss him goodbye but Harry put his hand up and waved it as if to say “GO!” so Louis choked back a sob, turned on his heel and left, hoping he didn’t run into his boys because they would be wondering why he was crying after seeing Harry. 

When he got into his truck, he slammed his head against the steering wheel repeatedly saying “stupid, stupid, stupidddd” to shame himself for what he had said. 

_I'm such a fucking idiot, what have I done?! God I never know when to just shut my mouth!_

In the hour-long drive home he called Harry three times, getting voice mail every time.  When he finally got home he was exhausted so he said hi to everyone and excused himself to lay down, citing the beginnings of food poisoning.  But when he got in bed he texted Harry every fifteen minutes and checked his phone for a reply-which never came-every five.

_DAMN IT ALL TO HELL_

Needless to say he couldn’t sleep and simply tossed and turned all night.  At some point during the night, he sent Harry a sad/crying face emoji-filled text only to get one crying face emoji back. 

“Well at least that’s progress!” Louis thought as he texted him back “so sorry” with the same sad emoji Harry had just sent him but this time, got no reply.

_SHIT_

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 15, verses 1-5: _O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart; who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; who swears to his own hurt and does not change; who does not put out his money at interest and does not take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things shall never be moved. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made some minor plot changes to this chapter; hope you like them!

Louis was literally sick with worry and didn’t sleep hardly at all but he had appointments with investors and realtors the next morning so he had to get up early and leave.  Even his wife asked him what was wrong but he just blamed it on his food poisoning which wasn’t actually a lie because his stomach felt like there was a stone in it.  After his morning appointments he was in his truck, racking his brain thinking about how to reach Harry, short of showing up at his dorm and having to explain a lot to his boys.  The phone rang and it was Harry so he quickly picked it up, almost driving off the road in the process. 

“Harry, I just I’m” Louis stumbled over his words. 

Harry didn’t even say “hi” just started with “Louis, have you ever read the Lord’s Prayer?” 

Now Louis was confused. “What? Huh? I say it every day, of course I’ve _read_ it Harry! What’s this about? Look I’m sorry about what…” and Harry interrupted him “No. I mean have you really READ it?”  Louis was rendered speechless and Harry continued, with a determination in his voice the likes of which Louis hadn’t heard before.

> “It says ‘lead us not unto temptation, but deliver us from evil’ and I’ve been struggling with that verse in particular lately.  Because I’ve been wondering if _you_ are my temptation; maybe God was tempting me with you but He actually wants me to choose someone else, a girl.  My mum and sister were here on Saturday for my birthday and she told me about Emma who I was engaged to and how I needed to find another lovely girl and all that stuff.  She said I was ‘getting old’ and needed to settle down and that her friend had a daughter that I should meet.  She also told me that there was ‘stuff’ going on with my dad but didn’t go into details.  I texted a friend of mine who still lives in town  & he said the rumor is that dad got a high school girl pregnant.  So this was all on my mind last night then you said that thing about us and the poster and I _completely freaked_ out.  I prayed about this a lot last night and I realized that _you’re_ not leading me into temptation, you’re actually leading me _away_ from evil. That’s why God put you in my life because you’re an example how a _real_ father should love and accept his children and the physical stuff is, um, not God tempting me but showing me the way to be my true self.  So I wanted to apologize.”

By the time he finished, Louis had pulled over into a gas station and was listening with his head on the steering wheel, practically in tears. "Harry I"m sorry if I was an insensitive jerk last night," Louis said.

"Louis, you weren't an insensitive jerk, I promise.  Last night was fun and I like being, um, intimate with you. It feels, um, nice and, um, right.  The issues I'm having deal with my father, not you, so you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm sorry I took that out on you last night.  I have to remember that you're the positive influence in my life and he's the negative.  But it might take me a while to come to terms with that, so bear with me," Harry admitted.

"Of course I will, Harry. So are we okay?" Louis asked.

Harry smiled, "yes. We're okay," he said affirmatively.

"Whew!" Louis said relieved. "Good because if we weren't I don't know what I would've done!"

An awkward pause followed though Louis wasn't 100% sure why so “Harry did you get your birthday present?” was the only thing he could think to say at that moment. 

“Louis are you crying?” Harry asked. “NO” Louis said as he wiped his snotty nose. “Okay, maybe a little. Now, your present?” 

“Yes I did and it’s far too nice but I really like it.  And the engraving is nice: MSS.  I love it...” his voice trailed off. 

"Good! Well, I need to go so I'll talk to you soon? Maybe see you later this week?" He asked.

"Sure thing, that would be nice, Louis. And thank you again for a lovely dinner, and, um, dessert" Harry teased.

"Ha! You're welcome! Bye!" Louis said and he hung up the phone.

Louis was beyond relieved that Harry forgave him for being such a jerk-even though he said he wasn't-because he honestly couldn't imagine not having Harry in his life.  As Louis was driving home, he got a phone call from a number he didn't recognize. "Hello?" he said.

"Louis Tomlinson? This is Ben Jackson, inheritance attorney, we've been corresponding via email regarding your friend," he said.

"Ohh, yes! Hi, how are you?" Louis asked.

"I'm good. Listen I know this is last minute but I just had an appointment open up tomorrow at noon would it be possible for you and your friend to come to my office?" Ben told him.

"Uh, perhaps. I could check with him and see if he's available," Louis replied.

"Okay, well there's another issue: it's in my Plano office, not the Ok City one. I'm here one week per month and my Ok City office is booked solid for the next two months. I'm not sure how that affects your plans, but that's the situation," Ben explained.

"So if we don't take this appointment, it could be months before we see you?" Louis asked.

"Yes, that's correct," he confirmed.

"Okay, let me talk to my friend and see if we can arrange it. I'll call you back shortly," Louis promised and hung up the phone.

He quickly called Harry. "Heyyy, long time, no talk?" Harry joked.

Louis laughed, "HA! Yeah, it's been, what five minutes?"

"Ten, but who's counting?" Harry replied.

"You apparently," Louis remarked. "Look, I just got a call from that inheritance lawyer and he wants to meet with us tomorrow at noon in Plano."

"Plano? Why?" Harry asked.

"I guess he has an office there and had a cancellation. If we don't go tomorrow, then we might have to wait months to see him," Louis explained.

"Uh, yeah, that should be okay," Harry said.

"Good. I can pick you up in the morning, say around ten?" Louis asked.

"Um, sure." Harry said and he paused as if he was thinking.  "Or we could..." and his voice trailed off.

"'We could' what, Harry?" 

"Uh, nevermind, it's silly, you probably couldn't do it anyway" Harry brushed it off.

"Well Harry how do I know I can't do it if you don't tell me what 'IT' is?" Louis remarked teasingly.

"Maybe we could spend the night together tonight in Plano," Harry said softly.

Louis literally almost dropped the phone. "Oh my gosh, uh, are you sure that's what you want to do?" he asked.

"I'm sure, if you want to," Harry replied.

Louis tried to contain his enthusiasm but he said "Yes! Of course! What a fabulous idea, Harry!" loudly.  "Okay, um, gimme a few minutes to sort this out-my brain is going a mile a minute right now-and I'll call you back."

"Sure thing," Harry said laughingly.

Louis had to take a minute to collect his thoughts before he called his wife. "Harry Styles, you little minx," he thought to himself.  He didn't know what was going to happen that night but he was excited at the possibilities. And if Harry wanted to spend time with him alone, then he was going to find a way to make it happen. Louis finally drummed up the courage to call his wife to explain he was going to finish his appointments for the day then drive to Plano to meet with a potential investor.  He apologized for the late notice but told her his "investor" just called and wanted to meet first thing tomorrow so he would stay overnight and would return late tomorrow. Louis got the impression that she was somewhat relieved that he wasn't coming home, instead of being annoyed at him, which Louis thought was weird. Maybe she didn't want him around either?

He called Harry back to say everything was sorted and Harry said “I’ll meet you at the Speedway at the exit, you can pick me up there.  But do you need clothes and a toothbrush?” 

In his haste, Louis hadn’t even realized he didn’t have clothes or anything to wear tomorrow.  “I’ll stop at Walmart and buy what I need, see you in an hour” and quickly got off the phone.  Louis’ entire body was buzzing from adrenaline, nerves and excitement at seeing Harry and at the potential that lay ahead for them.

He ran into Walmart and picked up clothes to wear that night and a nice pair of slacks and shirt for meeting with the attorney tomorrow.  He grabbed toothpaste and a toothbrush and was walking by the “personal items” aisle when he realized he needed lube.  Lots and lots of lube.  “What about condoms?” he wondered.  He picked up a box, just in case.  He was practically jumping out of his skin at this point waiting in line to check out and he prayed for patience.  He dumped his purchases in his car and broke every speed limit to meet Harry at the gas station.  When he got in the car, Louis literally wanted to pounce on him and smother his face with kisses but instead he just said “hi”, picked up his hand and smiled at him.  “Hi” Harry said brightly.  “Wanna kiss you right now, but I can’t” and he stuck out his lip in a pout.  

“Harry, look on my phone for a nice hotel in Plano. Not the Comfort Inn, something posh like The W” and he tossed his phone in his lap.  Harry laughed and said “not sure if Plano, Texas has ‘posh hotels’ but I’ll check.”  Harry found the Dallas/Plano Marriot for $300 a night and Louis threw his credit card at him and told him to book it. 

“Your hotel room is booked, Mr. Tomlinson. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Harry asked in a high-pitched voice.  “Oh, I’ve got lots of stuff for you to do for me, dear, just wait” and Harry clapped his hands with glee. 

When they got to the hotel, Louis said “wait here” and ran in to check-in and he requested an upgrade to a suite which they were able to accommodate.  “We’re on the twelfth floor, said we could go in the side entrance over here” and they drove over to go up to the room.  When they got there, Louis barely let Harry in the room before he pinned him against the wall and kissed him deeply then sucked a bruise on his collar bone. 

“Louis, wait, wanna talk to you first” and pulled him over to the bed. Louis whined and said “nooooo, wanna kiss you more” but he complied.

“Louis I’ve prayed about this a lot and I’ve realized that you are ‘showing me the way’, not distracting me from it.  My family is doing a good job of that, ha ha.  I still love God but I also love y…this” and he motioned to him and Louis.  “One more thing” Harry said. “I want you-this-us-now, ‘kay?” he said with short, staccato breaths.  

“Well, that makes two of us!” Louis squawked. "And I'm sorry again if I made you feel uncomfortable the other night. I didn't mean to," Louis admitted.

Harry shook his head, "you didn't, promise. We're fine, I told you that," and he kissed his nose.

“Nice watch, by the way. Someone special must’ve given it to you cause it’s really nice” Louis smirked.

“Hmm, yeah, the fella that gave it to me is okay, I guess…” Harry joked which caused Louis to dig his hands into Harry’s sides and tickle him.  “Just OKAY?!  Hmmm, I bet he’s AMAZING!” Louis yelled and Harry nodded.

“Okay, okay, he’s awesome! Happy?”  Louis stopped tickling him and said “He will be a lot happier when you’re naked…” 

“FINE!” Harry said and started unbuttoning his shirt and unbuckling his belt but his sloth-like pace was incredibly frustrating to Louis. 

“God, you’re so slow,” Louis said and grabbed both from Harry and practically ripped them off him.  “Hmm, someone’s needy” Harry snarked and Louis said “you’ve no idea” and pulled on his earlobe with his teeth.

Louis trailed down Harry’s bare chest, stopping to suck love bites into various areas and making Harry twitch and his dick harden with every nip.  “God, Louis…” Harry moaned as Louis dipped down past his dick to rim him, sticking his tongue and two fingers in Harry’s hole til his hips were twitching.  He kept two fingers in him but moved up to suck him off and Louis felt Harry’s body go completely limp, legs wide open, eyes rolled back.  He was completely and totally his and Louis almost cried with pleasure. 

Louis was two fingers deep in Harry’s ass and his mouth was so far down his dick that he could touch his balls and Harry came, hard, as a small cry escaped his lips.  Louis kept twisting his fingers in him while Harry came down from his orgasm because he loved feeling how tight he got when he came.  Harry’s body was limp and still but Louis continued fingering him just because…

Finally, Harry said “baby, come here” and motioned for Louis to sit on his chest then whined when Louis pulled his fingers out.  Louis pressed a kiss to his lips and said “sorry I don’t have your favorite ‘toy’ but this meeting was a bit of a surprise” and laughed.  Harry rubbed his thigh and said quietly “s’okay, still have fun, now I want that in here” and he pointed to Louis’ dick then his own mouth. 

So Louis raised up on his knees and gently pushed his dick into Harry’s mouth then groaned when he bottomed out and Harry grabbed his ass.  Because Harry is a menace, he stuck two fingers in Louis’ hole while he almost swallowed his dick and Louis cursed. “Jesus, Harry, just ahhhhh. Keep…doing…that…yesssss” he grunted while rocking his hips back and forth and Harry’s fingers going deeper into him with every thrust.  Harry looked at him with his beautiful green eyes and said “come for me, baby” and Louis just let loose down his throat and went still. 

He collapsed onto the bed, crawling into Harry’s side as the late afternoon sun shone into the room.  “Looks like heaven…feels like heaven” he said quietly and Harry squeezed him closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  “It’s perfect, you’re perfect” Harry said and now it was Louis’ turn to cry.

It was a soft cry and Harry said “Louis, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” and Louis shook his head. “No, Harry, you’re lovely, it’s just…I’m sorry…” and Harry looked very confused. “For what?” he asked. “You’ve done nothing but good things for me, promise” which made Louis cry harder.  “I’m sorry for _everything_. For your parents. For my situation. For you being caught in the middle. For all of it.  I want to snap my fingers and fix it for both of us but I can’t.  But I do know that I want to you in my life,” Louis said.

Harry shushed him softly and pulled him in for a bear hug, draping his leg across Louis’ hip so he would be closer. “Don’t apologize for _my_ parents, Louis. They are who they are and I have to learn how to deal with them, not you. And the rest will sort itself out, yeah.  Only God has the answers, we just need to listen to what he’s telling us,” Harry said, wise beyond his twenty-one years. 

Louis sniffled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, now kiss me…” and Harry did. “I didn’t sleep at all last night, Harry, I was so worried that I had screwed this-us-up with my stupid comment. And now you’ve gone and wore me out” Louis said. 

“Sorry again that I freaked out. And your comment was actually funny looking back,” Harry laughed.  “Mmm, good, now tell me some knock-knock jokes…” Louis cooed.  So Harry launched into a new repertoire of lame jokes as Louis drifted off to sleep.

He awoke to Harry sitting beside him jotting in his journal and watching TV.  He slung his arm over Harry’s waist and said “hey” in a sleepy voice.  “Hey sleepy head,” Harry joked.  “You hungry?”  Louis turned to look at the clock and realized it was in fact dinner time.  “Very!  What’s around here to eat?” They decided to go to dinner at the restaurant downstairs.  They took their time and Harry had five courses including dessert and Louis kept his leg wrapped around Harry’s ankle the entire meal. 

When they got back to the room, Louis flopped on the bed and groaned “oooh, I’m soooo stuffed! I couldn’t eat another bite!” and Harry crawled on the bed beside him. “Me neither,” he agreed and they laid there in a bloated heap for more than a few minutes. 

“C’mon,” Harry said as he kissed Louis. “Let’s put this huge spa tub to good use” and slid off the bed and into the bathroom.  Like before, he ran the water and got everything ready; Louis yelled “don’t think I can move off this bed, Harry” and Harry just chuckled and said “I bet you would if you knew I was naked right now” and heard Louis scramble off the bed quickly. 

Louis walked into the bathroom naked and half-hard to find Harry standing with his back to him beside the tub.  He stepped to Harry’s back, his dick resting between Harry’s cheeks and pressed his chest to Harry.  Harry grabbed his hands and turned around to pull him in for a kiss.  “Gonna take care of you, Louis, like you always do for me” he said and pulled him into the tub.

Louis leaned back in one corner of the tub and Harry massaged his feet then washed every part of him, including his hair, peppering his face with short, sweet kisses.  “This is so nice, Harry” Louis whispered and Harry just smiled.  “You’re wonderful, ya know?” Louis asked.

“Hmm, I’m okay, I guess,” Harry joked while he scrubbed his back.  Then he handed Louis the loofah and said “your turn” so Louis washed Harry’s back while licking kisses into his neck.  Then he shampooed his hair just the way he liked and scooted up in his lap so now their dicks were rubbing together.  “Oooh, hello there” Louis cooed.  “Gonna take care of that in a minute” Harry promised and Louis kissed his nose. 

“Okay, rinse, love, then I’m done!” and Harry ducked his head under the tap to rinse while Louis climbed out of the tub to dry off.  When Harry got out, he pulled him towards him and said “thank you” while wrapping a towel around him. 

“Of course, baby,” Harry replied and took his hand to lead him into the bedroom.  He flung open the curtains so the night sky and moon light streamed through the windows.  It was absolutely lovely and Louis already felt like he was floating when Harry started nipping at his neck. 

“Gosh, this is so beautiful. You’re so beautiful, Harry. And you’re mine, all mine” Louis whispered in Harry’s ear. “Mmm, you too, baby, gonna get you wet, yeah?” Harry replied and Louis nodded.

He grabbed the lube and laid Louis back on the bed and Louis said “Harry, baby, want your mouth on me. Somewhere, anywhere just…” So Harry licked the tip of his penis and pushed two lubed-up fingers into Louis’ ass.  “Oh, yeah…” Louis moaned but Harry was just getting started with the working over he had planned for Louis.  Within a few minutes, Harry had three fingers inside Louis and every so often would brush up against his prostate, making Louis squirm. 

He rolled over on his side and grabbed the sheets saying “God, Harry, I, unf…” so Harry twisted three fingers into Louis and sucked on the fleshy part of his butt cheek.  “You gonna cum?” Harry asked. 

“Yes soon, baby, god you’re so good. Your fingers are amazing” Louis replied then Harry pulled his fingers out and a whimper escaped Louis’ mouth.  “Baby, please, I want…” Louis complained then Harry flipped him so he was fully on his stomach and started rimming him.  “Okay, I want that too” Louis moaned and he could feel Harry smile. 

Louis pushed his knees as far apart as they could go “I’m yours, spread out, all yours, Harry” as Harry darted his tongue in and out of his ass.  “Mmm, I know, now shush” and put two fingers and his tongue into Louis; when he did that, Louis started rocking his hips back and forth, fucking himself on Harry’s tongue. “Gonna cum?” Harry mumbled, tongue still in Louis’ ass.  He knew the answer because he could see Louis’ rock hard dick bobbing against his stomach.  “Yes, soon” Louis said sharply which made Harry pull away from his ass and sit back on his knees. 

Louis practically glared at him. “You…you are a tease, Harry Styles!” he yelped and Harry just shrugged and said “I know” with a bright smile.

> Louis sat up on the bed and met Harry for a deep, tongue filled kiss.  He knew what he wanted but he had to drum up the courage to ask Harry so he decided to distract him with kisses.  When Harry grabbed his butt with both hands he knew he had to say it: “Harry, I wanna…do you wanna…I want you. I want to be _inside_ you so badly, I bet you feel amazing, God you’re so sexy…” Harry pulled away from Louis’ lips and held his head in his hands. “Yes, yes, I want that too, so badly, you, now, in me” and he kissed him back.

Louis thought his heart would explode but he fortified his nerves and sat down on the bed. “Kay, c’mere, wanna open you up so it doesn’t hurt too badly,” and Harry kneeled over his lap, head tucked into his shoulder.

“Will it hurt?” Harry asked with mild trepidation. 

“Don’t know, baby, never done it this way before,” Louis laughed. “It might, but I’m here for you and will help you, kay? If it hurts too badly, I will stop, so just tell me.”  Louis spread apart Harry’s cheeks and put two lubed-up fingers inside him and spread them wide open. 

Harry said “Louis, do we need a condom?”

“I did buy some, just in case,” Louis replied. “Was that too presumptuous?”

“Apparently not,” Harry laughed.  “Does it make it, um, easier? I know it protects against diseases but I…”  Louis had to chuckle because this was a very weird conversation to be having while his fingers were in Harry’s ass.

“Well, I _don’t_ know about it being easier but we can use lots of lube. I’ve only been with one other person my entire life and I don’t have, um, anything, so….” And his voice trailed off.

“Well, that settles it. No condom, wanna feel all of you inside me, let you leave your cum inside me” Harry declared and Louis sucked into his neck in agreement. 

“God you’re so open for me, baby. Ready?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

“Okay, go slowly, baby, I’ve got you” Louis said as he held onto the top of his hips.  Harry was on both knees, legs spread facing Louis and he drew in a breath and lined up his hole with Louis’ dick.  As Harry lowered himself down, Louis’ entire body tensed up and he flung his head back, banging it on the headboard but he didn’t care. Tears came to his eyes and he said “Harry, you are amazing, so beautiful, feel so good” and Harry wiped a tear away from his cheek with his thumb as he went ¾ of the way down on Louis. 

He stopped, put his hands on his thighs and dropped his chin on his chest while Louis rubbed his hip bones.  He drew in a sharp breath and Louis said “you okay, baby? Does it hurt?”  Harry nodded quickly and said “burns…a little. Gimme a sec?” and he raised up slightly then slowly came back down, all the way and let out a breath. “Take your time, baby. You look amazing from where I’m sitting,” Louis cooed. 

“Ahhh, better” he said and smiled at Louis.

“Mmm, baby, now roll your hips forward slowly” and Louis gently guided him with his hands. “YES!” Louis yelled and Harry grabbed his hands and kissed him, his dick pressing against his chest. “Come here” and he pulled him forward so Harry’s body was flat against his and he peered over Harry’s shoulder to see what was happening behind him.  Watching Harry’s ass move around his dick was akin to an out-of-body experience and Louis’ brain went into overload.  He never wanted this feeling to stop, so warm and perfect and Harry, Harry, Harrryyyyyyyy.

“Harry, baby, look at me” and he grabbed his face, touching nose to nose. His eyes welled with tears as he said “I love you. I love this. I love us. All of this. It’s perfect. You’re perfect” then Harry started to cry. “Louis, I love you too, want you, need you always” and crashed his lips into Louis’. 

Louis held Harry’s hips down into his and started bouncing up and down, in and out, up and down, Harry’s dick throbbing and hitting on his chest.  “Un, un, un” Harry practically yelled “please Louis, make me cum” which just made Louis pump his hips faster.  “Come on, baby, I’m gonna cum, do it for me” and with one final thrust upwards, Louis shot his load into Harry as Harry screamed with pleasure, hot cum shooting into Louis’ chest. 

Louis slowed down his movements until Harry was just sitting in his lap and wrapped his arms around his back.  Harry was like a rag doll, pliant and foldable and silent for the first time in a while.  They sat in silence, Louis rubbing Harry’s back and butt cheeks, kissing his shoulders and neck.  “You okay, baby?” Louis asked and Harry nodded softly then slowly climbed off Louis’ lap and onto the bed.  He looked a little dazed and confused and Louis wondered if he was in that “weird space” again so he took to rubbing his body and whispering sweetly to him. 

“Baby, lemme get you a drink” and Louis hopped off the bed to the mini bar and opened a bottle of water.  He pressed it to Harry’s lips and said “drink, love” which Harry did obediently.  Louis poured some water into his hand and splashed it onto Harry’s face and body and Harry motioned for Louis to lay down with him.

“Do you wanna talk about this?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “ _Can_ you talk about this?” and Harry shook his head so Louis pulled him into an embrace, Harry’s head resting on Louis’ chest while he stroked his hair.  He quickly peeked at Harry’s bum and he could see lube slowly dripping out but he didn’t see any blood so he assumed that was a good sign.

“Shhh, baby, I’ve got you,” Louis whispered. He wanted Harry to know how he felt even if he couldn’t respond. “That was the most amazing experience of my life and it’s because of you.  I love you, baby, now just relax, go to sleep if you need, I’m here” and he felt Harry go totally pliant and press himself into Louis and the bed.  He had the most beautiful boy beside him, the night sky illuminating his perfect body, and Louis finally felt complete, for the first time in his life.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 16, verses 7-8: _I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken._

He woke up with the early morning sun streaming into the windows and was more than annoyed by it.  He slunk over and closed the curtains with a huff-still naked-and when he turned around, he saw Harry’s eyes had popped open.  “Heyyy,” he said softly. “You okay?”  Harry nodded and Louis went to wrap him up in his arms again.  “Good, I love you, you know?” Louis said. “Mmmm, me too, now sleepy” Harry muttered and they fell back to sleep.

Louis woke up at a more reasonable hour-9 am-to Harry nudging and licking his shoulder and trailing kisses down to his bum. “What a lovely way to wake up” he smiled and Harry met him for a kiss.  “I’m hungry. Can we order room service?” Harry asked.  “Sure, love, anything you want,” Louis said pressing a kiss into his chest. 

Harry got excited and hurriedly picked up the phone to order just about everything on the menu then curled himself back into Louis, doing his best ‘baby koala’ impression.  They laid there for a while and Harry looked at him with doe-like eyes and bit his lip. Louis gently nudged his lip out from his teeth and said "what's up?". "Um," Harry started tentatively, "last night was amazing.  I wanna have se-make love-to you now.  Can I?”  Louis cupped his head in his hands and relied “of course, darling, let’s get started after breakfast, shall we?” and Harry nodded strongly.

“You’ll help me, right?” Harry asked nervously. “I will because I’ve never done this before either and judging by the looks of you, it might hurt a bit,” Louis said and Harry blushed.  “Well, you’re quite well-endowed yourself so I know the feeling” Harry snarked. 

“Speaking of, how’s your bum?” Louis asked as he squeezed his butt cheek.  Harry wiggled it and said “sore, but so very worth it” and kissed Louis.

There was a knock at the door and Harry jumped up to answer it-still naked-and Louis whispered “Harry, pants would be good right about now” and nodded to his crotch.  Harry threw his head back to laugh and picked up the closest pair of boxers-which happened to be Louis’-and tugged them on.  They were at least two sizes too small and he looked absolutely ridiculous in them but he didn’t care. 

Louis buried his head under the covers as the room service was wheeled in and Harry signed for it. “Thank you, Mr. Tomlinson for the generous tip!” the waiter exclaimed and Louis giggled.  Harry kicked his leg when the waiter left and Louis popped his head up from the bed.  “Mr. Tomlinson, HOW much of a tip did you give that lovely gentleman?” Louis asked inquisitively. “Mmm, 20%” Harry replied with a smirk and Louis threw his pillow at him.

They ate almost all of the vast array of breakfast foods on the table-bacon, eggs, hash browns, fruit, muffins-then Harry met Louis for a bacon-flavored kiss.  “You taste like breakfast” Louis commented “and you taste gooooood” and Harry dipped into Louis’ neck for a kiss. 

“Wanna start now?” Harry whispered & Louis nodded quickly. “Good, me too” Harry said as he kissed Louis on the lips passionately. “I’ll make it so good for you, baby” Harry promised and caressed Louis’ skin with kisses all over his body.

Harry spent an inordinate amount of time rimming Louis-which he knew Louis loved-that Louis actually had to tell him to stop because he was about to cum.  "Okay, gonna do this," Harry said, almost trying to psych himself up for it. Louis felt the tip of Harry's cock touch his hole then Harry pull back. Then he did it again. And again. Finally, Louis turned around and saw an anxious-looking Harry sat on his legs so he sat up and grabbed Harry's hand. "What's wrong, baby? Do you not wanna do this?" Louis asked softly. 

Harry shook his head. "No, I wanna. I wanna soooo badly. But what if I hurt you? What if I do it wrong? What if....oh god, what if I SUCK and you never want to do this again with me?!" Harry practically wailed. Louis brushed his thumb across Harry's cheek, gazing at his hard cock bouncing between his legs. "Harry, darling, I've never done it-like that-before last night and did you like it?" Harry nodded vigorously. "Did I hurt you?" Harry shook his head. "Well, see, we're both novices at it, but I promise I will both enjoy it and you'll be amazing at it," Louis reassured him and saw Harry visibly relax. "Now do you want to enter me from behind? Or I can sit on your lap like we did last night? Or missionary?" Louis felt a little silly asking these kinds of questions but if it helped Harry then he'd do it in a heart beat. Harry bit his lip quickly, thinking of his options. "Um, I think...I think missionary? When I enter you I want to feel close to you, feel your heartbeat under mine. Is...is that okay?" Louis smiled at his gorgeous boy fondly. "It's more than okay, love, it's perfect. Now, c'mere," Louis tugged his hand as he laid back onto the sheets, Harry scrambling on top of him. Louis tugged his ear down to his mouth and said softly "I'm all yours..."

Harry whimpered as he pressed his cock to Louis' hole. “God, baby, you look so beautiful, opened up for me, sweating for me, all for me. If I hurt you, please tell me,” Harry said as he slowly entered Louis and they both gasped.  He licked his lips and gently nudged in further and Louis took in a sharp breath so he stopped.  “Am I hurting you?” Harry exclaimed and Louis shook his head. "No, fuck, keep going. More..." he moaned. "Feels amazing….” and it did...As Harry started gently flicking his hips into Louis, slowly at first until he found his rhythm, Louis felt waves of pleasure wash over him because this was the best sexual experience of his life. Granted Harry was only the second person Louis had ever had sex with, but Louis truly felt connected to Harry on another level, beyond the physical aspect of it feeling amazing and into an emotional level.

As if Harry knew what he was thinking, he bent down and brushed his lips over Louis' quickly. "Louis, you....you feel so amazing, I can't believe we're doing this," Harry said softly. "Well, believe it," Louis teased as he wrapped his legs around Harry's waist so he could push in just a bit further. When he did, they both groaned loudly and Louis gripped the sheets because WOW. For his first time, Harry was a quick study, slowly rocking his hips into Louis then pounding into him faster. Louis could feel the stretch, feel the burn but it didn't hurt; on the contrary, it felt absolutely, well, heavenly. Small grunts and moans started coming from Louis so Harry grabbed his dick and started rubbing it, thankfully.

At some point, after Harry had given Louis’ dick a firm working over, when Harry thrust up, Louis grabbed his butt to hold him in his ass. “Harry, stay there” Louis said as he pressed _his_ hips downward and the combination of the two movements pressed Harry’s large dick against Louis’ prostate and cum spurted onto Harry’s hand in short streams. “Uhhh!” Louis shouted. “Oh my god, Louis" Harry moaned and in a few short thrusts, he was coming hard in Louis’ ass.

They both lay there, semi-dazed, sweaty and come-covered for quite some time until Harry’s dick got soft and he pulled out and curled himself into Louis. "God, Harry that was so amazing and brilliant. I love you so much," Louis cooed, brushing his hand through his curls. Harry nuzzled his nose into Louis' neck and breathed in his scent. "Really? Mmm, thanks, cause it was great from where I was too," Harry teased, pulling Louis closer to him. "I'm glad I waited to do that with you," Harry whispered in his ear and Louis felt butterflies in his stomach. "Me too, darling, me too," Louis soothed, wrapping Harry's arms around him further.

"Louis, did I ever tell you when I first fell in love with you?" Harry asked softly. Louis shook his head. "When I found that journal in my mailbox. That was the nicest, kindest gesture anyone has ever done for me," Harry admitted, face now inches from Louis, green eyes anxiously awaiting a response.  Louis brushed his hand down Harry's cheek, tears pooling in his eyes. What was it about this kid-man-that made Louis so emotional? "YOU ARE the nicest kindest gesture anyone has ever done for me," Louis teased, nipping at his nose.  "For me it was when you threw that snowball at me and you looked so beautiful when you did it that my heart stopped beating for a split second," Louis admitted, cheeks blushing. 

"Harry, darling, can I tell you something and it might hurt your feelings at first but I promise," Louis started to say.  Harry pressed his index finger to Louis' mouth. "Shhh, just tell me," Harry asked softly.

Louis felt a swell of emotions at the gorgeous, almost ethereal, man laying beside him. "I've never, ever, felt the way I did when I made love to you. Not with her, not even in the beginning," he admitted and he saw Harry flinch slightly. "But with you, there's this connection that goes beyond the physical and it's real and tangible and I..." and he paused trying to stir up the courage for what he was about to say..."I want to feel it again and again and over and over and for a very long time," he blurted out.  Harry's face softened as he pulled Louis on top of him. If Louis wasn't forty and exhausted he'd make love to him again right now...

"Louis," Harry breathed into his mouth. "I want that too," he confirmed. "But don't make promises you can't keep," he teased seductively, legs wrapping around Louis' waist.

_Fuck being forty, maybe Louis could fuck him again right fucking now?_

Louis grazed his hand across his balls and kissed him softly. "I'm pretty good at keeping my promises, love," he replied.  

_Except for that whole "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder" thing._

_SHUT UP_

"Well maybe we could get started on that 'over and over again and again' thing now?" Harry asked, grinding his hips up to meet Louis.

_YES LOUIS COULD FUCK HIM AGAIN RIGHT FUCKING NOW._

"Baby," Louis whispered in his mouth as he entered him, wet and slick and fucking amazing. He wanted him, all of him, all the time. His hands on his body, lips on his, skin on skin, cocks inside each other. Just all of it. Fuck the rest of the world....

God he felt so good and unlike anything he'd ever experienced. Granted he'd only ever experienced ONE person-a female-but this sent tingles up his spine. It was hot and wet and tight and Harry was so responsive underneath him, grabbing onto him, raking his hand through his hair, keeping their lips connected, that Louis almost exploded with desire.  At one point, Harry arched his back, exposing his neck and Louis sucked a love bite into his pulse point. He needed the world to know that Harry belonged to him.....

"Louis, please," Harry begged, skin wet with sweat, cock hard and leaking, as his hips shifted down to meet Louis' thrusts.

"Can you come just from my cock, darling?" Louis asked, hips pistoning into him harder.

_Where was all this dirty talk coming from?? A place Louis didn't even know existed...._

Harry nodded quickly, hands gripping the duvet.  Louis lifted his hips up so with each thrust he hit his prostate and Harry moaned his name.

"Louder, love," Louis demanded. Sex with her was always so quiet so they wouldn't wake up the kids but right now Louis didn't give two fucks about that. Or his neighbors on the other side of the wall...

"Louis!" Harry said, voice raised slightly. Louis thrust into him again. "LOUDER!" he demanded.  Soon Harry's shouts of "LOUIS!" drowned out the smacking of Louis' balls off his ass...

"That's it, baby, fucking scream my name like you need it," Louis groaned, hips now flying, Harry's head bouncing off the bed.  Harry lifted his head up, curls flouncing around his forehead, and grabbed Louis' arm. "Louis," he said quickly. "I'm gonna come."

"Yell my name when you do it, love," Louis asked, sweat now pouring off him.  With a few more thrusts, Harry screeched his name as come flew out of his cock and Louis was a goner...His body shudder as a ridiculous amount of come filled up Harry so much that it started leaking out almost immediately. Louis collapsed onto his chest-okay now he felt like a forty-year-old-as he felt Harry's heart beating rapidly underneath him, both of their breaths short and labored.

Finally Harry asked, "does it get better like that every time?"  Louis chuckled softly because he really wouldn't know?

"I hope so, darling," Louis whispered, pulling out and wrapping Harry up in his arms. He pressed a wet, sloppy, sweaty kiss behind his ear. "Love you so much," he murmured before they both drifted off to sleep.

Louis was pretty sure he dozed off because at some point, Harry shook him and said “Louis, baby, I need a shower, join me?” and Louis nodded.  “I need you, Harry” Louis said softly and Harry reached his arms all the way around Louis and said “I’m here baby, I’ll help you” He rolled over him and grabbed his arms, helping Louis up off the bed.  Louis was having a hard time focusing on what he was supposed to be doing so Harry guided him into the bathroom, as he would a senior citizen. He quickly turned on the shower then pulled Louis into a hug while the water dripped over them. 

“Baby, you’re so good, I love you” he cooed as he rubbed Louis’ back and Louis pressed a kiss to his chest.  “Love you too” Louis mumbled as they both rinsed off and Harry even washed Louis’ hair.

They dried off and got dressed, kissing each other in between trying to put their clothes on.  At one point Harry grabbed Louis’ bum while he was only wearing his boxers and Louis admonished him “Harrryyy, we don’t have time, gotta gooooo” and Harry just laughed. “Okay, laterrrr then” and pulled his pants on.  They gathered their things and checked out-the room service bill was almost half as much as the cost of the room-but Louis absolutely didn’t care. Anything for Harry.

As they drove to the lawyer’s office, Louis explained what he had told him-which wasn’t much-so it would be up to Harry to provide the details.  “Do you think you can do that, love?” Louis asked and Harry nodded firmly. “Yes, absolutely. And thank you for doing this and for going with me. I definitely wouldn’t have done this by myself.” And Louis smiled at his beautiful boy.

            They arrived at Ben’s office and Louis could tell Harry was nervous because he kept biting his lip.  Louis grabbed both of Harry’s hands and said “look, anything you tell him is confidential and _no one_ knows you’re here except you, me and the lawyer; and the more you tell him, the more he can help you.  And he is on your side; not your dad’s. Okay?” Harry squeezed his hands and said “you’re right. And I’m glad you’re here, makes it a bit easier.”

            “Okay, well, let’s go then” and they hopped out of the truck to go into the office.   They saw a sign hanging by the door that said: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Matthew 16:26.”  Harry took a picture of it and said “this is quite timely and prophetic, huh?”  Just then the secretary called them back to meet with Ben.

            They introduced themselves and when Harry said his name, Ben replied “Harry…Styles? Any kin to CJ Styles?” and Harry nodded. “Ohhh…OHHHHH” Ben said with recognition. “Louis, when you said you had a ‘friend’ who needed legal advice on an inheritance I had no idea he was a **_Styles_** ” and he smiled. “Now, sit down and tell me why you’re here.”

            Harry felt comfortable with Ben and launched into the whole sordid tale about his grandfather, his children-all of them-and his inheritance.  Louis saw a tear reach his eyes on a few occasions and he rubbed his leg to calm him down.  Louis was so proud of him he thought he would burst.  Ben took extensive notes and when Harry was finished he said “whew! That’s a lot! I’ve got a few questions, do you mind?” And Harry shook his head “no”

            “First of all, I want to say that I’m from that area and I knew _of_ your old man but I got the heck outta dodge when I was eighteen to go to OU so I’d no idea of all the stuff that went on since.  That being said I wanna say it took a lot of guts to come here and do this because I know what’s at stake for you and your family.” Louis saw Harry visibly relax as Ben continued. “Now, is this trust fund money in your name or your dad’s? “

            “Uhhh, I think it’s in my name but my dad ‘runs’ it, does that make sense?” Harry asked and Ben nodded.  “What about your sister’s?”

            “Same, but my mom’s name is on it too because she has power of attorney over my sister.” Harry replied.

            “And what about these, um, other children? Is there proof that they are your grandfather’s?”

            “Yes,” Harry said confidently. “It’s my understanding that he is on every birth certificate.”

            “Good, that makes it a bit easier.” Harry really didn’t know what he meant by that but he just nodded. “I need to do some investigating, pull your grandfather’s will, find out how your trusts are set up then I can give you some options. How’s that sound?”

            “Sounds great!” Harry paused. “When you say ‘options’ what exactly do you mean?”

            Ben laughed and patted Harry’s hand. “Well if it’s _your money_ , then you can do with it as you want. And if your dad has dodged the tax man like you say, well, there could be some serious issues he needs to address.”

            Harry sucked in a breath and looked like he was going to cry so Louis spoke up, “I don’t think Harry wanted to get his dad in trouble by telling you all of this.”

            Ben waved his hand and said “oh, I know.  I didn’t mean to imply that Harry would be the cause of it. But if certain people found out somehow about what he did and followed the trail, then Harry’s hands would be clean.”

            Harry nodded and Louis smiled. “Okay, if that’s an option, then fine, I think” and Harry said “yes” very softly.

            “Harry, look, I know this is a bit overwhelming, but let me give you advice: it’s just money. Granted it’s a lot of money, but still…the money means _nothing_.  It’s the emotions people attach to the money that cause problems.  After many years as an inheritance lawyer, believe me when I say this.  Since you’re a Christian, let me share a few Bible verses that I use when I encounter people in similar situations as yours: 1 Timothy 5:8 ‘But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.’ And Proverbs 11:29 ‘He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.’ And I don’t think _you’re_ the one bringing trouble on your family just for the record.  So let me sort out the legal details of all of this and then we will go from there.”

            Harry looked somewhat stunned so Louis grabbed his arm to stand him up and shake hands with Ben. “Thank you so much for your time” Louis said and Harry muttered “yes, thank you” as Louis guided him out of the office.  When they got into the car Louis said “Harry if you need me to stay with you, I can. I’ll make something up, I don’t know what, but…” and his voice trailed off. 

Harry shook his head “no, Louis, I’m fine, really. Probably better than I have been in a long time regarding the situation with my dad. Ben’s a sharp guy and I know he will do whatever it takes to sort out the situation. I’ll write about it in my journal when I get back.  But thank you again for coming with me, it meant a lot, promise.”

            Louis let out a breath. “Whew, good, I’m so glad I was so worried about you when we were in there. And you’re welcome, Harry. I do this things because, well, because I love you, kay? And you don’t have to thank me.”

            Harry leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t care who sees. Let’s go!” and off they went.

            During the drive to Harry’s car, they talked at length about what had just happened both at the lawyer’s office and at the hotel.  Harry was being very chatty about everything which Louis took as a good sign.  They stopped for fast food-and Harry promptly chucked a fry at Louis-and the sun was setting when they reached the gas station.  Louis pulled into a back corner where no one could see them and pulled Harry in for a kiss.  When he pulled away he said “Harry, I’m gonna tell my wife I’m gay when I get home. I can’t live a lie anymore, it’s eating me up inside. You’re my inspiration because if you have the courage to spill your guts to Ben then I shouldn’t be such a coward and tell my wife.”

            “Louis, you’re so amazing, I don’t know what I ever did without you in my life. I love you,” Harry replied.

            “I love you too, baby. Now go before I try to ravish you in this truck” Louis said and swatted his bum.

            “Kay, bye, talk to you later” Harry said as he gathered his stuff and climbed out of the truck.  He waved as he drove off and Louis’ heart felt heavy with dread and guilt.  He absolutely _had_ to tell Mary Grace he was gay; he might leave the part out about Harry-one shock at a time-for now.  He’d no idea how he was going to tell her-“guess what dear? I’m gay!” was a bit too direct-but by the time he got home he had psyched himself up for it.  He was going to do it; he _had to do it_. For Harry.

            After hugging his kids, he said hi to her and he thought he saw a mischievous glint in her eye and wonder what the heck she was up to.  Since he’d already eaten, he begged off from dinner and did a load of laundry while they ate.  Louis really didn’t have a chance to talk to her until she came up to bed and he was sitting in bed reading (and texting Harry). He knew what he had to say to her. She crawled into bed and he said “I need to talk to you, dear.” She blurted out “me too!” and he said “okay, you go first…”

            “Louis,” she said with excitement. “I’m pregnant!”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 17, verses 1-2: _Hear a just cause, O Lord; attend to my cry! Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit! From your presence let my vindication come! Let your eyes behold the right!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are Louis' inner thoughts/moral compass

_Jesus....NO...NO...NO...this is absolutely the worst thing that could've ever happened right now....NOOOOOOO_

Louis felt the entire world begin turning faster and faster and wanted it to stop; he felt like he was underwater and couldn’t reach air. Finally he heard himself saying “no, no, NO!” and Mary Grace burst into tears.

“Louis, that’s NOT the response I was looking for” she said which snapped him out of his trance.  He pulled her in for a hug and apologized, “I’m sorry, I’m just shocked is all. Wasn’t expecting that. But I’m happy if you’re happy. Now, stop crying, dear” and he wiped her tears. She pulled away from him and Louis asked “but are you _sure you're pregnant?_ ”

She smiled, “Louis, this is my eleventh pregnancy, trust me, I know. But I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet because it’s too early but I’ll take one next week.” 

Louis tried to sound enthusiastic and he was pretty sure he was failing.  “Okay, well, I hope it works out,” Louis replied. 

“It will. I know.  Another baby created out of love,” she said and rubbed her stomach and Louis managed a meager smile. 

“Now what did you want to tell me?” she asked and Louis replied “oh, it’s nothing, it can wait” and he kissed her forehead and they both rolled over to fall asleep.

_What the fuck what the absolute fuck??? I finally work up the courage to tell her about me being gay and she drops THIS on me?_

_I don't regret the child-won't regret the child-but this is just a really inopportune time for her to be pregnant...now I have to tell Harry I had sex with her a few weeks ago...that might be the worst part about this..._

_oh god, HARRY...._

After a few hours of trying to sleep-and failing spectacularly-Louis' WhatsApp notifications were going off regularly. He had a knot in his stomach thinking about telling Harry- _how do I tell my boyfriend that my wife is pregnant?! This is so fucked up_ -so at some point during the night, he got out of bed and crept into the bathroom to read his texts.  Most read “well?” or “did you tell her yet?” and the last one at midnight said “im going to bed. Night xx” and Louis felt his heart in his throat. 

_Should he tell him via text? Or tell him over the phone?_

Since Louis was an absolute coward, he decided to text him: “MG is pregnant couldn’t tell her. So sorry xx” then crawled back into bed.

_This might be worse than actually telling her I'm gay; telling Harry she's pregnant..._

Louis checked his phone first thing Sunday morning, but still no response from Harry; Louis' mind raced with how he was dealing with it and he assumed it wasn't going well.  Now he ached to talk to him, no matter the consequences, but the morning was spent busily getting ready for church and when they arrived, the twins were waiting for them. 

Mary Grace beamed broadly as she hugged them and Louis said “Hi boys! This is a lovely surprise.” And they laughed.  Louis tried to be casual when he said: “you should’ve invited Harry! I’m sure he would’ve liked to visit again.” 

Abe said “I did invite him, said he had to study for a test after he went to chapel this morning.  He seemed kinda bummed, dunno about what” and he shrugged.  Louis slapped him on the shoulder and tried to control the sadness and disappointment in his voice because _he_ knew why Harry was sad.  “Well, if you come again, maybe he’ll join you?” and they walked in the church.

The tension in his body increased each minute that he didn't hear from Harry.  He wanted to be with him, explain to him what happened, why it happened, but instead he was stuck here.  By the end of the evening, Harry _still_ hadn’t texted back and Louis thought he would lose his mind.

 _This was the first time Harry hasn’t texted me at least once since we started…this. But who could blame him, really? I’ve gone and messed everything up_.”

So he made an excuse to run to the store for dog food just so he could have a few minutes alone to call Harry but he wasn’t even sure if he would answer. 

_Please answer the phone, please I need to talk to you, I know I'm an absolute ass, but pleaseeeeee...._

> On the fourth ring, just as Louis was about to hang up, Harry picked up. “Hello?” he said softly.
> 
> “God, Harry, I’m just, I’m so sorry, I can’t even believe this…” Louis said quickly as Harry muffled a sob. 
> 
> “Louis…what? When? Why?” and he practically yelled the last word. 
> 
> Louis literally felt like his heart was breaking when he said in a whisper “we did it, um, after they came back…”
> 
> Harry realized what that meant and burst into tears. “Louis _how could you?_ ’ he admonished.
> 
> _FUCKMYLIFE_
> 
> “Harry,” Louis said curtly “ _she’s my wife_. And I was trying to prove to myself that I was straight by doing, um, it. But I failed because I could barely keep it up. Had to imagine _you_ on me just to stay hard, even though we had never-you know….” As his voice trailed off.
> 
> He heard Harry wipe his nose and he said “really?” in a surprised voice.

            “Yes, really. Look, Harry, this whole situation is so messed up and I’m sorry. Plus I couldn't tell her I was gay after she told me _that_. Just didn’t seem like the appropriate time.” Louis said.

            “Well, when _will_ be the ‘appropriate time’? Louis?” Harry hissed. “At the hospital after your child is born?!”

            Now it was Louis’ turn to cry. “I don’t know. I can’t answer that right now” he said softly.

            “Look, Louis, my head is spinning, I feel like I’m drowning and I just…I need a break from all of this insanity. Can you give me some time to sort this out? Cause I’m feeling very overwhelmed.” Harry asked.

            Not talking or texting or seeing Harry for however long seemed like a punishment and maybe Louis deserved that? So he said “of course, Harry, take all the time you need. I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

            “I’m sure you will” Harry snapped and he hung up the phone.

_Well now I've gone and messed up the only good thing in my life-Harry-God this sucks...._

Louis felt deflated and depressed at the very least. He tried to pull himself together as he approached his house but that empty feeling just increased when he walked through the door and saw his wife at the kitchen sink, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach.  

_ Oh God, please no, make it stop... _

_ You created this mess, now how are you gonna clean it up?? _

He felt sick and ran into the bathroom and vomited.  “Louis!” she said. “Go to bed, I’ll bring you some soup.” And Louis made his way up to the bedroom, hoping he could stay there forever.

_ With Harry, I want Harry here...I want to cuddle him and soothe him and tell him I love him a thousand times... _

The last conscious memory he had of that awful day was drifting off to sleep, tears staining his pillow....

After obsessively checking his WhasApp for a few days, Louis realized he needed to let it go and relax.

_I'm like a love-sick, obsessive teenager after a fight with his boyfriend...get it together, Tomlinson..._

_If Harry rejects you then it is what it is and you have to move on..._

_NO. I don't want to go on without Harry in my life; that's NOT an option...I'll do whatever it takes to keep him..._

So he decided to focus on work and his family in hopes of distracting himself from thinking about Harry.  It worked, sort of.  On Thursday, Mary Grace confirmed her pregnancy by showing him a positive pregnancy test and on Friday, Harry called him finally.

 _What even is my life now?_   

            “Louis, I…I’m sorry” Harry started. “I’ve been praying about this all week and I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I freaked out. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your life with your, um, wife” and he paused. "I was just angry because that meant you'd been intimate with her after I left and that's not something I like to think about. So, I'm sorry."

            Louis jumped in, “no, it’s okay, Harry, you had every right to be hurt and angry. This situation is so screwed up. I don’t know…I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. But I…I want you in my life. Please.” And Louis begged the last word.

            “Yes. Yes. Yes. Louis, I _want_ you in my life too and I’m willing to, um, wait. Not forever,” and he laughed, “but until you get it sorted.” Harry said.

_God thank you for this beautiful boy...he's perfect..._

            ‘Okay, yes. I’m going to talk to my pastor, would that make you feel better?” Louis asked hopefully.

            “Yes it would. Maybe he can help you?” Harry replied.

            “Okay. I love you,” Louis said softly.

            “Love you too,” Harry replied. “Bye”

            “Bye” Louis said and hung up the phone.

_Praise Jesus Hallelujah!_

Louis felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders-at least temporarily-and he called his pastor to set up an appointment with Dr. Paul on Sunday evening after church.  Harry was back to texting Louis regularly and Louis’ anxiety about the situation seemed to have abated at least for now. 

But then he heard Mary Grace on the phone to her family telling them about her pregnancy and the negative feelings returned.  After church Mary took the kids home so Louis could meet with their pastor; he was nervous but knew what he had to say. He sat down in his office and started “Dr. Paul, I want to thank you for meeting with me, I have a lot on my mind right now and I’m hoping you can help,” Louis explained.

            Dr. Paul nodded. “That’s what I’m here for, Louis. And call me John, please. Someday I’ll introduce you to my brothers, George and Ringo.”

            Louis laughed out loud at his _Beatles_ reference. “Okay, John, here goes nothing…” and he went on to explain how he always felt something was missing in his life but he never knew what until recently.  He touched briefly on Mary Grace’s issues-her feeling upset since the twins left, not wanting to be intimate with Louis, being distracted and distant-but he ended with:

            “I think…no, I _know_ I’m gay” Louis said firmly and looked at John who didn’t even flinch so Louis continued. “And, and, I’ve met someone. A guy.”

            At that point, John-who had been leaning back in his chair, leaned forward to put his elbows on the desk. “Look, Louis, I’m a bit more concerned morally about you going outside your marriage rather than your sexuality” he said calmly.

            Louis raised his eyebrows, “really? But what about the whole ‘find God through procreating and through your marriage to a woman’ stuff?”

            John waved his hand and said “I’ll get to that in a minute but you kinda have the ‘procreating’ part covered. And I hear you have another one on the way, so congrats.”  Louis managed a meager smile. “Yes, it’s exciting if a bit of an inopportune time. But it’s not the child’s fault” he said.

            “Louis you _have_ to tell your wife about you being gay. And your kids. And it’s not going to be a fun conversation-feelings will get hurt, people will be shocked-but it must happen. Soon.  You’ve broken her trust and it may take a while to get it back. She will probably kick you out but you’ll have to eventually come to an agreement for your kids. If you’re honest with her and your kids from here on out, I think God could forgive your previous indiscretions.”  He paused and finished with, “unless by ‘met someone’ you mean ‘I saw him at the store  & I don’t even know his name but he’s cute’?”

            Louis shook his head. “No, we’ve been, um, intimate”

            John nodded. “Well, I think God wants you to be happy and to be your true self and as far as homosexuality in the Bible, well, that’s definitely open to interpretation.  And you’re not the first gay Christian I’ve counseled.”

“Really?” Louis asked incredulously.

John laughed softly, “This is my sixth church I’ve pastored and I’ve seen it _all_.  Some decided to stay with their wives even though they were unhappy. Some got divorced, some stayed but had ‘a little extra’ on the side permanently, with their wife’s knowledge, which is my least favorite option, for obvious reasons.  There’s no ‘right answer’ to all of this but only you know what you have to do for yourself and your family.  I think Matthew 6:1 applies in this situation: ‘Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.’”

Louis nodded as John continued, “The Bible only states five or six times on anything related to homosexuality, twice in Letivicus; he has a whole slew of rules that no one follows these days, like don't mix fabrics together. He's borderline crazy and if you don't follow all his rules, you can't follow/use the two that refer to homosexuality.  Also, the prohibitions in Leviticus don’t necessarily apply to Christians.Leviticus condemns male same-sex intercourse, but the entire Old Testament law code has never applied to Christians in light of Christ’s death. Leviticus also condemns eating pork, rabbit, or shellfish, cutting hair at the sides of one’s head, and having sex during a woman’s menstrual period—none of which Christians continue to observe.”

“Similarly, there’s two biblical stories that revolve around a stranger entering a town and looking for help (it is basically the same story in both instances), a shepherd/farmer takes them in. The town apparently hates strangers and wants to rape him, but the Shepard says ‘no, that's a sin, let us treat everyone with respect and kindness. Instead, here's my virgin daughter you can rape.’ It's ridiculous. The moral of those stories wasn't men lying with men, it is about treating other people kindly, even strangers”

“Two other instances list a slew of bad people and included homosexuality. However, the word ‘homosexuality’ wasn't actually invented until 1892. So what was the original word? Many scholars believe that the ancient language the Bible was written in there was no word that equaled to homosexuality. They believe the same word was to describe pedophilia.  I believe in one testament it does state the lying with another man is wrong.  Some modern Bible translations say that ‘homosexuals’ will not inherit the kingdom of God, but neither the concept nor the word for people with exclusive same-sex attraction existed before the late nineteenth century. While the Bible rejects lustful same-sex behavior, that isn’t close to a condemnation of _all_ gay people and relationships.  So the moral of the story is, after all that ‘condemning rhetoric’ in the Bible, homosexuality is used rarely. Jesus never even condemned it. Do you know what the main value that Bible teaches? Giving to the needy and less fortunate, **_not_** refusing to allow a man to lie with another man.”

John continued, “Look I’ve done a lot of research on this because it seems to be a popular topic lately,” and he laughed.  “What I found is that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount that ‘good trees bear good fruit,’ and again, I think you have that part covered,” he joked.  “But the church’s rejection of same-sex relationships has caused tremendous, needless suffering to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, unfortunately.  That’s why I’m loathe to condemn your sexuality because you can’t control that.  Many Christians draw on our faith’s traditions to shape our beliefs, but the concept of sexual orientation is new. Before recent decades, same-sex behavior was understood along the lines of gluttony or drunkenness—as a vice of excess anyone might be prone to—not as the expression of a sexual orientation. The Christian tradition hasn’t spoken to the modern issue of LGBT people and their relationships.  Most importantly, I think, is that the Bible honors celibacy as a good way of living—Jesus was celibate, after all—but it also makes clear that celibacy must be a voluntary choice made by those who have the gift of celibacy. Requiring that all gay people remain celibate because their sexuality is ‘broken’ is at odds with the Bible’s teachings on celibacy.  So that’s why I’m concerned about your cheating but I understand the circumstances in which it happened that made you aware of your sexuality.”

“But what about Sodom and Gomorrah? And Paul?” Louis asked. 

“I get this question a lot in regards to homosexuality and from what I’ve found, Sodom and Gomorrah involved an attempted gang rape, not a loving relationship. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is commonly assumed to have been the result of God’s wrath against homosexuality, but the only form of same-sex behavior described in the story is an attempted gang rape—nothing like the loving, committed relationships that are widespread today. The Bible explicitly condemns Sodom for its arrogance, inhospitably, and apathy toward the poor, but _never_ for same-sex behavior.”

 **“** Paul condemns same-sex _lust_ , not love. Like other ancient writers, Paul described same-sex behavior as the result of excessive sexual desire on the part of people who could be content with opposite-sex relationships. He doesn’t have long-term, loving same-sex relationships in view. And while he describes same-sex behavior as ‘unnatural,’ he also says men having long hair goes against nature, and most Christians read that as a reference to cultural conventions.”

“Ultimately, I think that marriage is about commitment, regardless of who it’s between.Marriage often involves procreation-which again, you’ve got covered-but according to the New Testament, it’s based on something deeper: a lifelong commitment to a partner. Marriage is even compared to the relationship between Christ and the church, and while the language used is opposite-sex, the core principles apply just as well to same-sex couples.  It boils down to the fact that human beings are relational.From the beginning of Genesis, human beings are described as having a need for relationship, just as God himself is relational. Sexuality is a core part of what it means to be a relational person, and to condemn LGBT people’s sexuality outright damages their ability to be in relationship with all people—and with God, in my opinion.”

 **“** Faithful Christians are actually already embracing LGBT brothers and sisters **.** From denominations like the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and the Presbyterian Church to organizations like the Gay Christian Network and the Reformation Project, Christians across the country are already putting their commitment to LGBT equality in action. They’re showing their fellow believers what it looks like to be a faithful Christian who fully affirms LGBT Christians.”

“There’s a book I recommend to people in similar situation, _God and the Gay Christian_ by Matthew Vines. It may help you with some of the issues you’re struggling with regarding reconciling your faith with your sexuality,” John suggested.  “There’s also an organization called ‘The Reformation Project’ that have regular conferences to train Christians to accept LGBTQ people so that may be helpful for your family. And there’s always PFLAG who provide support for families of gay people.”

_Wow, this is a LOT but I can use this to explain to Mary what's going on; that won't make it easier but at least these are terms she would understand...._

            “This has been tremendously helpful, John, I can’t thank you enough.  It’s nice to know I’m not going to hell for, um, loving another man.” Louis said and shook his hand.

            “God loves you, Louis, just as he loves all his children. Remember that.  You’re welcome and I’m always here to talk. Good luck,” John said.

Louis felt relieved after talking to John but he was also extremely nervous about telling his wife;

 _How do you start a conversation that will turn her-and your-entire world upside down?_ ,

Louis called Harry and talked to him on the way home, detailing the conversation for him. 

“Well, Louis, I’m proud of you for talking to him and I think that’s a step in the right direction for you. And us” Harry said. 

“Me too,” Louis replied. “Love you.”

“I love you too, Louis. See you soon” Harry said and hung up the phone.

_Whew! That went better than I thought it would! And now that Harry is on my side I have to tell her, I must...._

**Since I could never do justice to writing a speech on the nuances and references of the Bible, the speech by the pastor was taken from here:** [Reformation Project](http://www.reformationproject.org/10-bible-based-reasons-support-lgbt-christians)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 18, verses 46-48: _The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation—the God who gave me vengeance and subdued peoples under me, who delivered me from my enemies; yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me; you rescued me from the man of violence._

The first half of the week was more of the same, with the added pressure of Louis trying to figure out a way to tell his wife he was gay, but the opportunity never presented itself. Maybe he was avoiding the subject? 

On Wednesday, Ben, Harry’s inheritance lawyer, called Louis to arrange a meeting in Oklahoma City with them on Friday afternoon.  He agreed and called Harry to tell him; Harry suggested they get a hotel room and stay the night.  Louis was more than happy to arrange that.  Harry agreed to meet him at the attorney’s around 3 on Friday with his overnight clothes.

Louis arrived first then Harry a few minutes later.  “Hey you,” Louis said as Harry approached his truck. “Get in” and Harry climbed into the passenger seat.  He stroked his hand down Harry’s cheek and asked “how are you, love?” Harry smiled and kissed his palm “better now” and leaned in for a kiss. 

Louis put the sunscreen over the windshield so no one could see them and pulled Harry into the back seat of his truck. He was sitting up and Harry’s shoulder was on his chest as he pressed wet, slow, sloppy kisses into his neck. “Missed you, baby” Louis cooed as Harry laughed.

“We need to gooooo, Louis” he joked.

“Mmm, no, we have a few minutes, love” Louis replied.

“Okay, just don’t give me a hickey” Harry said.

“Mmm, won’t” Louis said. 

“Louis, I’m sorry about…” Harry said and Louis interrupted him by rubbing his arm. “Shhh, love, it’s fine. _We’re_ fine. We’ll talk about it later if you want. Right now, wanna kiss you…”

After a few minutes he smacked Harry’s bum and said “’kay, gotta go” and Harry glared at him, flipped over so he was straddling his lap and said forcefully, “no. We can be late” and pushed him down for a kiss.  “Let’s not go two weeks without seeing each other again, kay?” Louis moaned between kisses.

“No, never” Harry replied as he licked his neck and ground his hips into Louis’ crotch.  Louis grabbed Harry’s bum and said “do that again, baby” and he rubbed their hard dicks together.  “Mmm, good” Louis moaned as Harry rutted against him repeatedly.

“You gonna come, baby?” Louis asked and Harry nodded quickly. “Me too” he said as he flicked his hips up to get more friction. “We’re gonna be a mess in the lawyer’s office” Louis said as Harry stopped grinding his hips and moaned loudly. “Yes, yes, YES!” he yelled as he came and Louis wasn’t far after him.

            They laid there kissing gently while they came down from their orgasms and Louis grabbed Harry’s bum again. “Missed you so much” he said. “Me too,’ Harry replied. “A LOT” and Louis laughed because he knew what that meant. 

“Uh, okay, we really have to go now…” Louis reminded him and Harry swung his leg and crawled into the front seat.  They put on their jackets in hopes of covering the wet spots on their jeans and ducked into the bathroom to use the hand dryers to dry their pants while they both laughed.

            Ben explained to Harry that since the trust fund was in his name, it was all his, regardless of what his father said. And his sister’s was hers too-and her mom’s because she had power of attorney.  So basically, that was Harry’s money to do with as he pleased.  Plus his dad owed the government approximately $5 million in back taxes.  Harry sat gobsmacked as Louis rubbed his leg. “So it’s all _mine_?” Harry asked in awe. Ben nodded, “Yup, all of it” he said in his slow Oklahoman drawl. “And because none of it is in his name, he can’t stake a claim to it, right?” Ben nodded again.  “Oh my gosh,” Harry said softly.

            “Um, there’s more, Harry, and this might be none of my business so if it is, please let me know.  I was at a family reunion last weekend and some of them live near where you’re from and I overheard them talking about, um, your _dad_ , Harry, and how the rumor is that he got a young girl pregnant.” He paused. “Now, the tax evasion charge is serious but since it’s a ‘white collar crime’ he would only get six months to a year in Club Fed.”

            Harry looked at him quizzically. “That’s the cushy federal prison for non-violent offenders” Ben explained and Harry’s face registered recognition.

            Ben continued. “But, if he was convicted of _statutory rape with a minor_ he would get 20 years because that’s a felony.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

            Harry nodded feebly and Louis could see tears rising to his eyes. “But how…how do I do that?”

            “Well, I’m not a criminal lawyer, but you would have to get her to file charges against him then testify in court. If she is willing to do that, he could potentially get twenty years in prison. And **not** Club Fed.” Ben said firmly.

            “Uh, okay, I see. Can I think about it?” Harry asked.

            “Sure. Consider this a suggestion, now they ball’s in your court. But if your dad is anything like his dad, well, then I’m sure she’s not the first.” Ben said.

            Harry nodded and Louis stood up to say goodbye and to thank him for his help.  Harry looked like he was going to vomit and Louis could tell he was on the verge of crying.  He hurried him out of the office and into his truck. When the door closed, Louis pulled Harry into him and Harry burst into tears. 

“Shhh, love, it’s okay. It will all be okay,” Louis soothed and Harry just cried.  “C’mon let’s get to the hotel and we can talk about this,” Louis said as he started the car.  Harry leaned back into his seat to put his seat belt on and Louis could see his tear-stained cheeks and glum face.

            “Look Harry, if you’re strong enough to come out to me-a virtual stranger at the time-then you’re strong enough to do the stuff Ben was talking about,” Louis mentioned during the drive.

            Harry sniffled. “But what about my mum? She’s gonna be so embarrassed.”

            Louis shrugged “who knows. Maybe she will be relieved that it’s all out in the open?”

            “Hmm, maybe.” Harry mused.  “But how will I do it?”

            “Well, your friend goes to high school with that girl, right? Have him get you in touch with her then arrange to meet with her and her parents. Explain what you’re doing and, I dunno, offer to pay her legal bills if she files charges. It’s your money after all.” Louis said.

            “Hmm, that’s an idea. But what about ‘honor thy father’?” Harry asked.

            Louis snarked “what about ‘honor thy children’? Or ‘thy wife’?”  Louis felt a bit hypocritical saying that last part but he let it go.

            Harry chuckled for the first time since Ben started talking. “Good point. He’s done nothing but _dis_ honor me and my mum and sister so there should be consequences for his actions.”

            “That’s the spirit! I’m so proud of you, baby.” Louis said and rubbed his thigh.  Harry smiled. “Thank you, Louis. You always make me feel better.”

            “Good. Now let’s get to the hotel and have some fun” Louis smiled.

            When they got to the hotel, Louis told Harry he would take him anywhere he wanted for dinner but Harry refused, saying he wanted Louis to feed him dessert while they overlooked the city. So they ordered room service at ate filet mignon and chocolate cake as the sun was setting. “Wow, this is properly romantic,” Harry bemused. “Anything for you, darling,” Louis replied.  

“Well, if you’ll do anything I ask, it’s bath time!’ Harry declared and Louis laughed.  He rolled the room service tray out into the hallway, hung the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door and joined Harry in the spacious spa tub.  Harry was leaning against the back and he motioned for Louis to lay down on his chest. “Mmm, so nice, Harry” Louis said softly as Harry scrubbed his back, washed his hair and massaged his bum. “Shhh, baby, quiet, just relax,” Harry admonished softly.  Louis almost fell asleep in the tub until Harry smacked his bum and said “all finished!”

            “Mmm, don’t wanna move,” Louis moaned. Harry nudged his arm, “c’mon sit up, I’ll help you, let’s go lay down” and Louis sat back on his knees to let Harry jump out.  He grabbed two towels and wrapped one around his waist then pulled Louis out and put the other around him. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry and they walked into the bedroom, still attached to each other.  Harry gently lay Louis down on the bed, body limp, wet fringe splayed out on the bed.

            “Louis I don’t wanna do anything to you if you don’t want to. But I also want to make you feel good,” Harry said as he started kissing Louis’ face.  He patted his head and said “s’okay, love, do what you want. Just gonna enjoy it” Louis replied and Harry started pressing kisses to Louis’ entire neck and chest. 

Louis felt like he was floating on a cloud and when Harry mouthed at his balls, Louis twitched.  Harry rubbed his inner thigh and went to work on him.  Louis’ entire body was limp, except his dick, which was standing at attention waiting for Harry who kissed and licked all around it for what seemed like an eternity, the tease. When he finally put his mouth on Louis’ dick Louis let out a low groan and spoke for the first time in about ten minutes. “Baby, I, oh” he said softly as he watched Harry slick up his dick with his mouth and finished him off with short sucks on his tip.  As Harry licked up the cum, Louis pulled him up on his chest and weakly wrapped his arms around Harry’s back. Louis could feel Harry’s hard dick pressing against his thigh so he reached down to jerk him off.  Harry grabbed his hand and said “no, baby, I’m fine. Wanted to pleasure you, make you feel good”

            Louis squeezed his bum and whispered “so good to me, baby, love you” and let Harry slide off his chest onto the bed beside him.  He felt kind of badly leaving Harry with blue balls but he was too relaxed to do anything about it at this point.  Harry pulled the comforter up over Louis and whispered “just relax baby” and Louis fell asleep quickly.  He woke up with a start a few hours later in total darkness, with Harry breathing on his neck, spooning him, still naked.  His dick was soft so Louis assumed he took care of his business after Louis fell asleep.  He pulled Harry’s hands closer to his chest and started thinking about how amazing Harry had been to him; he was the sweetest, most perfect person and Louis couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have him in his life. And he didn’t ever want to live without him. But how?  Louis didn’t want to worry about the details right now, not with the most beautiful person he’d ever met snuggled up beside him.  He closed his eyes and concentrated on how he felt right then and prayed those feelings would be able to carry him through the impending upheaval.

            Harry stirred slightly at that moment and Louis rolled over so he was facing him; when he did that, Harry woke up and in a sleepy voice said “hey, baby, is everything okay?”

Louis nodded, rubbing his hand up and down Harry’s chest and waist. “I’m lying here with you, naked, of course it’s okay” Louis replied.  Harry responded by laughing and pulling Louis in closer so his head was resting on his chest. “Baby,” Louis said softly, “I know it’s like midnight, but do you think we could talk for a bit?”

            “Mmm, sure babe, whatever you want,” Harry muttered then said “lemme get something to drink first” and rolled off the bed.  He returned wearing his boxers and carrying two bottles of water.  He plopped down on the bed, handed Louis a drink and said “so what do you wanna talk about?”

            “You, me, us, this, everything,” Louis replied and Harry nodded.”’kay, you first”

            They spent the next two hours talking about the fight they’d had, what Harry was going to do about his dad, when Louis was going to tell his wife about all of this, Harry’s options for school-he was afraid they would kick him out when they found out what he was doing-and everything in between.  Harry even let Louis read his journal which was now almost full with entries and Louis felt a sense of pride for some reason.  Harry wrote a lot about Louis and his feelings for him, how he felt like he loved him even before they said it to each other officially, and how Louis made Harry feel complete.  “Harry, this is so beautiful. I really don’t deserve you,” Louis said after reading his journal.

            “Yes you _do_ Louis. And the sooner you accept that the sooner we can move forward with our lives,” Harry replied firmly.

            “Our lives?” Louis asked softly.

            “Yes. _OURS_. I told you before I want you in my life and I meant it, one hundred percent.  We’re in this together and the details will sort themselves out.”

            Louis sat his water bottle down on the night stand and pushed Harry back on the bed, straddling him.  “I know it’s 2 am,” he said quickly, “but I want to make mad, passionate love to you right now.”

            Harry threw his head back and laughed loudly. “Okay Louis, twist my arm please!”

            Louis nipped a bite into Harry’s neck and said “that’s not all I’m gonna be twisting” which just made Harry laugh even harder.  As Louis trailed kisses down Harry’s toned torso, he slipped off his boxers then slipped his tongue into his hole.  He felt Harry’s entire body go lax, legs spread out wide, head on the pillow, arms outstretched and he was completely Louis’ at that point.  Louis quickly darted his tongue in and out at first, then slowed down to suck at Harry’s soft pink rim. “God you taste so good, baby” Louis moaned which just made Harry open up even wider for him.  Louis stuck his tongue all the way in and nipped at Harry’s thigh with his teeth in one motion which made Harry’s entire body twitch.  “Hmm, maybe I should give you a hickey down here, let everyone know you’re _mine_ ” Louis mused while licking Harry’s taint.

            At this point, Harry’s pupils were blown, his eyes were wide and he was starting to sweat, facts that Louis took tremendous pride in. “God, Louis, I’m yours, pleaseeee” he begged.  Louis let out a low chuckle and turned Harry onto his left hip and pressed his face into his hole.  He spread his cheeks and suckled and nipped on the fleshy area closest to his hole until Harry was almost convulsing with pleasure.  “Baby, you’re so beautiful when you’re like this” Louis told him as he nipped one last bite into his cheek and a purple spot appeared.  He rubbed it, sucked at Harry’s hole one last time then crawled up Harry’s side and whispered “gonna fuck you now” and Harry nodded.

            Louis flipped him up onto his knees, ass up and he admired his ‘handiwork’ on his bum.  It was wet, slick, shiny with a small purpleish bruise on the inside of the right cheek.  “You’re mine, baby, all mine” Louis said as he rubbed the hickey and Harry replied with a breathy “yes”.  Louis entered Harry slowly from behind but he quickly bottomed out because Harry was so wet for him.  It was the best feeling in the world, Louis thought, being inside Harry, feeling his tight ass around him.  Louis fell forward softly and pressed his chest to Harry’s back and pulled his head up for a kiss. “God, I missed you” he breathed into Harry’s mouth as he kissed him. Harry wrenched his mouth away from Louis’ and said “me too. Now fuck me” he practically growled.

Louis grinned and got back on his knees. He spread Harry’s cheeks apart and started going very slowly, bottoming out then slowly dragging his dick almost all the way out of Harry.  When he pulled out, Harry whined.  ”So beautiful, all mine” he whispered as he started fucking Harry fast. When he did, Harry’s head hit the headboard repeatedly and Louis expected him to say “stop” but he never did. Their balls started hitting each other as Louis fucked him hard.  He slowed down after a few minutes and Harry let out a whine. “Louis, please….” Harry asked breathless. “Please, what baby?”  Louis asked.

“ _Please_ … fuck me” Harry replied and reached down to grab himself. Louis swatted his hand away “no. Can you come untouched?” he asked and Harry nodded. As he rocked in and out of Harry he rubbed his hands over Harry’s butt cheeks and he got an idea.  “Love, can I, can I…ugh” he said as he fucked into Harry, bottoming out again. Harry turned his head to the left and made eye contact with Louis.

“Can I spank you?”  Louis asked and Harry nodded.  “I’ve never done this before, baby, don’t wanna hurt you” Louis told him. “Just do it, Louis” Harry hissed.  Louis pumped into Harry again quickly and when he did, he massaged his right hand into Harry’s right butt cheek then cracked off a spank on the fleshy part of his bare ass.  Harry let out a mix between a yelp and a groan and Louis saw a red mark appear on Harry’s ass.  “Was that okay, baby?” Louis asked as he rubbed the cheek.  Harry nodded and whispered “again” so Louis did exactly the same thing on the other side.  The second time, Harry’s head flicked and his back curved to push his hips into Louis. “This is amazing, baby,” Louis whispered.

As he fucked him, sweat slicked up, bodies slapping together, Louis literally couldn’t believe his eyes at the beauty of the boy in front of him. “God, Louis, yes, gonna, fakdlfl” Harry moaned and pressed his hands against the headboard as Louis grabbed his hips and held him to him. They both came when Louis’ last thrust brushed Harry’s prostate and he moaned in pleasure. “God, Harry, shit!” Louis yelled as he collapsed on top of Harry’s back, the most tremendous orgasm pulsing out of him in waves.

            They laid there in a heap for quite some time as their short breaths extended into long, slow, deep ones. Louis wasn’t sure if he could move but at some point Harry shifted slightly and Louis rolled off him onto the bed.  Harry looked blissed out and Louis pulled him in for a cuddle, pressing a kiss to his sweaty hair. “Love you, baby. That was amazing, hmmm?” he cooed and Harry nodded.  Louis took to rubbing Harry’s butt cheeks which were still red, pressing kisses into the side of his face while he did.  He could tell Harry was in that “weird space” that he gets into sometimes.   Louis spent quite some time peppering him with kisses, rubbing his body and generally taking care of Harry, who lifted his arm up weakly to stroke Louis’ face.  He started to speak but Louis said “shhh, baby, I’ve got you, kay? Just relax” and he felt Harry go completely limp and he curled his knees up to his chest in the fetal position.     

Louis was pressed against his back, spooning him, and the love he felt for Harry at that moment was almost overwhelming.  If he could’ve crawled inside Harry’s skin to be closer to him, he would’ve.  He realized he _needed and wanted_ two things in his life:

_This._

_and_

_Harry._

And he knew what he had to do to make those two things remain constantly and consistently in his life.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 19, verses 1-3: _The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard._

The next morning they lazed about in bed, neither one wanting to move.  “Louis, I’m going home today to talk to my mum about, um, me and what to do about my dad,” Harry declared at one point, head buried in Louis’ chest.  Louis rubbed his back softly, “that’s amazing, Harry, I think it’s a great idea.  How do you think she will react?”

            Harry shrugged. “I dunno, but it’s time she ‘faced the music’ regarding me _and_ my dad. I’m not going to marry a girl and he’s never gonna change. And I need to set her, um, straight. No pun intended.”

            Louis chuckled.  “Harry you’re so brave. I’m going to tell Mary about us today too. I chickened out last time but I _have_ to do it so we can be together and get on with our lives.  I want to be with you in public and not have to sneak around.”

            Harry replied softly, “that’s wonderful, Louis” and he kissed him.  “I love you, you know?” Harry asked.

            Louis nodded. “I know. I love you too and that’s why I’m doing this. For us. For our future, kay? Now let’s get dressed and get a move on things.”

            “Shower first?” Harry asked.

            “Of course, love!” Louis agreed and off they went to shower together which took longer than expected because Harry couldn’t keep his hands off Louis and Louis was happy to let him do whatever he wanted.

            They got dressed and packed their stuff to leave.  Harry stood in front of Louis who grabbed the back of his neck and pushed their foreheads together gently, just as he had before they kissed the first time.  “You know what we’re about to do changes everything, right?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

            “Yes, but it will be worth it.  Let’s pray for guidance,” Harry replied.  When he was done praying, Louis pulled him in for a long, wet kiss and said “I will always love you” as he turned to leave.  Harry hugged him tightly in response and they walked out the door, set on changing quite a few people’s minds.

            After Louis dropped Harry off at his car, he had to drum up the courage to tell his wife about the two of them when he got home. But how would he start the conversation? “Hi! Guess what? You’re entire life has been a lie! I’m gay!” seemed a bit too insensitive.  Louis sighed heavily and he worried about his kids’ reactions but in the long run, wasn’t it better to be honest with them?  If they were angry then he would help them through it, even go to therapy with them, and always remind them that he loved them, no matter what.  When he arrived home, the house was busy as usual, kids running around, Mary Grace puttering after them and Louis felt his heart stick in his throat.  He was going to have to leave this all behind, maybe he shouldn’t say anything…

            “No, I have to. For Harry. For me. For us” Louis thought, determination creeping into his bones.

>  After dinner, Louis sat Mary Grace at the table where they had shared many family meals and said “there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say it,” Louis started.  She looked at him with trepidation-and was that fear? Louis thought-but Louis continued.  “I’ve been struggling with some things lately and have done some soul-searching recently and I’ve realized,” and he paused. “I’m gay.” He said quickly.

            Mary Grace’s jaw dropped and her eyebrows almost reached her forehead. “Louis, WHAT?” she practically screeched.

            Louis nodded and he felt himself becoming more confident. “I’m gay. I thought I was straight but now I know I’m not.  I still love you, though.” He wasn’t sure why he said the last part (but it was kinda true he just didn’t love her _like that_ anymore).

            She burst into tears and threw an oven mitt at his head. “How could you do this to me? I’m _pregnant with your eleventh child, Louis!_ ” she hissed.  She dropped her head into her hands and continued to cry.  Louis wasn’t sure what to do-should he comfort her? Or let her cry?  After a minute she raised her head up and asked “how did you ‘find out’ you are _gay?_ ” and she whispered the last word.  “Is someone else involved?”

            Louis didn’t nod or shake his head, he just stared at her for a second before she collapsed into tears again. “You _bastard_!  You cheated on me too! With a guy! Jesus give me strength!” she wailed.  That was honestly the first time Louis had ever heard her use a swear word, something stronger than ‘darn’ or ‘shoot’ so he knew she was mad.

            “Look it just kind of happened!  And I’m not doing this to hurt you” Louis said as she rolled her eyes “I’m telling you this so I can be my true self.  I’m sorry but I have to be honest with myself and you.”

            “Have you told your mom or your sister?” she asked, wiping tears from her eyes.

            Louis shook his head. “No, wanted to tell you first.  And I’ll explain it to all the kids”

            “You’re damn right you will” she was almost snarling now. Okay, that was her _second_ swear word in the past two minutes and now Louis knew she was really, really mad.  “You’re gonna tell all of them and deal with the fall out! I wish you could stand on the pulpit and announce it to all the parishioners and live with their wrath too! Louis, you _know_ homosexuality is a sin. So whyyy?” and now she was back to wailing and crying.

            “Well, not technically it’s not. And I’ve got the ‘go forth and procreate’ part covered, don’t ya think?” he asked rhetorically.  She threw a stack of napkins at him in response and Louis was thankful there weren’t any sharp objects nearby.  She simply glared at him and said softly but with more conviction than she ever had before: “Get. Out. Now!” and she pointed to the door.

            Louis was well aware that she might kick him out so he pushed his chair away and started for the stairs.  All the commotion brought Rebecca into the kitchen and she saw her mother crying, head in her hands. “Mama, what’s wrong?” she asked and Mary Grace just shook her head & pointed at Louis. “Daddy, what’s going on?” she asked, her voice shaking.

            Louis sighed. “I’m gay, Becca,” he said rather matter-of-factly.  “And your mother is upset, obviously, she wants me to leave, so I’m leaving.”

            Becca gasped. “You’re WHAT?!” she yelled. “How could you do this to me? To us? To our family? And to God?”

            “Why does everyone keep asking me that question?” Louis finally raised his voice. “I’m not doing this _to_ anyone, I’m telling you this because I want to be honest with you and with myself.  I can’t live a lie anymore, Becs, and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you and mom. But I have to do this.”

            Becca was hugging her mother and now she was crying. “Just go. GO!” she yelled and Louis ran upstairs to pack his stuff.

            Even though the scene downstairs was complete chaos and he had just turned his family’s lives upside down, a calm spread over Louis which he hadn’t expected. It was if the cloud surrounding him and his conscious had dissipated and he could see, hear and feel clearly for the first time in a very long while.  He was sorry he had hurt them but he was happy the entire situation was out in the open and they could begin to heal.

            As he was packing his younger children came into the room and asked “daddy, where’re you going?”  Louis gathered them on the bed and kissed each one and said “daddy has to go away for a little bit.  Mommy’s mad at daddy for something I did but we both still love you more than life itself, okay? This is ‘grown up’ stuff that me and mommy need to work on but our love for you will never ever change.”  They all nodded and a few cried but Louis hugged them and assured them that he would be back soon.

            When he came back downstairs, suitcase in hand, Mary Grace was holding baby Louis and seeing his precious baby-his namesake-caused Louis to choke back a sob because it was all too real now.  He was leaving and he really didn’t know when he would be back or when he would see his kids again.  He hugged his wife and Becca and kissed baby Louis, telling all of them he loved them, and walked out the door.

            When he got to his truck and closed the door, he started sobbing, waves of tears and sadness rolling down his face.  He had just hurt the people he allegedly loved the most in the world, had just completely blind-sided them with his confession, and he felt like absolute crap.  He knew why he did it-why he _had_ to do it-but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with emotionally.

            As if on cue, Harry called and Louis picked it up, wiping away his tears. “Hello” he said glumly.

            Harry sounded chipper and happy when he replied, “Louis! Hi, love! I talked to my mom and I have so much to tell you and…” then he said softly “so how did it go for you?”

            Louis shook his head and started crying again, “Harry I did it. I told her. And she kicked me out, rightfully so because I hurt her tremendously. God, I am a _horrible_ person!”

            Harry clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “Tsk, Louis, you are _not_ a horrible person. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life. You inspire me to do better, to be better, to be true and honest with myself. Of course she’s angry about what you said but give her some time and she will come around, I promise.  It will all work out in the end.  It is what it is, right?”

            Louis smiled for the first time since he’d seen Harry earlier that day. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just hate that I’ve hurt them, you know?”

            “I know, Louis, but they will come to realize that you’re not actually hurting _them_ , you’re helping them by providing an example of how to live an honest life.  That’s a lesson all of us need,” Harry replied supportively.  “Now, dry your tears. I’d like to see you if you’re up for it. I’ve lots to tell you.”

            Louis chuckled, “well, she kicked me out so I have to go somewhere for the night if you want to join me. Remember that house we met at a few weeks ago? No one’s moved in yet so meet me there.”

            “Okay, Louis. I love you,” Harry replied.

            “Love you too, see you soon,” Louis said and hung up the phone.

_Thank heavens for Harry...he's my saving grace..._

            Louis stopped to pick up groceries because he had no idea how long he was going to be there-a week? A month? His life was so chaotic and open-ended right now it made his head hurt.  But when he saw Harry sitting in the driveway of his rental house, his mind cleared.  He hopped out of the car and pulled Harry out for a long hug. The closest neighbors were down the street, but Louis didn’t care if they saw them.  If he wanted to bend Harry over his car and fuck him right there, he would.  But for now, hugs and kisses would do.

            “You’re a sight for sore eyes. You’re my sunshine after the rain,” Louis said softly between kisses and Harry laughed. “You’re my life, my love, my reason to be, you know that, right?” Louis continued holding Harry’s face in between his hands and Harry nodded.  “I’m breathing for _this_ , for _you_ ” and he kissed him a final time. Harry responded by grabbing his hand and pulling him into the house, pinning him against the door and licking kisses into his neck. 

“Harry,” Louis practically sobbed his name and Harry replied by pressing his hard dick against Louis’ thigh. As if he knew what he wanted, Harry got down on his knees, pulling Louis’ pants with him, exposing his hard dick that was already leaking pre-come.  Harry traced his tongue around the tip, licking up the come and Louis rubbed his thumb along Harry’s perfect cheekbones.  “You’re so beautiful, baby, so good to me” and Harry smiled as he wrapped his mouth around Louis’ dick and hollowed out his cheeks, going all the way to his pelvis. 

Louis felt his knees buckle so Harry grabbed his bum with his hands to support him while sucking him, going all the way down each time.  Louis knew he wouldn’t last long if Harry kept this up because every time the tip of his dick hit the back of Harry’s throat he felt his body respond.  He started stroking Harry’s curls, moaning, head thrown back against the door as Harry continued to press his tongue to the bottom of Louis’ shaft.  “Baby, I’m gonna…” Louis moaned out, pulling Harry’s hair and pressing his dick to the back of his throat.  Warm cum shot out of him and down Harry’s throat.

            He felt paralyzed, like all the stress of the day and what had happened had left his body when he came and now he had nothing to physically support him.  Harry pulled himself up to stand, keeping his hands on Louis’ bum and pulled him in for a hug.  Louis’ entire body flopped onto Harry’s chest and he carried them both into the bedroom and laid them both down on the bed.  “Baby, I’m gonna go get a drink,” Harry whispered and Louis nodded softly, closing his eyes. 

He wasn’t sure how long Harry was gone but when he opened his eyes, Harry was sitting on the bed dressed, drinking a Coke, and all the groceries he bought had been put away.  He was watching tv, laughing at some stupid show and when Louis flung his arm across his lap, he jumped. “Hey sleepy head! I got all the stuff in-gosh you bought a lot of food-and have just been hanging out til you woke up!” Harry exclaimed.  Louis kissed him at his waist and said “baby, can we talk about what happened today? I think I need to tell you and I want to hear about your conversation with your mom.”  Harry quickly flipped off the tv and sat his drink down and said “of course, whenever you’re ready!”

            “Okay, well I feel underdressed because I’m sitting here in just my boxers so let me grab a tshirt! And a snack because I’m hungry” Louis replied as he scrambled off the bed.  He returned with two Twinkies, a bag of chips and a Sprite wearing one of Harry’s tshirts. 

“Nice snack, Louis” Harry snarked and Louis replied by ripping of the top of his Twinkie, pressing the cream to Harry’s cheek and licking it off. “Bet you like it now,” Louis replied, mouth full of food.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full” Harry reminded him causing Louis to laugh and spit Twinkie crumbs over the bedspread. 

“Look what you made me do, you wanker!” Louis yelped as he tried to clean up his mess. “Twat,” Harry grumbled jokingly and pinched his arm.

            “ENOUGH!” Louis bellowed, pretending to be angry, but he sat on Harry’s lap & kissed his nose. “Now, tell me about what happened today.”

            “Well, it went better than I imagined,” Harry started. “She took it pretty well, actually. Her and Ali were at home waiting for me-my dad was gone, of course-and we all sat down and started talking.  I mustered up the courage to tell them I was gay and my mum burst into tears.  I thought she was upset with me but she shook her head and said ‘no, I’m relieved. That explains so much.’ Ha! She was actually glad that I was gay! Imagine!  She apologized for pressuring me to marry Emma and find a girl; said she did it because she thought that’s what she was _supposed_ to do.  Then they both hugged me and I told them a little bit about you-just that I’d met someone and he was amazing” Louis started blushing like a schoolgirl and Harry squeezed his leg.  “I want you to meet them soon, okay? You’ll love them!”

            Louis nodded “I would like that very much, Harry.”

            Harry’s demeanor changed when he started talking about his father.  “Then I told her about the money and what Ben said and she was more surprised about _that_ than anything else, so apparently she didn’t know either.  She said dad has a distribution put into his checking account every month from my inheritance but she doesn’t know how or why or who’s in charge of it. So I need to talk to Ben and see if he can figure that out for me.”  He paused and grabbed Louis’ hand almost as a way of giving himself the courage to say the next sentence. “I mentioned to her about, um, dad and that girl, and what, um, our options were and to my surprise, she was 100% on board with it. She even offered to arrange a meeting with the girl and her parents-I guess she knows her mom through church? She’s gonna let me know this week about talking to them.”

            “That’s great,” Louis said softly. “But what about coming out to your dad?”

            Harry laughed softly. “My mom offered to do it! She said it might be easier for him to take coming from her. I’m not sure why she’s protecting him, but whatever…” and his voice trailed off.

            Louis shook his head. “Harry, she’s not protecting _him_ she’s protecting _you_.”

            “Huh?” Harry asked, confused.

“If she tells him and he gets mad he can just leave-like he always does-and you won't have to deal with his rage because I assume he won't take it as well as your mom did.” Louis stated.

“Huh, I hadn’t thought about it like that.” Harry mused.  He pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek, “thank you. I felt such relief after talking to them and it was definitely a positive experience, I wish I’d done it sooner. But I’m guessing yours wasn’t as hunky dory as mine, huh?” he asked.

            Louis shook his head, “not in the least. But before I get to mine, I just wanna say how proud I am of you, Harry. You are an inspiration to me, I promise” and he kissed him gently on the lips.

            He went on to detail his coming out experience and how upset Mary Grace was, then about Rebecca and seeing little Louis as he left and by the time he was done with the story, he was in tears.  Harry rubbed his back and asked “did you feel better after you told them?”

            Louis nodded and said “surprisingly, yes, I felt more confident, more open, _freer_ than I have in months.   But seeing the look on her face and on my kids’ faces was just _awful_. I’m sure they all hate me!  And now I still have to tell my twins, my mom, my sister so it’s not gonna get any easier,” he wailed.

            “Louis, nothing is going to be as hard as coming out to your _wife_ , the person you’ve lived with and been intimate with for twenty years,” Harry observed. “Nothing. And they don’t _hate_ you, they’re angry with you right now and you expected that, right?  So please don’t be so hard on yourself.”

            Louis knew Harry was right but just retelling the story brought a flood of emotions back and he cried and cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.  He fell asleep at some point, with Harry rubbing his back and cuddling him.  When he woke up, he felt Harry kissing his face and eyes softly, saying “Louis, my love, I’ll take care of you.”  Louis opened his eyes and pressed a sweet, slow kiss to Harry’s lips and said “how long have I been asleep?”

            “About an hour,” Harry replied, still rubbing his back.

            “Oh. How long have you been there?” Louis asked.

            “About an hour. And I have to pee” Harry said, smiling.

            “Ha! Well, why didn’t you go while I was sleeping?” Louis asked.

            “Well, I didn’t wanna leave and have you wake up while I was gone!” Harry explained.

            Louis kissed him again, “you’re so sweet, Harry. But please go to the bathroom” Louis laughed and lifted his head so Harry could get his arm out from under it.

            Harry got off the bed and did his best Quasimodo impression: shoulder tilted, leg dragging because it was asleep, which made Louis laugh even harder. He threw a pillow at him and said “dork!” while Harry gimped off to the toilet.  While he was gone, Louis noticed the giant wet spot where his tears had fallen onto the bedspread and it reminded him of why he was here and he started feeling sad again. 

When Harry came back, he shucked off his pants which took more effort than it should have. “Maybe if your pants weren’t _so tight_ , they wouldn’t be so hard to take off?” Louis queried as Harry stumbled around trying to rid himself of them.

            “Hmm, you don’t seem to mind the tight pants,” Harry replied cheekily as he lay down next to Louis.  Once he got his head on the pillow, Louis straddled him and started kissing him hungrily as if the intense need he felt to _have_ Harry at that moment was taking over his entire body.  “Baby, I _need_ you inside of me. _Want_ you inside of me. Want you to be a part of me, even if only for a bit” Louis said while kissing Harry and pulled his shirt off.

            “Okay, baby,” Harry replied. He picked up Louis’ chin so he was looking in his eyes, “Hey, we’re okay, you’re okay, I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make you feel better.”

            Louis chocked down a sob and said, “Okay, good, I need _you_ right now.  Mmm, god, so hot, baby” Louis commented as he reached behind him and grabbed Harry’s semi-hard dick in his boxers.  He roughly palmed his balls and stroked strongly up over the head, making Harry hard quickly.  Louis tore off his pants and shirt and started to slide down Harry’s stomach to his dick.

            “Louis I can’t enter you dry, baby, it will hurt. Just give me a minute to get you prepped” Harry said calmly and Louis whined even though he knew it was true.  Harry stuck two of his fingers in his mouth then reached around to finger Louis who was now on all fours, straddling Harry’s chest.   Louis started rocking back into Harry’s fingers and when he pressed forward, Harry would graze his teeth over Louis’ nipple. “Three. Baby. Please.” Louis begged and Harry pushed another finger into Louis and twisted his wrist to just the right angle and Louis hissed at the sensation.

            When he rocked back to his knees after that, he pushed himself down Harry’s torso to line up his dick with his hole.  Harry pressed into him gently and Louis curled into his chest once he got all the way in. “God, Harry, I want this, I need this, need to be a part of you. You make me feel so good, baby” Louis said into Harry’s chest.  He rocked his hips up as Louis’ ass spread out over his dick and his arms were practically wrapped around his chest. 

“Please go slowly, baby, wanna feel this, you in me” Louis asked and Harry nodded. So he spread his knees out and pushed his hips up slightly as he slowly flicked his hips up towards Louis in short, staccato bursts.  Louis’ fringe was flopping against his head and Harry took his free hand and brushed it away.

            Harry alternated between slow hip thrusts and longer, slower pulses as he rubbed Louis’ back and reached his hands down to cup his bum. “Baby you feel so amazing” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear. “You too baby. Love feeling you inside me like this,” Louis replied.  Harry was able to control his movements and his tempo and he lasted a very long time, long enough for Louis to cum on Harry’s chest just from the friction between them.  After that, Harry said “gonna cum, baby” and Louis nodded.  Harry leveraged his hips upward, deep into Louis and pressed his ass down on his dick at the same time and he came, hard. “That’s it, baby, ugh, fill me up” Louis moaned as Harry chased his orgasm, head thrown back on the pillow.

            After he was done, Louis felt tired again, even though he hadn’t done anything technically.  But he got an idea and after rolling off Harry, reached into his bag and pulled out a black butt plug. “Louis what is _that_?” Harry asked and Louis replied “my butt plug. Remember that picture I sent you?  Gonna put it in so you’ll stay inside me for a while,” and he started to reach around his back to push in the plug. 

Harry grabbed it from him and said “lemme do it” and slowly guided it in. “Now twist the handle once it gets in there” Louis advised and Harry did, while pressing a kiss to his shoulder.  Louis reached out his left arm to pull Harry closer for a kiss and whispered “you’re amazing, you know that?”

            Harry blushed and said “Louis, you _make_ me amazing and…” his voice trailed off and he dropped his eyes.

            “Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” Louis asked somewhat concerned.

            “It’s…it’s just what you said earlier about being a part of me. I’m _always_ with you Louis, because I’m here,” Harry said as he pressed his palm to Louis’ chest over his heart. “Never forget that.”

            Louis wasn’t sure if it was the amazing sex or the circumstances they were in, but he was very emotional at that point and Harry’s statement made him burst into tears.

            “Oh gosh, Louis, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you” Harry said quickly.

            Louis shook his head. “Harry, no, you didn’t upset me. That’s probably the nicest, sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me” and he pulled Harry to his chest and tucked his knees into it. “I love you, baby. So. Much.” Louis said as he kissed his nose.

            “Love you too, baby” Harry replied as he pulled Louis in closer. “Now, just relax” and he started rubbing Louis’ bare back as he drifted off to sleep again.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 20, verses 1, 4-6: _May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob protect you! May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning for religious kink**

He woke up-heaven knows how long he’d been asleep-because he’d kicked the covers off and since he was still naked, he was bloody well freezing.  He reached over to pull Harry closer to him for some warmth but he was gone; he raised up on his arm and said “Harry?” but got no response. For a split second he considered the thought that Harry had left him there, not wanting to stick around while Louis was such an emotional wreck.

“Why in the world would he want to stay with me while I go thru this existential crisis?” Louis wondered.  He got up from the bed, wrapping the entire comforter around him and when he stood up, he realized he still had the butt plug in and it felt nice.  The entire house was quiet and Louis’ rattled mind was still considering that Harry had bailed on him when he turned the corner to the living room and found him sprawled out on the couch asleep, drool spilling out of his mouth onto the couch cushions.  “What a sight,” Louis thought, laughing to himself.  He moved Harry’s legs so he could lay down on his lap and when he did, Harry snarfed and popped his head off the pillow, wiping the drool away.

            “Sorry, Sleeping Beauty, didn’t mean to wake you,” Louis said softly as he lay down with Harry on the couch.

            “Hmmf, no, s’okay, just, uh, couldn’t sleep in there but I guess I can out here” Harry replied sleepily.  Louis laid his head on his lap and his entire body was wrapped up in the comforter from his neck to his feet and he curled his legs into his chest in the fetal position.  “You okay?” Harry asked. “Yeah, just a bit cold is all. And I missed you beside me in bed” Louis fussed.

            “Sorry, baby, lemme go turn the heat up, kay?” Harry replied and scurried off to turn up the thermostat. When he returned he grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV as he sat down.  He absentmindedly stroked Louis’ hair while scrolling through the channels and one of them had the time: 3:13 am.

            “Gosh, Harry, how long have I been asleep?” Louis asked.

            Harry shrugged “I dunno, but I figured you needed to sleep after all you’ve been through today.”

            Harry finally settled on a “Finding Bigfoot” marathon on Animal Planet and when he sat back against the couch, Louis nudged his head further on his lap so he could make eye contact with him.  “Harry?” he asked softly, “why…why did you stay?”

            Harry screwed up his face and asked “huh? Whadda ya mean?”

            “Tonight,” Louis continued, “why did you stay with me after my complete emotional breakdown? I mean, you’re a young guy, you could have anyone in the world, you don’t need my ‘baggage’. I’m just bringing you down,” he said glumly.

            Harry stopped stroking his fringe and looked him dead in the eyes. “Louis William Tomlinson, that is the MOST ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.  Why _would_ I leave when you need me the most?  Sure you’re emotional right now, but you’ve every right to be after what happened. Remember what a wreck I was after I told you I was gay? You were there for me 100% and I want to do the same for you.  And as for me ‘being able to have anyone in the world’ well, that’s just rubbish, as my granny would say. I don’t _want_ ‘just anyone’. I _want_ you. End of.” And he crossed his arms over his chest and looked a bit annoyed.

            Louis chewed on his lip and rubbed Harry’s thigh, “okay, I’m sorry, I’m just a mess right now. My head is mixed-up, my emotions are muddled and when I woke up and you weren’t there, I thought…”

            “You thought _what_ , Louis?” Harry asked directly.

            “I thought you’d left me,” Louis almost sobbed.

            “Oh, Louis, darling, come here” Harry replied and rolled Louis over so his head was against his waist and his arms wrapped around him.  “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Not tonight, not ever,” Harry assured him. He picked up Louis’ chin so he looked him in the eye and said “promise.”  Louis nodded and stuffed his face into Harry’s waist and cried softly.

            Harry tucked his hand under the blanket and rubbed Louis’ right arm and shoulder, soothing him.  He then reached down to his waist and stopped abruptly. “Louis, are you naked?” he asked incredulously.

            Louis nodded quietly, head still buried in Harry’s lap. Harry grabbed the covers and threw them off, exposing Louis’ naked body curled up on the couch, with the black butt plug still in his ass.  “Oh my god,” he said softly, “you look so beautiful with that in you, did you know that?”  Louis shook his head as Harry pulled him up so his left hip was on his leg and he could touch the butt plug. 

“How does it feel?” Harry whispered his voice dripping in admiration. 

“It feels amazing,” Louis muttered, his head now buried into Harry’s right shoulder.

            Louis was no longer cold even without the covers surrounding him.  “Can I?” Harry asked, motioning to the plug. “Sure” Louis replied and Harry twisted it completely around.  A low, guttural groan escaped Louis’ mouth involuntarily and he felt his dick bob against Harry’s thigh.

            “Oh my gosh, that’s so amazing!” Harry was practically squealing in delight. “Can I do it again?” he asked and Louis said quickly, “do whatever you want” and he would soon regret that statement. Because Harry was like a kid in a candy store, twisting and pulsing the butt plug in and out of Louis’ hole, and Louis’ dick responded in kind. When he pushed it far in and grazed Louis’ prostate, his dick would leak cum and Louis moaned. When he took it out briefly, Louis whined and his dick softened briefly.

“I’m like a puppeteer, Louis!” Harry exclaimed. “Yeah, a dick puppeteer” Louis muttered and Harry roared with laughter.

            “Hmm, let’s see what else I can make you do” Harry mused as he slipped down the couch to put his mouth on Louis’ wet dick while he twisted the plug in deeper. Louis’ entire body shook with pleasure as Harry took to twisting the plug up and down, not side to side, which put it firmly against Louis’ prostate when it was in the ‘up’ position.

“Jesus, Harry…” Louis exclaimed as he watched him completely envelope his dick with his mouth while pushing a butt plug into his ass.  He sucked up his dick then down and pushed the plug up and in, nailing his prostate and Louis came _hard_. Harder than he had in a very long time, he almost couldn’t stop coming and Harry took it like a champ, cum pouring down his throat, a cheeky grin on his face.  When he finally came up for air, he took the plug out and Louis collapsed on the sofa, completely and totally spent.  He couldn’t talk or move even if he tried, his entire body was splayed out on the couch, completely exposed, and he noticed Harry sitting on the other end of the couch with a massive boner but he was too gone to do a damn thing about it.

            Harry bent down and started kissing his toes, up his feet, shins, thighs, past his limp, spent dick, up his torso to his neck, careful not to put any part of his body except his lips on Louis. When he got to his neck, he licked up to his ear and whispered, “Louis, baby, I _really_ want to fuck you. Can I?”

            Louis mustered all the energy he could to nod “yes” and in one motion, Harry picked up Louis’ legs and pulled them almost to his ears as he bottomed out in his ass. “Fuuuuccckkk” Louis managed to say as Harry used his upper body to pin his legs up then sat on his knees to rock in and out of Louis.  “God, Louis, you’re so wet and open for me, my dick can’t hardly stay in” Harry moaned as he kissed his neck.  Louis scooted his hips down further on the couch so he was shaped like a V but his ass was propped up so Harry could leverage himself in and out.  Harry was like a possessed animal, pounding himself in and out of Louis with a regular tempo, at times so hard the couch was shaking.  The sound of their bodies sticking and un-sticking from each other was loud but not as loud as Harry’s screams.

“OH MY GOD LOUIS YOUR ASS IS AMAZING” he yelled while pounding into Louis who was now hard again. A small pleasure cry escaped Louis’ lips and Harry sat up on his knees and held Louis’ legs up while he fucked him senseless into the couch. “GOD SHIT FUCK DAMN” Harry was now yelling as Louis’ dick leaked cum and bounced up and down with every thrust. “God, Louis I’m gonna, shit fuck..” Harry muttered and Louis managed to say “cum in my ass, baby, please” which was all the inspiration Harry needed.

A few more hard thrusts-the last of which hit Louis’ prostate, making him cum-landed Harry balls deep in Louis’ ass, his entire body twitching with an earth-shaking orgasm.  He was still holding Louis’ legs, sweaty curls draped over his forehead, slowly pumping his hips as he rode out the pleasure, then he literally collapsed onto Louis’ chest.  Louis had very few faculties left but he had more than Harry at that moment so he slid both of them down the couch so they were laying flat and pulled the comforter over them both. They were sweaty and sticky and really quite gross but neither one cared.

            The sun streaming in the floor-to-ceiling windows at some ungodly hour of the morning woke both of them up.  Louis made a mental note to put tin foil on the windows if they were gonna keep on doing this in the future. “Ugh, it smells like a porno in here,” Louis groaned.  Harry flopped his head on Louis’ chest and asked “how do you know what a porno smells like?” Louis pinched his nipple and said “I don’t. But if I did, _this_ is what it would smell like! We are a literal mess, you know that?”

            “Mmm, I know. Don’t care, shh,” Harry mumbled, nuzzling his nose into Louis’ chest hair.

            “Well, hang on. If we are gonna lay here, lemme shut the blinds and curtains for crying out loud,” Louis gruffed as he rolled off the couch.  When he came back the sun was hidden behind the blinds-thank goodness-but as Harry pulled him in he said “Louis, you _put_ the plug back in?” and he giggled.

            “Gosh, Harry, you’re like a school girl with this thing! Yes; it feels good so why would I take it out?” Louis confessed. “And you were like an animal last night, I’ve never seen that side of you!”

            Harry blushed and said “sorry, don’t know what came over me. You just looked so delicious I had to have you.”

            “Don’t be sorry, love, it was amazing, now c’mere,” Louis replied and rolled on his left side, pulling Harry closer and falling back to sleep.

            He woke up to the sound of his text alert on his phone and-he didn’t remember having his phone by the couch?-and it was from Harry: sorry I burned the eggs L on my way to McD’s for breakfast…

            Louis raised his head off the couch and once he got past the smell of dried cum and sweat, he noticed it _did_ smell like something had burned.  Louis laughed and replied: thanks, STARVING xx and noticed it was almost ten o’clock.  He got in the shower and by the time Harry returned, Louis was cleaning up the living room, spritzing room spray in an attempt to clear the air.  Harry pressed a kiss to his cheek, said “morning, sunshine” and plopped the McDonald’s bag on the table.  Louis was clad only in a towel and when he sat down to eat, he flinched. Harry raised his eyebrows at him and asked “you okay?”

            “Uh, yes, thanks for breakfast,” Louis replied shifting uneasily in his seat.

            “Do you still have the plug in?” Harry asked incredulously and Louis nodded.

            “Thought maybe you’d want to take it out since you’re so obsessed with it,” Louis replied cheekily and Harry smiled. “Yes, please! After breakfast, right?”

            “YES!” Louis yelled and chucked his napkin at Harry. “You animal!”

            Harry bounced his leg during the entire meal in anticipation of what he was going to do.  Finally, Louis said “c’mon. You’re like a kid at Christmas, I swear” and led him into the bedroom.  Harry was practically bursting with excitement as Louis bent over the bed, legs spread, ass up and Harry rubbed his hands together with glee. 

“Do I pull it out quickly? Or slowly?” he asked.  “Just pull it out, Harry” Louis replied in fake annoyance.

            “Okay,” Harry replied as he pressed his left hand on Louis’ cheek then twisted it repeatedly-the filthy buggar-before slowly pulling it out.  When he did, it made a “SCHWOOP” sound as the suction holding the plug in his ass was released and Louis fell forward onto the bed cum and lube dripping out of him, leaving Harry holding the dripping plug in his hand.  “Ohhhh,” Louis moaned and Harry laid down on the bed next to him. “How does it feel?” Harry asked.

            “Good, loose, empty,” Louis described as he took a deep breath.

            “Can I feel?” Harry asked and Louis laid his head on his arms and said “please do” as Harry reached around and easily fit three fingers into Louis’ hole.  “It’s like you’re always open and ready for me,” Harry mused and Louis nodded.

            Harry started playing with Louis’ ass and well, who was Louis to stop him?  He started being ridiculous and would put one finger in Louis and say in a funny voice “helloooo! I’m so lonely up here! It’s so biiig! Where’re my friends?” then put one more in and say “there they are! Join me!”

            Louis was literally almost in stitches from laughing but at the same time he was completely enjoying the feeling. “Knock it off, you twat” Louis smirked and Harry said with mock disgust “well I was going to stop, but now I won’t, you bloody wanker!” and he sat on the top of Louis’ legs just below his bum.

            “Oh jeez, now what? You gonna put on a puppet show back there for me?” he asked teasingly.

            “Hmm, don’t know yet, maybe,” Harry mused but what he did next was about the furthest thing from funny; it was amazing.  He took two fingers from his right hand and pressed them against the top wall of Louis’ hole then slid three fingers of his left hand into the bottom wall.  Louis’ hips bucked up at the sensation and almost knocked Harry off his legs but he stayed on long enough to drag both hands in and out of Louis multiple times.

“Ahhh, Harry, jeeee _susssss_ ” Louis moaned, pressing his head into the covers.  At one point, the bottom three fingers pressed on Louis’ prostate and Louis’ reaction made Harry fell off, rolling onto the bed beside Louis laughing.

            “ _What_ are you doing back there?” Louis asked and Harry shrugged then looked at the clock on the bedside table and mused “ya know, we should be at church right now, Louis.”

            Louis eyes flickered with desire and want and said roughly “you know I should be fucking you until you cum and COME closer to God with my dick in your ass” and Harry laughed but Louis wasn’t joking as he quickly ripped Harry’s shirt and pants off and flipped him on his knees on the bed.

            “Hmm, my how the roles have quickly changed around here” Louis said with glee.

            “Haha!” Harry laughed “be gentle,” he pouted.

            “Not a chance,” Louis replied as he dug his face into his hole and sucked a long kiss to his rim, causing Harry to open up his cheeks.  The taste was delicious and soft and so very Harry that Louis could get lost in it and he almost did until he heard Harry moan loudly and buck his hips forward, closing his cheeks around Louis’ face.  Louis pulled away, saying “sorry, lost track of time in there,” and Harry just nodded, dark curls flopping around his head.

            “God, Harry, you’re so beautiful, and your pink, wet hole is just begging for my rock hard dick,” Louis said but Harry didn’t reply, just rocked his hips back to Louis as if to say, “now, please.” Louis put a tiny bit of lube on his dick but didn’t need much because Harry was already so ready for him.  He kept his knees and hips still and pushed Harry’s hips forward and backwards on his dick; every time he bottomed out, Harry released a grunt.  Louis was losing his mind with pleasure and said “Harry, uhgh, since we’re supposed to be at church, why don’t you pray for me? Like you did that first night when I was on the phone and you got me so hard, remember?”

            “Uh huh,” Harry muttered, “I was so bad and naughty that night, Louis, please…”

            Louis felt his balls twitch at that and the pleasure was building at the bottom of his spine. “Yes you were, Harry,” he said forcefully then stopped fucking Harry for a second which made Harry whine. “Now, _P-R-A-Y_ or I won’t fuck you.”

            “Our father,” Harry said softly.

            “LOUDER,” Louis yelled, still motionless in Harry’s ass.

            “OUR FATHER,” Harry said loudly.

            “Better,” Louis replied as he pushed Harry almost all the way off him then slammed his hips back to his.

            “WHO ART IN HEAVEN!”

            “This is heaven”

            “HALLOWED BE THY NAME!”

            “You betcha”

            “THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE”

            “Yes, you will be done after I come, Harry” Louis said, fucking into him harder now, so hard they had moved up the bed and Harry had to brace himself so he didn’t hit the headboard.

            “ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN!”

            “Your ass is heaven!” was Louis’ response

            “GIVE US THIS DAY OUR TRESSPASSES AND FORGIVE-UH-THOSE WHO TRESSPASS AGAINST US!”

            “I’m trespassing on your ass right now. Do you forgive me?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

            “LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL”

            “Well, that line is quite appropriate here, don’t ya think? Cause your ass is very tempting” Louis asked.

            “FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM, THE POWER AND THE GLORY”

            “This is most glorious!”

            “FOREVER AND EVER”

            “I wish I could fuck you forever and ever”

            “AH-“

            Louis stopped fucking him and said “WAIT!” and reached around and grabbed Harry’s red, angry dick, already leaking come.  He whispered in his ear gruffly, “you gonna cum soon, baby?” and Harry nodded. “Gooood, when you do, I want you to say ‘AMEN’ really, really loudly, okay? Then I’ll cum in your ass” Louis finished and squeezed the tip of Harry’s dick.  A small groan escaped his lips as he dropped his head between his shoulders.  Louis started flicking his hips into Harry while roughly tugging on his dick. “You close, baby?” and Harry nodded.  “Then _say it_!” Louis yelped.

            Louis stroked all the way up Harry’s dick and down in one fell swoop and he yelled “AMEN! AMEN! AMENNNNN!!!” as white hot cum spilled out onto Louis’ hand.  He kept it tight on Harry’s dick as he rocked in and out a few times then pressed his hips into Harry’s one last time.  Harry’s head hit the headboard and Louis’ balls pressed against his hole as he came.

           When he fell forward, he pushed Harry face-down onto the bed then rolled off on his left shoulder.  As he did, he saw the butt plug Harry had taken out of him and knew what he wanted to do. He picked it up, tapped Harry on the shoulder & said “can I?” while showing him the plug.  Harry gave him the “thumbs up” signal so Louis pushed the plug into Harry’s wet, leaking hole.  When it was all the way in, Harry grunted and bucked up his hips; “that feel okay?” Louis asked & he got the “thumbs up” signal again.

            Louis laughed and smacked Harry’s ass and said “gotta go get ready, love” and went about cleaning himself off and getting dressed.  It took Louis about twenty minutes to get ready and when he came back into the bedroom, Harry was still laying face down on the bed, naked, butt plug firmly in his hole.  Louis quickly took a picture-he really couldn’t help himself-then climbed on the bed beside Harry.  “Love, here’s your phone if you need it; I have to go meet my boys for lunch.  You look amazing, I wish I didn’t have to leave…” Louis told him.  “You okay? I’ll be back a bit later, kay?” he said and pressed a kiss on Harry’s butt cheek.  He got a “thumbs up” signal for the third time and laughed as he walked out the door.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 21, verses 1-2, 4-5, 8-9: _O Lord, in your strength the king rejoices, and in your salvation how greatly he exults! He asked life of you; you gave it to him, length of days forever and ever. His glory is great through your salvation. Your hand will find out all your enemies; your right hand will find out those who hate you. You will make them as a blazing oven when you appear. The Lord will swallow them up in his wrath, and fire will consume them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning for religious kink**

He had arranged to meet his boys after church and tell them about his “situation” and while he was nervous to see how they would react, he didn’t have the feeling of dread he had before he came out to Mary Grace. Maybe Harry was right, nothing would be worse than coming out to his wife.  Speaking of Harry, Louis texted the pic of him on the bed to Harry with the caption “well, you look properly fucked”.  Harry replied a few minutes later with two “thumbs up” emojis; apparently that’s all he could do or say since Louis fucked him so hard.

            He met his boys at a local restaurant and they sat down, exchanging pleasantries and catching up.  Finally Noah asked “so dad, what’s up?  We heard mom’s pregnant again…”  Louis pressed his lips together and said “hmm, yeah, kind of an inopportune time, though, because” he paused and drew in a big breath, “I’m gay.” 

The twins both said “WHAT?!” at the same time, but Noah burst into laughter as Abe smashed his fists into the table.  “Noah, it’s _not funny_ and Abe, control yourself, people are watching,” Louis said softly.  He continued to tell the story about how he always felt something was missing in his life and it was only recently that he had realized why.  Noah started laughing _again_ while Abe seethed with anger and said “what?!” again then “how could you do this to mom?”

            Louis put his hand up and said “I’m not doing this _to_ anyone and I’m not doing this to hurt her or you or your brothers and sisters.  I’ve finally realized who I truly am and it’s only taken me forty years, so I’m sorry for _that_.  But I’m not sorry that I figured this out and I’m definitely not sorry I’m gay.” He said firmly.

            “How did you know? When did you know?” Abe was almost shrieking at this point.

            “I think I’ve always known deep down but then I…” Louis looked at his boys, “I, um, met someone”

            “Jesus, dad. So you’re gay _and_ you’ve been cheating on mom?” Abe asked directly.

            “It’s not that cut and dried, Abe, it’s, um, complicated.  But I don’t regret it, not for a second,” Louis replied.

            “Who? Who is it? What’s his name?” Abe inquired.

            “Um,” Louis paused. “Harry,” he said softly.  “It’s Harry…”

            “HARRY?! My roommate, Harry?!” Abe was now yelling at the top of his lungs. “So all those times he told me he was with his mom _he was with you?!!_ ”  Louis nodded. “Oh my gosh, you know, I should go tell the Dean of Students at school about this because his behavior is NOT becoming of a Christian,” he threatened.

            Louis never raised his voice to his boys but he was getting ready to if Abe continued.  He said firmly, through gritted teeth, “you _could_ Abe, but you _won’t_ ”

            “Can’t promise anything, dad!” Abe replied, then grabbed his coat and walked out the door.

            Louis rubbed his face in his hands and looked at Noah. “Now it’s your turn to yell at me.”

            Noah laughed and said “psh. Abe’s always been a hot-head; remember how mad he got when I accidentally pulled the arm off his GI Joe figure? Besides, we drove together, he can’t leave without me.”

            “Thanks,” Louis replied.  “You’re taking this well, better than I expected to be honest.”

            “Sorry I laughed when you told us, but that was about the last thing I thought you would say.  But I think I kinda knew maybe?” he queried.  “Like when you came to take us out to dinner that one night and Harry went along, you looked, I dunno, nervous? Scared? And I wondered why at the time, but now I guess I know.” and Louis smiled.

            “Look I still love your mother and she will always be a part of my life, I just have to be honest with myself and be who I really am, not something everyone wants me to be,” Louis admitted.

            “This might sound like a strange question, but: why did you marry mom?  Were you a virgin?” Noah asked.

            Louis raised his eyebrows like he was surprised to get that question but he replied, “well, she was nice, sweet, we had the same values and goals in life.  I dunno, it was the right thing to do. And _yes_ I was a virgin when I got married. Why?”

            “Hmmm, just curious.  Do you feel the same way about Harry?” Noah asked.

            “Yes,” Louis said enthusiastically. “He’s so amazing: kind and funny and, well, we have similar values.” Louis paused because he realized he used almost the exact same adjectives to describe both his wife _and_ Harry.  “But with Harry, there’s this, um, physical nature to the relationship that is just unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.  Now I know what it’s like to be twenty and madly in love.” He paused. “Is this a weird conversation to be having with your dad about another man?” Louis asked.

            “Hmm, a bit. Just leave out the details, please” Noah joked.

            “Promise!” Louis replied. “Your mom and I were, um, _never_ like that, ever.  Like even when we were newlyweds but since she was my first and only, I just thought that’s how things, um, were supposed to be.  But Harry makes me feel _completely_ different, like well, I’ll spare you the details.”

            “Thanks!  Um, so do you like Jessa, my girlfriend?” Noah asked.

            “Yes, she’s lovely. Why?”

            “Well, um, I really, really like her; she’s beautiful and sweet and she makes me laugh.  But I’m also very physically attracted to her and I know she feels the same way about me too.  She wants to stay a virgin until, um, we get married, which is fine, but we’ve done, um, other stuff.  Is this a weird conversation to be having with your son?” Noah asked.

            “Hmm, a bit. Just leave out the details, please,” Louis replied smiling.

            “Okay. Like there’s times I can’t keep my hands off her and she has to swat me away,” he chuckled.  “Is that normal?”

            “Apparently.  That’s how it is with Harry only he doesn’t swat me away,” Louis replied and Noah looked uncomfortable so he said “let’s change the subject, shall we?”

Noah nodded.  “Being here at school has exposed me to a wide range of people from different backgrounds and points of view.  I mean, yes we’re all Christians, but we don’t all think the same, act the same, have the same family life.  You know there’s some of my friends who _hate_ their parents?  Like they don’t even speak to them; I can’t imagine.  But I’d never experienced or been exposed to anything like that before I came to college.  I lived a very sheltered life before I came here but I’m thankful that I’m learning about the world outside our family.  I wonder if you were able to go to college you would’ve found out more about your sexuality before you got married.” Noah asked.

            “Don’t know,” Louis replied. “Look, it is what it is, I suppose. But that’s one of the reasons why I insisted on you boys going away to school; I never got to experience it and I knew it would be good for you, emotionally, physically, psychologically.  You know your mom was dead-set against you boys leaving? She’s still not happy about it.”

            Noah nodded, “yeah, I know. She reminds us all the time about how much she misses us and wants us home, blah blah blah. I mean I miss her too but I’m enjoying myself here and learning a lot.”

            “Good. Now, let’s go find your brother; hopefully he hasn’t left you. If he has I’ll drive you home,” Louis said and hugged Noah.  “Thank you for being so understanding. I love you, son” Louis whispered in his ear.  Noah replied “love you too, dad. Glad you’re happy” as they left the restaurant.  They found Abe sitting in the truck with the heater on full blast looking like he was going to murder someone; Louis hugged Noah and said “bye, Abe” while shutting the door.  Abe didn’t respond just pressed the gas and peeled out of the parking lot; Louis was a bit annoyed but he knew Abe just needed time to process everything.

            Louis checked his phone and noticed Harry had messaged him; he opened it up to find a pic of Harry’s ass with the butt plug in. “You’re so naughty,” Louis texted back then hopped in his truck to drive to his mom’s house for round three of his coming-out tour.  His mom and Jenny were waiting for him and he told them the whole story and finished with “I’m gay” and waited nervously for a response.  His mom cried then hugged him, saying “Louis I’m so proud of you!”; Jenny punched his arm. “Ow!” Louis said “We’re not twelve, Jen, and I didn’t steal your Barbies again!”

            “No, you dork, I knew you were gay I’m just happy you finally told everyone.” She replied.

            “Hmmm, seems like everyone knew I was gay, except me and Mary,” Louis remarked and all three of them busted out laughing.  He told them about Harry and suggested they meet him soon and promised to bring him around for a visit.  Louis didn’t stay long but it was still early evening by the time he left.  When he got into his truck, he texted Harry: be home soon. Miss you xx  PS I think Abe is mad at you about me :p

            Harry replied: miss u too. And I know, he’s already called & chewed me out. But I think I talked him off the ledge. He’s gonna call u today or tomorrow & apologize xx

            “Whew, another hurdle cleared,” Louis thought as he drove back to his house.  He had a long time and his mind started to drift and think about how much his life had changed in just a short period of time and all because of one person: Harry.  He made him feel emotionally complete and sexually satisfied for the first time in his life and Louis wondered how he would ever thank him.  He pressed on the gas to get home quicker…

            He arrived to find Harry laying on the couch, eating chips and reading a book.  He was on his stomach so when Louis passed by he smacked his ass and Harry jumped.  “Heyyy stranger. How’d it go?” Harry asked, pulling him in for a kiss.  “Good, great, better than I expected,” Louis replied, sitting down on the couch.  He told Harry the entire story of telling his boys and his mom and sister and Harry listened with rapt attention.  “But I missed you!” Louis said when he finished, kissing Harry’s cheek which made him giggle.  “Me too! But I’ve been doing homework and I cleaned up-it was kind of a mess in here-“ and he motioned to the living room, “plus I ordered a pizza. Hope that’s okay.”

            “Mmmm, it’s fine Harry, c’mere, wanna kiss you a lot,” Louis replied and motioned for Harry to sit on his lap.  He crawled up but only sat on his right hip and when Louis went to rub his left bum cheek he felt the butt plug in his ass.  “Harry,” Louis said “have you had that in _all day_?”

            Harry nodded meekly, “yes, it feels so good, I’ve cum like three times already, can’t help it. It feels like you and I…I love it.”

            Louis laughed and started playing with the plug, “see, I told you. I’ll have to get you one then, you little minx.”  Louis went back to kissing Harry and playing with his nipples until Harry groaned loudly and started panting into Louis’ neck.  “You gonna cum, baby?” Louis asked and Harry nodded quickly. “Do it,” he said forcefully and tweaked his nipple and pushed the plug into him further and he came all over his shorts.

            Louis loved seeing Harry like this: sweaty curls draped over his forehead, breathing quickly from pleasure, body slack.  “You’re so beautiful, baby. I love you,” Louis cooed and Harry nodded.  Just then the doorbell rang and Louis jumped up to answer it.  He returned saying “TWO EXTRA LARGE pizzas, Harry?!  How hungry are you?”

            “Very!” Harry said and scrambled up on his knees, holding out his hands to take the pizzas from Louis.

            “Ah, not yet, not until you suck me off, kay?” Louis propositioned and Harry pouted but nodded in agreement.

            Louis got a quick and dirty-but amazing-blow job from Harry and he was so good at them Louis almost lost his mind. His beautiful pink lips wrapped perfectly around Louis’ cock and his tongue knew just where to lick and press to elicit a groan.  He slicked up his dick with his spit and smoothed his hand up and over the tip of his cock quickly but firmly and Louis came within a few minutes.  After Harry licked up the cum, he kissed Louis and said “pizzas getting cold, love” and twirled off the couch.

            “I’m not done with you yet, Styles, I hope you know that,” Louis promised and Harry said “ooh I hope not!” as they both dug into the pizza.

            “Louis,” Harry said, “It’s Sunday and we didn’t go to church so can we do a quick Bible study and have a prayer? I just feel badly that we didn’t go and it would ease my conscious a bit if we did that.”

            “Sure, babe, whatever you want” Louis mumbled.  “After dinner, then?”

            “Yes, please,” Harry replied.

            So Louis cleaned up the plates and put the pizza away while Harry pulled out his Bible and lay down on the couch.  Louis sat on the floor in front of him as Harry said “we learned about ‘1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you’ in Chapel the other day so can I teach it to you?”

            “Sure. I’m the student, you’re the teacher,” Louis replied.

            “Hmph. And if you’re bad, I’m gonna spank you with a ruler,” Harry chided.

            “Promise?!” Louis asked cheekily and Harry just rolled his eyes.

            Louis listened to Harry blather on about the verse it was he was studying and Louis feigned interest for as long as he could but soon he got bored. So while Harry was busy reading the Bible, Louis slowly nudged down the couch to Harry’s waist as Harry cocked an eyebrow at him with mild suspicion.  When Louis pulled down his boxers to expose the butt plug, Harry said “Louissss, what’re you doing?!”

            “Nothing, love, just keep reading,” Louis replied as he licked around the top of the plug.

            “It’s kinda hard when your tongue is so close to my ass,” Harry protested.

            “Just ignore me, darling, just having some fun,” Louis replied and Harry went back to reading.

            The naughtiest thought popped into Louis’ head and he momentarily thought about ignoring it, but when he saw the butt plug firmly entrenched in Harry’s plump ass, he knew he had to follow through with it. So he put his mouth on the end of the plug and twisted it; Harry let out a primeval groan and rutted his hips up.  “Jesus, Louis, what are you trying to do to me?” he exclaimed. “Hmm, I dunno..” Louis replied, giving the plug another twist with his teeth and dragging his tongue around it again.

            In between short breaths, Harry said “Louis…you’re…being very, uh…naughty…” so Louis popped off the couch and crawled in front of it a few feet.  He put his palms together and said “I’m on my knees PRAY-IN for forgiveness, Harry!”  Harry responded by kicking off his boxers and jumping off the couch to stand in front of Louis. When he opened his eyes, Harry’s hard cock was staring him in the face and Louis licked his lips and looked up at Harry with a smirky grin.  He put his hands on Harry’s bum and pulled him closer while saying “keep reading” and took his dick all the way into his mouth.

            When he bottomed out, Harry’s knees buckled and Louis supported him briefly. When he regained his footing, Louis trailed his tongue in circles around his dick while gently pushing his hips into his mouth.  When they got a good rhythm-push, suck, twirl, repeat-Louis twisted the plug as Harry read 1 Peter 5 “Serve God Willingly Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness”

            “You’re very eager, Harry,” Louis moaned.

        Harry started to sweat, the sheen glistening off his shoulders and stomach, and Louis started humming on his dick when he would flick his hips into Louis’ mouth. He couldn’t move much because Louis had his hands on his bum but he didn’t need to.  The combination of Louis’ tongue and mouth and the sensation of the plug in his ass brought Harry to the edge quickly.

“Jesus, fuck, Louis” Harry muttered as he yanked his hair hard and cum shot down Louis’ throat. “Ooooohhhhhhh, Goddddddd” Harry said as he rode it out and Louis kept twisting the plug into him while he did.  When he was done he almost collapsed and Louis said “I’ve got you, baby” and put his hands on his waist and got up off the floor to pull him in for a hug.

            “Gonna take the plug out now, kay baby?” Louis asked and Harry managed a feeble nod.

            He spun him around so he was now on his knees, chest laying on the couch, legs spread wide.  Louis laid his chest beside Harry’s so he could whisper in his ear, “can’t believe you’ve had this in all day, you’re so good to me.”

            “Told you, Louis,” Harry gasped, “feels so good, like you…” and Louis gently guided the plug out and Harry’s legs spread even wider with the release. He whined softly at the loss of friction and Louis looked back to see Harry’s wide-open, gaping maw of an ass and said “God, baby, you’re so open and ready for me, I bet I could put four fingers in you right now.” Harry grunted and said “just put something in there” and wiggled his bum, making Louis laugh.

            “You know what naughty boys who wear butt plugs all day get?” Louis asked softly in his ear.

            “I’m hoping it’s three of your fingers in my ass,” Harry replied suggestively.

            Louis raked his teeth over his ear lobe and said “at the very least” and easily pushed three fingers into Harry.  “God you’re so wet already baby,” he moaned and Harry bucked his hips up in response so Louis pulled his body back to get an up-close view of Harry’s ass.  He massaged his cheek while twisting three fingers up along his outer wall, then twisting his wrist and raking them down slowly, brushing against Harry’s prostate.  After a few times, when Louis would push up, he placed the thumb of his other hand at the entrance and circled it around which made Harry slam his head into the Bible that was laying in front of him on the couch.

            Louis continued that motion-up, down, brush, rim-and he could tell Harry was losing control because he could hear him whimpering and could see the sweat pooling on his lower back. Harry turned his head to the side so it rested on the open Bible and Louis saw a tear fall down his face.

            He stopped abruptly and said nervously, “Harry, love, am I hurting you? Cause I’ll stop if I am.”

            Harry shook his head and said “no, Louis, you get me so worked up, especially when you hit that spot that my body doesn’t know if it should scream, cry, or pass out. So I guess right now it decided to cry.”

            Louis absolutely busted out laughing and Harry giggled as well, He kissed the tears off his cheek and said softly “gonna fuck you now” and Harry nodded and pushed his hips back away from the couch.  Louis trailed kisses from his arm, down his side, across his cheeks then slowly pushed into him.  He quickly bottomed out, balls slapping against Harry’s ass. “God baby, you’re so wet, so open for me, you feel amazing,” he remarked and Harry muttered “you do too, God, fuck me” and Louis grinned gently backing his hips out slightly then bouncing into Harry.

            With each thrust, Harry’s legs spread further apart until at one point, Louis thought he was going to split him in two but Harry didn’t seem to mind.  Louis bent over to jerk him off and whispered “Harry, keep reading the verse from Peter.”

            Harry started, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.  To Him be dominion forever and ever.”

Louis pumped his hips into Harry, jerked him off and managed to suck a bruise into his shoulder. Louis could tell Harry was close to totally losing control and entering that “weird space” again but he wanted to finish them both off before he did.  As he neared the end of his verse, Louis said “what do good boys say when they come, Harry?”

            “A-men,” Harry chocked out.

            “Louder,” Louis said and squeezed the bottom of his dick by his balls then drug his hand up over the top of him as he yelled “FUCK! AMENNNNNNN!” and came in Louis’ hand.

            “Good boy,” Louis soothed as he kissed his cheek, then he spanked his ass with his cum-covered hand, pumped a few quick times into Harry and came.  Harry’s entire body was limp, eyes were closed and Louis really hoped he was still conscious.  He pulled out and sat back on his knees, massaging Harry’s cheek, saying “love, you okay?”

            No response.

            Louis was slightly concerned so he rubbed up his back and pressed a kiss to his cheek, saying, “Harry, darling, talk to me please” he said urgently.

            Harry popped one eye open and said “no” then shut it again.

            Louis swatted at his bum and muttered, “wanker. I was worried for a second” and went in the bathroom to clean himself off.  When he returned to the living room, Harry was still on all fours, chest pressed against the couch cushions, cum leaking out of his ass onto the carpet.  Louis had a towel in his hand and put it around Harry’s bum, saying “love, you’re kinda making a mess, c’mere and lay down” He wrapped the towel around Harry’s waist and dragged him into the bedroom then pulled him in for a cuddle.  "Harry, darling, I'm here for you, love, okay?  Just relax," he cooed as he gently massaged his arms and back. He felt Harry's body go slack as Louis pressed kisses to his forehead.  Louis wrapped him into a hug and when he rubbed his bum cheeks, Harry flinched. “Sorry I hurt your bum, love” and Harry replied “don’t be. Love yooooo” as he drifted back to sleep.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 22, verses 1-2 and 11-13: _My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help. Many bulls encompass me; strong bulls of Bashan surround me; they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion._

Louis woke up around eight to get ready for work and Harry was snoring loudly, drool running out of his mouth onto the pillow. Louis took a quick shower, ate breakfast and got his stuff to leave & decided to check on Harry one last time. He was going to tell him he was leaving but decided to just let him sleep & put his phone by the bed in case he woke up & needed it. Louis had properties to visit, renovations to coordinate and meetings all morning; around 10:30 he got a text from Harry that said “where r u?” with two sad face emojis. “Morning, sunshine,” Louis replied, “nice of you to join the land of the living :D I’m working, be home later this afternoon. There’s cereal in the cupboard-don’t burn down the house trying to cook eggs :p”

            Harry texted back: ha! Ill try not to!

            Then Louis asked: r u still naked?

            Harry replied with the heart-eye emoji and a thumbs up emoji and Louis laughed (and his dick twitched if he was being honest).

            “Tease” Louis replied and went about finishing his business for the day.

            On his way back to the house, Abe called & Louis said “hey, son. How’re you?”

            “Fine.” Abe replied curtly. “Look dad I want to apologize for how I acted the other day. I was just” and he searched for the right word “shocked to say the least. And you know how protective I am of mom, I don’t want to see her hurt.”

            “Look, I understand, Abe, trust me. And I never set out to hurt your mom, I hope you know that.” Louis replied.

            “I do now,” he responded, “so, sorry. Harry’s a really nice guy and, um, I hope you’re happy with him. While I don’t 100% understand or approve of all of this yet-but I’ll work on it-I really do want you to be happy.”           

            “I am, very happy as a matter of fact,” Louis told him. “Have you talked to your mom?”

            “Yes. She’s upset and hurt, as expected. And she said she saw your calls but she’s not quite ready to talk to you yet,” Abe replied.

            “That’s what I figured; I’ll give her some space. And thank you for apologizing; this is going to be a difficult journey for all of us so please talk to me about how you’re feeling, kay? Love you.”

            “Okay, I will, promise. And next time we meet, lunch is on me. Love you too!” Abe replied and hung up the phone.

            When Louis got home, Harry was gone so he texted him: where r u??

            Harry replied: Class! B home soon xx

            Louis said: kay, wanna go out to dinner tonight? Someplace nice?

            Harry replied: YES! Xx

            Louis looked on his iPad for nice restaurants, which were hard to find in the Podunk town they were in but he found a lovely Italian restaurant that looked cozy and intimate; he made a reservation for two at seven and texted Harry the details. Harry didn’t get home until after five so they took a quick shower together-of course-and got dressed. Harry looked amazing and Louis wasn’t sure that they were going to make it to dinner. He pulled him in for a kiss: “you’re definitely gonna be the best looking guy there.”

            “Psh, Louis,” Harry snarked. “I think you’re a little biased.”

            “Hmm, maybe,” Louis said. “But you’ll be with me and that’s all I care about.”

            Harry popped his head up from fixing his tie and said, “Louis, do you realize this is our first, um, proper ‘date’?”

            Louis thought for a second and said “wow, I guess it is. I get to treat my boyfriend to a date!” he exclaimed.

            Harry got a funny look on his face-a mix of surprise and questioning-and said softly, “am I your, um, _boyfriend_?” and he emphasized the last word.

            Louis laughed, “Harry, darling, you’ve had parts of me in your mouth that shouldn’t ever be there, so yes, you are my boyfriend. Is that okay?” he asked hesitantly.

            “YES! I’ve just never used that word before,” Harry replied.

            “Well, there’s a first for everything, go ahead,’ Louis encouraged him.

            Harry took both of Louis’ hands in his and said “I’m going on a date tonight with my _boyfriend_ ” and kissed him.

            “Perfect” Louis whispered. “Now, let’s leave before this goes any further and we don’t make it to dinner because you look sexy as hell right now,” and they grabbed their coats and got into the truck.

            They were chatting and laughing when Harry’s phone rang and it was his father. Harry looked at Louis with horror on his face and Louis nodded and said forcefully, “answer it, Harry!”

            “Hi dad,” Harry said softly.

            “Harry, this is your father,” CJ bellowed.

            “Yes, dad, I know-“ Harry replied flatly.

            He was yelling on the other end of the phone and Louis could hear every word. “What’s this your mother tells me about you being GAY?! I told her she’s lost her damn mind!”

            Harry flinched slightly, shook his head and said “no she hasn’t, it’s true, I’m gay.”

            “WHAT?” He could’ve woken the dead with the volume of his voice at this point. “This is unacceptable and un-Christian!”

            “Dad, it’s who I am and you’ll have to accept it,” Harry was keeping his calm surprisingly. “And,” he picked up Louis’ hand, “I’ve met someone, a guy. And he’s amazing.”

            “HARRY EDWARD STYLES this is Sodom and Gomorrah-like sinful behavior. Jesus never lay with a man and neither should you! It’s unnatural to be with a man & you can’t procreate with one! Stop this disgraceful behavior at once!” CJ sounded like he was speaking through a bullhorn he was so loud.

            “Jesus, what a dick,” Louis thought and held his breath to see how Harry would respond.

            Harry absolutely let him have it: “Dad, you want to talk about SINFUL and DISGRACEFUL behavior? Let’s talk about YOU!”

            “Harry, be careful what you say,” CJ warned.

            “No, I WONT! Granddaddy told me EVERYTHING about YOUR sinful and VERY un-Christian like behavior, all the, the, the”

            “Say it, Harry,” Louis said to himself…

            “WHORES you’ve been with…”

            “That’s it,” Louis thought and squeezed his hand.

            “The women you’ve been with who weren’t mom, the abortions you’ve paid for! You think MY behavior is shameful? Maybe you should look at yours! Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones! I know a lot more than you think and it’s all gonna come home to roost soon, I promise you that!”

            “Don’t threaten me son,” CJ said loudly but with force.

            “Don’t call me SON!” Harry yelled, hung up the phone and threw it in the back of the truck. Louis heard a loud “CRACK” then it fell in the seat. Harry buried his head in his hands and started crying; Louis put his hand on his back. Harry yelled “FUCK HIM, Louis! Fuck YOU, DAD!” he said over his shoulder to the phone lying in the backseat.

            “Shhh, Harry, it’s okay, darling,” Louis tried to soothe him. “Look if you want to go home, we don’t have to go to the restaurant if you’re too upset.”

            Harry just continued to cry and soon they were at the restaurant. When Louis parked the car, Harry flung himself into Louis’ arms and cried on his shoulder. “Shhh, baby, I’m here” he said. “Look we can turn around and go home, order a pizza, whatever you want.”

            Harry shook his head, “no we’re here now. Want to have a date with you, FUCK HIM!” he yelled once more.

            “Yes, fuck him, Harry,” Louis replied. “Now, come on, dry your eyes. We’ll talk about this at dinner okay, but I’m so proud of you for what you said to him.”

            “You, you are?” Harry asked surprised, wiping his tears on Louis’ shirt.

            “Yes, you were strong and said things to him he needed to hear. Now come on, I’m taking you on a date!” Louis said and he ran around to Harry’s side and opened the door for him.

            Harry got out & said “you’re such a gentleman” and kissed him on the cheek. Louis grabbed his hand and led him into the restaurant. They were seated at a cozy table in the back corner, lit by candlelight, soft violin music playing in the background. The lights were dimmed, a crisp white tablecloth, china place settings at each seat. Harry’s eyes got wide in amazement as Louis pulled his chair out for him to sit down. The maître’d handed them menus and a wine list and said “your server will be with you shortly.”

            “Harry have you ever had wine?” Louis asked.

            “I had champagne at my cousin’s wedding once. Why?”

            “Hmm, we’re gonna order a bottle of wine because I think you need it to calm down and we’re here celebrating,” Louis replied.

            “What’re we celebrating?” Harry asked.

            “Us!” Louis replied as the waiter walked up to their table dressed in a tuxedo. He told them the daily specials and asked Louis “may I get you a drink, sir?”

            “Yes, we will have a bottle of your best chardonnay,” Louis requested

            “Good choice, sir. Anything for your son?” and he motioned to Harry.

            “Uh, no, just two wine glasses please,” Louis said uncomfortably.

            When he left they both erupted into laughter. “Your son?” Harry asked incredulously

            “Ha! Yeah, well, he hasn’t seen my dick in your ass; he might change his tune after that!” Louis replied.

            “Louis, SHHHH!!!” Harry said between giggles.

            When the waiter returned, they were holding hands across the table and he gave Louis a strange look. “Sir, our finest chardonnay,” he said grandly as he opened the wine bottle and poured it into the glasses. He put the bottle into the silver ice bucket on the table and said “I’ll return shortly for your orders”

            Louis picked up his glass and said “a toast, Harry. To us!”

            Harry replied “To us!” and they clinked glasses. Harry sniffed the wine then took a small drink and said “mmmm, tastes good. Sweet, but not too sweet.”

            “Ha! You’re a wine expert now!” Louis replied.

            They ordered chicken parmesan for two then Louis leaned forward and said “Harry, what _happened_ last night? It’s like I…” and he looked around to see if anyone was listening “fucked your brains out” he said softly.

            Harry was almost finished with his first glass of wine and he said “I dunno, Louis, but I remember you, um, finishing, but that’s it. My mind was blank, my arms and legs refused to work, it was bizarre. I’ve felt similarly out of it before but never like _that_.”

            Louis puffed out his chest like a proud peacock and Harry chucked a roll at him and motioned for Louis to fill up his wine glass. “Whoa, slow down, pardner, you’re gonna get drunk!” Louis admonished. He figured he should talk to him about his dad before he forgot what he’d said to him. “Harry,” Louis said very seriously. “I meant it when I said I was proud of you for how you handled your dad. It was long overdue.”

            Harry took a long drink of his wine and said “thanks. I meant it too. He has no idea what’s coming for him. Speaking of, my mum arranged for us, um, me, to meet with that girl on Friday. Can you, um, come with me?” he asked.

            “Of course! Wouldn’t miss it!” Louis promised.       

            Louis told him that Abe had called and what they said and Harry told him a story about when he was a kid and he fell off his bike; his mom and sister kissed him and his dad said “don’t be a sissy! Boys don’t cry. Man up!”

            “Nice, huh? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg” Harry asked, now working on his third glass of wine.

            “Harry, he’s a dick, I’m sorry,” Louis said and Harry agreed.

            Their food had arrived and they dug in. For every glass of wine Louis drank, Harry drank two and he could tell he was getting drunk because he started using his hands when he talked and his voice level increased with each glass of wine. When the waiter asked if they wanted dessert, Harry said “YES!” really loudly and Louis had to shush him. Louis ordered tiramisu and Harry had the cheesecake; when it arrived it had a small dollop of whipped crème on it. Harry said “Looo-ISSS” and wiggled his eyebrows at the whipped crème which made Louis laugh.

            By the time Louis paid the check, Harry was properly drunk; he put his arm around his waist to help him out of the restaurant-and people were staring but Louis wasn’t sure if it was because Harry was drunk or they’d never seen two men with their arms around each other. Louis helped him into the truck-after he tripped once trying to climb in-and when he got into the driver’s seat, Harry slurred “Louissss, kisss meeeee” and fell forward into Louis’ shoulder.

            “You drunk monkey,” Louis laughed and kissed his nose.

            Harry pouted and Louis had to push him off and buckle his seat belt for him. Harry started talking to himself and singing and at one point said “Louisss, jus saw ‘ainbow!”

            “Um, no, that wasn’t a rainbow, love, it’s ten o’clock at night” Louis chuckled and Harry just shrugged. Then he turned his head to stare at Louis to the point where he was slightly uncomfortable. “Harry, can I help you?” Louis asked and Harry draped his body over the front seat, putting his chin on Louis’ thigh. “Cin I suskkkk yerrrr dickkkk?” he asked.

            “Sure, do whatever you want,” Louis said as Harry fumbled with his zipper. Louis had to help him because he was all thumbs and couldn’t coordinate his brain and his hands to cooperate. Harry’s large hands felt even larger and clumsier now that they were full of white wine so he roughly grabbed Louis’ dick and yanked it out of his pants. “Oooh, careful, love” Louis said softly. “Sozzy,” Harry replied, sticking his tongue on Louis’ tip.

            Between Harry’s intoxicated body and the curvy Oklahoman roads, Harry only made contact with Louis’ dick once every three or four tries; the rest were slobbers on his stomach or his pants and he licked his zipper at one point. Then he flopped his head on Louis’ stomach and made a determined effort to mouth at his penis but he was all teeth at this point and Louis yelped. “Jesus, Harry, it’s my dick, not a chicken wing!”

            “Mmm, chicken. I love KFC, Louisss, dooo yououuuu?” Harry asked.

            “This is a disaster,” Louis thought and pulled Harry’s head up off his lap. “Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t say this, but please stop. We’ll finish when we get home” he told him as he pushed him back into his seat. Harry pouted then flopped over to the corner near the window and he started talking about getting KFC. If the situation wasn’t so ridiculous, Louis would be mad but all he could do was laugh.

            When they got home, Louis went around to pull Harry out of the car and he responded by clutching onto him like a koala; now Louis had to carry Harry-who was almost a head taller and 50 pounds heavier than him, plus he was sloppy drunk-from the driveway into the house. “You owe me big time, buster,” Louis muttered and Harry said “youzzz wansts mustardsss, Looisss?”

            Louis dumped him onto the bed somewhat unceremoniously and went to use the bathroom. When he got back, Harry was naked except for his tie, sprawled out on the bed. “Harry, how did you get undressed so fast? You can’t hardly walk!” Louis asked and then he saw the clothes in a heap at the end of the bed; the buttons were ripped off his shirt and the pants had rips in the seams like he literally tore them off his body, Incredible Hulk style.

            “You’re a mess, you know that?” Louis asked while taking his clothes off the right way.

            “Mmm, yessss peaseee suckkk meee, Youish” Harry said so as soon as Louis was naked, he put his mouth on Harry’s dick. He didn’t get much response but he thought it was maybe because the alcohol flowing in his blood had slowed down the message to his brain that “hey, Louis is sucking your dick” Louis was rather focused on what he was doing, mouthing and licking, and when he went to grab Harry’s balls, Harry didn’t move. Louis looked up and found Harry passed out in the middle of the bed; mouth open like it was catching flies, curls slack against his forehead.

            “What now?” Louis wondered, looking at his own half-hard dick, which had been hoping for some action. He decided to leave Harry there but he jerked off and let his cum fall on Harry’s stomach. Then he took a picture of it because he was sure Harry wouldn’t remember it in the morning. He put his pajamas on, grabbed a pillow and went to sleep out on the couch.

            He went to the bathroom a few times during the night-damn that wine!-and each time he looked in on Harry who was still in the same position, mouth open, soft dick draped against his leg. Louis didn’t have anywhere to be until early afternoon so he got up and fixed breakfast for himself before sitting on the couch to eat and watch tv. He heard a loud groan coming from the bedroom and knew his drunk monkey was stirring so he walked in to find Harry’s eyes open, moaning.

            “Louis, why does my head hurt so badly? Why does it feel like I swallowed cotton? Why do I have to…” and he ran off to the bathroom. Louis could hear him vomiting so he got a cold cloth and pressed it to his neck while he was hunched over the toilet.

            “Congrats, babe, you’ve got your first hangover,” Louis said.

            “First and _last_ ,” Harry promised.

            “Come on, let’s get some clothes on you and I’ll fix you breakfast” Louis said and pulled Harry up to a standing position. Harry looked around like he’d just realized he was completely naked and mumbled “yeah, good idea. Lemme brush my teeth first.”

            Louis left him there leaning on the vanity to hold himself up and brought back some sweatpants and a tshirt which he helped him put on-and finally took off his tie. He guided him into the kitchen and put a plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of him. Harry looked at it like it was pig’s ass and cabbage and said “don’t know if I can eat this.”

            “You know what’s good for a hangover?” Louis asked.

            Harry looked like he was trying to get his brain to work & said confusedly, “sex?”

            “What?! NO! To keep drinking, you know ‘the hair of the dog that bit ya’ and all that?” Louis replied which made Harry retch into the nearest garbage can. “Okay, maybe that’s not the best idea…”

            “Speaking of, um, sex, did we…” and Harry wiggled his eyebrows.

            “Ha! No. We tried but you passed out so I left you there,” Louis told him.

            “Hmm, well, why is my stomach all sticky?” Harry asked.

            “That’s because I jerked off and came all over you for leaving me with blue balls. Here, look,” Louis said and showed him the picture.

            “Wanker,” Harry muttered and chucked his bacon at Louis.

            “Yes, I _was_ a wanker because I wanked off on you for leaving me hanging!” Louis squawked and threw the bacon back at Harry. “You owe me big time!”

            “Yeah, yeah, put it on my tab” Harry snarked. “Louis, I don’t think I can eat this” and he pushed his plate away.

            “That’s okay, come on, let me put you to bed I’ve gotta go soon” so Louis put Harry back in bed with a bottle of Tylenol, some Gatorade and crackers and said “the only thing that will help is sleep and fluids, okay?” as he tucked him in.

            “Kay, thanks, love you baby,” Harry said softly.

            “Love you too, my drunk monkey,” Louis cooed and Harry swatted at him as he walked away.

Louis had quite a few appointments and meetings that day but he managed to text Harry a few times and no matter the message he sent, Harry replied with three poop emojis. Louis laughed at what a ridiculous mess he was. Louis tried to call his wife-again-but she still wasn’t taking his calls; and he was starting to miss his kids tremendously. The “doubting side” of his brain wondered if coming out was the right thing to do, considering the consequences to his family. But then he saw the stupid text messages from his adorable boyfriend and he realized it was. By late afternoon, he was on his way back and he texted Harry to see if he wanted dinner; this time he got three thumbs down emojis and a monkey covering his mouth emoji. “You’re a dork, but I love u” Louis replied.

            When he got home, Harry was sitting up on the couch-which Louis took as a good sign-but his head was flopped back on it, his body lazily draped down the front. Louis kissed his cheek and said “morning sunshine” and Harry made a feeble attempt to smack his ass. When Harry caught a sniff of the Taco Bell that Louis brought home he pinched his nose and said “Louis that’s making me sick” to which Louis replied “you sure you’re not pregnant?”

            “If I had the energy to throw this pillow at you right now I would,” Harry said jokingly.

            “HA! How ya feeling, pumpkin?” Louis asked.

            “Well, I can’t move my head from side-to-side or else the room starts spinning again. Other than that I’m fine and I haven’t thrown up since about noon.,” Harry replied. “By the way I meant it when I said I was _never_ drinking again.”

            Louis almost chocked on his quesadilla he was laughing so hard. “Mmmkay, maybe next time you drink you just won’t drink as much as you did last night. I don’t recommend drinking ¾ of a bottle of wine in one sitting, just FYI.”

            “Ugh, can we change the subject? All this talk about wine is making me feel queasy again,” Harry moaned.

            “Fine,” Louis replied then he put down his food and was straddling Harry’s lap before his hungover brain could even register what was going on. He dipped his head into Harry’s neck and started licking and kissing it. “You know this is probably the longest I’ve gone without touching you since we’ve been here?” he asked and Harry groaned.

            “Louisssss, please,” Harry sighed.

            “Harrryyyy, whattt,” Louis mocked.

            “Look, Tommo…” Harry started

            “Oooh, you called me ‘Tommo’ guess you mean business huh?” Louis asked, still kissing his neck.

            Without lifting his head off the back of the couch, Harry grabbed Louis’ arms and pushed him off his neck. “Look, _Tommo_ ” he said and Louis smiled, “I will fuck you senseless for days if you just promise not to mess with me for the next twenty-four hours.”

            Louis collapsed into a fit of giggles and rolled off Harry onto the couch. He was almost crying with tears when he said “you should see your face! It’s kinda hard to take you seriously when you look like you’re going to vomit!” He regained his breath and kissed Harry’s cheek. “Fine. I’m gonna hold you to that ‘fucking me senseless for days’ part you know?”

            “FINE!” Harry yelled, “you sex maniac! It’s no wonder you have ten kids!”

            Louis knew he wasn’t like this with his wife but he didn’t feel like discussing that right now considering the state Harry was in. “Twat,” Louis muttered getting off the couch. “Ok, let’s watch a movie, then? It looks like there’s some in the cupboard.”

            “Fine!”Harry shrieked.

            “How about something romantic? Here’s ‘Love Actually’…” Louis suggested.

            “That’s fine; Ali watches it with my granny whenever we visit; I’ve seen it a hundred times, but I don’t mind to watch it again. My mum says it’s not a very ‘Christian’ movie but she lets Ali do whatever she wants. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.” Harry replied.

            “Okay, good. And if it wasn’t a decidedly ‘Christian’ movie, we didn’t watch it at my house,” Louis said and went about putting the movie in the DVD player. He turned off the lights and got him and Harry something to drink before sitting on the couch, stretching his legs onto Harry’s lap. “Here’s two more Tylenol, love,” Louis said handing it to Harry.

            “Thank you,” Harry said. “You know I love you, even when you’re being a twat.” He asked.

            “Same,” Louis replied, kissing his cheek and settling in to watch the movie.

            Harry kept his head back on the couch, his long, lanky frame stretched out over the front and he occasionally rubbed Louis’ feet but he generally didn’t move and every so often, Louis would glance at him and snicker, garnering a serious side-eye from Harry.

            When the closing credits came on the song “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys played; Louis started humming the song and said: “Harry, this should be ‘our’ song! Because God only knows what I’d be without youuuuu” He pressed a kiss to his cheek and Harry said “sure thing, dear.” Louis enjoyed the movie-even if Harry did fall asleep during it a few times-and when it was over, he helped him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, then tucked him into bed. He kissed his forehead & Harry muttered “g’nite, luv ooo” as he turned over to go to sleep. Louis wasn’t quite tired enough so he stretched out on the couch with is iPad and had an odd feeling that he wanted to watch some porn…..

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! :D xx


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 23, verses 1, 3-5: _The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He restores my soul. He leads me in ipaths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning** Religious kink

The next day Harry made it to his class, clutching a bottle of Gatorade in his hands, while Louis worked from home. He tried to get Harry turned on by kissing his neck but Harry pushed him away, saying “by my calculations, I have twelve or so hours before you can do that,” and pointed his finger in his face. “Fine!” Louis mocked and flounced off to check his email.

            Later that night, after dinner, they were sitting on the couch-Harry still moving gingerly, but able to hold his head up-when Louis decided to be naughty just for fun. They were sitting at opposite ends of the large couch, feet touching in the middle when Louis got his iPad out again and sat it in his lap. With his headphones in, he turned on the porn video he watched the night before. Within a few minutes he pulled his dick out of his pants but Harry couldn’t see it because the iPad was covering it; however, once Louis started making the jerking motion with his hand, Harry turned his head and peered over the iPad to see what Louis was doing. He raised his eyebrows then rolled his eyes and stomped off to the bedroom; Louis yelled “Harry! C’mon, love I was just teasing!” as he scrambled off the couch to follow Harry. He quickly tucked his dick back into his sweatpants and found Harry curled up into a ball, covers up to his chin, clutching a pillow. Louis sat on the bed and said “Harry, love, I’m sorry, I was just teasing you, please don’t be mad…”

            Harry punched Louis’ arm and said “I’m not _mad_ , you twat, I’m jealous” and he smiled. “My body wants to help you with that but my brain won’t cooperate. And you’re just rubbing it in, no pun intended.”

            Louis cackled and punched his arm back, “ok, sorry for being cheeky. I’ll take care of my business in the shower, you just rest, kay?”

            Harry nodded. “By the way, talked to my mum today & she’s arranged for us, um, me, to meet with that girl and talk about my dad on Friday. Can you come?”

            “Do you want me to?” Louis asked and Harry nodded vigorously.

            “Yes, I told my mum you might come and she’s excited to meet you. She’s not gonna be at the meeting because she wants to make sure her ‘hands are clean’ if it ever gets out about us talking to her. So I told her we would meet for lunch after. We’re meeting them near school, not in my hometown-too many gossips,” Harry explained.

            “Sounds great, baby,” Louis agreed then motioned to the bathroom. “Gotta go, um, take a shower. Might be a long one too…”

            “Just go, you wanker,” Harry said in mock disgust.

            “Yes, I am gonna _wank_ off thinking about youuuuu” Louis said in a sing-song voice then ran off to the shower.

            He came back after an extended shower-and an especially long wank-to find Harry sleeping. He put pajamas on and even though it was early in the evening, he slid behind Harry to spoon him, breathing in his curls. _This_ was why he did what he did and, quite frankly, he wouldn’t change a thing.

           Louis thought, "I spent so many years hiding from being gay. It was like my life was in black and white; I was an observer in my own life not really part of it. The moment I admitted and accepted it for myself, the moment I said to myself ‘you are gay and it’s okay,’ well then the color just rushed back-in the form of Harry. I’m back and I started living again, thanks to him." Louis looked at his beautiful boy and honestly couldn’t believe his luck. He pressed a kiss to his neck and said “love you, baby” as he snuggled in and fell asleep.

            He woke up the next morning to Harry giving him a blow job. “Harry, Jesus, what’re you doing” he mumbled and Harry replied “thought I’d get a head start on that ‘fucking you senseless for days’ thing I promised. Now just lay back and relax” and he put his hand on his stomach. Louis raked his hands thru Harry’s curls and said “this is an amazing way to be woken up” to which Harry replied “just getting started, love…” and pressed his already lube-slicked fingers into Louis’ hole. Louis spread his legs out wide at that, allowing Harry to settle in between them on his knees. “God, Louis, you’re so tight, baby, feel so good,” Harry said as he opened him up; he had three fingers inside him then used his pinky to brush Louis’ rim causing Louis to moan loudly. Harry took a long lick up Louis’ dick then traced kisses up his chest until he rested his head on Louis’ right shoulder. “God, baby, I…” Louis started and Harry whispered “shhhhh….I’ve never given a hickey before, can I give you one now?”

            Louis nodded and pointed to his chest, just below his collarbone “put it here,” he suggested.

            “Kay, how’d I do it, baby? Teach me,” Harry asked as he twisted his fingers deeper into Louis.

            “Ungha ohhhh, um, kiss and bite and lick, suck on it too,” Louis said quickly so Harry went to work on his hickey while fingering Louis open. Harry’s long fingers kept brushing past Louis’ prostate causing him to twitch and his dick to leak; within a few minutes, Harry had a proper hickey on Louis’ chest.

            “Mmm, that looks good I think,” Harry said proudly and Louis nodded. Harry put his mouth back by Louis’ ear and whispered “gonna fuck you now…”

            “Oh god, pleaseeeeee, Harryyyyy…” Louis begged as Harry pulled his fingers out of Louis and quickly replaced it with his dick. He had Louis’ left leg thrown over his shoulder and when he pushed all the way in, he lay on his torso. He started almost purring in Louis’ ear while gently rutting his hips into Louis’ ass “mmm, baby, feel sooooo good, so tight, so hot, so wet for me,” which just made Louis lose his mind. He grabbed his butt cheeks with both hands and helped Harry rock in and out of him and soon they were perfectly in sync.

            “Harry,” he whispered, “touch me, gonna unf,”

            “Gonna what, baby?” Harry asked calmly.

            “Cum, gonna cum, baby, pleaseeee” Louis replied.

            “I love it when you beg,” Harry said smiling and pulled away from Louis’ torso, sitting on his knees in between his legs. He threw his other leg over his shoulder so now Louis’ hips were off the bed and he grabbed his dick, pushing his thumb from the base to the tip quickly but firmly.

            “Oh, godddd,” Louis moaned as he came and his legs relaxed a bit; Harry held them up into a V-shape while he fucked him.

            “Baby, you feel so good, Jesus, I’m gonna cum…” Harry moaned and on the last sharp thrust, he orgasmed into Louis.

            “Ohhhhh,” they both moaned in unison, Harry flopping down on Louis’ chest.

            “Wow, if that’s how this is gonna go for the next few days, I think I’m gonna like it. Wish you had a hangover more often,” Louis said.

            Harry tipped his face up to kiss Louis’ nose, “Just getting started, babe” and Louis shivered in response.

            Harry showed he was a “man of his word” over the next three days as they had sex three times a day during that time. Some were quick “lemme-fuck-you-over-the-vanity-before-I-leave” but more often than not, the sex was slow and sweet, with Harry as the big spoon, cooing into Louis’ ear, making sure he came at least twice before Harry did. And that didn’t include the random blow jobs, hand jobs and occasional rimmings that were sprinkled in between the sex. By the end of the third day, Louis was in a blissfully happy, if a bit of a sore, state. They were cuddling in bed after the last round and Louis started laughing.

            “Louis, what’s so funny?” Harry asked. “When you giggle after sex it makes me a bit insecure…”

            “Oh I’m not laughing at you, silly! I’m laughing because…”

            “Because…..” Harry suggested.

            “Because I’ve had more sex with you in the past three days than I had for most of last year,” he replied.

            “WHAT?” Harry said incredulously, sitting up on his elbow to look Louis in the face. “Well, me too but for completely different reasons. But you can’t be serious! How the heck did you have ten kids then?”

            “Do I have to explain the ‘how’ part to you, Harry?” Louis asked mockingly.

            “Psh, no, I know that, but like…” Harry replied.

            “I know, just teasing. Do you mind if I talk about this now? It won’t be weird?” he asked.

            “It’s a little weird, but what else is new around here?” Harry said laughing.

            “This is true…well, with her it was never the, um, passion like I have with you. Sex was a monthly-if not every other month-affair, usually around when she ovulated so it was mainly for, um, procreation, not pleasure. She said ‘sex just for pleasure is sinful’ so we should only do it when we could potentially create a baby. I thought that was normal, if a bit sexually frustrating. I started jerking off quite a bit there at the end, which she didn’t like-said that was a ‘sin’ too-but she forgave it if she didn’t have to ‘deal with me’. So last year I actually had sex probably eight to ten times. And I’ve had sex with you _nine times_ in the past _three days_.”

            “Louis, I…” Harry said.

            “You should be pretty proud of yourself, you little minx. I can’t keep my hands off you,” Louis said as he kissed Harry.

            “Oh, I am, don’t worry. But how…why…why was that situation _okay_ with you?” Harry asked.

            Louis thought for a second and said “hmm, I guess I thought it was ‘normal’ like things were _supposed_ to be like that ya know? I had only ever been with, um, her so I’d nothing to compare it too. Also, I wasn’t that attracted to her, um, sexually-looking back on it now-so it was fine with me. Then you came along and blew my mind.”

            “That’s not all I blew,” Harry said jokingly.

            “Hahaha! Yes, thank goodness!” Louis replied.

            “Can we, um, change the subject?” Harry asked.

            “Yes, please do, this is a depressing topic” Louis suggested.

            Harry bit his lip and said softly, “Louis I lied to you.”

            Louis thought he was serious and was concerned, “what? When? Why?”

            “The other day, um, when I had the hangover, I um, watched porn while you were gone. And it got me so turned on I had to use your, um, vibrator to massage my balls until I came because I couldn’t move my head & my hands were refusing to cooperate-metaphorically speaking-due to my hangover.”

            Louis whooped with laughter, “oh, Harry, that’s hysterical! I don’t care that you watched it-though I wish I would’ve been with you-and I’m imagining you being hungover pushing a vibrator against your balls!”

            “Ha, ha, very funny,” Harry mocked, “but that’s not the main reason why I’m telling you this story,” and Louis cocked an eyebrow.

            Harry bit his lip again. “I um, watched some stuff I’d never seen before and I liked it…”

            “Oh no, don’t tell me you watched straight porn and now you’re straight! I’m devastated!” Louis yelled sarcastically.

            “No, you twat,” Harry said, twisting his nipple, “These two guys were using, um, _bondage_ ” and he whispered the last word.

            “Um, I think I know what that is. Also, why are you whispering?” Louis asked.    

            “Ugh,” Harry said, annoyed. “It’s where one person, um, ties up the other during sex, and, um, do you think maybe we could try it sometime? If not that’s fine,” he said the last part quickly.

            “Sure, babe! I’m up for it, never done it before but I’d like to try it with you,” Louis agreed. “But who ties who up?”

            “You’ve been married for twenty years and you’ve never done it before?” Harry asked and Louis shot him a “you know why!” look. Harry nodded and continued, “Um, I’d like to tie you up, lemme have my way with you, sort of. If it gets too weird, we can stop, promise,” Harry suggested.

            “Okay, deal,” Louis agreed and pressed a kiss to Harry’s lips. “Now, time for bed, love. I’m gonna go put some pajamas on…”

            Harry pouted, “no jammies. I want naked cuddles,” he said as he tucked himself under Louis’ chin curled up like a hedgehog.

            “Ha! Okay, I’m up for naked cuddles, usually leads to something else. Though I’m kinda spent right now in that department,” Louis joked and rubbed Harry’s back until they both fell asleep.

Friday morning Harry had class at nine so they took a shower together-which ended in mutual blow jobs-and while getting out of the shower, Louis got another really naughty idea. He went into the bedroom and came back with the butt plug and the lube. He stood behind Harry’s shoulder and held them both up so he could see them in the mirror. He was brushing his teeth and said “oh, noo, Woois, nod da-day…” and groaned.

            “Yes, today,” Louis replied mischievously and pressed his left hand on the small of Harry’s back and his right two fingers into Harry’s hole to prep him. Harry bent over slightly and pushed his hips out for Louis to work him open. After a few minutes, Louis lubed up the plug and pushed it into Harry then admired his handiwork. “Looks amazing, baby.”

            They both got dressed with Harry walking around gingerly because he had the plug in; when he zipped his jeans up he sucked in a breath because now the plug was pushed tightly into his ass. Louis was going to drive Harry to his class, then meet up with his boys for a bit then go meet with the young girl. During the drive to campus, Harry was fidgeting the whole time and refused to put both butt cheeks on the seat.

            “Baby,” Louis said, putting his hand on his shoulder, “sit down please” and when he did, Harry let out a big sigh. “Now, circle your hips for me, move them back and forth,” he suggested and Harry did what he was told. The result was that the tip of the plug served as a kind of “top” that stayed in place while Harry’s bum did circles around it. Pretty soon, Harry was groaning and Louis could see his dick getting hard and he was starting to sweat.

            “You like that, baby?” Louis asked and Harry grunted.

            Louis stuck his hand down Harry’s pants to feel his hard cock and Harry slid forward on the seat, pushing the plug up and into his prostate. With that, he came on Louis’ hand. “God, Louis, how am I gonna sit through class like this? Oh my God…” Harry said.

            “What?” Louis asked, hand still covered in cum.

            “I just realized I have _chapel_ this morning,” Harry groaned in annoyance and Louis cackled with laughter.

Harry sighed in mock annoyance: “Now I’m definitely going to hell…”

            “I wish I could see you squirming and trying not to come while the pastor is preaching!” Louis replied. “Actually that happened to me once,” and Harry cocked his eyebrow. “I’ll tell you later” Louis promised.

            They had arrived on campus and Louis quickly wiped his hand on his scarf as Harry tidied himself up; Louis dropped him off and had to laugh at how he was walking: trying to make it look normal-like he didn’t have a butt plug in-and failing.

            He went to go meet up with his boys at their dorm to hang out for about an hour until Harry was finished with chapel. About thirty minutes after he arrived he got at text from Harry: meet me in the chapel bathroom downstairs NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

            Louis laughed and politely excused himself saying Harry was done early and he had to go pick him up. When he got to the chapel, it was quiet except for the music and prayer from the sanctuary. Louis made his way downstairs to the bathroom-it was a handicapped, large, one stall toilet with one outside door-and he knocked softly. “Harry, it’s me” he said and the door opened quickly, with Harry grabbing his arm and pulling him into the bathroom, then locking it behind him.

            Harry was a sight to behold: sweaty curls stuck to his forehead, pupils blown, skin clammy and white, limbs slack as he propped himself up on the wall with his shoulder. “Harry, darling, come here” Louis said as he held his head in his hands. “What’s wrong?” he asked even though he knew the answer.

            “What’s wrong?” Harry shrieked. “I had to leave chapel because this plug kept knocking my prostate! Father Charles excused me saying I looked ‘ill’. Pleaseeee help meeeee,” he begged.

            “Oh, I’ll help you alright,” Louis promised. “Now turn around” he demanded and Harry pressed his hands against the wall and spread his legs apart. Louis peeled his jeans off-“really, Harry? You know you can buy a size bigger” he remarked and Harry just rolled his eyes-then his boxers, displaying the plug now firmly into Harry’s hole. “God, it looks so beautiful, maybe I’ll keep it in,” Louis mused.

            Harry wiggled his hips, “Louis, pleaseeee, take it out,” he begged again.

            “Ha! Okay, baby, stay still,” Louis requested as he pressed his hand on Harry’s back and gently twisted the plug out. When it popped out, Harry pressed a breath out and dropped his chest, making his legs spread even wider. “Oh, that’s better,” he said as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.

            Louis knew he couldn’t let this opportunity slide so he quickly dropped to his knees and licked a long stripe up Harry’s hole. “Mmmm, sweet. Remind me to buy flavored lube next time,” he said while squeezing Harry’s cheeks.

            “Louis, I, just” Harry started and Louis rubbed his cheek and said “shhh, baby, lemme do this.”

            “But we’re in chapel, Louis!” Harry said.     

            With his tongue in his ass, Louis said “I could stop” then wiggled it up and down.

            “No, don’t stop, pleaseeeee” Harry replied and Louis went back to work.

            Louis spread his cheeks out wide and slowly flicked his tongue in and out; Harry’s hole was properly stretched so he pushed two fingers in as well. At that point Harry groaned and Louis could hear people upstairs leaving and he got another naughty idea. He stood up so his chest was to Harry’s back, pushing three fingers into his hole to keep him open. He hissed in his ear, “you know what naughty boys say while they’re getting fingered?”

            “Amen?” Harry squeaked.

            Louis pulled on his earlobe with his teeth. “Exactly” and grabbed Harry’s dick.

            “Amen,” Harry said softly and Louis tugged on his balls. “Louder.”

            “Amen!” Harry said in a regular voice and Louis pressed his fingers deeper into Harry. “Hmm, better. Louder.”

            Harry choked down a sob. “Amen amen amen amen amen amen” he said to the rhythm of Louis pushing his fingers in and out while he jerked him off.

            “Good, baby,” Louis cooed. The repeated motion in his ass combined with Louis’ hand all over his dick meant Harry was getting close to coming. He pressed his hips back and said loudly “God, god, GOD! AMEN!” as he came into Louis’ hand. Louis could’ve sworn he heard someone walk down the stairs at that point, pause, then go back upstairs. Harry stayed in that position trying to gain his breath while Louis took his cum-covered hand and jerked himself off onto Harry’s lower back, then massaged it in.

            He pressed a kiss to his cheek and said “we should probably go now, love” and Harry nodded.

            “But not with the butt plug, please,” he requested and Louis nodded.

            “Okay, you’ve had enough fun for one day. Now, let’s get cleaned up and dressed” Louis said as he kissed him. “Love you, you know?”

            Harry patted his cheek, “you too, you sex fiend” and Louis laughed.

            After they were dressed, Harry said “lemme go first then you come out after” and Louis agreed. He heard Harry start walking down the hallway and he must’ve run into the pastor because he heard him say “Oh, hi Father Charles, yes I’m feeling better, thank you for asking. Oh, you heard me praying in the bathroom?” Louis giggled. “Oh, I uh, was just praying for this sickness to go away and it must’ve worked. Yes, you too, have a nice weekend!” Harry said and hurriedly left the building.

            Louis made his way out a few minutes later and he found Harry beside his car with a surprised look on his face. They climbed in and both erupted into laughter. “Oh my god Harry, you should see your face!” Louis exclaimed and Harry just laughed harder. “I’m really going to hell now, Louis!”

            They laughed until they were crying and Louis finally said “we have to go” and put the car into drive. They giggled the entire way to meet the girl at an attorney’s office at the edge of town. Harry’s face was now flush from laughing-and coming-and he just looked beautiful; Louis couldn’t help himself so he leaned in and kissed him gently. “I’m so proud of you, baby, for doing this. Just remember that, okay?” he reminded him.

            Harry nodded. “I will. Thank you for being here.” And they both walked into the office.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 24, verses 3-5: _Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior._

They met the girl, Ashley-who was already starting to look pregnant-and her parents, Kevin and Tracey; Harry introduced himself & said “this is my, uh, friend, Louis.” And Louis nodded, slight disappointment flashing across his face.  Harry started in with why they were here and what he hoped to accomplish with the meeting.  The girl’s parents were concerned about the repercussions for Ashley and what would happen to her after it was all over if she pressed charges.

            She hadn’t said much during the entire conversation so Harry turned to her and asked, “are you keeping the baby?”

            She nodded tears welling up in her eyes. “Yes. He, um, wanted me to get an abortion but I couldn’t go thru with it.”

            “And you’re sure it’s his?” Harry asked directly.

            “Yes, um, he’s the only one I’ve, um, been with. Ever.”

            Louis looked at Harry, afraid how he would respond, but he simply nodded firmly and said: “look, I know this is hard for you and your reputation is at stake, but if you file charges against him I will pay for you to go to the private school in town for your senior year.”  Louis squeezed his leg under the table and Harry continued. “And, I will set up a trust fund for the baby, $250,000 dollars, which he or she will get access to at age eighteen.”

            Louis was literally blown away by Harry’s determination and confidence; he had no idea he was even thinking about doing all of this but he didn’t flinch or back down.  Ashley’s parents seemed surprised by Harry’s offer and said “can you give us a minute to talk about this as a family?”

            “Sure, no problem, take your time,” Harry said & him and Louis walked out of the room.

            Louis wanted to hug and kiss Harry all over his face but instead he said “Harry I’m so so so proud of you for what you just did in there” and he squeezed his hand.

            Harry looked nervous and anxious and said “thanks, I hope they agree to it.”

            “I’m sure they will” Louis replied.

            After about ten minutes, they called Harry and Louis back into the room.  Ashley’s dad spoke first, “we will agree to do this but only if we sign a contract detailing the terms. Ashley wants to do it for the baby and for all the other girls who didn’t get the chance or opportunity to, um, take a stand against him” and Ashley nodded.

            Harry jumped up and shook his hand excitedly. “Of course! And the private school tuition payments will be set up by a ‘private donor’ and the trust fund will be established anonymously so it can’t be tracked back to me. Is that okay?” and they both nodded.

            “Great! Well, let’s get the attorney in here to draw up the contract and we will move forward,” Harry replied.

            The lawyer came in and they explained the terms of the contract-giving Harry an ‘out’ if they didn’t file charges against CJ and if something happened to the baby before he or she was born-and worked out the legalities of establishing the private donorship for the school and the trust fund.  They all agreed to meet in a week to sign the final draft; after that Ashley would go file charges against CJ.  Harry was practically bursting with excitement as they left the office and he picked up Louis and spun him around.

            “Louis! Can you believe it? This is really happening!” Harry said as he put Louis down.

            “Yes! I’m so proud of you! Now, let’s go meet your mom,” Louis replied, grabbing his hand.

            Harry texted his mom to tell her they were on their way and then he said excitedly “and now you’re going to meet my MUM!” Louis laughed and said “yes I am, Harry.”

            Harry talked the entire ride to the restaurant about everything that happened in the lawyer’s office and Louis couldn’t hardly get a word in edgewise.  When they arrived for lunch, Harry’s demeanor changed from excited to quiet and nervous.

            “You okay?” Louis asked.

            “Hmm, yeah. They’ll love you, Louis, I just know it,” he replied.

            “Then let’s go!” Louis said and they walked into the restaurant.

            Louis recognized Anne from Harry’s pictures; she was even lovelier in person and he could tell where Harry got his looks from: she had green eyes, dark curly hair, and a bright smile. She hugged Harry tightly then Harry said “mum, this is Louis, my…” and he paused. “My boyfriend,” and he squeezed Louis’ hand.

            “Louis, dahling,” she practically squealed his name, “I’m so happy to meet you finally!”

            Louis held out his hand for her to shake but she pulled him in for a hug.

            “It’s so nice to meet you too, Mrs. Styles, Harry’s told me so much about you,” Louis replied.

            She held up her hand. “Anne, please!” She suggested.

            Louis saw Ali sitting at the table and he bent down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “This beautiful girl must be Ali” he said brightly and she started giggling and blushed. “You’re even prettier in real life!” Louis exclaimed which made her giggle even louder.

            They all sat down and Harry launched into an explanation of what happened at the lawyer’s office, and told her about the contract, trust fund, private school tuition, everything. “Harry, that’s brilliant!  I’m so proud of you!” she said in her soft English accent.

            “Me too,” Louis replied and smiled at Harry.

            “So how did you two meet?” Anne asked.

            Harry laughed “it’s kind of a funny story,” he started and explained about his online post and visiting with Abe and Noah, leaving out the sordid sexual details.

            “So Louis-forgive me for asking this, but-are you still married?” Anne asked over her cheeseburger and fries.

            “Um, yes, for now. I just came out to her recently so we are, um, sorting out the details,” Louis replied, somewhat embarrassed. “It’s not an ideal situation, but I guess you have to go through the rain to get to the sunshine. And Harry’s my sunshine through all of this ‘rain’”

            Anne said “awww, that’s so sweet” and she looked like she was going to cry tears of happiness. Harry hugged him and buried his head into his shoulder. 

            “Sorry if that’s cheesy,” Louis apologized, “but I’m serious about Harry. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life” Louis had no idea why he was spilling his guts to a woman he just met but it just felt right.  Everything with Harry felt right.

            After they finished their meal-Louis insisted on paying-Ali motioned for Louis to push her wheelchair out of the restaurant and Anne said “ooh, someone likes you” to Louis.  They said goodbye and when Louis hugged Anne, she whispered “thank you” to him and he was sure she wasn’t talking about just the lunch.  They climbed into the truck waving goodbye as Anne drove off; Harry tackled Louis in the front seat, pinning him against his door. He buried his head into his chest and chocked out a sob.

            “Harry, darling, what’s wrong?” Louis asked concerned.

            Harry shook his head. “Nothing, it’s perfect. You’re perfect. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me. Today, my mum, Ali, just _everything_ …” and his voice trailed off.

            Louis laughed and rubbed his back. “Harry, I do this stuff because I love you. Hey, look at me” he asked and Harry lifted his head off his chest. “I meant what I said in there about you.  You’ve changed my entire life and you make me a better person. Okay?”

            Harry nodded. “Okay,” and he pushed himself up Louis’ chest to meet him for a kiss.  “Louis were you upset with me today when I called you my ‘friend’ in the attorney’s office?’ Harry asked softly.

Louis replied “hmm, for a second I was a bit annoyed but then I realized you couldn’t jeopardize your plan by calling me your ‘boyfriend’;  heaven only knows how those people would’ve reacted.  Plus you told  your mom I was your ‘boyfriend’ so it’s all good, promise.”

Louis held his face in his hands and kissed away the tears, cooing “my sweet Harry, so precious and beautiful…”  Harry opened his mouth to kiss Louis deeper and he palmed his hand over his dick.

            “Mmm ughhhh” Louis said as Harry reached into his pants. “Here? Now?” Louis asked.

            Harry bit Louis’ bottom lip and said “Yes, here, yes now,” and Louis scrambled to put the sunscreen up so at least the windshield was covered. He was also thankful they had parked in the back corner of the lot and no one was in front or beside them.

            Harry roughly tugged Louis’ pants down so just his dick was exposed and rolled his hand up and over it repeatedly, while kissing deeply into his mouth. “Just wanna touch you, baby,” Harry whispered and who was Louis to stop him? Harry kissed his neck while he slowly rode his hand up and down his dick, his big hands working it over. He palmed Louis’ balls and squeezed the base of it, causing Louis to buck his hips up as Harry nipped a kiss into his jaw.  “Mmm, like that?” Harry asked and Louis nodded quickly.

            “Yeah, gonna, uh, oh god Harry!” Louis exclaimed. “Oh goddddd, Harry!” he moaned.

            “Cum for me baby,” Harry whispered in his ear and on the next thrust up, Louis came on his stomach and Harry’s hand.

            “Ah, ohhhhhhh, “ Louis moaned as he came down from his orgasm. “Baby, I…oh!” Louis exclaimed as Harry pulled his own dick out and started jerking himself off quickly.  “God, you’re amazing,” Louis told him while stroking his face.  It didn’t take him long to orgasm, coming onto Louis’ stomach and laying down on his chest.

            Louis pressed a kiss to his sweaty cheek and playfully grabbed his butt. “Well, we’ve made a mess!” he said and Harry laughed.

            “Yeah, sorry, just needed to touch you,” Harry replied.

            “Harry, don’t ever be sorry for touching me,” Louis teased. “Now, let’s clean up and go home for a proper shag,” he promised as Harry climbed off him and handed him his boxers to clean off.

            “You sure that’s okay? You might get chafed sitting in those tight pants without any boxers on during the ride home,” Louis asked cheekily.

            Harry rolled his eyes and said “just drive, Tommo!”

            When they got home, they lazed about on the couch, Louis checking his email and Harry catching up on homework.  Around eight, Louis fixed dinner then they returned to the couch, planning on sitting there for the rest of the evening.  Louis was laying on Harry’s lap, scrolling thru his Facebook page, when Harry asked “can we take a bath together, babe?”

            “Of course! That’s a lovely idea!” Louis exclaimed and Harry hopped off the couch to go run a bath.  He called for Louis a few minutes later and he was sitting in the tub with bubbles all around him.

            “It’s not your big spa tub but I think we can both fit. Now, c’mere” Harry said and motioned for Louis to join him.  “Sit here, baby, wanna wash your hair for you,” and Harry pointed to his chest.

            Louis quickly kicked his clothes off and slid into the tub, his back on Harry’s chest.  The water was warm and very relaxing; Harry scrubbed and massaged his scalp for quite some time.  After he rinsed his hair, Louis turned so his right shoulder was in Harry’s chest and he started tracing circles into Harry’s arm.  “Thank you darling,” he whispered and started humming the tune to “God Only Knows.”

            “That’s the song from ‘Love Actually’ right? Didn’t you say something about that being ‘our song’? I think my hungover mind remembers that happening the other night,” Harry said and he laughed softly.

            “Yes, I think it fits us perfectly. Because God only knows what I’d be without you,” Louis remarked and squeezed his arm.

            “I think that’s very appropriate, all things considered,” Harry replied and picked up the washcloth to scrub Louis’ back.  He squeezed his bum in the process and said “I love your bum, Louis”

            Louis wiggled it slightly and said jokingly “you only love me for my bum.”

            “Well, that’s part of it,” Harry replied and Louis swatted at his arm.

            “Do you write in your journal much, babe?” Louis asked.

            Harry shook his head, “no, not as much as I used to because I, um, have you to talk to about this stuff now. But I did write some stuff about my mum recently that I’d like for you to read. Later, if you like.”

            “Mmm, sure babe,” Louis replied. “Gosh, I could sit here all day with you.”

            “Me too, baby,” Harry said.

            Louis turned his head to kiss him. “I love you. Now, let’s get out this water’s getting cold.”

            “Love you too. Gimme a sec, I wanna wash my hair,” Harry said and smacked him on the bum.

            “Cheeky,” Louis snarked as he dried off. He went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed, waiting for Harry to come in.  When he did, Louis motioned for him to join him-naked of course-and Harry was happy to oblige.  “Come here, love, wanna snuggle with you,” he requested as Harry slid in as the “little spoon” in front of Louis.  Louis wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him in close; he started kissing his neck and cheek whispering “love you baby, you are so good to me, you’re amazing, Harry…” and Harry responded by nudging his hips back into Louis and dropping his head forward on the pillow.  Louis took his right hand and gently pressed two fingers into Harry then licked up and down his neck gently, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.  “Wanna make love to you, baby, make you feel good, okay?” Louis said softly and Harry nodded.

            Louis wanted to take his time, make it slow and soft for Harry, being gentle to him as a way to show him how much he loved him.  He slowly opened him up, gently twisting his fingers in and out until Harry groaned.  Louis grabbed the lube and slicked himself up-he was already hard-and whispered “wanna be inside you baby” to Harry and he nodded.  Louis grabbed Harry’s hips to hold him still then gently pushed himself into him, wrapping his arm around his waist again and pulling him as close as he could.  He nuzzled his neck saying “feel so good, baby,” then gently rocking his hips back and pressing them up into Harry.

            “God, Louis, you feel so amazing,” Harry said breathlessly and turned his head to kiss him, “I love you so much, baby”

            “Love you too,” Louis replied as he reached around to grab Harry’s dick.

            “Oh, yes, please touch me,” Harry requested and Louis slowly worked him over, sliding up and down his shaft, thumbing over the tip, then resting at the bottom.  His hips were rocking in and out of Harry in a steady pace while he brought Harry to orgasm.

            “Gonna go a little faster, baby, kay?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.  He nipped a kiss at the bottom of his neck then picked up his pace to generate more friction against his dick.  “Oh, god you feel so good, Harry, ohhhh goddddd, please, gonna, oh goddddd…” Louis moaned.

            “Louis pleaseeee” Harry said softly.

            “Please what, baby?” Louis asked.

            “Cum in me, baby, want you to fill me up,” Harry replied and Louis was happy to oblige him.

            After a few quick thrusts, Louis came as he pulled Harry into him and licked his neck.  They both lay there breathless until Louis got soft and fell out of Harry.  “That was beautiful, baby, just like you,” Harry said as he squeezed Louis’ hand.

            “Mmm, it was amazing. Now let’s get in a proper cuddle,” Louis asked as they both settled in under the covers.  They fell asleep, the excitement of the day quickly turning to exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter at 1d_beards and on tumblr at straightguysdont.tumblr.com :D


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 25, verses 8-11, 16-19: _Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me!_

Louis was awakened by his phone ringing the next morning at around nine am; it was Rebecca and he was surprised because he thought she was still mad at him. “Becca?” he answered the phone.

            “Daddy?” she said, and Louis could hear the fear and panic in her voice.

            “Becca, honey, what’s wrong?” Louis asked quickly.

            “Daddy, it’s mama, she’s, she’s,”

            “She’s WHAT Becca?” Louis asked, his voice raising.

            “Daddy, something’s wrong with her..” she replied.

            “What? Is she breathing? Bleeding? What’s going on Becca?” Louis said and by now he was practically shouting.  Harry woke up and gave him an inquisitive look.

            “Daddy, she’s breathing but she’s, um, laying on the kitchen floor. And there’s blood running down her legs. A LOT of blood,” Becca said.

            “Jesus, Becca, did you call 9-1-1?” Louis asked.

            “No, daddy, I didn’t know what to do so I called you first!” she exclaimed.

            “Ok, Becca, hang up the phone with me and call 9-1-1; you stay with the kids, I’ll meet the ambulance at the hospital. But I’m at least forty minutes away, okay? Hurry up!” Louis demanded.

            “Ok, daddy, bye!” she exclaimed and hung up the phone.

            Louis scrambled out of bed to throw on some clothes and Harry asked “Louis, what’s going on?”

            “I don’t know, Harry,” he said quickly, “but Mary Grace is bleeding and I have to go to the hospital.”

            “Oh my gosh, Louis! Yes, go go!” Harry replied.

            Louis leaned over the bed and kissed him, “I love you. Talk to you soon?”

            “Yes, keep me posted,” Harry demanded. “Love you too.”

            Louis was dressed and out the door in under ten minutes, speeding along the highway to the Oklahoma University Emergency Room.  When he arrived, he ran into the ER and asked the front desk nurse where Mary Grace was. “Who are you?” she asked.

            “I’m her…” and he paused, “husband.”

            She looked at him strangely and pointed down the hall, “Room three, they’re working on her now” and Louis took off down the hall.  When he pulled back the curtain, the scene was complete chaos: she was being hooked up to tubes and IVs, doctors and nurses were shuffling around her, shouting out her vital signs and Louis could see the blood-stained sheet below her.  One of the doctors noticed Louis and said “who are you?” Louis was beginning to think this was the Spanish Inquisition but he said-with more confidence this time-“her husband” and the doctor motioned for him to come further into the room.

            “Is she okay?” he asked.

            “Don’t know,” one of the doctors said, “she’s lost a lot of blood, trying to figure out why.  Is she pregnant?” he asked.

            Louis nodded and the doctor got a concerned look on her face. “I was afraid of that. She may be having a miscarriage, we’re working on determining why she’s bleeding.”

            “A miscarriage?” Louis said incredulously. “Oh my gosh” and he looked at Mary Grace lying on the bed, unconscious with a flurry of doctors around her.  He started praying that it was something besides a miscarriage because he knew how devastated she would be if she lost the baby, even under their current circumstances.  The doctors poked and prodded her for quite some time until one of them-who had an ultrasound machine on her stomach-said “there!” and pointed to the screen.  All Louis saw was a big blob but the head doctor said glumly “tsk, yeah, there’s bleeding in her uterus, let’s prep her for surgery,” and all the activity in the room shifted to clearing out the equipment and within a few minutes they were wheeling her out of the room.  “We’ll be back, sir, just wait over there,” one of the nurses said and motioned to the waiting room.

            Louis nodded, in a daze, and realized his phone had been buzzing the entire time he was in the room; he had texts from Harry and his boys, a missed call and three texts from Becca.  He stepped outside to return her call and told her what he’d seen and what the doctors said and she started crying.  “Shhh, baby, don’t cry. I’ll call you back once I hear more, okay?” Louis soothed her and hung up the phone.  He quickly texted Harry and the twins with a cursory story-she’s bleeding, not sure why, in surgery right now-then he sat down in the waiting room to do just that: wait.

            After what seemed like an eternity-but was probably only about an hour-a nurse came into the waiting room and said his name; she motioned for him to follow her. They reached another smaller waiting room and the doctor who said she needed surgery was sitting in the room. He stood up to shake Louis’ hand and motioned for him to sit down. “Well, we were able to stop the bleeding without removing her uterus, but we weren’t able to save the baby,” he said and Louis drew in a sharp breath. “I’m so sorry; the baby had developmental problems and likely wouldn’t have survived outside the womb; and if so, he or she would have been severely handicapped.”  He grabbed Louis’ hands and said “She’s awake and I’ve told her everything I’ve told you but I wanted you to know before you got in there because I don’t think she’s handling it very well, which is to be expected.”

            Louis’ head was spinning but he managed to say “thank you, doctor. Can I see her now?”

            The doctor nodded and led him to her room; she was awake and staring blankly at the window.  When she saw Louis, she burst into tears and he walked over and hugged her tightly. “Oh, Louis,” she wailed, “I lost the baby!”

            “Shhh, I know, I know, it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” he said as she sobbed into his shoulder.

            “The doctor said there was something wrong with the baby that it was a natural, spontaneous abortion!” and she sobbed louder when she said the last word.

            “I’m so sorry, I know this is hard,” Louis soothed and he sat down on the bed, hugging her and letting her cry all she wanted.  When she was finished-for the moment-she said “Louis, what’re you doing here anyway?”  Louis thought that was kind of a rude question but he said “Becca called me; she found you passed out on the kitchen floor and panicked.  I told her to call 9-1-1 and I got here as quickly as I could.”

            “Wow, really? The last thing I remember is standing in the kitchen cooking breakfast, so thank you for coming,” she replied.

            “Yeah, no, it’s fine. I wanted to be here,” Louis assured her and she managed a meager smile.  “Look, will you be okay for a few minutes? My phone is going crazy and I need to tell the boys and Becca about what happened.  I’ll have them pick up Becca and bring her here later tonight, okay?” She nodded and Louis stepped out of the room to contact the family; he called the twins first and told them and of course they were devastated.  He asked them to pick up Becca and bring her to the hospital on their way into town; Louis would get his mom to stay with the younger kids.  Then he called Becca and she was practically hysterical; he calmed her down and told him the boys were coming to pick her up.

            His next call was to Harry and when he picked up the phone, Louis said “Harry, she lost the baby,” and chocked out a sob. He then proceeded to cry, head in his hands, saying “It’s all my fault!”

            “Louis, please, it’s not your fault!” Harry assured him.

            “Yes, but I put her under all this stress by coming out and moving and just…” Louis wailed.

            “Louis, darling, do you want me to come to the hospital?” Harry asked.

            Louis thought about it for a second then said “no, I don’t want you to meet everyone under these circumstances,” and he wiped his eyes, “thank you for offering.  I’ll be okay, I’m just a mess right now.”

            “Okay, well, call me if you need anything. I love you,” Harry said.

            “Love you too, baby, bye” Louis said and hung up the phone.

            He had to pull himself together before he went back into Mary’s room because he didn’t want her to see him crying and upset her even more.  He walked into her room and she was staring blankly out the window again; Louis sat on the bed with her and held her hand.

            “That baby was the last thing that connected you to me,” she said softly, tears rushing down her face.  “Do you think this was God’s way of telling me we are officially ‘over’?”

            “Darling, in case you didn’t notice, we have ten other children. I’ll always be connected to you,” he assured her, patting her hand. “And no, I don’t think that’s the message God was sending you; I think He was saving you from heartache further down the road. Imagine if we’d found out when you were six months pregnant that the baby wouldn’t survive? Imagine how difficult that would’ve been to deal with?”

            She smiled softly “I guess. That still doesn’t make this situation any easier,” then asked Louis pointedly “Louis did you love me before…you and him…happened?”

            “Oh god, are we gonna do this NOW?” Louis thought but he replied “yes! Of course I did! I still do!”

            She shook her head, “no you don’t, you don’t love me; you’re in love with another _man_ ” and she hissed the last word.

            “Do we really want to get into this now?” Louis asked directly. “You’re really in an emotionally fragile state, the doctor said not to upset you, I think maybe we should…”

            “No,” she interrupted him. “I want to talk about this NOW”

            Louis sighed dejectedly. “Okay, if you insist.”

            “I do,” she said determinedly. “Did you love me?”

            “Of course I did! Look,” he started to say then paused.  “I loved you the only way I knew how but it wasn’t enough for either one of us, you have to admit that,” Louis said.

            She shrugged, “Hmm, no. Well, it was enough for me I think.”

            Louis continued, “neither one of us knew what the heck we were doing when we got into this, right?” She nodded “and we both fumbled around trying to figure it all out and I did what I thought you needed from me. It may have been enough for you, but it wasn’t for me.”  She looked at him like “what?” and he continued, “It’s as if I was living in a parallel universe, going through life as black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Then when I finally realized I was gay it was as if the world flooded with color. And the dichotomy no longer existed, the dividing line was blurred.  Does that make sense?” he asked.

            “Hmm, not really, but I, well, can I tell you something?” she replied.

            “Sure.”

            “My friends always talked about how amazing their sex lives were-full of passion and romance and fire-even though they have tons of kids like us. Ours was never like that but I was too embarrassed to tell them that” and she blushed.

            “I thought what we had was normal, the way things were supposed to be, but now I realize that’s not the case.  I guess _I_ wanted more but I don’t think _you_ could’ve given it to me. Does that make sense?” he asked.

            “I think so. But I feel like I’ve failed you in some way, by not being the ‘wife’ you wanted or needed.  I guess…I guess I loved you the only way _I_ knew how,” she finally admitted.

            He squeezed her hand, “No, you didn’t fail me at all; this is not your fault!  You were wonderful-are wonderful-and you’re an amazing mother to the kids. This is just how I’m wired; there’s nothing you could’ve done to change it, promise.”

            “Really? Cause the Bible says it’s a choice and a sin,” she told him.

            “Hmm, not really,” and he explained what Dr. Paul had told him.  She looked skeptical but said she would pray about it.

            “Well, that’s all I ask,” Louis told her.  “It’s as if your entire life you’re missing your arm-but you don’t realize it-then one day, you get a prosthetic arm and all of a sudden, your life changes completely and in ways you couldn’t have imagined.”

            “How would you not know you’re missing an arm?” she asked.

            “It’s a metaphor, dear, just work with me here,” Louis remarked. “You gave me all you could but I still felt like something was missing. And I didn’t know what it was until…”

            “What’s his name, Louis?” she asked pointedly.

            “Harry. His name is Harry Styles,” Louis replied.

            “Abe’s roommate Harry?” she asked incredulously and Louis nodded.

            “Look I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, it just kind of did!” he admitted. “I think we found each other when we both needed each other the most” and she put her hand up as if to say “enough” so Louis stopped talking.

            “Is he good to you?” she asked flatly.

            “Very,” Louis replied.

            “Hmm, well, I guess I’ll have to meet him sometime, then,” she said softly and Louis almost fell off the bed.

            “Really?” he asked.

            “Yes, I mean if he’s gonna be a part of your life and by extension, our children’s lives, then I need to meet him and approve of him,” and she laughed slightly.

            “You’ll love him, I promise,” Louis said.

            “I guess,” she shrugged. “I’ll just miss having you around the house. You always made me laugh.”

            “Well, I’m not moving to Japan!” Louis exclaimed.  “I plan on staying here for a while!”

            “Okay, well, we can sort out the details later. I’m still hurt by all of this and I don’t completely understand your feelings on me and our marriage but I’m willing to work on it, for our children’s sake.  This won’t be easy.”

“I can live with that. And I’m sorry I hurt you, that was never my intent,” Louis admitted.

She patted his hand.  “I’m tired, Louis, can you excuse me so I can nap?” she asked.

            “Sure, darling,” he said and kissed her forehead and left the room; he felt relieved to be talking about things with her but he still felt guilty for causing her stress.  His kids arrived soon after and Louis hugged them and they sat down to talk.

            “Your mom’s sleeping right now. She’s been through a lot,” he told them.  “Come on, let’s get something to eat,” he suggested.

            “Daddy,” Becca sobbed as she hugged him.

            “It’s okay, darling. Mom will be okay,” he assured her.

            “But the baby!” she wailed.

            He kissed her cheek, “I know, it’s sad. But we just need to pray and know that the baby’s innocent soul will be going to heaven,” and she nodded as they walked to the cafeteria.

            As they sat down to eat, Becca said a short prayer for her mother and the baby she’d just lost.  Louis explained to them what the doctor said and he spoke briefly on the conversation he had with Mary. 

            “Well, mom might be okay with all of this,” Becca said and waved her hand around, “but I’m not!”

            “Becca, don’t,” Noah said softly and Louis shook his head. “No, it’s okay.”

            “Daddy, how _could you_?” she questioned.

            “’How could I’ what, Becca” Louis asked forcefully.

            She lowered her voice, “ _do this_ to mom! And me! And our family! And God! He is gonna be so mad at you!”

            “Becca, I told you before, I’m not doing this _to_ anyone,” Louis started and she cut him off.

            “Yes you are. Why else would you do this? Do you hate us?” She asked directly.

            “What? NO! Becca I love you and your brothers and sisters with all my heart!” Louis exclaimed.

            “Then why? And what about me and Joshua?” she was yelling and in tears by this point.

            “Huh? What does me being gay have to do with you and Joshua?” Louis asked, very confused by her line of questioning.

            She sobbed, “daddy, you _know_ how his parents feel about _gays_ ” she whispered. “And now they are gonna hate you too!”

            Louis put his head in his hands, the exhaustion and stress of the day finally taking its toll. Noah said “Becs, stop being so selfish. This isn’t about _you!_ It’s about dad!”

            Louis put his hand on Noah’s shoulder and said, “Noah, it’s fine” but he continued.

            “Imagine your entire life you’re told ‘you’re a shoe’ then one day, you wake up and realize you’re not a shoe, you’re the exact opposite of a shoe!  How would you feel?!” Noah asked her.

            “Why would I want to be a shoe?” Becca asked.

            “The women in this family have issues understanding metaphors,” Louis thought. 

He said, “Noah, thank you, but, Becca, he’s right. This isn’t about you, it’s about me. And I’m sorry if Joshua’s parents are against homosexuality, but I’m not going to live a lie for the rest of my life just to make them happy.”

            “But why couldn’t you have waited until after we got married? Cause now they won’t want you at the wedding!” she wailed.

            Now it was Abe’s turn to talk-he had been sitting quietly at the table but he spoke up quickly. “Becca, I’ve never said this before, but: SHUT UP.” Becca gasped; he continued. “Dad is setting an example for us about how to live an _honest_ life, which is what God wants us to do, right?” and she nodded, her tears slowing. “It took a lot of guts for dad to do this and if your future in-laws don’t like it, well, then, that’s too bad.  They are gonna have to pray for guidance on this like we all are and God will show us the way.  I know it’s hard for us to understand but this is his life, not ours.  You’ve been ‘daddy’s little girl’ your entire life and now that things aren’t going 100% your way, you’re pouting and crying. But buck up, sis, and face the fact that life isn’t always tied up in a little pink bow for you-or anyone.  Now, apologize to dad,” he finished and pointed to Louis.

            Louis sat there stunned by what he had just said; Becca burst into tears and ran into the bathroom.  Louis walked around the table and hugged Abe, saying “Thank you.” 

            “It’s okay, dad, she was being annoying,” Abe remarked and they all laughed.

            “Come on, let’s go see your mom. I’ll text Becs and tell her where we are. She’s upset about all of this, so just let her be. I’m sure she’ll talk to mom about it later,” Louis suggested and they started walking down towards Mary’s room.  They saw a doctor leaving and he waved them into the room; Mary’s eyes lit up when she saw the twins and they ran in and gave her a joint hug.

            “Where’s Becca?” she asked and the boys laughed. “She’s in the bathroom, she’ll be here soon,” Louis assured her. “I’m gonna step out and call my sister, let her know what’s going on,” he said and she nodded.

            He talked to his sister and she said the kids were fine-the older ones were a bit worried about their mom but she said other than that they’re fine.  As Louis was getting off the phone, he saw Becca walking down the hall and she ran up to him and hugged him tightly.

            “I’m sorry, daddy,” she said and he patted her back.

            “Look it’s okay, I know you’re upset and that’s to be expected. But we’ll work through this together and I’m always here for you if you want to talk,” he told her and she nodded. “Now, go in and see your mom. I need to make another phone call,” and she kissed his cheek and walked into the room.

            He called Harry who picked up the phone with “Hi Louis!”

            Louis smiled, “hi, darling, how are you?”

            “I’m fine, but the more important question is: how are you?” Harry asked.

            Louis sighed, “I’m okay, I guess. It’s been an emotional day, lots of stuff to tell you. I miss you,” he said quietly.

            “I miss you too! Been doing homework, cleaning-I did laundry cause, um, the sheets were a mess-wrote in my journal a bit. Just trying to stay busy. Are you going to stay there tonight? If you are, that’s fine,” Harry replied.

            “Shewww, don’t know yet, babe. I’m not sure she’ll want me to stay, but if she does, then I will. Is that okay?” he asked tentatively.

            “Of course it is, Louis, don’t be silly. I’ll order enough Chinese food for both of us and if you’re not home tonight you can just eat it tomorrow, how’s that sound?” Harry asked.

            “Great, it sounds great. I’ll keep you posted on what’s going on, kay? Love you!” Louis said.

            “Good. Love you too! Bye!” Harry exclaimed and hung up the phone.

            The stress and strain of the day finally caught up to Louis and he felt remarkably tired, to the point of being exhausted.  He went back into Mary’s room to find the kids talking with her so he sat down on the chaise and curled up to rest for a minute.  He must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, Abe was shaking him awake saying “dad, come on, we gotta go,” and he sat up to find the boys with their coats on.

            “What about mom?” he asked a bit confused.

            “Becs is gonna stay with her tonight. Talked to Gram and she’s gonna go over to your, um, our house and watch the kids. Doc said mom maybe could go home tomorrow, depending on how she’s feeling,” Abe told him.

            “Oh, okay, sorry I fell asleep,” he apologized and got up to kiss Mary on the cheek. “You’re okay?” he asked and she nodded.

“We’ll talk more later,” he promised then kissed Becca saying “love you” and walked out with the boys.

“Hey dad, say hi to my roommate for me, will ya?” Abe asked as they walked to their cars, and Louis just stared at him.  “Harry, you know him? Tall, curly hair, staying at your place?” he replied and smiled and Louis realized he was teasing him.

“Psh, dad, don’t let him fool you, he’s got a prettier quote ‘roommate’ now!” Noah said.

Abe punched Noah’s arm, “Shut UP, dude!” and Louis laughed. “Well, I would beg to differ on that point, but I’ll tell him you said hi,” he replied.

After saying goodbye to them, he texted Harry: be home soon. Miss u xx and realized it was almost nine o’clock at night.  Even with all the sadness of the day, Louis felt like he had made progress with Mary Grace, even if they were small steps. He was realizing that his head hurt tremendously and he was starving so he hurried home as quickly as he could.

            Harry met him at the door with a kiss and a hug and said “gimme a minute to warm up this food!”

            “Thanks, babe. Gonna change really quickly,” Louis replied and peeled off his clothes and slipped into his pajamas.  Over reheated Moo-Goo-Gai-Pan, Louis recounted the entire day’s events for Harry; Mary Grace’s surgery, their talk, Becca, his boys and Harry listened with rapt attention, occasionally asking questions.  When he was finished, Harry said “gosh, Louis, I don’t know what to say except I’m sorry.  And the Lord works in mysterious ways.”

            Louis exhaled and said “You’re right, He does and thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you, love. You know that, right?”  Harry nodded.  “Good. Now, let’s snuggle on the couch. Leave the dishes I’ll get them tomorrow,” and they both hopped on the couch, Louis laying in Harry’s lap.

            “Harry, love, are you ever going home?” Louis asked.

            “Hmm, don’t know, I might go see my mum and Ali tomorrow,” Harry replied.

            Louis chuckled, “No, silly, I meant your dorm. Abe says hi by the way.”

            “Ohhhh! Well, I don’t know. Do you want me to go back?” he asked cautiously.

            “Good heavens, no!” Louis exclaimed. “Besides I think Abe has a new temporary ‘roommate’ if you catch my drift!”

            “HA! I most definitely do,” Harry said.  “But I think I’ll stay here, if you’ll have me.”

            “Of course, darling,” Louis cooed.

            Harry sat stroking Louis’ hair for quite some time to the point where Louis was almost asleep then he said, “Louis are you awake?”

            “Mmmhmmm,” he mumbled.

            “Good. Listen, I know this is a ways off but Spring Break is coming up and I had planned to go to Nicaragua with the Christian missionary on campus to build houses there and help them for the week. Would you want to go with me? I’d love to show you the countryside and where Ali’s from and…” Harry said.

            Louis popped his head up off his lap and said, “I would love to! What a great idea! Do you think my boys would want to come too?”

            Harry shrugged, “I guess, as long as their girlfriends got to go too.”

            “Well, lemme talk to them and see if we can’t arrange something?” Louis promised.

            “Good, it will be fun and I’m excited!’ Harry exclaimed.

            “Mmmm, me too baby, now, let’s go snuggle” Louis said sleepily and led Harry into bed for cuddles.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 26, verses 1-3, 11-12: _Vindicate me, Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord and have not faltered. Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. I lead a blameless life; deliver me and be merciful to me._  
>  My feet stand on level ground; in the great congregation I will praise the Lord.

Sunday morning Louis got a call from Mary Grace who said she was being released from the hospital later that day and the twins were coming to take her and Becca home.  “Good, I’m glad,” Louis replied. “Do you need me to help you when you get home?”

            “Uh, no, Becca and Grace can help. But if you want to stop by after I’m home and see the kids, that would be fine,” she said.

            “Really?” Louis asked incredulously.

            “Yes. They miss you, Louis.”

            “I miss them too, terribly. I’ll be there around dinner time, is that okay?” he asked.

            “Yes, that’s fine, see you then,” she told him and hung up the phone.

            “Harry!” he yelled, “I get to see my kids today!”

            “Louis, that’s wonderful! Look, I’m gonna go see my mum and Ali, go to church with them, then supper so I’ll be back later, kay?” Harry said.

            Louis kissed him quickly, “of course, love you…”

            “Love you too!” Harry replied and started getting ready to leave.

            After he left, Louis had some time to finally do work which he seemed to be neglecting lately.  His email inbox was full and he spent most of the day replying to them.  He wanted to get stuff for his kids and flowers for Mary Grace before he stopped by so he left late afternoon to go to Walmart. He bought candy, a new FIFA game, a book of inspirational quotes for Becca, and flowers then anxiously drove over to what used to be his house.  When he walked in, the kids ran over to him yelling ‘daddy’ and he tried to hug them all at once. He was met with a chorus of “daddy we missed you!” and he wasn’t sure if he was elated or if his heart was breaking.  Louis passed out his gifts and promised to play FIFA with them as soon as he checked on Mary.

            He went up to her room-his old room-and found her and Becca talking; baby Louis was sitting on her lap, babbling. “Oh, hi, sorry to interrupt,” he said and they motioned for him to come in. “These are for you” and he handed Mary the flowers and kissed her cheek.  He made a funny face to baby Louis and he cackled.

            “Thank you, they’re lovely,” she replied.

            “How’re you feeling?” Louis asked.

            “I’m okay, I guess. Becca can you excuse us?” she asked and Becca left quickly, taking the baby with her.

            “He’s so scrumptious,” Louis remarked about baby Louis. “I miss the kids so much,” he mused.

            “So what’s next, Louis?” she asked pointedly.

            “Um, well, I don’t know. Why?” he replied hesitantly.

            “Well, we aren’t gonna stay married now that you’re with, um, Harry, right?” and Louis nodded. “So what’s the next step?”

            “Maybe we should talk to an attorney? But in the meantime, can we agree I can come over every Sunday night to see the kids?” he asked.

            Yes, that’s fine. Can you arrange for the attorney?” she asked.

            “Sure,” he said and things were starting to get awkward all of a sudden.

            “You know you’ll have to find a new church, right? And you’re gonna be the ‘bad guy’ in all of this?” she said smugly.

            “Yes and yes, though I don’t know why anyone has to be the ‘bad guy’ in all of this. But I guess your ‘church hens’ need a villain. Cause I’m the one who’s gay, not you, right? I’m the one who left, right? So now I’m the ‘bad guy’ for wanting to become my true self and stop living a lie?” Louis mused.

            “Pretty much,” she said confidently.  “Well, heaven knows none of this is _my_ fault.  _You_ left. _You_ cheated. _You’re_ gay.”

            “Yeah, I know, you don’t have to remind me,” Louis replied angrily.

            He was getting rather annoyed with this conversation so he stood up and said “Look, I’m gonna go play FIFA with the kids, do you need anything?” she shook her head and he left the room to find the kids.  “What the hell is her problem?” he wondered.

He was having a blast playing with them and he lost track of time.  When the youngest started yawning, he realized it was late and they needed to go to bed. He kissed them and they asked if he was staying; Louis tried not to cry but it wasn’t easy. “No, ducklings, daddy has to go, but I’ll be back next Sunday, okay?” and they all nodded.          

            As he left he texted Harry that he was leaving but got no response.  He felt happy to see his kids but he knew that going forward would be difficult. When he got home, Harry was already asleep so he kissed him and went back to tackling his email.  The next morning, Harry was gone when Louis woke up but he remembered that he had an exam that day; he texted him: good luck! And Harry replied: thanks xx

            The next four days were a whirlwind of work for Louis and midterms for Harry and they were like two ships passing in the night; on Thursday evening, Louis came home to find Harry furiously scribbling in his journal. He looked concerned and deep in thought, so Louis crawled up on the couch and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Hey, stranger, whatcha doing?” he asked.

            Harry's green eyes glared at Louis and he snapped, “writing in my journal, what’s it look like I’m doing?”

            Louis decided to leave him alone so he walked into the kitchen to fix a cup of tea; he returned to the living room and quietly turned on the TV.  After a few minutes, he felt Harry curl up on his lap-which wasn’t easy considering he was 6’4” tall-and press his head into Louis’ chest.  Louis wrapped his arms around him and squeezed gently.  Harry chocked out a sob, “Louis I’m sorry I was short with you, I’m just so nervous about tomorrow!”

            “It’s okay, Harry. Wait, what’s tomorrow?” he asked.

            “We’re meeting with the attorney tomorrow to sign the contract with Ashley!” he yelled.

            “Gosh, sorry, I completely forgot. Yes, of course,” Louis apologized.

            “What if they don’t show up? What if they don’t want to sign the contract? What if they don’t go through with it? What if my dad has found out about this?” he queried anxiously.

            “Harry, love, let’s not talk about ‘what ifs’ because that’s not productive. Let’s look at the positive and pray that everything will work out,” Louis suggested.

            Harry sighed loudly, “okay…” but Louis could tell he wasn’t done talking.

            “Harry, is there more?” he asked.

            He felt Harry grab his sweatshirt and twist it then he said softly “Louis, I know you’ve been busy but we havent't spent time together in almost a week…I miss you yet I see you every day…”

            Well now Louis felt like a complete shithead.  “Oh my gosh, Harry, I am soooooooo sorry! I’ve been ridiculously busy with work and all this stuff with Mary and I just….” Louis didn’t really know what else to say so he said “I miss you too, love. Now, c’mere” and he pulled him up to kiss him.  

           "I'm sorry if I'm being selfish," Harry said softly between kisses. "I know your family needs you right now."

          "Harry, baby, you're not being selfish to want to spend time with me. I'm the one who's being a jerk by neglecting you," Louis replied while pushing Harry's curls off his forehead.

           Harry smiled. "No, it's okay, I've been busy too with my midterms and stuff."

           "Speaking of, how did they go?" Louis asked.

           "Great. Think I got all As," Harry replied.

           "Gosh, I have the smartest boyfriend in the world!" Louis exclaimed and Harry blushed.  "Yeah, you kinda do," Harry teased and Louis pinched his butt.

           “In all seriousness, though, can I tell you something?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

            “Baby, if I’m neglecting you again, don’t hesitate to tell me. I tend to get wrapped up in my work and ignore the rest of the world so please tell me if I’m doing that. I don’t ever want us to not be ‘okay’. Okay?” Louis said.

            Harry pressed a kiss to his lips. “Okay. And I like to pout when something’s bothering me and hope the people around me will notice and ask me why, instead of just saying what’s wrong,” he admitted.

            “Well, then I guess we make a good pair,” Louis proclaimed jokingly. “But Harry, I don’t want us to drift apart because I’m too wrapped up in work and you’re too scared to say anything, okay?”

            Harry nodded, “okay. Promise."

           "Now, c'mere and gimme a proper kiss, you sexy thing," Louis suggested and Harry grabbed Louis’ face to kiss him hungrily, “Louis I missed your lips,” he said as he pulled Louis’ shirt off quickly. He dipped his mouth to his chest and started kissing his nipple and pinching the other one. “Sssss, god, Harry,” Louis moaned, “missed you too, baby, so much, need you so much right now, you make me feel so good” he said as he raked his hands thru Harry’s curls.  Harry licked up his chest to his throat while he dug into his pants to find his already half-hard dick.  He kissed him forcefully, deeply, while stroking him and Louis started to take Harry’s shirt off. “Need to see you, baby, god you’re so beautiful,” he said as he rubbed his broad chest; Harry responded by softly biting his nipple causing Louis to buck up his hips.

            “Please get naked, Harry,” Louis breathed and Harry quickly shed his pants-thankfully they weren’t his skinny jeans-as Louis shucked off his too.  Harry lay back down on the couch, their hard dicks pressing together as Harry leaned in to kiss Louis.  He reached around to cup Harry’s bum with both hands as Harry dipped his head into Louis’ neck and started kissing it longingly.  Louis teased at his hole with one finger and Harry responded by spreading his knees wider so Louis could put at least two fingers into him.  When he did, Harry groaned loudly and Louis couldn’t take it any longer.

            “Harry, baby, wanna fuck you,” Louis whispered and Harry nodded. “Where’s the lube” he asked and Harry shrugged “don know, use my spit” and he took the two fingers Louis just had in his ass and stuck them in his mouth.  Louis’ eyes almost bugged out of his head at the sight; Harry then took that hand and put it on his dick to slick himself up.

            “Jesus, you’re amazing,” Louis said as he lowered Harry down onto his dick and Harry bottomed out and pressed his chest to Louis’, his dick firmly against his chest.  Louis pushed his hips up slightly; Harry responded by bracing himself against the couch with both arms and putting his left leg on the floor.  Now he was stationary and Louis could pump himself in and out of Harry as quickly and as hard as he wanted.  Louis held Harry’s hips and slowly flicked his hips up then once he got started he picked up the pace; at one point, Harry’s head was bobbing up and down so fast he looked like he was on a jackhammer.

            “Ahhh!” Harry yelped, “Jesus, Louis, you feel so good, so amazing, please touch me…”

            In his focus to fuck the life out of Harry, Louis had neglected his dick which was bouncing and leaking pre-come.  He roughly tugged at it and Harry fell forward slightly and changed the angle of Louis entering him; the next time Louis pushed up, his dick brushed Harry’s prostate.

            He threw his head back and said “Louis, I, I, I, I,”

            “What baby,”Louis said, quickly raking his hand over Harry’s dick. “Look at me, please,”

            Harry bent his head down to make eye contact with Louis, “I’m gonna come, please” and he was begging which Louis loved and he thumbed the tip of Harry’s dick while palming his balls and white hot come spurted out.

            Harry fell forward onto Louis’ chest and Louis grabbed his bum and started thrusting hard and quickly into him; it didn’t take long for him to come too.  Harry collapsed into Louis’ arms and they lay there sweaty and out of breath for a while; then Harry scooted beside Louis and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Mmm, Harry, baby,” Louis moaned and Harry trailed kisses all the way down his back to mouth at his hole. “Oh Goddddd, Harrrryyyyy,” Louis said as Harry flipped him over and licked his rim.

            “Wanna taste you, baby,” Harry said softly as he sucked and tongued at Louis’ hole.

            “Harry, I…” Louis started and Harry soothed him, “shhh, baby, lemme do this,”

            He was doing such an amazing job that Louis was writhing with pleasure and at one point he fell off the couch, onto his knees on the floor. Harry continued by sticking his tongue directly into Louis who responded by pushing his hips back into Harry.  His shoulders and head were on the floor and he started pounding his fist saying “god, Harry, please, just” and began bucking his hips back into Harry then forward, Harry keeping his tongue in him the whole time.  When Louis would push back, Harry would stroke his tongue along the top of Louis’ hole and when he would move forward he would wiggle it, driving Louis mad with pleasure. Louis was fucking himself on Harry’s tongue and he heard Harry say “can you come for me baby?”

            To the rhythm of his hips, Louis said “just. Give. Me. A. minute.”

            When he bucked his hips back after that, Harry softly nipped and sucked at his rim and Louis came everywhere, holding his hips back on Harry’s face so he could ride out the orgasm.  Louis was close to just collapsing on the floor when he felt Harry enter him from behind.  “Oh my god,” he cried panting as Harry started fucking him hard. “Jesus Louis, you taste and feel so good, wanna fuck you all the time,” Harry moaned. “Please do,” Louis breathed out and Harry chuckled. 

When Harry would bottom out, he twisted his hips into Louis and it felt amazing; Harry reached around to touch Louis and he whispered in his ear “can you get hard again, baby?” and Louis nodded. Harry started rubbing his dick, stroking it slowly until it was hard again, then he said “gonna fuck you hard, watch you make yourself cum, yeah?” and Louis nodded, grabbing himself.  Louis started jerking himself off quickly as Harry bucked into him hard repeatedly, Louis’ head bouncing against the floor.  After a few minutes, Louis moaned “Harry, ah, gonna, come, baby, pleaseeee” and Harry grunted, “do it, gonna keep fucking you,” as Louis came on his hand. Harry wasn’t even close to being done so while Louis was limp-in more ways than one-Harry kept going. 

            After what seemed like an eternity, Harry finally came in Louis and collapsed on top of him on the floor. “Oh my god, oh my goddddd,” Louis moaned, “that was so amazing, baby.” And Harry managed an “uh” as he rolled off Louis to lay beside him; “are we just gonna stay here on the floor?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.  Harry was now almost completely out of breath and Louis’ limbs felt like noodles as Harry pulled Louis into his sweaty chest, which was Louis’ favorite place in the world.

            “God, Harry, you’re gonna be the death of me, I’m not a young man anymore,” Louis joked and Harry swatted at his arm. “Could’ve fooled me,” Harry replied.

            They laid there curled up together on the floor and they were very much "okay" now.

~~~~~~~~~

           Friday morning they drove to meet Ashley and her parent’s at her attorney’s office and Louis could tell Harry was very nervous; he kept shaking his leg and was quiet almost the entire trip.  When they arrived, Louis put his hand on Harry’s leg and said; “Harry, love, relax, Everything will be fine. Promise.”

            “I hope so,” Harry said longingly and they went into the office.

            Ashley and her parents agreed to the terms of the contract-she would file charges against CJ for statutory rape and testify against him, if he was convicted and sent to prison, Harry would pay for her private school tuition and set up an anonymous trust fund for the baby.  If any of these conditions weren’t met, then Harry did not have to fulfill his end of the contract.  “I will file the charges on Monday, Harry,” Ashley said and Harry hugged her. “Thank you,” he replied.

            After they left, Harry hugged Louis and said “we did it, Louis, we did it!”

            Louis laughed, “no YOU did it, Harry, I was just here for moral support.”

            Harry thought for a second and said “yeah, I did it! WOO! Lemme call my mum and let her know,” he said as he picked up the phone to call her.

            As they were driving back, Harry said “gosh, I can’t believe this is actually happening. I feel kind of bad for my dad he has no idea what’s coming…”

            Louis interrupted him, “Harry, don’t,” he said directly. “Do you think your dad feels bad about the pain and heartache he’s caused you and your mom?”

            Harry shook his head. “Good, because he doesn’t feel bad and neither should you,” Louis said firmly.

            “Hmm, I guess you’re right,” Harry agreed.  “You’re such an amazing father, Louis.”

            “Uh, I dunno about that, seeing as I just broke my kids’ hearts by coming out. I loved seeing them on Sunday but I hated to leave them too, you know?” he said

            “Psh, Louis, you’re wonderful. You support them in whatever they do, you’re there for them if they need you, and you always tell them you love them. You’re an example of how I want to be with our kids,” Harry said.

            Louis panicked; “should I recognize that he just said ‘our kids’? Or should I just ignore it?!” he thought. When he looked at Harry, who had thrown his hand over his mouth, eyes wide in surprise, he decided to address it by saying “ _our_ kids, Harry? Is that something you think about?” Louis asked softly. “If it is, that’s fine…”

            Harry sighed and started talking quickly, very ‘un-Harry-like’ “yes, it is. Is that ridiculous? I mean, you have ten, I figured ‘what’s one or two more’? I mean we’ll need help of course, but I guess it could happen?”

            Louis leaned over and kissed his cheek, “yes, it could happen,” and Harry smiled widely.

“Louis, when we get home, can you read my journal?” he asked.

            “Sure, if you want me to, love,” Louis replied.

            Louis called Ben, their inheritance attorney, “Ben, it’s Louis. Look, this ‘thing’ is going down with Harry’s dad and we need some financial advice on what to do with his inheritance money. Apparently his dad is pulling from it every month and we need to stop that ASAP. Can you help?” he asked.

            “Yes, of course, Louis. I’ve got some financial advisors on retainer; I’ll email you their contact info. And tell Harry I’m very proud of him for doing this!” he replied

            “Me too. And, uh, one last thing: do you know a good divorce attorney?” Louis asked.

            Since Ben didn’t know about Louis’ situation, he hesitated before saying “of course. Why?”

            “Uh, long story. I’ll explain it to you sometime. Just send the contact info with the financial advisor’s and I’ll take it from there,” Louis replied and Ben agreed.

            “Ben says he’s proud of you too!” Louis exclaimed and grabbed his hand.  “Although I’m gonna be calling on my fourth lawyer soon, my heavens. That’s gotta be some kind of record.  You okay, baby?”

            “Louis, I’m great. Better than I have been in a while. This has been weighing on my mind for a while and now that it’s finally happening, well, I couldn’t be happier.” Harry replied.  “When we get home, can you read my journal? I’ve been writing some stuff about all of this and I’d like for you to look at it,” he said softly.

            “Of course, baby, if you want me to,” Louis said and Harry nodded.

            When they got home, Louis fixed dinner and they both snuggled on the couch; Harry handed Louis his journal.  “Harry, thank you for trusting me with this. I think when you let me read it the first time is when I knew I was falling in love with you. Because I couldn’t believe you would let me read your innermost thoughts but you did. So thank you,” Louis said and kissed him.

            “I love you, Louis,” Harry replied, laying down in his lap.

            “Love you too, baby,” Louis said and started reading the journal.  In it, Harry talked about his mom and how he’d only recently realized that she stayed with CJ in order to protect him and Ali; that getting divorced would’ve caused an immense amount of stress and upheaval in their lives. Not to mention the shame and ridicule they would’ve been subjected to in their small town and Anne did everything she could to shield them from all of that.  However, she could not keep them away from CJ’s horrible temper and insults; he rarely said anything to Ali so Harry became his target.  And Harry was a very sensitive child-Louis could’ve guessed that, he thought-so CJ’s insults hurt him more.  From ridiculing him for crying to draconian punishments, CJ was no “father of the year.”  Then Harry talked again about having to go to church every Sunday and act like the “perfect family” as CJ preached the gospel yet failed to live up to its teachings.  Harry detailed one incident where he’d asked his dad about a Bible passage in front of a deacon and questioned CJ’s interpretation of it; he screamed at Harry in his office, then made him rewrite that passage a hundred times.

            “God he is such an asshole,” Louis thought.  “Poor Harry.”  The last few pages were the ones Harry was writing when Louis came home the other night; the handwriting was messy but Louis could read most of it.  It was more details about Ashley that Harry had learned from his cousin; apparently they’d slept in his parents bed on more than one occasion and the first time they’d done it was in the church office.  Harry seemed angrier at CJ than Ashley, but was still worried that Ashley would be loyal to CJ and not go through with their plan.  And Louis really felt like a jerk for being so wrapped up in his own life and not being there for Harry when he needed him.

            “Harry, love, come here,” Louis said and pulled Harry up to a sitting position on the couch.  “Do you want to talk about this stuff?” he asked, motioning to the journal.

            Harry shrugged. “I guess?”

            “Well, first I want to apologize for not being there for you this week; I was so wrapped up in my life that I completely ignored you when you needed me,” Louis admitted.

            Harry shook his head, “no Louis, it’s fine. Promise.”

            “So how…why…” Louis searched for what he wanted to say. “How do you still have contact with your dad and a relationship to God after all of this?”

            Harry thought for a second then said “I think that I thought if I prayed hard enough and read the Bible enough that he would accept me as the ‘perfect son’ that he always told me he wanted.  So instead of pushing it away, I embraced it in an attempt to find his acceptance.  But that didn’t work, as I’m finding out now.  I tried to have a good relationship with him but he didn’t want one; at the time I thought it was my fault but now I realize it’s his. I was a good kid, never got in trouble, got good grades, went to church every Sunday but it wasn’t enough for him.  My mum’s unconditional love was the only thing that kept me going sometimes.  And when I broke up with Emma he was absolutely livid, told me I’d brought shame onto the Styles name. Whatever that means…” his voice trailed off.

            “Jesus, Harry, I…” Louis tried to think of something to say but he just pulled Harry in for a hug as he burst into tears.  “It’s okay, love, I’m here for you now,” Louis said softly and Harry just hugged him tighter.  After Harry’s tears slowed, Louis said “let’s go lay down in the bedroom, okay?” and Harry nodded.  Louis pulled him into bed and let him curl into his side while he gently massaged his back and they both fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter at 1d_beards and on tumblr straightguysdont2.tumblr.com


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 27, verses 1-4: _The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: light BDSM :D

Louis woke up to Harry serving him breakfast in bed; an Eggo waffle and a plate of fruit. Louis cocked his eyebrow and said teasingly, “you cooked and the house is still standing? It’s a miracle!”  Harry threw his napkin at him, “I can work a toaster oven, you twat. It’s just the stove that gives me fits,” he laughed.

            Louis leaned in for a kiss, “well, thank you, it looks delicious” and Harry smiled.  “Are you okay after yesterday?” Louis asked in between bites of his waffle.

            “Yes, I think so. You always make me feel better,” Harry replied.  “Louis do we have anything planned for today?” he asked.

            “No, don’t think so. Why?”

            Harry bit his lip like he wanted to say something; “I, uh, was wondering if we, uh, could do that thing we talked about the other night?’

            Louis racked his brain to figure out what he was talking about but nothing popped in his head, “refresh my memory, love,” he said, stuffing his face.

            “I wanna tie you up,” Harry whispered and Louis dropped his fork onto his plate with a “CLANG!”

            “Uh, sure, I’m up for it! There’s a first time for everything, right?” he exclaimed.

            “I still can’t believe you’ve never done this before,” Harry mused and Louis gave him a “SERIOUSLY?!” look.

            “Harry, I was lucky if I got sex, much less that. Plus, I never really had a desire to do _that_ with, uh, her,” Louis told him.  “Besides, you’ve never done it either!”

            “Ha!” Harry laughed, “but I wasn’t married for twenty years!”

            “Twat,” Louis said quickly. “Lemme take a quick shower then we can start, kay?”

            “Sure,” Harry replied as Louis handed him his half empty plate and raced off to the bathroom.

            He returned a few minutes later to find Harry, naked, sitting on the bed with the vibrator, butt plug, lube and two of his ties on the night table. Louis’ mouth got really dry all of a sudden as he said “Hey, ready?”

Harry smiled and patted the bed beside him for Louis to sit down. “I’m nervous but I really want to do this to you and for you. If it gets weird or anything, just tell me to stop and I will, okay?” Harry assured him and Louis nodded.  “Okay, now sit up here on these pillows and gimme your arms, I’m gonna tie them to the bed frame with these, not too tight just so you can’t touch me,” Harry said and wiggled his eyebrows which made Louis laugh.

            “You know I wouldn’t do this for just anyone,” Louis remarked and Harry said “well I certainly HOPE NOT!” and they both laughed.  Once Harry got Louis’ wrist tied to the bed frame-beside his ears-Harry straddled him and started slowly kissing his face.

            “I don’t wanna hurt you, baby, just wanna make you feel really good, yeah?  Just wanna watch you getting wrecked by me.” Harry asked and Louis nodded.  “You’re so gorgeous, Louis, did you know that?” and Louis shook his head. “Mmm, you are, so beautiful, I could get lost in your baby blues and your lips are so luscious” he said as he tugged at Louis’ bottom lip. He traced Louis’ jawline with his tongue, “I love it when you wear jeans with your cowboy boots because your ass looks amazing in them, I wanna rip them off you,” Harry said and Louis’ dick twitched. “You’re welcome to do that at any time, Harry,” Louis replied.

            “Shhh, lemme take care of you,” Harry cooed as he continued to kiss Louis’ neck and face. “I don’t think you’ve been told enough how absolutely stunning you are-you take my breath away-so I’m here to remind you of that. You look amazing in anything, did you know that? I walk around half-hard most of the time just because you’re around.  Maybe I should buy those skinny jeans in a bigger size?” he said and Louis laughed loudly.

            “Do you like that, baby?” Harry asked in his ear.

            “Mmmhmm, Tommo, call me Tommo,” Louis breathed out.

            “Ok, Tommo, cause that’s MY nickname for you and you’re MINE, right?” Harry asked and Louis nodded quickly. “Yours all yours” Louis groaned.

            “Gooooddddd, Tommo, gonna kiss you somewhere else now…” Harry muttered and moved to Louis’ chest where he promptly sucked a bruise into his collar bone.

            “Look at you getting hard already for me,” Harry noticed. Louis whined loudly and Harry smirked

            “You okay, Tommo?” Harry asked and Louis nodded.

            By the time Harry was done, Louis had four hickeys on his chest; one on his collarbone, one by each nipple and one on his waist.  His dick was already hard and Harry hadn’t even touched it yet; “Jesus take the wheel,” Louis thought as Harry licked past his balls and started kissing his inner thigh.

            Louis could feel his breath on his balls as he nipped at his inner thigh; “Harry, please,” Louis whined, “please put your mouth on me, pleaseeeee”

            “Hmm, already begging for it, I’ve barely started,” Harry mocked, the little tease. He licked his balls and trailed his tongue up over his dick, “all in good time, my love,” as he straddled him again and dipped in for a deep kiss. He roughly grabbed Louis’ dick which made him buck up his hips and Harry smiled. “You like that?” and Louis moaned as Harry thumbed the top of his dick.

            “God, I wish I could touch you,” Louis said roughly.

            “That’s the point, love,” Harry teased as he took his other hand to tweak Louis’ nipple.

            “Unf,” was all Louis could think to say at that point. “Not sure if I like this.”

            Harry stopped kissing his neck “do you want me to stop?”

            “NO! NO! NO!” Louis yelled. “I just might fuck you senseless all day tomorrow in return.”

            “Promise?” Harry asked cheekily.

            “Oh yeah,” Louis replied.

            “Good,” Harry said as he reached over to pick up the vibrator.

            “Oh godddd, Harry,” Louis moaned as Harry pressed it to his balls and up his dick.  “Shit,” he exclaimed and slammed his head back against the headboard and Harry just laughed, the menace.  After a few minutes, Harry sat back on his knees and bit his lip.

            “Harry, when you bite your lip it means you’re thinking about something so just tell me,” Louis said.

            Harry smiled, “You look so delicious like this & I want you to fuck _me_ ; is that okay?”

            “JESUS, Harry, YES!” Louis exclaimed.

            “But how are you gonna get me wet, baby?” Harry breathed into his ear.

            “Dunno, figure something out,” Louis said quickly.

            Harry leaned back and bit his lip again and Louis was ready to explode when he asked “wanna eat me out?” and Louis nodded vigorously.  Harry flipped himself over onto his hands and knees and stuck his ass in Louis’ face.  Louis couldn’t hardly breathe but he really didn’t care because it was Harry and all his brain could focus on was how amazing he tasted.  He flicked and licked into him, even biting into the fleshy part beside his hole until Harry was bucking his hips into Louis then he just as quickly ripped his ass away from Louis’ face and kissed Louis.

            “Mmmm, tastes good,” Harry moaned and Louis thought he was going to die.  “Gonna ride you now, baby,” and he flipped over so he was facing away from Louis and lowered himself onto his dick.  His knees were on the outside of Louis’ legs as he slowly lowered himself up and down then picked up the pace; Louis couldn’t touch him and it was absolutely killing him.

            “Harry this is the hottest thing I’ve ever done or seen,” Louis said and Harry responded by rolling his hips into Louis so his dick was pushed firmly into Harry.  “I wish I could jerk you off,” Louis moaned and in response, Harry touched himself.

            “No, I lied, THIS is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” Louis admitted.

            “Just getting started, baby,” Harry replied as he rode him hard.

            Louis’ body was buzzing with excitement and he was sweating; the noise of Harry going up and down on him was like music to his ears. He was completely in tune with his body and the sensations Harry was creating with him and it was completely amazing.  “Fuck, Harry, I’m gonna come, shit,” Louis gasped as Harry quickened his pace.

            “Cum for me baby,” Harry moaned as he jerked himself off; Louis was able to get some leverage and bucked up his hips and came in Harry as he yelled “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” as Harry orgasmed too.  Louis was breathless and speechless as Harry rode his orgasm out then climbed off him to face him; he peppered his face with kisses. “Louis that was amazing, you’re amazing, are you okay?” he said quickly and Louis nodded.

            “I’m gonna untie you so we can cuddle for a bit, kay?” Harry said and went about untying Louis. “But you can’t get frisky with me or I’ll tie you right back up!” and Louis pouted.

            Harry pulled Louis in for a big hug and rubbed his back and arms, while kissing him and telling him “you’re so beautiful Tommo, so wonderful to me,” and Louis could just say “baby, love you…”  They snuggled for quite some time, their breathing in sync, Harry constantly touching Louis and cooing sweet nothings in his ear.  “Are you hungry or thirsty?” Harry asked and Louis nodded so Harry ran and got him a bottle of water and a banana.  “Gotta keep your energy up, darling,” and Louis smiled. “I should let you watch porn by yourself more often,” and Harry threw his head back in laughter.

            “Ok, gonna tie you up again, but I’m gonna tie your hands above your head and not to the bed frame cause I wanna be able to move you around,” Harry said and Louis nodded.

            Soon Louis was laid out on the bed, hands tied above his head, Harry sitting on his chest and he started kissing him softly and sweetly.  “You look so beautiful like this, Tommo, just laid out for me, all mine. Just relax, baby, I’ll take care of you,” and Louis closed his eyes.  Harry started sucking his dick and pushed two fingers into Louis; “Jesus Harry my dick was just inside you,” Louis moaned and Harry winked at him.

Louis responded by pounding his head into the pillow; Harry made Louis come by sucking him off and fingering him then he sat back on his chest and whispered, “want you to suck my dick, okay?” and pushed his cock into Louis’ mouth.  He rocked his hips into Louis and he took him all in.

            “Tommo, this feels amazing, so good to me, you take all of me, I wanna cum down your throat,” Harry moaned and Louis nodded.  Harry fucked his mouth until hot come shot down Louis’ throat and he licked it off; Harry laid his chest on Louis’ and kissed his neck and face. “That was amazing, Tommo, love you” and Louis just responded with an “unf.”

            After a few minutes, Harry asked “you okay, baby?” and Louis nodded so Harry climbed off him and flipped him over, hands still tied above his head.  Harry kissed him from his neck, down his shoulders and back, to his hole where he sucked another hickey into his bum.  “God, you’re so spread out for me, baby, gonna make you feel good, kay?” Harry said and dug  his tongue into his ass.

            Louis couldn’t say much at this point, just wriggled around and moaned occasionally which he was pretty sure Harry thoroughly enjoyed.  Louis got hard again and Harry started jerking him off while rimming him and it wasn’t long before Louis was coming again.  “Harry,” he breathed out.

            “You okay, baby?” Harry asked concerned.

            “Yes, yes, yes,” Louis replied softly as Harry rubbed his butt cheeks.  “Spank me,” he demanded pushing his butt up further.  “If you insist,” Harry replied and gently spanked him. “Harder,” Louis said and Harry hauled off and cracked a loud spank on Louis’ ass which made Louis fall forward onto the bed.

            “Was that okay?” Harry asked quickly and Louis nodded into the pillow. “Again,” he said softly and Harry did the same thing on the other cheek, making Louis yelp.  Harry kissed his cheeks and rubbed them saying “this is so beautiful, baby, you’re all mine” and Louis’ mind was slowly shutting down from the pleasure.

            Harry crawled up the bed and raked his hand across Louis’ sweaty forehead and kissed him. “You’re amazing, Louis, and I love you, okay?” Louis nodded, increasingly unable to form sentences. “I wanna fuck you; is that okay?”

            “Yes,” he squeaked. “Please…” and Harry kissed him again before going back between his legs and pressing himself into Louis.  When he bottomed out, Louis groaned loudly and buried his head into the pillow.  Harry took it upon himself to fuck Louis into the mattress in rapid succession, Louis grunting with each thrust, Harry seemingly going deeper every time.  The combination of the friction of Louis’ body against the bed and Harry inside him got Louis hard _again_ and he turned his head to the side of the pillow and said “Harry, uh, gonna, uh, come, uh, again, pleaseeeeee”

            “God Louis I love it when you beg. Come for me baby,” Harry said, grabbing his hips and thrusting into him.  After a few direct hits to his prostate, Louis came all over the bed. “Fuck, that’s hot,” Harry moaned and came soon after Louis.  Harry pressed his chest to Louis’ back and kissed his shoulder and said “Tommo, so good, so so good”

            “Harry,” Louis whispered, “can we take a break for a bit?”

            “Of course, darling,” Harry cooed as he pulled out.  “Just one more thing,” he said as he grabbed the butt plug and lubed it up. “Oh my godddd,” Louis moaned as Harry pressed it into him and twisted it.  “There, that’s better,” Harry declared as he untied Louis’ wrists and pulled him in for a cuddle.

            Their sweaty bodies stuck together but neither cared; Louis was having trouble getting his brain to work and Harry just rubbed him up and down, pressing kisses to his face, telling him how much he loved him.  “Oooh baby, you’re sweaty and your bum is red; I’ll be right back,” he said and went into the bathroom; he returned with a bottle of lotion and a wet washcloth.  He gently massaged the lotion into Louis’ red ass cheeks as he brushed the cloth across Louis’ forehead and chest.  Louis lay there like a bump on a log and he wasn’t sure if he even could move.

            “Harry, thirsty,” Louis squeaked out and Harry quickly brought him a drink, still brushing the cloth across his sweaty fringe.  “Drink up, love,” he cooed.  “Is the plug okay?” he asked and Louis nodded. “Fine, good, feels, uh, good” he managed to say and Harry smiled.  They laid on the bed for quite a while-Louis was pretty sure he drifted off to sleep at some point, Harry still taking care of him-when he woke up he was still in the crook of Harry’s arm and he was starving.  “Hungry,” was all he could say and Harry said “okay, love, I’ll go fix you something. Stay here,” and he jumped off the bed and tugged his boxers on.  He covered Louis with a blanket and kissed his cheek “be back shortly, darling,” and Louis managed a meager smile.

            He had a butt plug pressed in his ass, his entire body felt like jelly, he was having trouble kicking his brain into gear, but Louis never felt more loved and blissful in his life.  When Harry came back with a sandwich and cookies, Louis motioned to him to crawl into bed into his arms.  “Harry, darling, I love you so much, you know that, right?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “Yes, why?” he asked.

            “Dunno, just wanted to tell you. And this is amazing what we’re doing,” he replied and Harry smiled.

            “Good, cause I’m enjoying it too. Now eat.” He demanded.

            After he finished, Louis excused himself to go to the bathroom and gasped when he looked in the mirror. His fringe was sticking up, his cheeks were flushed and he was covered in love bites but he’d never felt more beautiful in his life.  When he came back, Harry was sitting on the bed naked-again-scrolling through his phone like it was the most natural thing in the world.

            Louis leaned against the doorframe and cleared his throat loudly to get Harry’s attention. He popped his head up from his phone as Louis pointed to his hickeys, “wanna explain these, Styles?!” Louis asked.

            Harry bit his lips, “uh, no, not really. Kinda got carried away,” he replied.

            Louis crawled up the bed to tuck himself into Harry’s side and said “I look like a leper!”

            “Are you complaining?” Harry asked.

            “No! It’s totally worth it. I’ve never had this many hickeys in my entire life, you little minx,” Louis told him as he threw his arm around Harry’s waist.  Harry slid down the bed so now Louis’ head was on his shoulder and he squeezed him closer.  “Harry, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but I’m happy that you happened to me,” Louis said softly.

            “Louis, you’re so sweet,” Harry said as he kissed him. “Now, ready to get started again?” he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows.

            Louis laughed, “yes, you sex fiend!” he said as Harry pounced on his chest and pulled his arms above his head and tied his hands together.  “Can we leave the plug in?” Harry asked and Louis nodded “Yeah, feels good.”

            “Good, gonna have my way with you, Tommo,” Harry whispered and Louis moaned.      

            Harry nipped at his jawline, neck and chest and Louis was pretty sure he put another hickey on his side; he then propped his hips up so almost his entire body weight was supported by the tip of the plug. “Jesus, Harry, fuck,” Louis moaned. “Is it too much?” Harry asked and Louis shook his head.  “Good, I’m gonna fuck myself on this vibrator then I’m gonna ride you again. It’d be hot to see you cum in me with that plug in your ass,” he said much too matter-of-factly.  Louis bucked up his hips in response as Harry spread out on all fours over Louis and turned on the vibrator.

            “Can you suck it for me, love? Get it wet before I put it in me?” Harry asked and Louis quickly obliged, soaking it in his spit.  Harry pushed it into himself and hissed with pleasure. His chest was over Louis’ face so Louis said “Harry, your nipple” and he bent his chest down so Louis could suck his nipple.

            Harry immediately cried out in pleasure “Fuck, Louis, that’s hot,” he moaned. “Keep doing that,” he said as he rocked the vibrator back and forth into himself.  After a few twists, he turned up the speed and his knees buckled slightly. “Louis, I, can I, uh, come? Can I come?” Harry said softly.

            “Uh huh,” Louis mumbled, Harry’s nipple in his mouth; Harry turned the vibrator up another speed and pushed it all the way in and he came all over Louis’ chest. “Ahhh!!!” Harry exclaimed then fell on Louis, cum squishing between them.  Harry slowly pulled the vibrator out and then wrapped his arms around Louis, “mmm, wanna lay here for a minute, you feel so warm and comfy” Harry murmured. “Stay there as long as you like,” Louis replied.  Since he was still hard, he wondered if he could scoot Harry down his chest so he could push his dick inside him, but Harry was almost stuck to his chest.

            Louis put his feet on the bed and grabbed a hold of the headboard with both hands and pushed himself up as Harry slid down enough so Louis’ dick was lined up with his hole.  “Louis, what are you doing?” Harry asked, face still stuck to his chest. “Trying to fuck you, what’s it look like I’m doing?” he replied and Harry responded by sliding all the way down and pushing Louis inside him.       

            “Oh god!” Louis exclaimed as his balls his Harry’s butt; when they did, Harry sat up on his knees and he tipped Louis’ hips so the plug was pressing into his prostate at all times.

            “This is gonna be good. Save a horse, ride a cowboy, huh?” Harry said suggestively and Louis could only nod.  Harry lifted up on his knees then came down quickly and as he bounced on Louis’ dick, the plug pressed into him repeatedly slamming into his spot.  Harry was really working him over, up, down, bounce, bounce, his thighs straining at the activity, sweat pooling on his forehead.

            “Louis. This. Feels. So. Good.” Harry said in between bounces.

            Louis just kept muttering, “Jesus, fuck, the plug, god, fuck, shit, Harry, oh, god,” with each bounce.  He started to feel like he was going to orgasm but it was different; it was coming from somewhere deep inside him, and it went beyond his dick to encompass his entire body.  As Harry was bouncing and the plug was slamming into him, he could only focus on Harry; everything else was blocked out. Harry pressed his hips into Louis’ pelvis and grinded into him, causing the plug to do the same; Louis bucked his hips up one last time and he orgasmed, harder than he ever had in his life, so hard that his body went almost rigid. When he did, everything went black and foggy and he couldn’t hear anything; he felt Harry come on his stomach but that was the last sensation he had as he blacked out and rolled over, tossing Harry off him unceremoniously.

            When he came to, he could feel Harry before he could hear him and he was kissing on him and rubbing his back and up and down his body; he didn’t feel ‘full’ anymore so he assumed the plug was out.  “Louis? Please answer me baby, are you okay?” he finally heard Harry say and Louis willed himself to nod his head.

            “Harry?” he creaked out more as a question than a statement then he burst into tears.  Harry pulled him in as tightly as he could, still massaging and touching him all over. “Louis, darling, please talk to me. Can you?” he asked and Louis shook his head. “Okay, love, well, I’m gonna keep touching you so you know I’m here and you talk to me whenever you’re ready.  This is called ‘subspace’ and it’s common during this kind of, um, thing, and they said to maintain contact and reassure your partner constantly so they don’t feel let down or neglected,” Harry said confidently. Louis heard him but he just continued to bury his head into his shoulder and cry but as long as Harry was close then Louis felt safe. He pressed kisses to his face and gently wiped away his tears and slowly Louis started to come around.

            “Harry, I..” Louis started to say and Harry shushed him. “Shhh, darling, don’t talk, just relax. Do you want a drink?” he asked and Louis nodded.  Harry quickly gave him a drink of water and it jump-started something in Louis’ brain as he began to feel a bit more ‘normal’ than he had ten minutes ago.

            “Louis if I have to stay here all night with you, I will” Harry declared and Louis chocked out a sob.

            “Don’t cry, love, please,” Harry asked and Louis said “can’t help it, love you so much, Harry”

            “Oh, baby, I love you too, now just shhhh, calm down, okay? It will all be alright, I’m here for you,” Harry replied, pulling the blanket over Louis’ lower body.  Louis wasn’t sure if he blacked out or fell asleep but when he opened his eyes again, he was wrapped up in Harry’s arms and Harry was snoring in his face.  He could hear and feel and his brain wasn’t as foggy anymore and he realized he was starving; he quietly untangled himself from Harry and rolled to the side of the bed.  He found a pair of sweatpants on the floor and pulled them on and padded into the kitchen.  His brain wasn’t totally functioning yet but he could grab a plate from the cabinet and heat up a piece of pizza without too much effort.  He grabbed a drink and went back into the bedroom, Harry still snoring, and sat on the bed to eat. He turned on the TV but his brain couldn’t process what they were saying or what was going on so he turned it off and curled himself back into Harry’s side.  He didn’t know what time it was-and he thought it was Saturday, though he couldn’t be 100% sure-but as long as Harry was beside him, he really didn’t care about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was just pure smut! Hope you liked it ;D


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 28, verses 1-4: _To you, Lord, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit. Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts. Repay them for their deeds and for their evil work; repay them for what their hands have done and bring back on them what they deserve._

Sunday morning Louis’ eyes popped open and his brain felt relatively normal; Harry was still beside him and he had enough sense to get up and start making breakfast.  Harry got up soon after and wrapped his arms around Louis for a big hug.  During breakfast, Harry kept asking Louis if he was okay and Louis reassured him that he was, though he admitted he wasn’t sure if he could keep his promise to fuck him senseless today.  Harry laughed and said “I think we’ve done enough of that to keep us for a while.” 

Louis let Harry do a Bible Study and he didn’t even mess with him like last time; Harry practiced the sermon he had to give for his COM class for Louis.  “Sounds great, baby, you’re gonna get an A” Louis said, kissing him lightly.  Louis fixed an early dinner then left to go see his kids; the twins were there so he asked them about Spring Break in Nicaragua and they agreed to see if their girlfriends wanted to go.

            Abe said “dad, you look relaxed. Happy.”

            “I feel relaxed and happy, Abe. Thanks for noticing,” Louis said and winked at him.

            Mary Grace was feeling better but she was still being snippy and rude with Louis, even going so far as to tell him: “my friends are very angry with you, Louis. They don’t understand how you could do this to me and your family.”

“I don’t care what your friends think, dear,” he replied.  Louis tried to ignore her attitude and told her that he’d contacted a divorce attorney and she shot him a dirty look. He spent as much time as he could with his children and was incredibly sad when he had to leave.  “Daddy loves you so much, my little ducklings. See you next Sunday, okay?” he promised.

            When he got home he told Harry about the conversation with the twins and about how nasty Mary was being about all of this.  “This is so unlike her,” Louis told Harry. “She’s such a nice, Godly person yet it’s like she’s out to hurt me and make me feel badly about all of this.”

            “I’m sure that’s what she’s doing, Louis. She’s hurt so now she wants to hurt you and ruin your reputation in your church. Even if it’s not a conscious decision to do those things, she’s still doing them,” Harry replied.

            “Huh, I guess you’re right. You should’ve seen her face when I told her I contacted a divorce attorney! It was a combination of anger, fear and disappointment; as if she was expecting us to get back together! Helloooooo! I’ve got a boyfriend, I don’t want you anymore!” Louis exclaimed.

            “Boyfriend. I still like hearing you say that,” Harry admitted, kissing Louis lightly on the lips.  “Now, let’s go to bed, _boyfriend_ ,” Harry said and Louis cocked his eyebrow at him.  “Just for sleeps, nothing else,” Harry said and Louis hugged him before dragging him into the bedroom.

            Monday morning Harry was up early, anxious about what was happening that day.  Louis reassured him that everything would go smoothly but he still paced the floors waiting for Ashley’s call.  Around eleven, she called and said “Harry, it’s done. The charges are filed, they said they would arrest him within the next twenty-four hours,” and Harry’s body visibly relaxed.  “Thank you, thank you so much. You’re a very brave and very strong girl,” Harry told her. “Talk to you soon,” he said as he hung up the phone and collapsed on the couch.  Louis flung his body over Harry’s back as he took a series of deep breaths to compose himself.

            “You okay?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.

            “There’s no going back now, right? But this is good, I did the right thing, didn’t I?” he asked nervously.

            “Harry, YES you did. Why are you questioning yourself now?” Louis asked.

            “Just a momentary attack of conscious there. I know I did the right thing. He deserves this for all the shit he put me and my mum and Ali through,” Harry said confidently and Louis squeezed him tightly.  He texted his mom: IT’S DONE and she replied with a smiley face.

            The next forty-eight hours were a whirlwind of phone calls and conversations about CJ; he was arrested at home on Tuesday morning, the news crews filming his every move. When it played on the six o’clock news, everyone saw it and Louis’ phone started ringing off the hook. He fielded calls from his boys, his mom, the attorney Ben.  Harry said “Louis I talked to my mum and she told me that when my dad called from jail for her to bail him out she told him: NO. She said he could rot in there for all she cared and hung up on him!  Can you imagine?”

            “I bet he’s madder than a wet hen, Harry,” Louis said, laughing.

            Harry laughed too and said “I bet he is! I’m so proud of my mum too!”

            “Harry you and your mum are a lot stronger than you give yourselves credit for,” Louis told him and Harry pulled him in for a hug.

            “Thank you,” he whispered in his ear. “For everything…” and Louis kissed his cheek in reply.

            After the excitement of the early week, somehow Harry had to focus on taking his midterms and Louis spent time corresponding with the financial advisor and his divorce attorney, along with his work which was picking up now that spring was beginning to bloom.  By the end of the week, they both collapsed into bed emotionally and physically exhausted.  Saturday morning, Louis woke up and curled into Harry’s side, waking him up.  “Harry,” he said softly. “Are we okay?”

            “Yes, of course, Louis! I’m sorry if I’ve neglected you this week, just been so busy!” he replied.

            “No, you haven’t neglected me, I’ve been busy too. It’s been kind of a crazy week,” Louis said. “Just wanted to make sure you weren’t upset with me.”

            Harry turned his body so he was facing Louis and kissed his nose. “Louis, darling, I’m not upset with you. You’ve been amazing this week with everything that’s going on with my dad, and arranging for us to talk to a financial advisor, and everything. I couldn’t have done all of this without you. Promise.”

            Louis kissed his lips softly. “Okay, just wanted to check. After breakfast, wanna spend the day in bed?” he asked and Harry nodded.

            So that’s exactly what they did….

            Sunday evening Louis went over to see his kids and Abe and Noah were there again as well; they were sitting at the table discussing their Spring Break plans when Mary Grace sat down. “What’s this about Spring Break, boys?” she asked.

            “Uh, me and Abe, the girls, dad and Harry are gonna go to Nicaragua over Spring Break on a mission trip. We’re gonna build houses and help modernize things in a few of the villages,” Noah replied.

            Mary got a pressed look on her face, “Hm. You know I still haven’t met your girlfriends which I don’t approve of. There’s supposed to be a courtship agreement between the parents when their children date, like Becca and Joshua,” she told them.

            Noah rolled his eyes, “mom, this isn’t 1850. Relax, they are lovely Christian girls and I’m sure you’ll love them.”

            She shook her head, “I still don’t like this situation. How do we know you’re protecting their chastity?”

            “Okay this conversation is getting weird, I’m out,” Noah declared and Abe wasn’t too far behind him so

Louis was sat at the table with just her.

            “So you’re going with them on Spring Break?” she asked. “Trying to relive your youth are you? By hanging out with a bunch of teenagers?” she said snarkily.

            “Uh, no, just wanted to go with them; seemed like a nice opportunity to give back,” Louis replied curtly.

            “Well, I don’t like that _Harry_ is going too. I don’t like that _lifestyle_ ” and she practically spit out the word “around my boys,” she said firmly.

            Now Louis was getting seriously annoyed, “excuse me?” he asked, raising his voice. “Harry is Abe’s _roommate_ , not some, some rent boy I picked up off the street!” he yelled and she gasped. “Louis, lower your voice for heaven’s sake!”

            “No, I won’t! It’s not like I’m taking them to a gay orgy for crying out loud! We’re going on a bloody _mission_ trip, you know, ‘do God’s work’ and all that? You have no right to tell me what to do with my free time anymore,” he said forcefully.  “By the way,” he continued, “I contacted a divorce attorney so he should be in touch with you soon.  I was going to try to make this amicable but if your nasty attitude continues, I can’t promise that it will. And if you even _think_ of trying to keep me from my kids, I _promise_ I will kick up a fuss and raise holy hell!” he exclaimed and turned on his heel to play with his kids, leaving her clutching her chest in shock.

            He spent the remainder of his time there playing and rough-housing with his kids and generally avoiding Mary. He checked in with Becca who said things were going well with Joshua, though she hadn’t told him about Louis yet, which made Louis sad. After he left, his mind was racing and trying to sort out what happened because he had expected life to get a bit easier after he came out but it was just getting more and more difficult.  When he got home, Harry was in bed but watching TV and Louis quickly climbed in with him.

            “How’d it go?” he asked.      

            “Well, it was nice to see my kids and Abe and Noah were there so we talked about Spring Break. But she’s…she’s just so nasty towards me. It’s like she wants to hurt me, you know? She told me she didn’t like the idea of us going the mission trip together because she didn’t approve of our ‘lifestyle’!” Louis exclaimed, shaking his head.

            “What?! I’m Abe’s roommate and I knew him and Noah before I knew you. And what ‘lifestyle’ is she talking about? It’s not like we screw each other in front of them.  Why does it matter to her?” Harry asked.

            Louis shrugged, “I dunno. I told her we weren’t going to a gay orgy, just traveling to do mission work. I don’t think she appreciated that comment,” and Harry giggled. “I’m sure she didn’t,” he said. “I think it’s a ‘control’ thing with her; like she always had me on a ‘short leash’ so to speak and now she wants to continue controlling me but it ain’t gonna work.” Louis replied.

            “Well, she’s just gonna have to learn things are different now, in more ways than one. Did you tell her about the attorney?”  Harry asked.

            “I did but I got the impression she was surprised that I got one. Like what did she expect me to do? Declare ‘I’m straight! Being gay was just a phase’ and come crawling back to her?” Louis asked incredulously.  “Cause that ain’t gonna happen. Ever.”

            “Do you think maybe she’ll come around?” Harry suggested.

            “Hmm, we’ll see. I’m sure she’s still hurt by all of this, but the situation isn’t going to change no matter what she says or does,” Louis declared. 

“Whew, gosh, it’s been a long day,” Louis realized as Harry pulled him in tighter.  Louis rolled up onto his bare chest and kissed him, saying “Harry, I’m so blessed to have you.  You give me the strength I need to do this, you make me strong.”

            Harry blushed as Louis kissed him deeper.  “Wanna make love to you, baby. Can I?” Louis asked softly.

            Harry nodded, “yes of course, Louis. Always,” he replied as Louis spent a long time making both of them feel amazing.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 30, verses 1-4: _Ascribe to the Lord, you heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic._

Louis met with his divorce attorney, Jake Cassidy, on Wednesday and he told him he wanted to “be the bigger person” through all of this and have the divorce be as “amicable as possible.”

            “Hold up, Louis,” Jake cautioned him. “It’s been my experience that no divorce is ever as ‘amicable’ as either side wants it to be.  Why are you separating?”

            “Uh, I’m gay,” Louis replied.

            Jake smiled and said “ooh-WEE! I bet she’s not happy about that!” Louis shook his head. “Didn’t think so. Look she’s hurt and mad and probably is still holding onto hope that she can get you back so she will most likely stall and prevent this from moving forward.”

            “Huh. She’s kinda already doing that,” Louis observed.

            Jake nodded. “Yup. My guess is it’s gonna get worse.  Do you have kids?”

            “Yes, ten, eight of which still live at home,” Louis replied.

            “Wow. Property and money involved? I’m guessing you didn’t have a prenup?” He exclaimed.

            “Yes and yes. And no prenup.  My, uh, dad was Bill Tomlinson” Jake nodded in recognition of the name “so when he died I inherited a lot of money and property, which I’m not too concerned about dividing up.” Jake shot him an inquisitive look but Louis continued, “I just want to make sure I see my kids as much as possible. I don’t want her to block me from them or I will….I will die.”

            “Well, you won’t die, you’ll just take her to court to get more visitation,” Jake replied, “but hopefully we won’t have to do that.  Now, let’s start with this: The state of Oklahoma has a ‘no fault’ divorce filing and the reason is simple: incompatibility.”

            “Hmm, that would work,” Louis agreed.

            “Yes it would. But, she could come back and file a ‘fault’ divorce proceeding and one of those reasons is adultery, _if_ she can prove it.” Jake told him.

            “Ohhh, I, uh, that’s, uh, complicated,” Louis stammered anxiously.

            “Look, Louis, if I’m going to represent you and get everything you deserve out of this, then I need to know what’s going on.  So you’re gay and you came out to her but there’s more?” he asked.

            Louis sighed. “Yes. I, uh, met my boyfriend a few months ago and he helped me, uh, realize I was gay-if you know what I mean-and now we are living together.”

            “Does she know this?” Jake asked and Louis nodded.

            “Whew, okay, well, we need to file the petition for divorce first and come to the table with a killer offer, one that will make her incredibly happy so she won’t be tempted to re-file the ‘fault’ divorce petition.  Cause then it could get UGLY,” and he said the last word in three syllables.

            “Yes that sounds good cause I really don’t want my kids dragged into all of this and the sooner we’re divorced the sooner I can move on and so can she.  So what do you mean by a ‘killer offer’?” Louis replied.

            “I don’t know.  You’ll have to lay all of your financial cards on the table for me-no secrets-let me review them and come up with something.  And any ideas or input from you are appreciated as well,” Jake told him.

            “Well, I have no secrets about my finances that’s for sure! Okay, sounds like a plan. I’ll get you all that info soon and we’ll meet after that, yeah?” Louis asked.

            “Sure, sounds good, I’ll be in touch,” Jake replied shaking his hand and Louis left quickly.

            When he got home, he recounted the entire story for Harry and said “if she doesn’t accept this, I swear I will be so angry, Harry!”

            “Well, Louis, what if she meets me and ‘approves’ of me? Do you think she would still be so nasty and angry if she knew how I make you feel?  Emotionally, not, uh, physically,” Harry asked.

            “Yeah, we should probably leave that part out. Hmm, I don’t know but maybe you could charm the pants off her-metaphorically speaking-and she would just let the no-fault petition through,” Louis mused.  “Hmmm, it might work. She did say she wanted to meet you so let me ask her this Sunday if she’s up for it and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

            “Sounds good. Um, are you gonna go with me to the financial advisor’s office tomorrow?” Harry asked.

            “Of course, love, if you want me to,” Louis replied and Harry nodded.

            “Then it’s settled. Now c’mere and let me kiss you,” Louis said and Harry happily agreed.

            In the morning, they drove to see the financial advisor, Carl Jackson, where he explained that CJ had been pulling $10,000 a month out of Harry’s inheritance every month.

            “That’s $120,000 a year!!” Harry exclaimed. “For doing nothing except being an absolute jerk to my mum!”

            Carl explained that it should’ve been stopped when Harry turned 21 but for some reason it wasn’t but that he could do it now with Harry’s permission.

            “Well, I don’t want to leave my mum high and dry; can I give her some of it? Just not that much,” Harry asked.  “Maybe into her own account?”

            He said that was possible, just for Harry to sign some papers approving the transition.

            “Harry, since you’re here for financial advice, let me give you some.  Look, this is a lot of money; between you and your sister you could change the world.  That being said, my advice would be to take some out, put it in an investment account so you can live off the interest it generates, then funnel the rest through your own charitable foundation.  Be it save the whales or the trees, whatever, just as long as it’s a non-profit; that way your dad can have zero claim to it again, because your name will no longer be attached to it.”

            “How do I do that?” Harry asked.

            “Well, if you decide to do it I can help you and Ben can write up the legal stuff regarding the 501c charitable foundation,” he replied. 

            “Hmm, okay, let me think about it. I’ll talk to my mom about getting her own checking account to put money into and I’ll let you know,” Harry told him.

            “Sounds great, I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon!”

            “Louis would you care if we went to my house now to talk to my mum? I’d kinda like to take care of this ASAP,” Harry asked.

            “Sure, love, let’s go. Tell her we’re on our way,” Louis replied.

            Harry called his mom: “Hi mum! Yeah I talked to him today and we need to get you your own checking account just in your name…..I’ll help you with it, I know you’ve never done it before, but it’s no big deal….yes we can go this afternoon. We are on our way to visit you right now, mum…yes Louis is with me. Tell Ali she will be excited,” Harry said as he squeezed Louis’ hand. “Okay, see you soon!”

            Harry gave Louis directions to his house and as they pulled up, Louis was stunned by how gorgeous their house was; with columns and white marble, a three-car garage and a perfectly manicured lawn. “Wow, nice house,” Louis said and Harry laughed. “Yeah, it’s a bit much, but dad insisted. People were a little confused as to how we could afford it seeing as dad was just a ‘preacher’ and claimed to be broke, but whatever. I guess he was spending _my_ money as it turns out.”

            They walked into the house and it was immaculate; long curving staircase, real hardwood floors, giant chandelier in the massive front foyer. “Harry, my love,” Anne said in her proper British accent and gave him a hug. “And Louis! Nice to see you again!” and she hugged him too.  “You two better go say hi to Ali or she’s gonna be mad!” she chided and they both went into the perfectly appointed living room to see her.  When she saw Louis she started clapping her hands and smiled broadly; “I think you’re more excited to see Louis than me, Ali,” Harry teased as he kissed her. She brushed him off to hug Louis and giggled.

            Harry explained to his mom what was going on and she agreed to get her own checking account; Harry said he would take her right away. “Harry, I’m nervous; we’ve had an account at this bank for years and they all know about, um, what happened,” she whispered.

            “Mum, just be strong, I know you can do it. Now, let’s go!”  Louis stayed with Ali so Harry and his mom could get everything done quickly.

            “Hey Ali,” Louis said after they left, “I hear your favorite movie is ‘Love Actually’ do you want to watch it with me?”  She clapped and nodded her head vigorously in response so Louis set about putting the movie in.  He sat on the couch and held her hand during the movie and she blushed the entire time. 

Harry and his mom returned shortly; Harry came into the living room and pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek. “Hmm, looks like Ali’s found someone special,” he teased and nodded to Louis holding her hand.  She giggled and he kissed her cheek too; “do you like Louis?” he asked and she giggled. “That’s what I thought,” Harry said. “Louis, you now have two Styleses that love you!” he exclaimed.  At that moment Anne walked in and said “make that three!” and Louis said “y’all, I’m blushing! I’m overwhelmed by all this love!” and they all laughed.

They stayed for dinner then said their goodbyes and started driving home.  It was the first time Louis had to talk to Harry alone and he was anxious to hear what happened. “So, Harry, tell me about going to the bank with your mom!”

            “Louis, she was AMAZING!” Harry exclaimed. “We walked into our bank and all these snobby little gossip women just stared at her like she was a pariah but mom kept her head held high and ignored them.  When she told them she wanted to open her own checking account and close her joint account, the bank manager almost fell over.  She was professional about it but you could tell her mind was just racing wondering what the heck was going on.  After she finished signing the papers and getting her account, the manager grabbed my mum’s hand and whispered ‘Anne, I’m very proud of you for doing this. Stay strong.’ The gossip ladies all hugged her as we walked out and said ‘congrats’.  I thought my mom was gonna burst with pride!  It was as if all the crap my dad put her through came full circle at that bank.  I was sooo proud of her and I told her as much too!”

            “Wow, Harry, that’s amazing!” Louis told him.

            Harry continued, “it really was! We were both buzzing when we got home! And then…” he paused, biting his lip.

            “Harryyyyy,” Louis said suggestively. “You’re biting your lip again…”

            “Psh, Louis! Well, mum and I came home and I guess you didn’t hear us but we watched you sitting with Ali asking her questions about the movie and you were treating her like a real person…”

            “Was I supposed to treat her like an alien?” Louis joked.

            “No, you twat,” Harry joked. “You know what I mean. We saw you talking to her and she was laughing and, well, it meant a lot. To both of us.” He said seriously. And he leaned over and kissed Louis’ cheek.

            “Harry, you’re making me blush. Again!” Louis exclaimed.

            “Good,” Harry replied, grabbing Louis’ hand and holding onto it tightly for the remainder of the ride home.

            Sunday afternoon Louis left to see his kids; the twins were there too so they discussed their plans for Spring Break.  Louis gave them his credit card to make the plane arrangements and the boys told him their girlfriends were going with them.  “Great! We are excited, it should be fun!”  Mary Grace walked in at that point and said “so when am I gonna meet your girlfriends?”

            Noah shrugged, “I dunno. When do you wanna?”

            She smiled, “as soon as possible. Though I would like to meet their parents as well.”

            Abe rolled his eyes, “Moooomm, they are living on their own at college. They don’t need their parents’ approval to date us. Nor do we need yours to date them.”

Louis said “boys, can you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to your mom,” and both boys got up from the table.

“Speaking of meeting their girlfriends, would you be up for meeting Harry?” he asked tentatively.

She took a deep breath. “Sure. When?”

Louis was shocked but he said, “Uh, maybe this weekend? Somewhere neutral, not here.”

“Um, the kids are going to my mom’s Saturday morning so maybe then? How about the Starbucks downtown?” she suggested.

“That sounds great. Thanks,” he said and patted her hand.  She sighed and nodded then got up from the table.  Louis wondered if she was extending an olive branch or if she was doing it in order to make her point.  He told Harry about her plans and he agreed to meet with her.  “I’m not sure if she has an ulterior motive with all of this, Harry, just so you know,” Louis told him.

“Well, at least it’s a start, right?” Harry said and Louis agreed.

Early in the week, Louis took his financial information to his attorney so they could begin to figure out a proposed settlement.  “Look,” Louis told him, “let her have the house, I don’t want it.  It’s in our name, as are the cars but they’re all paid off.  But all the property and business is in my name, not hers. She has very little actual holdings so I don’t know how that changes things.” 

“Sounds good, I’ll get to work on it and let you know something later in the week,” he said.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 30, verses 1-3: _I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit._

Jake called Friday afternoon to tell Louis he had a plan worked out and asked if he could stop by on Saturday afternoon. Louis agreed to come by after he met with Mary.  Saturday morning he woke up to find Harry sitting on the bed in his boxers, chewing on a piece of toast while checking his phone. “Hey pumpkin, whatcha doing?” Louis asked, draping his arm over Harry’s waist.

“Nuttin honey,” Harry said, mouth full of food.

Louis pressed a kiss to his waist, “you’re so beautiful, did you know that?”

“Hmm, no, but don’t kiss my love handles, please,” Harry teased.

“They’re not love handles, darling, they’re a perfect part of your perfect body,” Louis cooed.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Tomlinson?” Harry asked.

“Hmm, maybe. Is it working?” Louis replied.

Harry put his phone down and lay down on the bed, pulling Louis into the crook of his arm. “Maybe,” Harry joked and Louis pressed a kiss to his lips.

“You know what I wanna do?” Louis asked, reaching into Harry’s boxers.

“No, but I’m probably gonna like it,” Harry said.

“Wanna fuck you so my cum is in you when we meet _her_ ,” Louis whispered and Harry’s entire body went slack.

“God, Louis, I love it when you get all possessive,” Harry admitted.

“Mmm, might even put a love bruise on you just to remind everyone that you’re mine,” Louis said and Harry whimpered.

“Can I suck you?” Harry asked and Louis nodded.  He bent down to mouth at Louis’ dick and suck him to the point where Louis was closing to coming. “Ssss, Harry, baby, don’t wanna come yet,” Louis said as he pulled Harry up to his chest and palmed his dick. “Amazing, love. Now, turn over,” Louis complimented him and Harry flipped over on his side so his back was to Louis’ chest.  Louis pushed two fingers gently into Harry while kissing his neck; “gonna put that love bite right here” Louis whispered, pointing to the area just below Harry’s neck on the back of his collar bone.  Harry nodded and rolled his right hip over so he was even more open for Louis’ fingers.

“That’s it baby, get open for me,” Louis moaned and pressed another finger into him, spreading his fingers wide and dragging them in and out slowly.  Harry’s hips pushed back into Louis’ hands and he leaned into Harry’s ear, “ready for me baby?” Harry moaned and nodded as Louis pushed into Harry and quickly bottomed out.

“Jesus, Harry, you feel so good, so tight for me,” Louis said and Harry groaned.  After a few easy thrusts, Louis reached around to grab Harry’s dick as he sucked a bruise into his neck. “Louissssssss” Harry whispered, “amazing.”

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby?” Louis asked as he pumped into him harder.

“All yours, fuck me please,” Harry begged and Louis was happy to oblige.

Louis started jerking Harry off quicker and Harry’s moans picked up so Louis knew he was close.  “Cum for me, baby,” Louis whispered and Harry let out a gasp and came all over Louis’ hand.  “That’s it, my love, so good for me,” Louis said as he thrust up one last time and came inside Harry.  “Ohhhhh, godddd, Harrrryyyyyy,” Louis exclaimed, holding Harry’s hips into his pelvis.  Harry grabbed his hand and wrapped it around his chest and asked “can we stay here all day?”

Louis laughed, “no, darling, we have things to do but we can come back to this,” he said kissing his shoulder and rubbing his bum which Harry wiggled in response.

Harry sighed, “FINE!” he joked and kissed Louis as he pulled out and kissed him back.

Later that day, Louis held Harry’s hand as they walked to the Starbucks and said “just be yourself, she’ll love you, promise.”  They saw her sitting at a table in the back and Louis kissed her cheek then introduced her to Harry.

“Hi, Harry, it’s nice to meet you,” she said politely. She had a smug look on her face so Louis was not completely confident she would cooperate but he was holding out hope.  Louis went to get coffee for both of them and he heard her ask in a somewhat uninterested voice, Louis thought annoyingly, “so Harry, where are you from?” and Harry launched into his story.

When Louis returned she asked “So you’re CJ Styles’ son?” and Harry nodded. “Shame what happened to him recently. Must be so embarrassing for your mother,” she mused, her smug look increasing.  Louis wanted to kick her under the table but he decided to let it go since she didn’t know anything about the volatile relationship between Harry and his dad.

“Hmm, well, he’s not all he’s cracked up to be, I promise,” Harry replied, trying to make light of her comment.  “But my mom is dealing with it pretty well.”

“That’s good. So you _were_ Abe’s roommate at school?” she queried.

“I _am_ Abe’s roommate, yes,” Harry replied and Louis wasn’t entirely sure what she was driving at; she gave him a skeptical look.  Louis was starting to lose his patience with her when she said: “so Harry, when did _you_ know you were” and she looked around to see if anyone was listening “gay” she whispered loudly.

Through gritted teeth, Louis said “He doesn’t have Ebola, Mary. It’s his sexuality, not a highly communicable disease.”  She waved her hand at him and Harry said, “No, Louis, it’s okay.  Um I think I always knew but just recently I’ve come out to my family.”

“Hmm, that seems to be a common pattern with most of you,” she said looking directly at Louis.  “Do your parents approve of your _lifestyle_?” she asked, emphasizing the last word.  Louis was really starting to lose his patience.

Harry chuckled softly, “yes, surprisingly. My mom is fine with it and, well, my dad…” and his voice trailed off.

“Oh, so he doesn’t know yet because he’s in prison?” she said accusingly.

“No, he knows it’s just…complicated,” Harry admitted.

“Hmm. Well, I’m sure you know and I’m sure your dad would agree that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin and goes against God’s wishes,” she said almost sneering at this point.

Louis banged his fist on the table, her cappuccino cup clanking on it and he grabbed her by the arm and said “outside, NOW!” as he dragged her behind him.

He yanked her out of the door as she complained “owww, Louis!”

“Oh, give me a break!” he yelled.

“Lower your voice, Louis” she demanded.

“I won’t. What are you doing in there?!” he screeched.

“What do you mean?” she asked innocently.

“Oh please! Your voice and questions are dripping with disdain and disgust and derision and quite frankly, you’re being offensive to me _and_ Harry!  What’s wrong with you?” he yelled.

She clenched her fists and screamed back at him: “You’re what’s wrong with me! You ruined my life, Louis, with your ‘being gay’ and ‘having a boyfriend’!” she exclaimed.

“Oh my god I cannot believe I’m having this conversation outside a Starbucks,” Louis groaned.

She ignored him and continued, “this kind of thing doesn’t happen to people like ME!  I’m supposed to get married, have children, grow old with my husband and be a servant to God. But you decided to mess that all up by deciding you were gay!”

Louis sighed loudly, “I didn’t _decide_ I was gay, I’ve always been gay. I told you that” he said flatly.

She ignored him and continued, “Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? To see and hear people talking about me behind my back saying things like ‘poor Mary Grace, her husband didn’t love her enough so he left for another man’. Do you think that’s easy for me to deal with?” she asked.  “And my parents are so angry with you right now, Louis. They don’t want me to ever talk or see you again.”

“Do you really think I give a damn what your parents think about me?” Louis hissed.

“You should!  They want me to ask for full custody of the kids with very limited visitation rights for you. They say you’re not a fit parent and the kids shouldn’t be around you and your sinful lifestyle!” she declared. “And stop swearing! Since when do you cuss and take the Lord’s name in vain?”

The mention of his kids caused Louis’ blood to boil and he grabbed her arm again. “If you EVER threaten me with not being able to see my kids, I will fight you until my dying day, I will spend my last penny, and I will drag you into court so fast your head will swim.  Do you understand that?” he hissed.

He released her arm and said “if you felt this way about me, why didn’t we have this conversation a while ago? Why are you taking it out on Harry?” Louis asked.

“Because he’s the one who took you from me! _He’s_ the one who made you turn gay!” she exclaimed.  “It’s all his fault you’re like this and that you’re leaving your family behind for _HIM_.”

Louis was two seconds away from slapping her but he saw Harry through the window and decided he didn’t want to go to jail for assaulting her.  He took a step so he was in her personal space and said roughly, “don’t blame Harry for _me_ hurting you. You’re angry and upset with me, not him. Leave him out of this. And for the thousandth time, he didn’t ‘turn’ me gay.”

“But that’s what the Bible says,” she replied.

“Maybe the Bible doesn’t have all the answers,” Louis said sharply. “Did you ever think about that? And the one I read makes no mention of homosexuality or of it being a sin. Ask Dr. Paul,” and she rolled her eyes in response.

Louis was getting remarkably tired and annoyed with this entire conversation; he made eye contact with Harry through the window and motioned for him to come outside.  “Harry’s coming out here. You WILL apologize to him,” Louis demanded.

Mary shook her head. “no, I WONT” she said firmly.

Louis grabbed both of her arms firmly and put his face right up to hers. “Yes. You. Will” he said slowly. “Or you won’t get one red cent from me in the divorce. Everything is in my name and you will get _nothing_. Not the house, the cars, alimony, _nothing_.”

“Don’t threaten me Louis,” she said softly.

“It’s not a threat. It’s a promise,” he replied as Harry walked out of the door. Louis stepped away from her and grabbed Harry’s hand. “Mary has something to tell you, Harry” he said and motioned to her.

She was on the verge of tears and turned to Harry and said “I’m sorry for what I said in there. I’m angry at Louis for all of this, not you. So, sorry.”

Harry looked uncomfortable and said “uh, it’s okay, I know this is a weird situation and all.”

Tears started running down her face when Harry said that and she turned on her heel and left, not bothering to say “goodbye.”

Louis was so angry at that moment that he yanked Harry’s arm to pull him in the opposite direction and practically pushed him into the truck.  “Louis, I’ve never seen you so angry,” Harry observed.

“Fuck her, Harry! How dare she treat you like that! She had no right to do that. God I am so mad I could spit nails!” Louis exclaimed then started ranting and raving about what she’d just said.  “I will make sure she gets nothing in all of this! NOTHING!” he said firmly.  “We’re going to the lawyer’s office now and I’m gonna tell him to fuck her over royally, she will get a hundred dollars a month, ten dollars for each child and that’s IT!” he said as he started the truck up and peeled out of the parking lot.  Louis continued his rampage all the way to the attorney’s office so by the time he got there, he was very worked up about the whole situation.

He walked into his office and before he even said “hi!” he said, “she’s getting nothing in all of this! NOTHING!”

Jake had a surprised look on his face and said “whoa, slow down partner. Have a seat let’s talk about this.”

He extended his hand to Harry and said “you must be?”

“Harry,” he replied shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you. You’re his?”

“Boyfriend,” Harry answered.

“Good. Now, Louis, take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.”

Louis ranted and raved for near on five minutes, peppering his rant with expletives and threats; Harry and Jake just stared at each other trying to make sense of it all.  Finally, Harry leaned in and said “can you excuse us for a second?” and Jake nodded.  Harry grabbed Louis’ hand and pulled him out of the office quickly.

“Harry! Where are we going?!” Louis yelled but Harry didn’t say a word. He took him into the bathroom and locked both of them in a stall.

“Harry! What are you doing?!” Louis was screeching now and Harry grabbed his head and roughly kissed his lips.  Louis yanked his head back and said “what was that for?!”

Harry smiled. “Louis, darling, you’re flipping out and I didn’t know what else to do to calm you down except to kiss you.”  He picked up Louis’ hand and pressed it to his chest, “feel how quickly your heart is beating.  You’re wound to the gills, love, and you’re not making any sense. Now, breatheeeeee,” he emphasized, hand still on his chest.

Louis took a few deep breaths then kissed Harry gently. “Thank you, I love you,” Louis said and Harry nodded, tucking his head into Louis’ neck.  He started softly kissing Louis’ neck saying “love you too. Now breathe, baby, calm down for me okay?  Your heart is still racing.”

“Well you kissing my neck isn’t helping that but I’m trying,” Louis replied teasingly as Harry laughed, continuing to drag his tongue up and over Louis’ jawline.  Louis put his mouth to Harry’s ear and whispered “promise you’ll fuck me when we get home?”

“Mmmm,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ neck. “Promise. Might even fuck you in the car,” and Louis’ knees dipped and his head was pressed against the bathroom door.

“Touch me, baby,” Louis said softly as Harry unzipped his pants and reached for his cock.  “Oh god,” Louis moaned as Harry thumbed over his slit and rubbed him up and down slowly. 

“Are you relaxed, baby?” Harry asked gently and Louis nodded then he reached down to cup his balls while squeezing the base of his dick. “MMfmmffm” Louis groaned as Harry started pumping his dick quicker and harder.  He took his hand away from Louis’ chest and fondled his balls with that hand while he jerked him off with the other.  It didn’t take long for Louis to cum in Harry’s hands; when he did, he slid down the door and Harry had to pull him back up.

“Do you feel better?” Harry asked and Louis nodded.

“Do you need me too, um, do you?” Louis asked and Harry shook his head. “No, I’m fine for now, I’ll take care of it-and you-later” and he kissed his nose.  “Now, let’s clean up and go back before he wonders where we’ve gone.”

Louis splashed water on his face as Harry rinsed his hands off then before they walked out, Harry hugged him from behind. “Love you baby, so much,” and Louis patted his hand. “You too, darling,” and they went back to the office.

“Everything alright?” Jake asked and they both nodded; Louis’ cheeks were flushed and his face was wet.  “Sorry I was having a bit of a meltdown there. Harry made me, uh, splash water on my face to calm down” Louis said and laughed.

“Trust me, that’s nothing compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen,” Jake admitted. “Now, start from the beginning and tell me what happened today with her.”

Louis calmly told him what she said and how angry it made him. “Like she can shit on me but she’s dragging Harry into all of this and that’s just _inexcusable_ ,” he finished.

“It sounds like she’s trying to hurt you, Louis, right where she knows it will hurt you the most: Harry,” Jake observed and Harry nodded.

“That’s what I said,” Harry agreed and Louis sighed.  “Probably but she’s never been spiteful or hateful before…I don’t understand it at all.”

“You’ve never come out and gotten a boyfriend before,” Jake reminded him and Louis laughed.

“She did say I ruined her life,” he told them.

“Yes, well, like I said before she could make this into a huge production, costing you loads of money, just to make a point,” Jake said. “So here’s my plan: give her the house, take your name off of it but you’ll still own the property it sits on. Divide that up in half-100 acres to you 100 to her-and she can do with it what she likes.  Give her $10,000 a month in alimony which you can afford, no problem, that’s $1000 per kid and should be enough to keep her in the lifestyle to which she is accustomed to.  You continue to pay for the kids’ health insurance and dental and whatever other benefits they have.  In return, she gets primary custody of the kids but you have generous visitation every other weekend and two weeks a month in the summer.  Also, if she gets remarried, the alimony stops and you put that money in a trust or college fund for the kids instead.”

“Sounds good,” Louis said.

“There’s more,” Jake continued. “You two are going to have to be civil with each other for the kids’ sakes so take her to a therapist or something and get this sorted.  I don’t know how Harry is going to work into all of this but you’ll have to figure that out too.  My suggestion would be to live close by-heaven knows you have enough property-so you’re close to the kids but still have your own ‘space’.  How’s that sound?”

“Great!  When can we present this to her?” Louis asked.

“You’ll have to file the no-fault petition in court which we can do ASAP then the judge will call you both in and you can present your offer and he will decide how it proceeds from there.  It might take a few months, though,” Jake told them.

“That’s fine, but definitely the sooner the better,” Louis admitted. 

“I’ll work on this and let you know when we hear from the judge,” Jake said and stood up to shake their hands. 

“Thanks so much,” Louis said and they left the office.

As they climbed into the truck, Harry asked “you okay, baby?”

Louis nodded. “Yes, I mean, it sounds like a great offer for her. I just wish she wasn’t so nasty to you.”

“Psh, well, it’s to be expected, I supposed. She’ll get over it. She’s gonna have to, right?” Harry said and Louis smiled.

As they drove home, Harry thought it wise to start palming Louis’ dick through his jeans so by the time they got home he was completely hard.  He put the truck in park and glared at Harry who responded by kissing him and saying “wanna fuck you in here, now” and Louis moaned.  Luckily it was an extended cab truck so they jumped in the back seat, shedding their clothes as they did.  Pretty soon they were both naked, Harry straddling Louis, hard dicks rubbing together.  Harry dipped down to give Louis a quick blow job then he came back up to his chest and said “wanna lick you, taste you and make you cum. Sit up here,” and he motioned to the console in the center of the truck.  Louis laid his chest on it and pushed forward until his face was almost into the air vents; Harry then put his tongue in Louis’ hole and slowly dragged it out.  Louis responded by spreading his legs wider; “that’s it, baby, open up for me,” Harry said softly, nudging a finger into Louis. He kept pushing his tongue all the way in then slowly dragging it out along the top of Louis’ hole and he would finish by nipping at the soft pink skin of his hole.  Every time he did, Louis’ pushed his hips up and groaned.

“Need lube, baby,” Harry whispered and Louis sucked on his hand then pushed it back saying “try that” and Harry slicked himself up.  “Gonna need to keep some in every room and the car, if we’re gonna keep doing this,” Louis joked.

Harry laughed then pushed himself into Louis until he was ¾ of the way in; he spread Louis’ cheeks out further with his hands then he was able to go all the way in. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Louis moaned and Harry grabbed his left shoulder with his left hand and pushed his hips up to meet Louis’.  Because Harry was all the way into Louis, when he flicked his hips, it bumped Louis’ prostate every time causing him to yelp with each thrust.

“Un, un, un,” went Louis.

Still holding onto his shoulder and waist, Harry sneered “Did she fuck you like this, baby?”

Louis almost choked on his own spit, “no, baby, no. Never.”

“Who’s the best fuck you’ve every had?” he asked harshly as the pace of his hips increased.

“Uh, un, un, you, baby, you’re the best fuck ever,” Louis moaned.

“Tell me why, baby,” Harry said, hips moving quicker.

“Cause your dick is so big and it fills me up and I want it inside me all the time,” Louis said quickly and in time with Harry’s hip thrusts.

“Hmm, that’s what I thought,” Harry said then he let go of Louis’ shoulder and grabbed both of his hips and started pounding into him.

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis said.

“Not gonna touch you, baby, gonna fuck you hard. Touch yourself,” Harry demanded.

“God, I love it when you get all possessive,” Louis moaned as he reached down to jerk himself off.

“You’re mine, Tommo, all mine, I’m the only one who gets to fuck you,” Harry said, roughly pounding into Louis.

“Yes, yes, YES!” Louis yelped as he came quickly.

“Mmm, good job, baby, gimme a sec, I’m gonna come too,” Harry said and grabbed Louis’ shoulder again to flick his hips against Louis.  “Fffuckkkkkk,” he moaned as he pressed his hips all the way into Louis and came.  He rode out his orgasm for quite some time, his entire body shaking and Louis panting underneath him.  When he was done, he pressed a kiss to Louis’ back as he pulled out and lay on the seat, grabbing Louis’ arm to bring him with him.

He was breathing heavily and his eyes were closed and all Louis could think to say was “Harry, you’re the best,” as he tucked himself into his arms.  “You too, Tommo,” Harry said softly, patting his arm.

 After a few minutes, Louis started laughing and Harry popped one eye open to say “Louis, you’re giggling again after sex….”

“I’m sorry, darling, it’s just been a weird day, you know? I’ve fucked my boyfriend twice and told my wife-ex?-that she’s getting nothing in our divorce. Had someone told me my life would be like this six months ago, I would’ve told them they’re nuts!” Louis exclaimed.  He kissed Harry’s chin and said “pumpkin, I’m going inside; you coming with or staying here?”

Harry smacked his bum and said “I’m going where you’re going, love” and they both hurriedly put on their boxers and ran inside to spend the rest of the evening together. Alone.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 31, verses 17-18: _Let me not be put to shame, Lord, for I have cried out to you; but let the wicked be put to shame and be silent in the realm of the dead.Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous._

On Sunday Louis was contemplating not going to Mary’s house but Harry told him “don’t let her ruin your visit with your kids, Louis” and he knew he was right.  So he went over and said a polite “hi” to her but spoke very little else, spending most of his time playing with the kids.  He did get to talk to Becca for a bit, asking her about Joshua.

“He’s wonderful, daddy,” she exclaimed.  “I really wish you could spend more time with him.”

“Me too. But why don’t I take both of you out to dinner after church next Sunday? That way I can talk to him ‘man to man’” Louis teased and Becca blushed.

“Okay, that should be fine. But, um, would Harry”-and she whispered his name-“come with us?” she asked.

“Not if you don’t want him to.”

“It’s just that, um, I haven’t told Joshua about you, um, being…” she started to say but never finished her sentence.

“Gay, Becca, I’m gay.” Louis said flatly.

“Yeah, that,” she replied.  “I just don’t see how this is what God wants you to do!”

Louis was getting annoyed-obviously she had talked to her mom-but he simply said, “don’t worry about that now, dear. I’ll pick you up Sunday-without Harry-and we’ll spend some time together. How’s that sound?” he asked and she nodded.  “Good, now give your dad a hug before I have to leave.”

The next week was a whirlwind of work, talking to the many attorneys that were now a part of his life and trying to coordinate their Spring Break trip.  Harry was busy with classes and studying and sorting out his mom’s finances.  His dad was arraigned on Wednesday; he pled “not guilty” but Ashley was there and told Harry he seemed really mad.  “Good,” Harry told her. “Let him. And thank you.”

Saturday, Louis took Harry, Abe and Noah shopping for stuff they’d need for Spring Break; tents, clothes, building supplies, which the boys were going to ship to the mission headquarters before they left.  During lunch, they were joking around and Harry was telling them what to expect in Nicaragua-“it’s hot and muggy all the time,” he said. “Except when it rains so be prepared to be either sweating or wet!”-and the twins talked ad nauseum about their girlfriends.  Before they left, Louis said “just to warn you boys, Harry and I are gonna be holding hands and kissing during this trip. I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Well, as long as you don’t mind US holding our girlfriends’ hands and kissing them, then fine,” Noah replied and Abe laughed.

“Okay, well, as long as you keep your heterosexual interactions to a minimum, then we promise to do the same with _our_ affections,” Louis joked and they all laughed.

“DEAL!” both boys said at the same time.

Once they got home they were laying on the couch and Harry was prattling on excitedly about their trip while Louis just rubbed his arm absentmindedly.  “It’s gonna be so much fun and you’ll get to see where Ali’s from and I’m so happy you’re going,” Harry said, seemingly in one breath.

“But,” Harry said then paused.

“Harry, I can’t see your face right now but I’d bet my life that you’re biting your lip,” Louis mused and Harry pinched him.

“Yes I am, you twat!” he exclaimed, then continued. “But how am I gonna last over a week without, um, touching you or _being_ with you?”

Louis couldn’t help but laugh, “Harry, darling, you have a one-track mind! And who’s to say we won’t get some time alone while we’re there?”

“I have a one-track mind because you are so sexy!” Harry exclaimed.  “But we’ll be in a tent together all week and we’ll have to be quiet if we wanna ‘do it’ there,” he admitted.

Louis shrugged, “I dunno, being quiet’s not so bad. As long as you can control yourself, you sex panther. Besides, I’m sure there’s some secluded areas of the jungle we could sneak off to if we get the chance.”

“Sex panther?” Harry snerked, then he sighed. “Guess I’m gonna just have to take a vow of chastity for that week,” he lamented.

“Yeah, right,” Louis teased. “I think I could do it-hell I did it with her all the time-but there’s _no way_ you can go an entire week without having sex with me. No way.”

“Hmm, wanna bet?” Harry pressed.

“Yes. I bet you blow jobs-and dishes-for a week that you can’t go the entire week we are in Nicaragua without having sex with me,” Louis proposed.

“Does wanking off count?” he asked and Louis shook his head. “No, has to be penetration.” 

“DEAL!” Harry jumped up to shake his hand.

“Ooh, I’m so gonna look forward to those blow jobs,” Louis laughed.

“Twat,” Harry muttered.

“Just come here and lick me all over, you wild sex panther,” Louis said and Harry was happy to oblige.

Louis picked up Becca and Joshua after church on Sunday and treated them to lunch.  Joshua was very polite and complimented Becca constantly which made Louis very happy.  “Joshua, you seem to like Becca a lot,” Louis observed.

“I do. She’s very kind and sweet and she makes me laugh,” he replied.  “Not to change the subject, Mr. Tomlinson, but I was wondering why you haven’t been around much?”

Louis glared at Becca because she obviously hadn’t told him Louis had moved out. “Uh,” Louis said hesitantly, “I’ve been…”

“Busy,” Becca said quickly. “Right daddy?” she asked.

“Yes, work, traveling, you know,” Louis tried to sound casual; he wondered if it was working.

“Yeah, I know. Where’s Mrs. T?” Joshua asked.

“Uh, she’s taking care of the other kids; I just wanted some time alone with you two since I haven’t been, uh, around much lately,” Louis replied, growing increasingly uncomfortable.

Louis asked “So, Joshua, what do you want to do with your future?”

That effectively shifted the conversation away from Louis’ personal life which obviously Joshua knew nothing about.  After they ate their lunch, Joshua excused himself to use the restroom and Louis took that opportunity to drill Becca quickly about what’s going on.

“Becca!” Louis hissed quietly, “you haven’t even told him I’ve _moved out_?!”

Tears formed in her eyes. “Daddy, I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t! It’s so embarrassing!” she wailed.

Louis didn’t want her upset so he grabbed her hands and said “Becca, darling, if you’re going to marry him, you need to be honest with him. No matter how you feel about it; he needs to know. Honesty, trust and communication are important in a relationship.”

She nodded. “Okay, I will. And daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. I love you,” she said and hugged him.

“I love you too, dear,” Louis said.

            He dropped Becca off at the house but didn’t even go inside; soon, Louis realized he hadn’t said more than “hi. How are you?” to Mary in almost two weeks even though he’d been at her house quite frequently.  He did text her to tell her his attorney had filed the divorce petition and that she should be getting it shortly; she didn’t reply. Louis and Harry were busy getting ready for their trip and were caught up in each other that Louis didn’t have time to stress about her or the divorce or any other thing.  The day before they left, Harry had sex with Louis three times-plus a blow job on Sunday morning before they left for the airport; “I’m trying to get this all out of my system before we leave, Tommo, so I can win this bet!” he admitted and Louis couldn’t help but laugh.

            “You wear me out, Styles, but I love you,” he said.

They met the boys and their girlfriends at the airport and settled in for the long flight to Nicaragua.  Harry openly held his hand and rested his head on his shoulder during the flight which Louis thought was adorable; and his boys didn’t even flinch when they saw it, neither did the girls.  They had a two-hour bus ride from the airport to the village where the mission was based; then another hour car ride into the jungle to arrive at the first village they would be helping.  Harry was amazing because he could communicate with the locals and helped the mission leaders coordinate the work.  After a few days of working hard building homes, reinforcing roofs, digging drainage trenches and working twelve-hours a day, they were relaxing around the campfire.  Louis was tucked into Harry’s side, relaxing, when Anna asked, “so, Mr. Tomlinson, you met Harry through Abe?”

            “Call me, Louis, please,” he replied and Harry squeezed his shoulder. “Yes I did.”

            “Yeah, I made the mistake of bringing Harry home one weekend and dad decided to keep him,” Abe teased and he winked at Louis.

            “Ha! Yeah it was something like that!” Louis joked. “But seriously, neither of us expected this to happen, it just kinda did, you know?”

            “Yeah, I do,” she replied, squeezing Abe’s hand.

            There was a lull in the conversation and Noah said, “dad, this may sound weird but you seem happy. And relaxed. More so than I’ve ever see you.”

            “Thank you, son. I am very happy. I finally feel like my true self and it’s all thanks to Harry,” Louis said and everyone went “awwwwww!” and Harry pressed a kiss to Louis’ head.

            “This doesn’t bother you girls?” Louis asked and motioned to him and Harry.

            They both shook their heads. “I grew up in a pretty liberal church where everyone was welcome-gay, straight, whatever-and the message was that God loves everyone,” Anna said.

            “My church was more conservative than Anna’s,” Jessa laughed, “but one of my uncles is gay and he’s been with his partner for twenty years. They are still madly in love and we don’t treat them any differently than straight couples.”

            “I know Abe struggled with this at first but I think he’s coming to terms with it, right?” Anna asked.

            Abe nodded. “Yeah, it was a bit strange but I see how happy dad is with Harry and that’s the most important thing.”

            “Thanks son,” Louis said then he yawned.  “Ready for bed, dear?” he asked Harry.

            “Yes, dear!” Harry replied. “And let me say that Louis is amazing and he’s helped me through some issues that I’ve been struggling with. I couldn’t have dealt with them without him.”

            “Well, thanks for making him happy,” Noah said and Harry nodded.   
            “It’s easy to do because he’s so wonderful,” Harry replied and Louis pressed a kiss to his lips.

            “Ok, enough schmoopiness!” Abe joked and Louis laughed. “We’re off to bed anyway! Goodnight!”

            They both made their way to their tent and laid on the air mattress in just their boxers; it was too hot to cuddle. “Harry, I haven’t had a shower in like three days and I’m gross,” Louis observed.  “I know of an amazing watering hole not too far from here; maybe we can go tomorrow?” Harry said. “Yeah sounds good,” Louis replied and bent across for a chaste kiss. “Good night, love,” he whispered. “So far so good, huh?” he asked, referring to their bet.

            Harry pressed his lips together in annoyance and said, “yes, but it’s kinda hard when you keep walking around without a shirt on while we are working. You’re so sexy, it’s all I can do not to ravage you in the bushes.”

            Louis laughed loudly and covered his mouth with his hand, “just a few more days, pumpkin, then you can ravage me wherever you want” he said and turned over to sleep.

            He woke up in the middle of the night with Harry’s sweaty body draped over him and his erection stabbing his leg.  Every few minutes, Harry would flick his hips and Louis wondered if he was having a sex dream. He tried to hold in his giggle, but he failed and it woke up Harry who saw his hard dick and groaned. “Uhh, was having a dream about you,” Harry muttered.  “Do you want me to take care of that for you?” Louis whispered and Harry shook his head. “No, it’ll go away here in a minute. Don’t wanna lose that bet.”

            “Hmm, you only lose if there’s penetration,” Louis reminded him.

            Harry popped both his eyes open quickly and said “in that case, go ahead!” and motioned for Louis to grab his dick.

            “You’re a mess, you know that?” Louis said as he started jerking him off. “Mmm, you make me a mess, Tommo,” Harry murmured and Louis kissed him.

            “Feels good baby,” Harry whispered. “Can I come on you?” he asked and Louis nodded, thumbing his dick and stroking him down.  It didn’t take long for Harry to orgasm, all over Louis’ leg; now Louis was hot, sweaty, turned on and sticky. Fabulous.

            Harry blew out a breath and said “thank you baby” and Louis replied “that will have to keep you for a while.” Harry nodded and rolled over to go back to sleep.

            But now Louis had a boner so he slipped off to use the restroom and decided to just release his hard-on while no one was around.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 32, verses 1-3: _Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. >_

The next day, Harry arranged for them to duck out a bit early to go to the watering hole and Louis could tell he had something up his sleeve. Just to be naughty, Louis went without his shirt the entire day and he kept catching Harry staring at him.  By late afternoon they quietly snuck off and Harry took his backpack but wouldn’t let Louis look inside it. “Sneaky,” Louis chided and Harry just smiled.  After a short hike, they arrived at a gorgeous lake with large boulders and a waterfall; Louis quickly jumped in.

            “Harry, this is amazing!” he yelled swimming towards the waterfall.

            “I know! I knew you’d like it” Harry replied and dove in.  They swam and splashed around for a while; then Louis decided to be naughty and took off his shorts and threw them on the rocks.  “No fair, Louis!” Harry pouted, pulling him in for a kiss under the waterfall.  “Ha!” Louis replied, swimming on his back so Harry could see his entire bare front.  Harry dunked him and Louis popped up and splashed him then climbed on his back.  After about an hour, Harry said “okay, naked jungle boy, I wanna take you somewhere else so put some clothes on for heaven’s sake.”

            Louis pouted, “Okay, baby Tarzan, if you insist. This was wonderful, thank you,” and he pressed a kiss to Harry’s lips.  “You’re welcome but it’s gonna get better I promise,” he replied.

            They hiked for another half an hour through increasingly thick jungle and Louis teased Harry incessantly, “you sure you’re not taking me out here to kill me, Styles?” he asked which garnered him a pinch and “no you twat,” from Harry.  “Are we hiking back to the states?” he inquired and Harry replied with a smack to his bum.  Finally they emerged from the jungle into a clearing on top of a plateau where they could see for miles; the valley stretched below in various shades of green and the sun blazed off the landscape.

            “Harry, it’s….beautiful!” Louis said softly and Harry squeezed his hand.

            “I KNOW!!  That’s why I wanted to bring you here! Thought we could have dinner, maybe drink some wine and hang out,” Harry said, setting his backpack down and pulling out a blanket, food and what looked like a jug filled with wine.  “Sounds amazing! Where did you get that wine, though? I’m guessing they don’t have liquor stores in the jungle,” Louis asked.

            “No, some of the local guys make their own wine and gave me some. It’s strong, I’m sure,” Harry said. “I probably shouldn’t drink too much of it considering what happened last time.”

            “Ha! Yeah, probably not,” Louis agreed.

            They spent the evening stretched out on a blanket in the middle of the Nicaraguan forest, drinking homemade wine and eating wonderful food.  Harry told Louis he was excited to take him to Ali’s village tomorrow and introduce him to the people there; they talked about their trip so far and how they wanted to come back to do more for the communities.  Louis couldn’t believe how much they’d accomplished in such a short period of time; “imagine what we could do with more time and money to help these people?” he queried.

            By the time the sun was setting, they had polished off the majority wine and both were feeling tipsy.  Louis was leaning back on his elbows and Harry was laying beside him propped up on his left elbow when during a lull in the conversation, Harry quickly dipped his head into Louis’ neck and kissed him.  “Mmmm, good,” Louis mumbled, trying to find Harry’s lips. 

            “Mmm, making out while I’m buzzed is fun,” Harry admitted. “Feels nice,” and Louis agreed, giving sloppy drunk kisses and moans was a turn-on.  Harry still had a cup in his hand filled with wine and he straddled Louis’ chest to kiss him.  “You know it’s not fair, we have this dumb bet and you’re swimming naked and working without a shirt on and generally driving me mad,” Harry admitted. 

Louis replied by squeezing his bum and saying “you could always ‘throw in the towel’ on the bet, love.”  Harry just stared at him through narrow eyes and then pulled his own shirt off and clumsily took Louis’ off too.  He gently kissed his chest and torso then poured wine in Louis’ belly button and slurped it out, sat back and laughed like a hyena.

            “Louis you should see your face!” Harry roared.  “You’re gobsmacked!” he said then poured another bit into Louis and drank it up.

            Louis’ brain was fuzzy and he was completely surprised so he was having trouble processing what was happening to him.  All he could think to say was: “OH MY GOD HARRY”  The next thing he knew, Harry pulled off his shorts and poured wine over his dick then licked it off; the wine that dripped down he slurped up and quickly darted his tongue into Louis’ hole.  “Jesus, Harry, you’re such a tease,” Louis moaned.  “Hmm, you have room to talk,” Harry slurred, licking all around Louis’ pelvis.  He poured the last of his wine on Louis’ chest and watched it dribble down then Harry licked it up, finishing with a long, sloppy, wine-filled kiss in Louis’ mouth.

            “I should get you drunk more often & let you take advantage of me,” Louis joked as Harry nudged the tip of his dick close to Louis’ hole.  “Remember our bet, love,” he teased and Harry leaned up to whisper gruffly in Louis’ ear: “I’ll do the dishes & give you blow jobs for a month if you let me make love to you right now.”  Louis didn’t know if it was his wine-addled brain or the starry sky but he quickly gave in, rotating his hips up and spread his legs apart so Harry could enter him.  Harry was only slick with wine and Louis hadn’t been properly prepped so the first push was rough and Louis grabbed Harry’s butt to stop him.  “Relax, Tommo, open up for me, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Harry reassured him and Louis went completely pliant.  “I’m all yours, baby,” Louis whispered as Harry started gently pushing himself in and out.

            Within minutes the two were in sync, bodies rocking back and forth, wet kisses being exchanged under the clear starry Nicaraguan sky.  “You’re so amazing, this is beautiful,” Harry cooed and Louis’ sensations were heightened even though he was slightly drunk.  Louis wasn’t sure what came over him-the setting, the wine, the amazing surroundings or having the most beautiful boy inside of him-but he said softly, “Harry, stay with me…”

            “Louis, I’m not going anywhere right now,” Harry said quickly and jokingly.

            But Louis was 100% serious when he said the next word: “ _Forever._ ”

            Harry popped his head up off Louis’ shoulder and pulled him in for a deep kiss; “Always,” he breathed into his mouth. “Forever and always, baby.”

            Tears came to Louis’ eyes as his gorgeous boyfriend brought him to orgasm in one of the most beautiful places he’d ever been in the world; Harry came soon after, falling into Louis’ chest as he did.  He pressed light kisses onto Louis’ chest and face, licking the tears that had fallen down.  “Why’re you crying, baby?” he asked.

            “Because I love you so much,” was all he could think to say as Harry tipped his face for a kiss.

            “Love you so much too,” Harry replied then rolled off him and tucked himself into Louis’ side.  They lay there breathless and buzzed, half-drunk from the wine, fully drunk from the sex and Louis knew there was nowhere else on the earth he would rather be than with Harry, right here, right now.

~~~~

They fell asleep, a light blanket covering their naked bodies in the cool Nicaraguan night air, only to wake up at sunrise, bodies still intertwined.  Normally Louis would be very annoyed to be woken up so early but this was an exception.  He pulled Harry in tighter as he stirred too and kissed his forehead, “morning sunshine,” Louis said and Harry hugged his waist.  “Wonder if our campmates miss us?” Louis mused and Harry shook his head, “Naw, I told Abe and Noah that we might have a jungle sleepover so if we didn’t come back not to worry that we’d been eaten by a wild boar or something.”

            “Good plan,” Louis confirmed.  “I meant what I said last night, Harry. 100%.”

            It took Harry a second to realize what he was talking about, then he said, “me too, baby, me too.”

            Louis honestly didn’t want to move from that spot and wanted to capture the moment forever.  Unfortunately, duty called so they gathered up their things and got dressed for the first time in about twelve hours; before they left, Harry got his phone out and said “sunrise selfie!” as he pulled Louis in for a picture.  “I’m gonna post this on Facebook as soon as I get back to civilization and have service,” Harry said.  The picture was beautiful; it was the two of them-wearing sunglasses, smiling widely-with the sun shining in the background.  “I want one too!” Louis complained.  “Help me take a selfie, Harry!”

            Harry looked at him judgingly, “you’ve never taken a selfie, Louis?” he asked incredulously.

            “Harry Edward Styles, I am almost 41 years old so NO I’ve never taken a selfie. Now c’mere and help your old, decrepit boyfriend take a picture,” Louis teased as Harry grabbed his phone and showed him which buttons to push.  At the last second, Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek as he snapped the picture; Harry looked blissfully happy.  “That’s my new lock screen pic,” Louis declared.  “And I DO know how to do that, thank-you-very-much.” 

            They hiked back to their camp and arrived before anyone was awake so they ducked into their tent so it would look like they’d been there all night, giggling the whole time.  A few hours later they packed up their camp and got on the bus to travel to Ali’s village and Harry was buzzing with excitement.  Their first stop was the orphanage where Ali was adopted from; the building was in need of repair so they quickly got to work on repairs.  The orphanage employees all knew Harry so he spent time talking to them during the day; late in the day they went to the hostel where they were staying and had dinner then went up to their room.  Louis hadn’t had a chance to talk to Harry all day since they were both so busy.  So as they got ready for bed, Louis asked “so what did the orphanage people say? Were they happy to see you?”

            “Yes, very much so. Of course they asked about Ali and my mum and they told me about some of the problems they were having, financially, just that they have quite a few kids right now and not a lot of resources.  But they said they prayed every night that God would help them and they said our group was a gift from God. The repairs were badly needed,” he finished.

            “Well, that’s good that we were able to help them,” Louis agreed.

            “Hmm, yeah, just wish we could do more. They are such amazing people,” Harry said.

            They both climbed into bed and Louis pulled Harry in for a cuddle. “Ahh, it’s nice to have a real bed to sleep in after roughing it for almost a week.  We take these things for granted, huh?” Louis remarked.  He looked down to see Harry deep in thought, biting his lip.  “Harry, love, a penny for your thoughts?” Louis asked.

            Harry popped up on his elbow and said excitedly, “remember what you said last night about ‘wishing we had more money and time to help’?”

            “Mmmhmmm,” Louis nodded.

            “And remember how the financial advisor told me to put my money into a charitable foundation?” Harry was getting more animated.

            “Yes. Where are you going with this, Harry?” Louis asked.

            “We could take my money and Ali’s money and created a foundation dedicated to helping Nicaraguan orphans to fund mission trips here!  That way we could help the orphanage financially and give back to the community!” Harry exclaimed.

            “Wow, Harry, that’s,” Louis paused, “brilliant. You’re brilliant.”

            Harry pressed a kiss to his lips and continued, “thank you! We could put my mum in charge of the foundation-maybe even name it after her?-and she could make donations to the orphanage and give grants to schools for their mission trips here.”

            “Harry, it’s perfect!” Louis agreed. “Like you.”

            “Psh, Louis, you’re biased,” Harry guffawed, laying back down to snuggle.

            “Hmm, very,” Louis agreed.

            They spent the next few days finishing projects around the village and helping the orphanage with repairs and upgrades to the building.  When they got home, Harry hit the ground running on his idea, contacting his financial advisor and Ben to set it up.  Louis got back to work quickly, which had been piling up while he was gone; Mary Grace had texted him to say she had hired an attorney.  Harry, being a man of his word, repaid his “debt” to Louis with daily blow jobs and doing the dishes.  About halfway through the month, Louis told him he didn’t have to finish it but Harry insisted and who was Louis to complain?  Ashley contacted Harry and said CJ’s trial would start within the next few weeks because he refused to take a plea bargain so she would have to testify against him in court.  One Sunday, shortly after they’d returned from their trip, Louis went over to see his kids and Mary indicated that she wanted to talk to him.  Louis still hadn’t forgiven her for how she treated Harry at Starbucks but he was willing to listen to what she had to say.

            “So, um, how’s this divorce thing gonna go?” she asked.

            “Uh, well, I filed the petition and now we wait for a judge to call us both in and review our case. Then we wait for his decision,” Louis replied curtly.

            “Hmm, okay. Is that when we talk about what we want out of all of this?” she asked and Louis nodded.

            She sighed heavily and continued, “so it looked like you and Harry had fun on your trip.”

            Louis gave her a confused look, “how would you know?” he wondered.

            “I saw his picture of the two of you on Facebook,” she replied.

            “You’re friends with Harry on Facebook?” Louis asked incredulously.

            She shook her head, “no. Noah shared Harry’s picture on his page and that’s how I saw it. Looked like the sun was rising and it was beautiful. I also saw Noah’s pictures and you did some amazing work there,” she observed.

            “Um, yeah, we took an early morning hike up to this plateau and it was stunning,” Louis fibbed a bit but thought she didn’t need to know all the details.

            “Hmm, yeah, well, the comments under the picture were remarkably positive about you two, talking about how happy you looked and how cute Harry was and all that. Some people wondered who ‘Harry’ was but Noah explained it to them and they didn’t seem offended by it,” she said.  “He even titled it ‘Dad and Harry’”

            “Why would they be offended?” Louis asked, wondering where she was going with this line of questioning.

            She shrugged. “I don’t know but they weren’t is the point,” she emphasized the last word.

            “Okayyyyy,” Louis said, confused.

            “Look, you seem _happy_ ,” she said finally. “And I’m happy about that.”

            “Thank you, I am,” Louis said cautiously.

            “And from what you and the boys say, Harry seems like a nice guy so I would like for you to bring him over next week for supper. Plus I owe him a massive apology. A proper apology,” she said firmly.

            Louis was cautiously optimistic, “uh, okay. I think that would be nice and he would like that.”

            “Good. Then it’s settled. See you then?” she said finally and got up from the table.

            Louis finished playing with his kids and said goodbye then drove back to his house, still somewhat stunned by what Mary Grace had said.  He told Harry about it and he agreed to give her another chance.  “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with her-if this is a ploy to get sympathy so I’ll be more generous to her in the divorce or what-but we will just play it by ear, okay?” Louis told him and Harry agreed.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 33, verses 4-5: _For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love._

The next Sunday, after morning and afternoon blow jobs, one of which turned into much, much more, they both nervously drove over to Mary’s house, anxious to see what was in store for them both.  When they arrived, Louis said “Harry, you look gorgeous as always. Just be yourself and the kids will love you okay?” and pressed a kiss to his lips.  Harry nodded nervously and got out of the car, “do you remember the last time I was here, Louis?” he asked softly and Louis squeezed his hand in recognition. “Yes, and now look at you?” he mused.

            When they went in the front door, all of Louis’ kids rushed to hug him and he introduced them all to Harry.  “Hi everyone!” Harry said excitedly and laughed because they were all asking him fifty million questions.  “Why are you so tall? Did you always have curly hair? Why are your legs are like a giraffe’s?” Harry tried to answer them all but he finally gave up and started shrugging his shoulders over and over again which made the kids laugh. 

Mary Grace stood off to the side and Harry nodded at her as if to say “hi”, then Louis said “Harry’s amazing at FIFA! Who wants to play?” and there was a loud chorus of “MEEE!!” as they all ran downstairs.  Harry let the kids win-at least one game-and played pool with the older ones, but Becca was a bit stand-offish, refusing to participate or interact with Harry.  He even played Chutes and Ladders with the little kids and Louis thought his heart would burst with pride.  They soon left the kids downstairs to join Mary Grace upstairs before dinner.  They sat down quietly and anxiously waited for her to speak.

            She took a deep breath and said “Harry, I want to properly apologize for how I acted, um, the last time we met.  I was,” and she paused, “angry. Very angry. At Louis-for leaving, for the miscarriage, for everything-but I took it out on you. And that wasn’t very Christian of me. So, I’m sorry.”

            “Um, it’s okay, I understand,” Harry said tentatively.

            She shook her head, “no, it’s not okay. I’m hoping we can ‘start over’ and you can forgive me. I’ve prayed about this and God keeps sending me signs that I need to accept that you are now a part of Louis’ life. I was at a Bible study recently and we discussed Ephesians 4:31-32 ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’  I thought that was quite relevant to this situation so I need to find forgiveness in my heart.  At first I felt like you were ‘replacing’ me and that I was no longer important to Louis. But now I realize that you make Louis happier than he’s ever been and that’s something I could never give him, no matter how long we were married.”

            “Mary, you made me happy,” Louis said softly and she put up her hand so he stopped talking.

            “No. We were content and we _thought_ we were happy but we were both living a lie,” she continued.  “And I get that now.  I’ll always be a part of Louis’ life and it’s up to _me_ to forgive him and figure out _how_ we will move forward.  I love Louis because he is the father of my children but I can’t love him like you can,” and tears gently fell from her face.  Louis reached out to hold her hand. 

            She smiled and said “and after a lot of prayer and talking to our pastor, I understand that now. This” and she motioned to Harry and Louis “isn’t about _me_ , it’s about Louis and you, Harry.  The life I knew with Louis is over and I have to accept that and move on for my sake and our children’s.  And I’m working on that, I promise. But none of this is your fault, Harry, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for how badly I treated you.”

            Both Louis and Harry sat there silently and side-eyed each other, not sure who should speak first or exactly what they should say.  “Wow, for once, Louis Tomlinson is speechless,” Mary joked, drying her eyes.  They all laughed and Harry said, “I accept your apology, Mary and promise you I will take care of Louis.”  Louis hugged him quickly and said “thank you,” to Mary and she nodded.

            “Now, who’s hungry?” she asked and went about putting the finishing touches on dinner.  They had a lovely meal and Harry entertained the kids with his ridiculously endearing knock-knock jokes and promised to have more the next time he came by.  Becca even laughed at a few which Louis took as a good sign; the rest of the children gave Harry a hug when he left which Louis thought was adorable.  When they were driving home, Harry asked “so, Louis do you think Mary’s apology was genuine? I mean she seemed sincere?”

            Louis thought for a second then said “I think it was. I’ve known her half my life and the Mary you saw at that kitchen table was more ‘her’ than I’ve seen since I left.  I’m cautiously optimistic about all of this to be honest.  And the kids _loved_ you, Harry, and you were so sweet to them.”

            Louis grabbed his hand and kissed it as Harry said “well, they are adorable and I love kids. I’d love to have a whole house full,” and he smiled softly at Louis.

            A few weeks later, Louis’ attorney called him to say the judge had received their case and wanted to bring them in to review it.  So they met at the courthouse, ready to present their offer to Mary and her attorney.  The judge asked “Louis Tomlinson, you filed this ‘no-fault’ divorce petition against Mary Grace Tomlinson, is that correct?”

            “Yes, your honor,” Louis replied.

            “Good. You have the floor to present your terms of the divorce,” and the judge motioned for Louis’ lawyer to begin speaking.

            He included everything they had talked about-giving her the house, primary custody of the kids, plus $10K per month and a request to divide the property in half and putting her name on her half.  “Well, that seems pretty reasonable,” the judge observed. “Mrs. Tomlinson, do you have anything to say?”

            Her attorney stood up and said “yes, we would like to move forward with a new divorce petition claiming Mr. Tomlinson defaulted on the marriage due to his adultery.”

            Louis’ heart sank and the judge got a shocked look on his face, obviously not expecting this turn of events.  Mary Grace grabbed her attorney and pulled him back into his seat and started whispering loudly with him; Louis could tell by her body language that she was angry about something.  After a few minutes, the judge asked “do you need more time to discuss this with your client, Mr. Thomas?” and he put his hand up as if to say “just one minute.”  Louis heard Mary say sharply, “yes, I’m sure. Isn’t that what I’m paying you for?” and her lawyer turned around with an annoyed look on his face.  He stood up to address the judge: “against my best advice, my client has decided to accept the ‘no-fault’ divorce petition and move forward with it.  She would also like to accept the terms of Mr. Tomlinson’s offer with a few minor adjustments.”

            “Hmmm, I would’ve thought you’d had that sorted before you came in here, Mr. Thomas,” the judge chided and the lawyer just shrugged. “I thought we did, your honor. But apparently I was wrong.”

            Louis breathed a deep sigh of relief as the judge said “okay, well, let me review this petition and offer. Mr. Thomas, have your client submit her request for changes to the agreement and I will pass them along to Mr. Cassidy and Mr. Tomlinson.  Court is adjourned,” and he slammed the gavel down on the desk.

            Louis tried to catch Mary Grace before she left the court room but he was unable to do so because his attorney had him sign paperwork to submit his offer.  “Louis, what’s going on?” Jake asked and Louis looked bewildered.  “I don’t know, honest. This is a surprise to me too,” he admitted.  After he left, he called Mary to talk to her about what happened in the courtroom.

            When she answered the phone, Louis dispensed with the niceties and said “what the heck is going on?”

            He heard her laugh softly, “Hi Louis. I was expecting your call.  Look, when I decided to do the fault divorce petition I was still very, very angry with you and I should’ve told him before we went in there that I’d changed my mind.  But I wasn’t 100% sure I _had_ changed it until I heard what you had to say; and your offer was very, very generous.”

            “Hmm, so my lawyer was right,” Louis thought. 

“When I initially hired my lawyer, he said a fault-petition on the grounds of adultery would get me loads of money and probably the kids 24/7, with very little visitation for you.  At the time, like I said, that’s what I wanted and what I thought YOU deserved after the way you treated me.  But I’ve prayed for guidance on this and I see that dragging you through the mud and keeping you from your children is not very Christian.  Our children are lambs of God and He wants them to know and love their father, so who am I to stand in the way?  I would like to nail down the specifics of the visitation during all of this so that’s what my lawyer meant by ‘adjustments’ just so you know,” she finished.

            “I don’t really know what to say, Mary, except ‘thank you,’” Louis admitted.

            “You’re welcome.  Talk to you soon,” she replied then hung up the phone.

Louis all of a sudden felt tired, exhausted and completely drained; it was as if all the stress from the past few weeks had coalesced into this moment and it was sapping his energy.  Was all of this worth all of this stress? Louis wondered as his head throbbed.  Maybe he shouldn’t have come out; maybe he should’ve stayed married; maybe he shouldn’t have left his kids; maybe this divorce was a mistake?  Maybe this was all just too much for everyone involved and maybe it was his fault? He’d selfishly put everyone in his life through emotional turmoil so he could be his “true self.”  “God, what did that even _mean_ ,” he wondered?!  And was this it?  _Was he being true to his self_?  

He sighed deeply and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed; Harry had been texting him incessantly and Louis just ignored him.  He knew he was being rude but right now he just couldn’t bother to care; when he got home he realized he was starving and silently hoped there was a frozen pizza in the fridge that he could fix quickly then go to bed.  All the lights were off and Louis wondered if Harry was even home; when he walked in the door and flipped on the hallway light, he could see flickering light in the living room.  He heard Harry say, “Louis, in here!” and he walked into a candle-lit dinner, wine chilling in a bucket and Harry wearing dress pants, a button-up oxford and a tie.  Louis stood at the entrance to the dining room, mouth agape, as Harry pulled him in, chiding him for not texting or calling when he was on his way home. “I need to warm up the food first, so sit down and have some wine, darling,” Harry said kissing Louis on the cheek.

            Louis finally figured out how to speak and asked “Harry, what’s all this?”

            “Well, I figured you’d had a crazy day and thought I would do something nice. Because I love you,” Harry said as he walked into the kitchen.  Louis could hear him clanging plates and heating up the food-which he silently hoped he hadn’t cooked himself-and he returned shortly and sat the plate in front of Louis.  It was chicken cordon bleu, what looked like homemade mashed potatoes, and fresh green beans with corn bread.  “Harry, did you make this?” Louis asked incredulously.

            “Would you believe me if I said ‘yes’?” Harry asked and Louis shook his head.  “Hmm, didn’t think so. No,  I found this neat market downtown that has this stuff pre-prepared and all I had to do was put it in the oven. Which I did successfully, I might add,” he smiled. “And wait until you see dessert!”

            “Harry, I….I don’t know what to say,” Louis began.  “Don’t say anything! Eat!” Harry exclaimed and they both dug into their food.

            As if Harry could read Louis’ mind, he said “look, if you don’t wanna talk about what happened today, you don’t have to, okay?” Louis nodded and meekly said “thanks,” while Harry launched into a story about visiting his grandparents in England.  “I’ll have to take you there sometime, Lou, they are the best! When we were kids they would take me and Ali to their bakery after hours and we could literally eat anything they had left over.  There were times I ate so much I got sick!”  By the end of his story, Louis was literally doubled over laughing as Harry imitated their British accent which ended up sounding like Dame Edna. “Ooooh, ‘Arry, luv, noooo more sweets for youuuuuuu!” he said, imitating his grandma and Louis almost spit out his food he laughed so hard.  “And my granny was absolute shit at cooking regular food-anything that wasn’t sweets-but that didn’t stop her from trying and she made all this weird stuff that we don’t have in the U.S. like ‘bangers and mash’. So it was it bad to begin with but she made it even worse!  My grandfather told her all the time ‘good thing I didn’t marry you fer yer cookin’, luv’ and he smacked her on the ass which made her blush! She would always tell him ‘bugger off’ which just made him laugh. They’re hysterical, I tell ya!  My mum would get so embarrassed by them but us kids just thought they were funny.  As we got older, Ali and I would visit them for a week by ourselves and it was absolutely the best; they literally let us do anything we wanted. Stay up late, eat cookies all day, whatever, then my mum would come and we would be all hopped up on sugar and she wanted to tear her hair out. HA!”

            Louis was in stitches by the time he finished and had drunk two glasses of wine, the stress of the day seemingly melting away.  “Harry they sound amazing. I can’t wait to meet them,” Louis said and Harry just laughed.  After they ate, Harry picked up the plates and said in his worst British accent, “time for sweets, luv!” and pranced into the kitchen to get dessert; he returned with two heaping helpings of tiramisu and refilled both of their wine glasses.  “This looks delicious,” Louis said and Harry smiled.  As Louis stared at him in the soft candlelight, light flickering off his chocolate curls that highlighted his green eyes and gorgeous mouth, he realized that the mini-crisis he’d had earlier in the day was ridiculous because _Harry was worth it_ ; worth all the stress and emotional upheaval and headaches that Louis had experienced lately. All he could say was “Harry, I love you” and Harry blew him a kiss across the table “love you too, darling. And there’s more after dessert” he said, winking.

            When they finished, Harry cleared the plates but kept the wine glasses and wrapped his arms around Louis from behind.  He pressed a kiss to his neck and said “how about a bubble bath? We haven’t had one of those lately?”  Louis just said “yes, please” as Harry scampered off to fill the tub; Louis refilled his wine glass and went into the bathroom a few minutes later to find it filled with lit candles, bubbles almost overflowing the bathtub.  Harry had his shirt off, taught abs straining as he moved around quickly arranging the candles; Louis licked his lips in response.  Harry pulled Louis in for a hug and started undressing him, slowly, licking kisses into his neck; pretty soon Louis was an absolute ball of goo, completely under Harry’s command.  Harry stepped into the tub and Louis lowered himself so his back was to Harry’s chest and his large arms enveloped him and scrubbed his chest.

            “Mmmm, Harry,” Louis moaned, unable to say much else as he gently rubbed his back and started washing his hair.  “Shh, Tommo, lemme take care of you,” Harry whispered and Louis went completely limp.  There wasn’t much room in the tub to do much more than cuddle and Harry was doing double-duty keeping Louis from falling into the water while rinsing his hair.  Louis was wrapped in Harry’s broad chest and he could feel his muscles pressing against his back and he never, ever wanted to move.

            “Tommo, darling, can you stand up?” Louis heard Harry whispering as he opened his eyes. He nodded and sat up so Harry could climb out.  Louis tried to stand but his legs felt like jello so Harry bent over and scooped Louis up to carry him into the bedroom; Louis was too weak to protest.  He slid him into the fresh, clean sheets and climbed over Louis who was almost asleep before Harry could settle in.  But when Harry put his large hands over Louis’ bum cheeks, Louis made a weak attempt to grab Harry’s dick but Harry interrupted him, laughing. “No, no, love. Just cuddles tonight, kay? Are you relaxed?” he asked and Louis nodded. “Good, now shhhhh,” Harry soothed, rubbing his back as Louis drifted off to sleep, muttering “love you, baby.”

           He woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and still naked, Harry snoring beside him.  He tucked himself into Harry’s side and thought “how could I have ever thought you weren't worth a fight? You make me strong and I love you more than I ever knew possible.” Louis laid there feeling secure and warm, next to his perfect boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3 xx


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 34, verses 19-22: _The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned._

Louis thought a blow job would be a nice way to wake up Harry on a Saturday morning, so he ducked under the covers and started mouthing at Harry’s dick.  He soon felt him stirring and heard him say “Jesus, Lou,” in his sleepy morning voice as Louis licked up his shaft and mouthed at the tip.  “Mmmm,” Harry said, stroking his hand through Louis’ hair as Louis took him all the way down over and over again.  The tip of Harry’s dick kept brushing the back of Louis’ throat, making him open his jaw wider and wider and take Harry deeper and deeper until he gasped “Fuck!” and came down Louis’ throat.  “Louis, god, that was amazing, baby, c’mere,” Harry said softly as Louis climbed up his body for a kiss.

            “Baby, I wanna fuck you,” Louis moaned. “Can I open you up with the vibrator?” he asked and Harry responded by biting his bottom lip and nodding.  Louis reached over to get the toy and the lube out of the night stand and quickly pressed it to Harry’s hole; he responded by groaning and sliding his legs apart.  “That’s it, baby, loosen up for me,” Louis cooed and Harry nodded as Louis pushed the vibrator into Harry slowly.  Harry had turned over on his stomach and propped himself up on his knees so his hips were slightly above the mattress and Louis had complete access to his ass.  He started twisting and dragging the vibrator in and out of Harry, turning up the speed setting to three within a few minutes; Harry was writhing on the bed in ecstasy, dick getting harder.  Louis would shove the toy in quickly then slowly pull it out, causing Harry to whine and buck his hips back.  “You like that baby?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “Do you think you can come for me again? Untouched?” Harry whimpered out a “yes,” so Louis turned the vibrator up to four so now when he put it in, Harry’s entire body was radiating the vibrations. He turned the tip of it down and pushed it in as far as it would go then pulled it across Harry’s prostate and he sat back on his knees and cum shot out of him.

            “Jesus, Harry, that was beautiful watching me wreck you,” Louis observed.  “Louis, please,” Harry begged.  Louis picked up the half full glass of wine sitting on the night stand and poured it into the small of Harry’s back and licked it out.  “Mmm, wine makes a nice cum-chaser,” he teased and Harry breathed out a laugh.  “Harry, you’re so beautiful but you’re never more beautiful when your curls are dripping off your head, begging me to fuck you.”  Harry smiled and wiggled his bum so Louis quickly entered him, pressing Harry’s head against the headboard.  “Fffcukkk, you feel so good. God I’ve missed this ass,” Louis groaned and Harry pressed his hips back into Louis as he started fucking him hard.

            He reached around and grabbed Harry’s dick and Harry shook his head “don’t think I can come again, love.”

            “Yes, yes you can, baby, wanna hear you scream my name” Louis said, pounding into him hard.  Harry nodded and braced himself on the bed frame as Louis pressed into him and roughly tugged at his dick. It didn’t take long for cum to start leaking out of Harry’s dick and Harry felt so good that Louis knew he was close too. He flicked quickly into Harry as they both came and Harry yelled “LOUISSSSSSSSS!!!” just like Louis wanted him too.  They collapsed onto the bed, Louis laying on top of Harry, gently kissing his back and neck while they both caught their breath.  Louis then rolled off and Harry pulled him in for a hug and he rested his head on his chest.  “That was amazing, love,” Harry said sweetly.  Louis tipped his head up to Harry’s face and said “you’re amazing.  You’re my perfect boy.”

            “Louis, I’m not a boy!” he protested and Louis just squeezed his bum.

            “Harry, you’ve no idea how much I needed what you did for me last night.  Honestly, it was as if you could read my mind and I can’t thank you enough,” Louis said.  “You helped me forget about all the insanity that is my life lately and reminded me of how lucky I am to have you.”

            “Louis, you’re making me blush!” Harry replied.

            “Good, because after the day I had yesterday, I was ready to throw in the towel on everything,” Louis started and he felt Harry’s muscles clench.

            “What do you mean?” Harry asked tentatively.

            “I was…having a crisis. Of conscious. Again.  It’s just that I never imagined myself going through a _divorce_ yet there I was in the courtroom. And her lawyer initially said he was going to counter-file an ‘at-fault’ petition blaming me for dissolving the marriage based on my adultery.”

            “Louisssss,” Harry whispered.

            “I know. I almost lost it at that point.  But then Mary-God bless her-pulled her attorney aside and told him she didn’t want to counter-file it and to move forward with the no-fault divorce,” Louis continued.  “Then I felt badly for putting her through all of this and causing her stress and I just….I don’t know how to explain it except I wondered if I was doing the right thing with all of this” and he waved his hand around.

            “But…” Harry interrupted.

            “Shh, love, lemme finish,” Louis said pressing his finger to his lips.  “But then I came home to find you and the dinner and the bubble bath and it snapped me back into reality and reminded me that _you_ are worth it. All of it. The stress, the tears, the lawyer meetings, everything. You.”

            “Louis if I hadn’t done those things, were you going to break up with me last night?” Harry said nervously.

            “What?!” Louis screeched. “No!  It was just a momentary lapse into insanity; you know how when your dad was arrested and you wondered if you’d done the right thing by getting Ashley to file charges?” Harry nodded.  “It was like that. I just let myself get inside of my head for a bit and it was a mixed-up, muddled-up world that I had no business being in at that moment.”

            “Hmm, okay, I think I understand,” Harry said, his body relaxing.

            “Harry, darling, you are my world, my life, my love, my reason to be,” Louis said. “I’ve told you that before and I will say it til the day I die, okay? Promise.”

            Harry sighed softly. “Good. Me too.  Louis, I…can I tell you something?” Harry asked tentatively.

            “Sure, love,” Louis replied.

            “Well, I’ve never been in a serious relationship like this-I mean I was quote ‘engaged’ to Emma but that was more for show than anything-and I’m insecure about it, don’t know what for, but I am.  So if I’m, um, being a twat or doing something that you don’t like, will you tell me? Like be honest with me and I’ll try to fix it.  I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that as long as we're trying, I'm staying,” he said firmly.

            Louis sat up and put his hands on the sides of Harry’s face and whispered “of course, darling, of course.  Relationships are difficult but they shouldn’t be impossible, right? And this, us, it seems….easy. Natural. Good. Perfect. And _I’ve_ never had a relationship like this before either, but I think that as long as we love each other we can make it through the tough spots, yeah?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.  “I’ve been through more shit in the past few months than I ever have in my life but with you standing beside me I feel like I could accomplish anything.  In fact, had you not been here, I might have crawled into a hole and stayed there forever.”

            Harry laughed, “same.  Okay, well I just wanted to tell you how I feel and make sure that we are okay.”

            “We’re fine, love, just fine. Now come here and cuddle with your boyfriend,” Louis said softly and tucked Harry into his arms.  “Boyfriend,” Harry whispered. “I still like hearing you say that.”

            “I still like saying it, love,” Louis agreed.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 35, verses 4-6: _May those who seek my life be disgraced and put to shame; may those who plot my ruin be turned back in dismay. May they be like chaff before the wind, with the angel of the Lord driving them away; may their path be dark and slippery, with the angel of the Lord pursuing them._

Harry finished out the semester at school, receiving four As and one B and Louis took him out to dinner to celebrate, telling everyone about his “brilliant boyfriend who made the Dean’s list.”  CJ’s trial started a few weeks later and Harry went every day and he sat on Ashley’s side to show his support.  CJ glared at Harry who simply ignored him and his nasty looks.  Louis was there when Ashley testified and she read from the journal she kept while she was with CJ and the proof that the child was his soon became overwhelming.  She had times, days, locations, voice mails, emails from him and when they were together and CJ’s “I’m innocent” defense soon fell apart.  Yet he steadfastly refused to take a plea and put his fate in the hands of a jury who convicted him of having sexual intercourse with a minor; the judge sentenced him to twenty years plus he had to register as a sex offender when he was released from prison.  Harry hugged Ashley and her parents and CJ looked like he would explode with anger but Harry completely ignored him.

            Soon after, Harry wanted Louis to go with him to the financial advisor’s office where Ben was also, to finalize the transfer of money to Ashley and a few other details.  Louis could tell Harry was excited because he talked incessantly about random stuff.   When they arrived, Harry was about to burst; when the financial advisor said “So, Harry, have you decided what to do?” Harry started talking and Louis was pretty sure he didn’t take a breath for the next five minutes.

            “Yes. Okay, so we’re giving Ashley what we promised her for the private school and a trust fund for the baby, right? We’ll do a DNA test when the baby is born but I think it’s pretty clear that it’s my da-uh, CJ’s.  Then, I want to give my grandfather’s children $250,000 each for what they’ve been through.’  
            “Harry, are you sure?” Ben asked.

            “Yes,” Harry said firmly.  “They’re family and deserve it; besides, it’s my money, not his, so I can do with it what I want, right?” and both Ben and Carl nodded.  “Good. Now I want to take half of what’s left and invest it in whatever you think is best: hedge funds, 401Ks, IRAs, the stock market, whatever. And I will live off whatever that generates but I want the investments spread around and I want that to stay in my name.  Then the rest will go into my foundation, The Alison Styles Foundation, which will help facilitate adoptions in Nicaragua and award grants to schools and churches to do mission work there.  Also, Ali will be twenty-five in October so she will have full control of her money then but my mom has power of attorney over her now so if she can do it now, then we will.  I want to take a lump sum-a couple of million?-and invest it for my mom in her name. And she’s changing back to her maiden name so she’s no longer associated with my dad; she’s even filed for divorce from him so he can’t stake a claim to the money.  Then the rest can go into the foundation; I’ve talked to my mom about this and she’s one hundred percent on board with it.”

            Louis, Ben and Carl sat and stared at Harry, gobsmacked.  “You should see your faces,” Harry giggled and they all laughed.  “Well, Harry, it sounds like you’ve got it all sorted,” Ben said and Harry nodded.  “Ooh, one more thing! The church! I’ve spoken with the Christian council who ordained my da-uh, CJ, and they agreed to revoke that and they will remove their name from the building.  I’d like to have the headquarters of my foundation be in that building and,” he paused and grabbed Louis’ hand, “I want me and Louis to run our own church that is open to all people and encourages LGBTQ people to seek support from us.  I’ve spoken with the Reformation Project and they’ve agree to visit soon to start the process of converting the old church into the new one.  Surprise!” he exclaimed and Louis was so shocked he didn’t even know what to say.

            “Harry, I…really?” Louis asked and Harry nodded.  Louis pulled him in for a kiss and whispered “you’re so amazing, baby, so sweet and kind. I love you!”

            “I love you too,” Harry whispered, then he looked at Ben and Carl. “Oops, sorry.”

            Ben waved his hand, “no problem, kiss all you want! This is big news for both of you!  Well, I can start setting up the funds and he can do his part and we can reconvene soon to finalize everything.  How’s that sound?”

            “The only issue may be the taxes your dad owes on the money, but we may be able to get that resolved with the IRS. So let me look into that and I’ll let you know,” Carl said.

            “Great!” Harry exclaimed.  “See you soon!”

            Louis climbed into the truck, still completely shocked by Harry’s plan and Harry just looked at him with a smug grin on his face.  “You okay, Lou?” Harry asked teasingly.

            “Um, yeah, I’m great actually,” Louis replied.  “Baby, I’m so, so, SO proud of you for doing this. You’re amazing and brilliant and sweet and you’re going to change people’s lives with what you’ve got lined up.  Come here,” and Louis pulled him in for a hug.  When Harry pulled away, Louis had tears in his eyes, “Louis, why’re you crying?”

            “I’m just so happy for you. You’ve been through so much with your dad and now to be in this place to where you can take a bad situation and make something good out of it is, well, amazing.  Like you,” Louis told him and now it was Harry’s turn to cry.  “I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to make things right with my family and to do some good for the world,” Harry admitted, “and I don’t want to waste it.  You know I never could’ve done this without you?” he asked.

            Louis shook his head, “no, you did this all on your own, baby.”

            “No, Louis, listen to me: six months ago I never would’ve had the strength and confidence to do this.  But I do now and it’s all because of you,” Harry said firmly and Louis nodded.  “Okay, let’s go home and celebrate,” Harry said with a twinkle in his eye.

            “Deal,” Louis replied and started the car for home.  He grabbed Harry’s hand and said “I noticed how you kept calling him ‘CJ’, not ‘dad’ in there. Care to explain?”

            “He’s not my dad anymore, Louis” Harry replied firmly and Louis just squeezed his hand in response.

            The summer was a whirlwind of work, lawyer visits and arranging Harry’s new finances; Louis’ divorce was moving along quickly as they sorted out the details of his visitation.  Louis worked out a way to divide the land so that his property line was within a mile of hers and he started plans to build his own large house on it; that way, the kids could just walk to his house in the summer.  But he had just started planning his house and wouldn’t break ground to build for quite some time.  He and Harry met with the Reformation Project people to learn how to run an LGBTQ-friendly church in a small town in Oklahoma.  When word got out about what Harry was doing, townspeople people congratulated him which gave Harry a boost of confidence.  They made quite a few visits to Nicaragua to set up Harry’s foundation and meet with the orphanage directors and helped Anne get situated as its director.  By early August, they were exhausted but excited about everything going on; Louis’ divorce would be final by mid-September and things were ticking along getting the foundation established.

            Becca called Louis when he got back from Nicaragua and said “daddy, I told Joshua about you and mom.”

            “What was his response?” Louis asked.

            “He was, um, surprised but he was more upset because I was upset. Isn’t that sweet?” she told him.

            “Yes, very,” Louis said.

            “He said he wasn’t sure how his parents would take the news-especially the part about you being gay-but he said that it doesn’t change anything between him and I. He’s helping me with this and we are having weekly Bible studies on forgiveness and acceptance and I, um, think it’s helping me.”

            “Good. That’s all I ask is that you pray about it and have God show you the way,” Louis reminded her.

            “Well, I’m trying. Promise.  I love you, daddy,” Becca said and Louis replied “love you too.”

            When they arrived home after their latest trip to Nicaragua, Harry told Louis he wanted to talk to him about their future.  Louis was slightly concerned but Harry said “Louis I don’t think I want to go back to college this fall. What do you think?”

            “Well, I think it’s your decision. Why?” Louis asked.

            “I’m just so busy with this foundation and helping my mom. Plus setting up the church is taking a lot of time; I just don’t think I have time for school right now.  Besides, I don’t need a degree to do all of this,” Harry explained.

            “I think you’re brilliant and don’t need a degree either,” Louis complimented him. “But if that’s what you want to do, then fine. You seem very focused on getting the foundation and the church up and running.”

            “Thank you, love. And I am.  Plus I can always go back if I need to,” Harry admitted, pulling Louis in for a kiss.

            After Louis’ divorce was final, he took Harry out to dinner at the Italian restaurant where they had their first date, though this time Harry didn’t get completely wasted.  They celebrated with wine, dinner and a night of mind-blowing sex.  Louis’ life was now perfect…almost.

He knew what he wanted to do-knew what he HAD to do-but how?  He’d only done this once before in his life and it was a lot different and involved a completely different situation.  But Louis thought maybe the proper thing to do now was what he’d done before: ask the parents for permission.  So in early October, Louis called Anne and asked her to meet him for lunch, under the guise of wanting to discuss business relating to the foundation.  “Louis, dahhhling” Anne said in her lilting English accent, “soooo good to see you! How are you?” she asked.  “How’s my boy?”

            Louis laughed, “hi, nice to see you too! I’m fine, Harry’s fine. He’s busy with the church stuff. I’m so proud of him for what he’s doing with that. He seems to have found his ‘calling’ with it.”

            “Oh yes he has!” Anne exclaimed. “It’s amazing how things work out, isn’t it?” she mused.

            “Hmm, very,” Louis agreed as they sat down to eat. Their conversation flowed easily, talking about Ali and Harry and their recent visit to Nicaragua.  “Harry tells me your divorce is final now, yeah?” she asked and Louis nodded.  “Yes, it’s been ‘final’ for a while but it’s now legally over, which is a relief. Now we can both officially move on with our lives. And yours is?” “Being expedited as we speak,” Anne replied. “Thank goodness.”  But Louis was nervous about what he wanted to ask Anne and it took him most of the meal to drum up the courage to say it.

            Finally, as the waitress cleared their plates and took their dessert orders, Louis said “Anne, look, I’m not 100% sure how to say this so forgive me if I trip over my words.” He saw her draw in a breath. “Your son is the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life; he’s kind, sweet, funny, smart and, well, adorable,” and Anne laughed. “He’s changed my life in ways I never thought possible and he honestly makes me a better person, so I guess what I’m trying to say is: I would like your permission to ask Harry to marry me,” Louis said firmly and with conviction.  Anne jumped up from the other side of the table to hug Louis and with tears in her eyes said “of course! Of course! Of course! Louis, he loves you so much and you’ve done so much for him and I just…I’m so excited. He will be thrilled but of course I won’t say anything til you pop the question. I’d be honored to call you my son-in-law!”

            Louis relaxed and said “oh thank goodness! I was so nervous! And I’d be honored to call you my mother-in-law!”

            Anne put up her hand and said “nope, call me ‘mum’” and Louis nodded.

            “So when are you gonna propose?” she asked excitedly.

            “Hmm, I don’t know, I couldn’t think any further than this point but it will be soon, I promise I won’t make you wait much longer,” Louis said teasingly.

            “Good. Then I will have to meet your mom and sister and we can all meet for dinner to discuss _the wedding_ ” and she whispered the last two words.

            “Sounds like a plan,” Louis said.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 36, verses 5-9: _Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, Lord, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light._

About a month later, Harry and Louis had to go back to Nicaragua to finalize the foundation and work on arranging fall and spring mission trips to help the orphanage.  Louis knew he wanted to propose to Harry where they’d first promised to be together forever, so he asked if they could go back to the watering hole and the plateau.  They were so busy during the week they didn’t have time to visit it until Saturday, the day before they left and Louis was about to jump out of his skin with excitement. 

But they left the orphanage mid-afternoon on Saturday and Louis had everything he needed in his backpack; food, wine, the ring.  They spent quite some time at the watering hole relaxing and enjoying themselves and because it was so isolated, they also got in a few quick blow jobs.  By the time they hiked to the plateau, it was late afternoon and the sun was starting to set.  Louis pulled out the blanket, spread out the food and poured wine for each of them then pulled Harry in for a cuddle.  He pressed a kiss to his curls and asked “do you remember the first time you kissed me? At the church?” and Harry chuckled, “yeah.”  “Why did you kiss me? Right then and there?” Louis asked him.

            “Because I really, really wanted to,” Harry admitted. “Like you were the hottest guy I’d ever seen and your beautiful lips were so close to mine I couldn’t pass up that opportunity.”

            Louis laughed softly, “well, I’m glad you did.  C’mere, let’s walk over here to the edge over there and watch the sunset,” Louis suggested and helped Harry up, ring in his pocket.  They walked a few hundred yards to the open area at the edge of the plateau, the valley stretched out below them.  Harry pulled Louis into his chest for a hug and wrapped his long arms easily around him; Louis buried his face in his chest as they both watched the beautiful sunset.  When Louis looked up at Harry, the sunlight was reflecting off his curls and his eyes were shining brighter than he’d ever seen and Louis knew this was the right moment.

            “Harry, darling, look at me,” Louis nudged him and Harry bent his head down.  “I love you so much. You are my life, my love, my reason to be; we’ve been through so much together in such a short period of time and you’ve made my life better in ways I never even knew possible,” Louis said and he saw Harry blush.

            “Louis, you’re so sweet,” Harry said softly.

            Louis pushed himself away from Harry’s chest, bent down on one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket.  A look of surprise and excitement washed over Harry’s face.  “Say you’ll stay with me forever. Harry Edward Styles, will you marry me?”

            Harry’s hand flew over his mouth in complete shock and tears welled up in his eyes. “YES! YES! YES! Of course I’ll marry you, Louis!” he exclaimed as Louis pushed the simple silver band over the middle finger of his right hand.  Harry pulled him up from his kneeling position and picked him up off the ground to twirl him around and now both of them were crying.

            “I love you so much, baby,” Louis said through tears; “love you too,” Harry replied.

            When Harry put Louis down he said “when did you come up with this? I’m gobsmacked!”

            “I talked to your mom before we left and she gave me her approval then I just had to figure out _how_ I was going to do it. And this place seemed like the perfect spot because it means so much to both of us,” Louis told him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

            “Oh my gosh, Louis, you talked to my mum? That’s so…proper!” Harry asked.

            “Yup,” Louis nodded. “She’s beyond excited. Can’t wait to start planning the wedding!”

            “I’m so overwhelmed right now,” Harry said, “but in a good way.” And he pulled Louis in for a hug. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Louis. And now I’m going to be your _husband_.” And he bent down to kiss him.

            “Mmm, yes you are. Mine, all mine,” Louis cooed. “Now, I can call you my fiancé.  Say that with me, love,” he told Harry.

            “Fiancé,” they both said together and laughed.

            Harry ducked his head into Louis’ ear and whispered “I want to make love to you here again, _fiancé_ ” and Louis’ entire body shuddered as Harry led him back to the blanket.  Under the setting Nicaraguan sun, full of reds and yellows, Louis’ _fiancé_ made passionate love to him all night long.

            The next morning Louis woke up with Harry’s arm stretched over him, his silver band glinting in the sunlight; Louis absentmindedly twirled it around his finger with a sense of pride.  “Mmm, I like seeing you wear this, baby,” Louis said softly as Harry slept and his heart felt like it would burst.  He snuggled in closer to Harry and when he did, Harry stirred and linked his hands with Louis’.  “That looks nice,” Harry said softly admiring his ring intertwined with Louis’ fingers; “mmm, lovely,” Louis agreed and pulled him in for a kiss.  He rolled Harry onto his side and squeezed his bum and Harry responded by pushing his hips closer to Louis, dick getting hard.  Deep, wet kisses followed as Harry pushed himself up onto Louis’ chest; Louis pulled his mouth away and whispered “want you to ride me baby, just like the first time.”

            He could feel Harry smiling as he ducked his head into Louis’ neck and licked a long trail up to his ear. “Oh, do you?” he teased.  “I might make you beg for it,” and Louis bucked up his hips in response.  “Why do you want me to ride you?” he asked.

            “Because you feel so good, baby, and now you are my fiancé, I want you to know that I can do this to you forever” and he breathed out the last word.

            “Do I feel good, Tommo?” Harry asked biting into his chest.

            “God, the best, baby,” Louis moaned. “The best ever.”

            “Mmmm, I’m still thinking about it,” Harry teased and Louis threw his head back in mock frustration. He decided to play hardball: “I also want to fuck the life out of you.”

            “Perfect,” Harry declared. “Open me up, Tommo, three fingers,” he said while brushing his teeth over Louis’ nipple.  Louis started with one finger then quickly moved to two, twisting and dragging in and out of Harry. “More,” Harry demanded so the next time Louis scissored his fingers out he pushed a third finger into Harry.

            “Sssss,” Harry moaned, pushing his hips back into Louis.  “Mmm, getting wet for me baby,” Louis said, kissing his neck as Harry nodded.  He continued twisting and pushing three fingers in and out of Harry until he pushed his hips so far down that Louis’ fingers fell out of him.

            “Ready for me to ride you?” Harry asked, lining himself up with Louis’ dick.

            Louis nodded quickly.  Harry shook his head, “tell me what you want,” he whispered.

            “Want you to ride me, baby, wanna fuck you,” Louis moaned and Harry responded by pushing himself down onto Louis’ dick. When he did, Louis cupped his hand around his bum and pushed up his knees to keep Harry sitting straight up, head thrown back in ecstasy.  The cool Nicaraguan air did little to dissipate the drumming of Louis’ blood in his veins and the sweat that had started to form on his body.

            “Jesus, you’re so beautiful,” Louis said, dragging his nails softly down Harry’s broad chest and onto his muscular thighs, large dick bouncing up and down.  Harry started pulsing his hips forwards and backwards and Louis must’ve hit his prostate because he groaned and fell forward onto Louis.  Now Louis could pump in and out of him quickly.  “God, this is like the first time, baby, you looked and felt so amazing then and you do now too.  When I saw you doing this the first time I almost lost my mind it was so gorgeous. _You_ are so gorgeous,” Louis told him.

            “I love you, Louis,” Harry whispered. “And I’m yours forever,” and he pushed himself back up so he was sitting on Louis’ pelvis. Then he gently lifted himself off and turned around so he was facing away from Louis then lowered back down, legs spread wide, looking over his shoulder at Louis.  He then slowly pumped up and down on Louis’ dick then braced himself with his thighs and bounced harder and harder and faster and faster.  Louis felt himself getting closer and closer to coming and at one point, he held Harry down and pushed his hips up into him and came, yelling “fuck, Harry, fuck!” as Harry grinded his hips into Louis. 

            Louis was spent as Harry turned around and started jerking himself off onto Louis, spurting his load quickly into Louis’ sweaty chest then collapsing into him.  Neither spoke, their heavy breathing the only sound for miles; Louis intertwined his hand with Harry’s and pressed a kiss to his ring saying “I love you baby. Forever.”  Harry replied by squeezing Louis’ chest and saying “same.”

They were cleaning up and getting ready to leave when Harry said “we should take another selfie!” and pulled out his phone.  Louis stuck his head into the camera frame and as Harry snapped the pic he put up his hand to show the ring.  “That’s adorable Harry,” Louis said. “Send that to me when we get home.”

            They didn’t have cell phone service until they reached their layover in Houston, where they both spent most of their time telling people their news.  Anne started bawling when Harry told her how Louis had proposed; Louis’ boys were excited for them too.  Louis even called Mary to tell her and she said “Louis, I’m happy for you, promise. Harry’s a great guy so congratulations.”  Harry posted his selfie on Facebook with the caption: #Fiance #Selfie #OMG #Nicaragua and tagged Louis in it.  His mentions went crazy as people posted congratulations for both of them and they both made the picture their profile pic.  “Well, darling, it’s official, everyone on Facebook knows now so there’s no turning back,” Louis said and Harry pinched his arm. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, Tommo,” Harry said, lightly kissing him.

            When they arrived home, Louis called his mom to tell her the good news and that Anne wanted to get their families together soon.  They spent the next few weeks floating along in engagement bliss, wrapped in each other’s arms as often as they could, not wanting to leave the other’s side.  It was, quite frankly, perfect.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 37, verses 1-6: _Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this. He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story has been told mainly from Louis' perspective but part of this chapter is from Harry's point of view, for reasons which I hope will be clear as you read it :D xx **trigger warning** shitty parents, name-calling, bullying, use of the word "faggot"

Harry and Louis met with Carl and Ben again to arrange the final transfer of funds; Carl said that the IRS would accept a $1 million lump-sum payment for CJ’s back taxes so Harry agreed to pay it.  Carl arranged for the money to be sent to Harry’s grandfather’s illegitimate children and Harry wanted his name associated with that, so they would know who sent it and why.  Slowly but surely, CJ Jr.’s name was quietly erased from the money, leaving him with practically nothing.  A few days after that, Harry told Louis he wanted to talk to him about something and judging by the serious look on his face, Louis was a bit concerned by what he had to say.  He was slightly relieved when he said “Louis, I need to go talk to my da-CJ in prison. And tell him what’s going on.”

            Louis sucked in a sharp breath, “ooh, Harry, are you sure that’s the right thing to do?”

            Harry nodded firmly, “Yes, he needs to know. And I want to tell him, as a final ‘fuck you’ for how he treated me and my mum and Ali.”

            “Do you want me to go with you?” Louis asked tentatively.

            “Yes, please. But I’ll go in to meet him by myself, if that’s okay,” Harry replied.

            “That’s fine, I really have no desire to meet him, the prick,” Louis muttered.

            Harry squeezed his hand, “thank you,” he said “we will go next week, yeah?”

            “Sounds good, baby. I love you,” Louis told him and Harry replied “Love you too, Tommo.”

            The following week, Harry arranged for them to visit CJ in Oklahoma City and Louis held his hand the entire drive.  “Did you tell your mom about this?” he asked.  “Not yet,” Harry said. “I’ll tell her after; don’t want to upset her.”

            “Hmm, probably a good idea,” Louis remarked.

            As they arrived at the prison, Louis could tell Harry’s anxiety level was increasing because he kept biting his lip and his eyes were a million miles away.  Louis turned to him in the truck and held his hands; “you can do this, baby. Be strong,” he told him.  Harry looked fondly at his engagement ring and pressed a kiss to Louis’ lips, “you make me strong,” he replied.

            Louis was kept in the waiting room, sans his phone so he sat around twiddling his thumbs until Harry was finished, imagining the scenarios of how CJ was going to react to all of this.  He expected him to explode with anger, considering his past track record.

            Harry entered the meeting area and his father was on the other side of the glass, staring at him; Harry sat down and picked up the phone to talk.  The first thing CJ said was “what’s that RING on your finger?” he asked with disdain.  “Since when do you wear jewelry?  The Lord says not to adorn yourself falsely. Or have you forgotten?”

            Harry drew in a breath.  “Since I’m engaged, da-CJ. That’s what the ring is for.”

            “ENGAGED?!  Since when do _men_ wear engagement rings?” he bellowed.

            “Lower your voice. Since I’m gay, dad. Or have you forgotten?” Harry replied.

            “Is it to that twink who was with you at the trial?” he asked, voice dripping with disgust.

            “His name is Louis” and Harry emphasized the name. “And yes, he’s my fiancé.”

            CJ rolled his eyes and changed the subject. “So to what do I owe the honor of your visit?  Haven’t seen you in months then you show up now?” he said, slightly annoyed.

            Harry took a deep breath and tried to calm his voice before he said “just wanted to let you know that your name has been taken off Granddaddy’s inheritance money.”

            “WHAT?” CJ was screaming now.   

            Harry flinched slightly, as CJ’s screams pierced his ears.  “Yes you thought you were so slick moving the money over to me and Ali but you still continued to sponge off it.  I found out,” Harry’s eyes narrowed, staring into CJ’s “and stopped it.”

            “What about your mother?” CJ sputtered. “You’re too much of a mama’s boy to leave her high and dry,” he sneered.

            “You made me a mama’s boy because God knows I couldn’t count on _you_ to be there for me,” Harry said as CJ rolled his eyes again. “But no, I didn’t leave mum high and dry. She’s set for life and she’s helping me distribute Granddaddy’s money through the foundation we set up to encourage adoptions in Nicaragua.”

            CJ’s face turned bright red. “You put my family’s money into a _charitable_ _foundation_?”

            “Yup. Figured that was a good way to ‘do the Lord’s work’ and keep your grubby paws off of it,” Harry said smugly.  He continued, getting closer and closer to lowering the BOOM that he knew would piss CJ off royally.  “I’m also giving Granddaddy’s kids-the ones he so ceremoniously ignored in his will-a quarter of a million dollars EACH for all the bullshit they had to go through with him. Seemed to be the least I could do, considering they are family.”

            “You gave those scum-sucking, bottom-feeding, inbred ingrates my FATHER’S money?” CJ yelled.

            “Yes. And it’s not his money anymore, or your money. It’s mine and I can do with it what I want,” Harry said confidently.

            “God damn it, Harry, you little son of a bitch,” CJ mumbled loud enough for Harry to hear.

            Harry just smiled curtly and said “Hmm, well, I’m also using your old building as a new LGBTQ church for people of all backgrounds and sexualities to come and worship.” There it was: BOOM!

            CJ settled his dark eyes on Harry. “LGBT WHAT, Harry?”  
            “Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer. And it seems everyone in town approves of it, judging by the response I got when I started renovating,” Harry said confidently.

            CJ smacked the phone against the plexiglass and Harry flinched. His voice was so loud, Harry was pretty sure Louis could hear him in the waiting room. “HARRY EDWARD STYLES HOW DARE YOU USE MY CHURCH-THE ONE I BUILT WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS-AS A HAVEN FOR GAYS AND QUEERS!  I can’t have that ungodly shit going on in MY CHURCH!”

            Harry didn’t raise his voice, didn’t show fear, he simply said “your 'CHURCH'? Please! You most certainly didn't worship God in there. The only thing you 'worshipped' were those sluts you screwed around with behind mum's back. Now we can actually help people who need it, instead of you using the building for your own personal whorehouse.”

            Now CJ was standing upright, face red as a beet, neck veins pressing against his skin. He spoke slowly but very, very loudly. “You take your Sodom and Gomorrah bullshit somewhere else. Not in my church.”

            “It’s not _your_ church anymore. It’s mine. My name is on it, just like my name is on the inheritance,” Harry replied.  “So when you get out of here- _if_ you get out-you’ll have nothing. You’ll be a sad old man with no family or money or home to speak of. And that’s 100% what you deserve for the way you treated us.”

            “First your mother and now you. Traitors! The whole lot of you! A bunch of ungrateful, good-for-nothing traitors. I always knew you’d never amount to anything, you big sissy,” he sneered.

            Harry flinched at the word “sissy” then he set his jaw and replied “I would beg to differ. I’ve amounted to A LOT, no thanks to you. I’ve got more money and more love in my life than you have or will ever have.  Thanks to mum. And Louis.”

            CJ scoffed at the mention of Anne and Louis then said: “You are not my son. You are nothing but a faggot and are going to hell for your faggoty sins.”

            Harry stood up and pointed his finger to the plexiglass separating them “You are not my father and YOU are going to hell for YOUR sins which are greater and more plentiful than mine.  Have a nice life, you disgusting piece of shit.  You’ll NEVER see me-or my MONEY-again,” he declared, dropped the phone and stormed out of the room.

            He could hear his dad saying “Harry, HaRRY! HARRYYYY!” in the background but he refused to acknowledge him. He was done with him and his insults and barbs; he found Louis and silently dragged him out of the prison.

            When Louis saw Harry, he looked surprisingly calm but a bit flustered and Louis was dying to know what went on but Harry never said a word, just grabbed his hand and marched out into the parking lot.  As they climbed into the truck, Louis asked tentatively “so how did it go?”

            Harry stared out the windshield and said flatly “just drive, Louis.”

            Out of the corner of his eye, Louis could see Harry’s body relaxing into the seat but his face was devoid of emotion and it unnerved Louis because that was very “un-Harry like”.  Usually, Louis could read him like a book but his eyes were distant and he showed no emotion on his face.

            “Harry, I don’t know what to say right now except that I’m here for you if and when you want to talk,” Louis said softly, struggling with how to deal with the situation at hand.

            “Thank you. And I know,” Harry replied, voice still stripped of emotion, still not giving a hint as to his state of mind.  Not much was said by either of them during the entire drive home; Louis asked if Harry was hungry and he just shook his head so Louis kept driving.  When they got home, Harry marched into the house and into the bathroom; Louis was still bewildered by the entire situation and just sat on the couch waiting for Harry. 

            When he came out of the bathroom he went directly into the bedroom and shut the door; now Louis was confused and by what he should do.  “Do I go in and comfort him? But what if he wants to be alone?” Louis wondered.  Then he remembered Harry’s statement that he likes to pout until people notice he’s pouting so he decided to go into the bedroom.  He knocked softly and opened the door slowly to find Harry curled up in the fetal position, sobbing and rocking himself back and forth on the bed.  It was just about the saddest thing Louis had ever seen so he rushed to wrap Harry up in a hug, saying “come here, love, I’m here for you, shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here, darling,” which just made Harry cry harder.

            Louis kept Harry close, brushing away his tears, sometimes with his thumb sometimes with his lips, and every time he said “I love you” Harry would choke out a sob and claw at his chest like an animal.  He flashed back to when he was having a meltdown after he came out to Mary and remembered Harry hugging him tightly just as he was now.  He wasn’t going to move from this spot no matter what and he told Harry as much.

            Finally, Harry’s tears slowed and Louis was relieved but when he looked down, Harry was asleep and he looked so beautiful and fragile that Louis’ heart stuck in his chest.  His gorgeous face was etched with lines, even in his sleep, his long eyelashes tinged with tears and stuck to his cheeks, his cheeks flushed from crying.  Louis was not a violent man but in that moment he had half a mind to kill CJ Styles for what he’d done to Harry.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 38, verses 20-22: _Those who repay my good with evil lodge accusations against me, though I seek only to do what is good. Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior._

At some point, Harry had rolled away from Louis while he slept but Louis stayed beside him, always touching him, occasionally whispering “I love you” into his ear just in case he could hear him.  Harry stirred slightly then he popped his eyes open and said “Louis!” in a panicked voice; Louis quickly tucked himself into his side and said “right here, baby, right here” as Harry curled into him.  Louis rubbed his hand up and down his body and he could feel Harry relax into his touch.

            “Louis,” he heard Harry say.

            “Yes, love?”

            “What time is it?” he asked

            “I literally have no idea. I don’t even know where my phone’s disappeared to. Why?” Louis replied.

            “Because I’m starving” Harry muttered into the sheets and Louis busted out laughing.

            “HA! If you’re okay here, I’ll go throw something together,” Louis suggested and Harry shook his head, dark curls bouncing into the sheets.

            He threw his arm over Louis’ waist and pouted. “No, find your phone, order Chinese. Don’t want you to leave me for too long,” he said needily.

            Louis kissed his temple and said “okay, love, give me a second. Moo-Goo-Gai-Pan for two right?” and Harry nodded, releasing his hold on him.

            Louis popped up and realized he’d left his phone in the car; by the time he got back to the house he’d ordered the food and quickly crawled back into bed with Harry.  “Done and done!” he said brightly as Harry slid across the bed to drape his large frame over Louis again.  His right hand was laying across Louis and he said coldly “this was the first thing he asked me about” as he twisted his engagement ring.

            Louis felt a chill up his spine; “what did you say, Harry?”

            “I told him I was engaged; he called you a ‘twink’”

            “A twink?! What the hell?”

            “I don’t know, Louis. The whole thing was both awful yet strangely liberating,” Harry replied, his face a mix of annoyance and relief.  “Do you mind if we talk about it?” Harry asked and Louis shook his head.

            “Whenever you’re ready, love,” Louis replied.

            So Harry told him the entire story of the meeting with his dad and his emotions went from happiness to despair when he did.  When he got to the part about the church, Louis felt sick to his stomach. When he told Louis what he said before he left, Louis was both elated and sad and he could see tears welling up in Harry’s eyes too. He pulled him closer and raked a hand through his curls; they sat there in silence until the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of their food.

            Louis handed Harry his food and they both ate out of the containers & Louis finally broke the silence by saying “Harry, I don’t know what to say about all of this except I’m sorry. And I’m proud of you.”

            Harry said “thank you. And there’s not much to say about it except I’m finally, officially done with him. He’s _not_ my father and he _won’t_ be a part of my life anymore.”

            “How do you feel about that?” Louis asked.

            “Okay. Fine. Good, surprisingly” Harry replied.  “And thank you for being there for me through all of this, Louis.  It means the world. Promise.”

            “Of course, Harry, of course. I’m here for you no matter what. I just hate that he made you feel like shit,” Louis replied.

            “Well, he tried to make me feel like shit. But I didn’t let him,” Harry said.

            “Good,” Louis said. “What was going on with you in the car? You were quiet, seemed lost in your own world.”

            Harry thought for a second. “I think I was just numb; like I couldn’t feel or think or anything. Then when I got home it all hit me and I completely lost it.”

            “Well, you had every right to lose it, considering the circumstances,” Louis said.

            Harry pressed a wet, Chinese-food laden kiss to his lips “I yuv you,” he said.

            “How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?” Louis chided him with mock annoyance. “And I love you too,” he said, digging his elbow into Harry’s side.

            “Twat,” Harry muttered, mouth still full of food.

            “Wanker,” Louis replied, twisting his nipple and Harry launched himself into Louis’ lap and started tickling him until Louis cried “Stop! STOP! STOPPP!!!!”

            Harry narrowed his eyes and said “I’ll stop if you kiss me.”

            “GLADLY!” Louis yelled, pulling Harry’s face to his and planting a big smooch on his lips.

            “You’re lucky you’re so cute, Tommo,” Harry muttered in between kisses.

            “Or what?” Louis replied laughing.

            “Or I’d just have to find someone who won’t tell me what to do,” he said while pulling on his lip with his teeth.

            “Hmm, I thought you liked me telling you what to do?” Louis said teasingly.

            “Hmm, sometimes,” Harry moaned, licking up Louis’ neck.

            Louis let out a slight gasp. “What if I told you to touch me?”

            “Mmmm, I could probably do that,” Harry said, brushing his hand over Louis’ dick causing Louis to shift his hips upward. “Baby,” he breathed.

            “What else do you want me to do?” Harry asked, licking the space between Louis’ neck and collar bones.  “Whatever you want,” Louis moaned and Harry shook his head.

            “No, _tell me_ ,” he demanded and Louis’ entire body went slack.

            “Suck me, baby,” Louis said softly and Harry dipped into his waist and tugged his pants off, exposing his hard dick.  He licked around the tip and said “mmmmmm,” then took the entire thing into his mouth as Louis pushed his hips up.  Louis grabbed Harry’s curls as he bobbed his head up and down and cupped his balls.  “Jesus, Harry, please,” Louis groaned.

            “Please what,” Harry asked, mouth still on Louis.

            “Make me cum,” he replied and Harry pushed his mouth all the way down Louis’ dick as Louis quickly pulsed his hips up.  After a few deep throats and twisting his tongue around Louis’ dick, Louis came down Harry’s throat; after he swallowed, Louis pulled him up to kiss him.

            “Why are you so good to me, baby,” Louis asked, pushing his tongue into Harry’s mouth.

            “Because you’re so good to me, Tommo,” Harry moaned as Louis reached down to jerk off Harry.

            After he came, Harry draped his body against Louis’ chest and laid there as Louis rubbed his back and gently brushed the pads of his fingers up and down his body. “Love you, baby,” Louis cooed and Harry just sighed. “Love you too,” Harry replied and Louis was pretty sure he was falling asleep. 

Louis slowly slid from his sitting position against the headboard so he was laying down on the bed, “baby koala” Harry on his chest.  He laid there for quite some time until Harry’s limp body felt like it was crushing him so he rolled him over onto the bed and pulled him in to spoon.  He pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and sighed.  “God, Harry, I love you so much,” he said softly, thinking Harry couldn’t hear him but Harry reached behind him and patted his leg in response.  They both drifted off to sleep. 

Louis woke up the next morning and gently patted Harry’s bum; he whispered “shower, love?” and Harry nodded. They quickly hopped in the shower and gently scrubbed each other, lazily hugging each other and kissing.  When they got out, Harry pressed Louis against the sink and kissed him deeply; his phone was sitting on the sink and he picked it up and said “hold still” and took a picture.  “Harry Styles did you just take a selfie with my bum in it?” Louis asked teasingly as Harry held up the phone for him to see; it had half of Harry’s face-the rest hidden by Louis-along with Louis’ back and bum.  Louis cackled with laughter “you’re a mess!” and Harry just raised his eyebrows and said “just more for my ‘wank bank’”. 

            Louis kissed him gently on the lips and said “gonna go make breakfast. And put some clothes on before I do things to you that you haven’t even imagined,” he teased

            “Fine! Now go make me some eggs,” Harry chided, swatting at his bum. And Louis quickly left to make breakfast.

            Louis was finishing the fried potatoes when he heard Harry come out of the bedroom and he sounded like he was talking to someone.  When he came around the corner of the kitchen he heard him say “yes, mum, I’m fine, promise” and he wrapped his arm around Louis’ waist and held the phone in between their ears so Louis could hear.  Harry said “yes, mum, Louis is here,” and Louis replied “hi mum!”

            He heard her say “let me talk to him,” and Harry handed Louis the phone.

            “Hi mum!” Louis repeated

            “Hi, love, is Harry okay after what happened with his dad?” she asked.

            “Yes, he’s being very strong and I’m so proud of him,” Louis replied making a kissing motion with his lips.

            He could hear her audibly sigh. “Whew, good, I’m so glad. And I’m so happy you’re here for him; don’t think he could’ve done this without you,” she said and Louis smiled.

            “Thank you but he did this all on his own, I was just there for moral support,” he said; “okay, mum, here he is” and handed the phone back to Harry.

            Harry looked at him suspiciously then said “hey…yeah…getting ready to eat breakfast….promise. Okay, love you, kisses to Ali. Bye!” and hung up the phone.

            He spun around and put his hands on his hips, staring at Louis.  “Louis William Tomlinson, since when do you call my mum ‘mum’?”

            Louis smiled, “since she asked me to.”

            “When?!”  Harry exclaimed

            “After I told her I was going to propose to you,” Louis said and Harry responded by crashing himself into Louis’ back and hugging him strongly.

            “Heyyy, watch out, got hot pans here,” Louis chided, laughing.  Harry kissed the back of his neck and said simply “I love you.”

            Louis turned around to face him and kissed his nose, “Love you too. Now let’s eat!”

            After breakfast, they sat lazily on the couch, wrapped up in each other’s arms.  Finally, Harry sat back on his knees and faced Louis. “It’s been a crazy couple of days; can we go snuggle in bed, Tommo?”

            Louis kissed him softly on the lips “of course! I’d never miss a chance to cuddle with you!” and Harry took his hand to lead him into the bedroom.  Louis secretly loved when Harry was like this: somewhat needy and clingy as he curled his large frame into Louis’ smaller one.  He fit into Louis perfectly who could rest his chin on his curls and breathe him in.  He felt Harry relax as he wrapped his arms around his broad shoulders.

            “Mmm, I like this,” Louis said softly.

            “Me too,” Harry replied.

            “You’re my baby, right?” Louis asked and he could feel Harry nod.

            “Good. You’ll always be my baby, right?”

            “Of course,” Harry replied.

            “Perfect,” Louis said and they stayed that way for most of the rest of the day.

~~~~~~

The next few weeks were busy with work and meeting with the Reformation Project trainers to start spreading the word about their new church.  Thanksgiving was quickly approaching and Louis called his mom to see what her plans were; they usually spent that holiday at her house then Christmas at Louis and Mary’s.  She agreed to have the holiday there and then Louis suggested they invite Anne and Ali which she thought was a fabulous idea.  Then Louis called Mary to make sure her and the kids were coming and she assured them they were. 

So when Thanksgiving rolled around, they had fourteen kids (all ten of Louis’ plus Jenny’s four) plus Anne and Ali for a total of twenty-two people plus the biggest turkey Louis had ever seen.  Anne and Ida, Louis’ mom, spent most of the day discussing wedding and reception plans, even though Harry and Louis hadn’t even set a date yet.  Harry played FIFA for hours with the kids and Louis kept trying to pull him away but he seemed happy there so Louis just left him.  At some point, though, he lost him and finally found him and Anne deep in conversation. He heard Harry say “I want that to be his birthday present” then “Christmas Eve” then Anne clasped her hands and said “lovely!”

            Louis was curious but pretended he didn’t hear the end of the conversation and simply said “there you are!” as he pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek.  “Dinner’s almost ready!” and they all made their way back to the dining room.  As they sat down, they asked Anne to say the blessing and then explained about their tradition of saying what they are thankful for.

            When Anne asked Ali what she was thankful for, she pointed at Louis and giggled; Louis blushed and everyone laughed.  Harry was next and he took a deep breath and said “Well, of course I’m thankful for Louis, but I’m also thankful for all of you. I know it’s been a weird year for everyone”-and Louis grabbed his hand-“but I really feel like I’ve found my _real_ family. So thank you.”  All the girls started crying and Louis hugged Harry in response.

            After dinner and dessert, Louis was playing with baby Louis on the couch, watching Harry play his 300th game of FIFA-or at least it seemed like it-when Joseph asked him “Daddy, is Harry your friend?”

            Louis looked sideways at Harry like “what do I say?” and replied “yes, darling, he’s my special friend.”

            “Does he live with you?” Joseph asked and Louis nodded.

            “Yes, why?”

            “Just curious,” and off he went to find his brother.

            “Okay, that was weird,” Louis muttered.

            Anne, Ida, Mary, Jenny and Becca wanted to go Black Friday shopping at midnight so Louis and Harry agreed to stay with his kids and Ali; Jenny’s husband, Parker, took their kids home.  The next morning, they were awakened by three of the youngest kids jumping into bed with them.

            “Daddy!! Harry!!” they yelled, waking both of them up. 

            “Hey monkeys!” Harry said as Louis started tickling Joseph and the other two climbed over them.

            Louis watched Harry with the kids and couldn’t help but get a fond look on his face because Harry was a natural with them.  After they jumped on the bed and generally created chaos, the kids ran off yelling “Nana’s makin’ breakfast!”  Louis pulled Harry in for a kiss, saying “you’re great with the kids” and Harry blushed. “They’re great kids, they make it easy” he replied.  Louis pressed his forehead to Harry’s and whispered “I love you”

            “Love you too, Tommo,” Harry said and they got ready for breakfast. The girls left after shopping so it was just Louis, Harry and the rest of the kids.  After a lovely breakfast, Louis and Harry said their goodbyes and went back to their house.  They were both so stuffed they fell into bed and lazed around the house all day, sleeping and eating leftovers.  Harry had his head in Louis’ lap on the couch and Louis asked “Harry, do you want kids?”

            “Louis you have enough kids for both of us,” Harry replied.

            Louis laughed and tossed his curls, “I mean your _own_ kids, silly!”

            Harry shrugged and said “well, sure, I mean it’s not like Ali’s gonna have kids. And I know my mum would love to be a grandma. I also think I could be a better dad than mine.”

            Louis squeezed his shoulder “you would be an amazing dad, judging by how you are with my kids. Though my guess is you’d be a total pushover with them,” he teased.

            “Yeah probably,” Harry agreed.

            “Well, I think we could probably arrange something to have your own kids,” Louis suggested and Harry popped his head up from his lap.

            “Really?” he said excitedly.

            “Anything for you, baby,” Louis cooed as Harry started kissing all over his face.

            “I love you so much, you take care of me, Tommo,” Harry said “I can’t wait!” he exclaimed. He laid back down in Louis’ lap, smiling broadly as Louis continued to stroke his curls until he fell asleep.

            “What did I ever do to deserve you, Harry?” Louis asked softly, tears forming in his eyes. “You’re the most amazing, beautiful, kindest, most precious person I’ve ever met. I can’t believe you’re going to be mine forever. My sweet, gorgeous boy,” he finished as he also drifted off to sleep, all the turkey and fixings he’d eaten over the past few days finally settling in.

            He felt Harry stirring on his lap a few hours later and he sleepily asked “what time is it?”

            “Don’ know,” Louis replied.  “Ready to wake up and go to bed?” he teased.

            “Yeah,” Harry replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling Louis up from the couch.  They brushed their teeth and crawled into bed, with Harry as the little spoon.  “You like to be the little spoon, babe?” Louis asked, kissing his curls.

            Harry replied, “I do.  I like to feel your arms around me.”  Then he said sheepishly, “Louis, I heard what you said to me earlier. I think you thought I was asleep but I wasn’t.”   

            Louis blushed, “that’s okay. I meant it. I’m glad you heard me.”

            “I feel the same way about you, you know? And I can’t wait to say it in front of God and all of our friends and family at our wedding,” Harry replied.

            “Speaking of, when are we getting married?” Louis asked, giving Harry a squeeze. “Though it would seem as though our mothers have it all planned already.”

            Harry laughed. “Yes they do! What about next summer? Like June? That way we can get the church established first then we won’t worry about being gone on our honeymoon.”

            “Hmm, that might work. I’d like to get our house built first too before we get married. Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?” Louis asked.

            “What about Jamaica? I hear it’s really nice,” Harry suggested.  “We could rent a private villa, spend the whole week wrapped up in each other’s arms, enjoying the tropical sunsets.”

            “That sounds properly romantic! If that’s what you want then that’s what you’ll get. Anything for you, my love,” Louis cooed, pulling Harry in for a sweet, soft kiss.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 39, verses 7-8: _But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools._

The weeks before Christmas were a whirlwind of work, shopping for gifts, finalizing building plans for the house, and working on the church. Their foundation had already received grant requests for mission trips in the spring so Harry helped his mom with those while starting to spread the word about their church. Harry met with various social service agencies around the area to tell them about their church to use as a resource, if they had a child who needed counseling or guidance for being discriminated against for their sexuality. 

Louis got a call from Joshua, Becca’s boyfriend, around mid-December and it didn’t take him long to figure out why he was calling.  “Hi Joshua. How are you?” Louis asked.

“Good, Mr. Tomlinson, how are you?”

“Excellent! Just busy getting ready for the holidays! What’s up?”

“Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you about me and Becca?” he said hesitantly.

Louis smiled softly to himself, knowing exactly what he was going to say. “Sure!”

He could hear Joshua take a deep breath. “Okay, I love her very much and she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She’s an amazing person and she loves God which is more than I could ever ask for. So what I’m trying to say is: I would like to ask your permission to marry Rebecca.”

“Joshua, you seem like a lovely guy and I can tell Becca loves you very much. I know you will take care of her for the rest of her life. So yes, I give you my permission to marry her,” Louis replied.

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much!” Joshua exclaimed. “I’d like to propose on Christmas Eve, then have you and my parents meet and arrange the engagement. Would that be okay?”

“Absolutely. Just talk to them and let us know. Will you be joining us Christmas day?” he asked.

“Yes. I’d like to take Becca out for a sleigh ride maybe Christmas Eve during the day, before dinner and Midnight mass,” Joshua said.

“Well, I think that sounds perfect and she will love it.  I’ll see you in a few weeks!” Louis replied then hung up the phone.  He called Mary to tell her the good news: “that’s lovely, Louis. Joshua is such a nice boy. Becca will be excited,” she said. Harry seemed excited too: “that means two weddings in one year for us!” he exclaimed and Louis had to laugh.

Harry spent his free time decorating every nook and cranny of their tiny house with Christmas decorations; they had three trees all full of ornaments, two Nativity scenes (it would’ve been three but Louis refused to let Harry put one in the bedroom), and enough garland and lights to sink a ship.  “Good heavens, Harry,” Louis remarked one night. “It looks like our house is on fire with all these lights. I’m sure our neighbors love living next to the Griswolds.”

Harry pouted, “but Louis, it’s our first Christmas together! I wanted to make it special!”

Louis squeezed his arm, “it is special and I think it’s great, okay? Perfect, even. Just like you,” and Harry smiled.

“My mum went all out for the holidays-decorations and food and presents, the whole nine yards. It was nice so I thought I’d start that tradition with us,” Harry told him.

“It’s lovely,” Louis said, pulling him in for a kiss.

Christmas Eve-and Louis’ birthday-finally arrived and Louis spent most of the day cooking food to take over to Mary Grace’s for dinner.  Becca called him late afternoon to tell him that Joshua had proposed and she said “yes” of course. “That’s wonderful, honey,” Louis said. “Can’t wait to see you tonight and we will talk about your engagement.” They were supposed to be at Mary’s around seven for dinner, then church at midnight.

Around five, Harry pulled Louis away from the kitchen and said “can I give you your present before we leave?’

Harry had already made him breakfast in bed and given him a blow job so Louis said teasingly “you mean there’s more?”

Harry looked exasperated, “yes! Now come here and sit with me by the tree and fireplace,” he said, pulling Louis to sit down on the floor.  Harry bit his lip slightly so Louis knew he was thinking hard about what he wanted to say.  He picked up Louis’ hands and put them in his lap as they faced each other then he said

> “Louis, every moment I spend with you is better and more amazing than the last.  From when we kissed that first time to when we made love and every time after that to when you proposed to me, things just keep getting better and better.  I didn’t really know what ‘love’ was until I met you and you’ve taught me how to love others as well as myself and I honestly can’t thank you enough.” He paused and sucked in a breath. “So I want you to have this as an outward sign of my love and commitment to you,” Harry said as he pulled a small silver band out of his pocket; it was similar to Harry’s engagement ring.

“Oh, Harry, you didn’t have to do that,” Louis said and Harry shook his head.

“Yes I did. I have one and now you do too. Look at the engraving.”  Louis tilted the band up to the light to read it and it said : <3 U Tommo on the inside.  Louis’ eyes welled up with tears and he grabbed Harry by the neck and pulled him in for a kiss.  “I love you baby. It’s beautiful, like you,” he said in between kisses.

“I love you too,” Harry replied. “But there’s more.”

“More? Oh, okay,” Louis said surprised as Harry slipped the ring on Louis’ right hand and held it in his hand so their rings lined up.

“Louis, I’ve talked to my mum about this and she supports it one hundred percent: when we get married, I want to take _your_ name and drop the ‘Styles’.”

Louis realized this was what Harry and his mum were discussing at Thanksgiving dinner. He shook his head “no, Harry, I can’t ask you to do that. We can hyphenate our names and our kids will have both names.”

Harry set his jaw firmly and replied, “you’re not asking me to do it. I _want_ to do it. My mum’s changed hers back to Cox, her maiden name, and when I said I was done with my father, I meant it. I don’t want to be associated with that name anymore; it’s brought me nothing but trouble and heartache. I want to be a Tomlinson after June. I will need to legally change it after we get married.”

“Harry, I….don’t know what to say,” Louis stammered.

“Just say it’s okay,” Harry smiled.

“Okay! Okay! Okay!” Louis exclaimed, grabbing Harry for a kiss.  “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” he remarked.

Now it was Harry’s turn to cry. “I’m glad. You’re my life now, Louis, and I want us all to be a family, as Tomlinsons.” Louis launched himself at Harry to hug him and press kisses all over his face. “I love you so much, baby,” Louis said. “So, so, so much.  I wanna make love to you, Harry Tomlinson,” he whispered.  He felt Harry’s body shudder underneath him, “I like that,” he breathed as Louis nipped at his neck.  So by the roaring fire and the glow of the Christmas tree, Louis made passionate love to his beautiful fiancé. Twice.

They were late getting to Mary’s house because Harry insisted on rimming Louis for ages in the shower; “sorry, lost track of time,” Louis muttered when they arrived.  Mary clucked at them for being late but the kids all rushed around to give them hugs and kisses.  Harry had insisted on buying the younger kids gifts just from him which he was carrying in a bag. There were choruses of “What’s in there, Harry?” by all of them, which just made Harry laugh. “Later, I promise!” he exclaimed. “How about a game of FIFA first?” he asked and they ran off to play.

“Sometimes I think Harry is the biggest kid of all,” Mary remarked smiling.

“Me too,” Louis replied.

“He’s good with the kids,” she said and Louis nodded. “He’s amazing. I’m glad they like him.”

She glanced at the ring on Louis’ finger. “What’s that?’ she asked.

“My birthday present from Harry,” he said and she just said “Oh. Yeah, happy birthday,” unenthusiastically. She walked away from him and she seemed annoyed but Louis didn’t want to start drama on Christmas Eve so he let it go.  He went to talk to Becca and Joshua who were sitting on the couch, deep in discussion.  “Hi!” Louis said, shaking Joshua’s hand. “Congrats! Now tell me how he proposed, Becs.”

“Daddy, it was so romantic! He took me on a sleigh ride down town and he told me how much he loved me then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him!” She exclaimed, holding out her left ring finger for him to admire her ring.

“It’s beautiful, darling, I’m so happy for you both!” Louis said. “Joshua, maybe we could meet with your parents next week and go over things?”

“Sure thing, Mr. T. Um, would both you and Mrs. T. come?” he asked.

“Well, of course. Why wouldn’t we?”

“Um, because you’re divorced. I didn’t know how that worked,” he said.

Louis was a bit annoyed but said “well, Becca is still _our_ daughter, regardless of our marital status. So yes, both me and Mary Grace will be there.”

Becca jumped up off the couch to hug Louis. “Thank you daddy!”  He kissed her cheek, “of course, anything for you. I’m gonna go find Harry and the kids okay?” They nodded and Louis went downstairs.

The little kids were playing other games and Harry and Abe were involved in what looked like an intense game of FIFA.  Louis sat down to play with them and Joseph said pointedly “daddy, do you love Harry?”

            “Uh, yes I do. Why?” he asked nervously.

            Joseph shrugged. “Because mommy says it’s a sin for a boy to love another boy.”

            “I thought we were over this,” Louis thought to himself then he said “well, that’s not exactly true.  Do you love your brothers?” he asked and Joseph nodded. “Do you love Daddy?” Joseph said “YES!” loudly. “Is that ‘wrong’? Do you think God is angry at you for that?”

            Joseph shook his head. “No, God loves me because I love my family,” he said simply.

            “Well, Harry is my family now and I love him now too,” Louis explained.  He realized there was a massive technicality to his explanation but he figured a four-year-old wouldn’t notice.

            “Okay!” Joseph said, flinging his arms around Louis’ neck. “Let’s play trains, daddy!”

            “Sure, love, whatever you want,” Louis said, making a note to talk to Mary about what Joseph said.

            After dinner, Louis pulled Mary aside and told her about Joseph’s comment.  She gasped and said “Louis, I swear I haven’t said anything like that in _months_. I probably said it initially because I was angry but I promise I say nothing but good things about you and Harry to the kids. You know how smart Joseph is though: he remembers everything you tell him.”

            “Yes, he does. Okay, well, I just wanted to check but if it’s been months, then that’s fine,” Louis replied.  “Just a reminder that Harry and I are staying over tonight after church so we can be here in the morning when the kids open their gifts.”

            She nodded, “of course, no problem. The guest room is all yours. The kids will like having you here. And Harry. They really like him.”

            “Good. And thanks,” Louis said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “For everything.”  Louis thought he saw a tear in her eye but she quickly wiped it away and said “I just want my kids to be happy, Louis. And if that means letting go of my anger and privately dealing with my feelings then that’s what I have to do. For them.”

            “You’re an amazing mother, Mary. Don’t ever forget that,” Louis replied. “I’m gonna go get ready for church, okay?” he said and she nodded. “Okay, see you shortly.”

            When Louis returned, Harry was sitting in a circle with the kids, passing out his presents.  “Now there’s more tomorrow, but this is just your one gift you can open on Christmas Eve, okay?” he said and the kids all clapped their hands with glee.  As they opened them, there was a chorus of “thank you Harry!” and “I love it!’ and “you rock, Harry!” which made Louis smile.  Joseph came over to Louis and said “thanks, dad!” and Louis replied “I had nothing to do with this; it was all Harry!” so Joseph ran over and gave Harry a high five for his gift.  It was so sweet to see the kids interacting with Harry like this that Louis’ heart felt like it would burst.

            Soon it was time to go to church so they all piled into their van and Louis’ truck for the midnight service.  When they arrived, some of the younger kids had fallen asleep so Harry helped to carry them in while Louis picked up baby Louis’ car seat.  They found their seats and Louis could see people staring and whispering at him since this was the first time he’d been back to this church since he came out.  Some of the ladies “clutched at their pearls” at the sight of Louis and Harry together but surprisingly, Mary Grace shot them a dirty look and they turned away.  The service was beautiful, the church practically glowed with the word of God, and Harry traded one child for another as they randomly woke up and moved to their mom’s arms.  Harry also held Louis’ hand at one point and whispered “I love you” in his ear. 

They arrived back home after one am and they all went about putting the kids to bed; when Louis got to the guest room, Harry was already in bed.  He quickly brushed his teeth then crawled into bed, pressing a kiss to Harry’s lips. “Merry Christmas, baby” he said.  “Same to you, love. It’s our first Christmas together,” Harry remarked and Louis replied “first of many, right?” as he turned around so Harry could spoon him.  Louis was slowly drifting off to sleep when he felt Harry’s left arm-which had been against his chest-slide down into his boxers as he kissed his neck.

            “Harry,” Louis said softly.

            “Shhh, Tommo, just wanna touch you okay?” Harry whispered and Louis relaxed his entire body into Harry’s chest.  Harry tugged gently at Louis’ dick and started stroking it as Louis let out a gasp. “Feels good, baby,” Louis whispered. “I love you so much.”

            “Love you too,” Harry said, dragging his teeth down Louis’ neck, as he took his hand away from his dick and gently pressed two fingers into Louis’ hole.

            “Baby,” Louis breathed.

            “You like that?” Harry asked and Louis nodded. “Good. But we have to keep quiet okay? I know you like to yell when I touch you.”

            “Mmm, yes, it feels good when you touch me, baby. Wanna scream it.”  Louis heard the lube bottle go “click” and said “oh god you brought lube”

            “Be prepared, right?” Harry teased while pressing a third finger into Louis who responded by pushing his hips back into Harry. “Do you remember the first time I ate you out?”  Louis grunted out a response. “It was just down the hall in _her_ bed” and Louis whined softly. “God you tasted so good and I couldn’t get enough. I knew then that at some point I _had_ to have you inside me and feel your huge dick become part of me.”

            “Jesus fuck, Harry,” Louis whispered.

            “You wanted to yell that didn’t you?” Harry asked. “You’re so naughty Tommo” he moaned softly as he drug his fingers in and out of Louis.  “When you touched me that first time in the shower, it felt like an electric shock had bolted through my body and I’d never felt that before.”

            “Me neither, Harry. Babyyyyy,” Louis moaned.

            “Shhh, quiet, love. We have to be quiet. The first time you put your mouth on me I thought I’d died and gone to heaven; it was a surreal experience to watch you lick my dick and make me come,” Harry said.

            “Harry, I, you,” Louis muttered and he was pretty sure Harry was completely enjoying getting him all wound up.

            “Shhh. When I suggested we go to that hotel room the first time, did you know what I wanted to do?” he asked.

            “Uh huh,” Louis grunted.

            “Did you want to do what I wanted to do too?” he asked.

            Louis tilted his head back against Harry. “So much, baby, so so much. I would’ve moved heaven and earth to be with you that night.”

            “Mmm, me too,” Harry replied as he rolled Louis over on his stomach. “Gonna fuck you now, baby, you have to be quiet though, kay?”

            Louis nodded quickly as Harry slicked himself up with lube and slowly entered Louis.  “Fuck you feel good,” he grunted in Louis’ ear. “So good for me.”

            “Harry,” Louis whispered as Harry laid his chest flat against Louis’ back. “I love you,” he whispered.

            “Love you too, Tommo,” he replied as he flicked his hips into Louis.

            “Ahhhhh,” Louis responded softly as Harry slid deeper into him. “You wanna yell, don’t you?” he asked and Louis nodded. “You wanna scream about how good I’m fucking you. About how I’m the best fuck you’ve ever had, right?”

            “Jesus Harry, yes,” Louis mumbled.

            “Yes, what?” Harry queried.

            “You’re the best fuck I’ve ever had,” Louis moaned and Harry responded with a sharp flick of his hips, driving Louis into the mattress.

            “That’s it,” Harry said, hips moving faster and faster.  The occasional grunt escaped Louis’ lips and it was all he could do not to scream in pleasure.  Louis was sweating from Harry being on top of him and from being so turned on; he was also pretty sure Harry was sucking a hickey into his shoulder blade.  Louis tipped his hips up and spread his legs and when he did that, he heard Harry groan and flip his head back.

            “God you feel good, baby, gonna cum,” he moaned, thrusting harder and harder.

            “Yes, cum in me, fuck,” Louis groaned as he reached down to touch himself.

A few hard thrusts into him and Harry came shortly after; Louis continued to jerk himself off until he came in his hand, Harry still heavily breathing on his back.  He felt Harry press a kiss to his neck then roll off and pull him into him in one motion. Louis’ body curled easily into Harry’s and he whispered “Harry you’re an animal”

            Harry laughed softly and said “Had to have you right then, baby.  Merry Christmas!”

Louis pressed a kiss to his lips as he pulled his boxers back on, handed Harry’s to him and curled behind him so he could be the “big spoon” as they both drifted off to sleep.

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 40, verses 1-4: _I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light BDSM

During the next week, Louis met with his architect to finalize plans for their new house which was scheduled to break ground after the first of the year if the weather permitted.  It was to have five bedrooms, a large master suite-with a gigantic spa tub, at Harry’s request-plus a gourmet kitchen, full finished basement and a large in-ground pool.  Louis was sparing no expense for the house and used top-of-the line fixtures, granite countertops, real hardwood floors, plus he hired a guy just to design the pool. The kids wanted a waterfall and a slide plus he wanted a large hot tub so those were in the planning stages as well.  Harry brought Anne and Ali over to Mary’s house for a visit and Ida stopped by so her and Anne could start planning the wedding. They chose June 18th as the day so now the mothers were free to take the reins.

While there, Becca told Louis that Joshua’s parents wanted to meet with him and Mary after the first of the year. “Did Joshua tell them we are divorced?” Louis asked. “Yes, he had to but I’m not sure how happy they were about it,” Becca replied.

            “Judgmental twats,” Louis thought. “What about, uh, me and Harry?” he asked.

            “Yeah, he told them about that too because they asked how and why such a God-fearing couple like you and mom would get a divorce,” she replied, not completely meeting his eyes.

            Louis sighed. “Well, let me and mom handle them, okay? You just enjoy being engaged because it’s a special time in a young girl’s life,” he said and hugged her.

            “Thank you, daddy,” Becca said softly. Louis could tell she wanted to say something else. “Um, I’m happy for you and Harry, just for the record. I've prayed about it a lot and I think God has shown me that he puts people together for a reason. And God doesn’t make mistakes.” She said firmly.

            “That’s very sweet, Becca,” Louis replied.  “And thank _you_ for that.”

            On New Year’s Eve, Louis promised Harry a gourmet meal prepared in his new cookware set and Harry agreed to buy him all the ingredients.  He sent him off to the fancy market with a long shopping list and Harry only called once to ask “Louis, what are Shit-Take mushrooms?”

            Once Louis stopped laughing, he replied “It’s Shi-tahk-ee mushrooms, darling. And there the kind I need for my pasta. And don’t forget the white wine and champagne!”

            “Ha! You can tell I don’t cook,” Harry joked. “And I won’t forget!”

            Harry returned shortly, his truck full of bags of food and wine, plus he bought Louis a lovely bouquet of flowers. “Thought these would look nice on our table,” Harry said, kissing him. “Thank you, baby, they will. Now shoo,” Louis said as Harry disappeared into the living room. The kitchen was small-very small-but Louis made it work as he prepared a three-course meal with salad and dessert.  “Louis it smells amazing,” Harry yelled. “I’m starving!”

            “Okay, it’s almost ready. I’m gonna go hop in the shower and stay outta my kitchen while I’m gone!” Louis said teasingly.  He bent down to kiss Harry, who was dressed smartly in one of his new ties and said “you look delicious too. Good enough to eat, even” which Harry replied to by tugging on Louis’ bottom lip with his teeth. “Unf, you’ll be dessert after the dessert, yeah?” he suggested and Harry nodded, smacking his bum in the process. “Be back shortly!” Louis said, scampering off to the shower.

            When he returned, Harry was sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine and watching the New Year’s Eve festivities on TV. “Getting an early start, love?” Louis asked, causing Harry to jump slightly. When Louis walked by without a shirt, wearing just his new jeans, hair still wet and dripping down his back, he could feel Harry staring holes into him.  He started fussing about in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner when he heard Harry come up behind him and whisper “you look gorgeous, Tommo. Your ass looks spectacular in those jeans.” Then he poured a small amount of wine down Louis’ neck and licked it off, making a slurping sound when he got to Louis’ collarbone.  Louis felt his knees go weak but he said “Harry, baby, dinner first, okay?” he turned around to see Harry pouting, his lip jutted out from his face.

            “You’re cute when you pout, did you know that?” Louis asked gently kissing his bottom lip.

            “Hmm, kinda,” Harry replied. “It’s why I do it so I can hopefully get my way.”

            “Ha! Well, I’m gonna be strong tonight and not let you get your way. At least not right now,” Louis said, kissing Harry’s neck. “Dinner first then I’m open to suggestions” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

            Harry sighed. “Okay, but can you at least put a shirt on? You’re driving me wild.”

            “Sure!” Louis said, darting out of the kitchen to finish getting dressed.

            When he returned to the dining area, Harry had set the table, lit the candles and put the flowers in a vase in the center of the table.  “Lovely, just like you,” Louis cooed, kissing Harry. “Now, let’s eat!” he exclaimed as he started serving dinner.  They took their time over each course, talking and laughing and reminiscing over the past year. Before dessert, Harry grabbed Louis’ right hand and held it in his right hand so their rings lined up together. “I can’t wait to put this ring on my left hand so I can officially be your husband,” Harry said. Louis squeezed his hand and said “me neither, not long now, baby!”

            After dessert and almost an entire bottle of champagne, Harry got up to clear the dishes from the table and when he came back, he plopped himself in Louis’ lap, facing him. “That was amazing, Tommo. Now I want you for dessert,” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear as he started unbuttoning his shirt.

            “Mmmm, yeah” was all Louis could muster at that point as Harry reached down to brush his thumb over Louis’ nipples and pressed their already hard dicks together.  “Wanna touch you, feel you, taste you,” Harry said as Louis pushed his hips up and Harry pushed his tongue deep into Louis’ throat.  He pulled away and grabbed Louis’ hand saying “come on” and led him into the bedroom.  Harry pushed Louis against the doorframe as he slid his hands down his body and into his pants; then he unbuttoned them and pushed them off, Louis’ hard dick bouncing between them.  As Louis kicked off his jeans, Harry pulled him over and sat him on the edge of the bed; “Harry, why am I naked and you’re still fully clothed? This is a problem,” Louis remarked and Harry started taking off his clothes, leaving his tie slightly undone around his neck.

            “Much better,” Louis said as Harry climbed on top of him.

            “Baby, wanna use those handcuffs on you. Can we?” Harry asked and Louis nodded.

            Harry smiled into the kiss and dipped over to the night stand to get them; “sit up, love, wanna put your hands behind your back, okay?” Harry asked and Louis quickly obliged.  Harry said “one more thing. Can I use my tie to blindfold you? If not, that’s fine, baby.”

            Louis’ jaw went slack because he couldn’t believe Harry was into this stuff but he was 100% on board with it. “Of course, yes, I want you to blindfold me. It’ll be hot,” Louis said as Harry knelt across his lap and quickly pulled his tie over his head and around Louis’ eyes.  “If this gets weird, you tell me to stop,” Harry whispered as he lay Louis down on the bed; “’kay baby” Louis replied as Harry started kissing him all over. Every touch and kiss was electric, Louis’ sense of touch was heightened now.

            Harry started sucking a hickey into Louis’ hip bone and the sensation of it was incredible.  “Harry,” Louis breathed. “Tease,” is all he could say. He felt Harry smile into his hip “yeah and you’re getting hard without me even touching your dick, just as I had planned.”  After he put a proper hickey on Louis he said “Gonna scoot you up the bed, baby,” and Louis felt his strong hands under his arms and he started moving up the bed and felt his head rest on the pillow.

            He felt Harry lean into his neck and he whispered “want to sit on your face have you eat me out” and Louis bit his lip and nodded. “You’re so good to me, Tommo,” Harry said as Louis could feel him straddle his chest, facing away from him and scoot his hips up to Louis’ face. “Ready, baby?” Harry asked and Louis nodded, licking his lips; Harry gently lowered himself as Louis laid his tongue out to lick him.  Since Louis’ hands were behind his back and he couldn’t see, Harry did most of the work, rocking his hips back and forth over Louis’ face and mouth. “Baby, amazing,” Louis said in between Harry’s hip thrusts; and it was; Harry tasted amazing and the brush of his hips over Louis’ mouth was akin to a religious experience.

He could hear Harry groaning in pleasure and he felt him push his hips up so he was completely over Louis’ face; Louis pushed his tongue out and held it there as Harry started pulsing his body up and down, fucking himself on Louis’ tongue.  Every so often, Harry would groan loudly and grind his hips down, pressing Louis’ entire face into his ass; he could barely breathe but he honestly didn’t care because it was so deliciously Harry.  Louis could feel the sweat on Harry’s body as he worked himself on Louis’ tongue, then he suddenly leaned forward leaving his hips in place but pressing his chest to Louis’ torso and putting his mouth on Louis' dick. “Fuck you’re 69’ing me, baby” Louis muttered in between licks

            “Mmm, hmmm,” Harry murmmered, licking the tip of Louis’ dick. “You’re doing such a good job of eating me out, I thought I would reward you with a blow job,” he said pointedly as Louis pushed his hips up while sucking Harry’s rim at the same time. The sensation of it all was so overwhelming-being dominated by Harry, feeling and tasting him, having his large mouth on him, his stubble chafing his pelvis-that Louis was starting to lose control of his body. He was completely and totally Harry’s; and he loved it.

            “Fuck, Harry,” Louis moaned as Harry took him deeper into his mouth.

            “Hmm, you’re talking too much, Tommo, I know how to make you shush,” Harry said, pushing his hips back onto Louis’ face and pulsing his body up and down. Louis could feel Harry start jerking himself off and Louis couldn’t talk now if he tried because Harry was completely sitting on his face. Louis took complete advantage of the position as he licked and bit and flicked and slid his tongue all over Harry as he writhed with pleasure above him. Harry reached down for Louis’ dick and that was the “final straw” for Louis as he dragged his tongue furiously in and out of Harry.  He could feel his body start to shudder so he knew he was close; heaven knows Louis was close to coming too.

    Then Harry bounced up and down on Louis’ face and tongue, saying “’fuck” with every move, almost as a ritualistic chant. Louis took to twirling his tongue as Harry increased the speed of his hand on himself and Louis.  He squeezed the tip of Louis’ dick and he came all over his stomach, Harry still sitting on his face, Louis’ hips pushing up as the cum shot out. When he did, Harry pressed his hips into Louis’ face and said “fuck, Louis” as Louis felt his entire body stop pulsing and start shuddering. Louis could feel Harry completely losing it above him and it was the single hottest moment of his life; he sucked at his rim and Harry literally yelled his name: LOUIS!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!! As Louis felt his warm cum fall onto his chest as Harry’s entire body continued to shake while he ground his hips into Louis.

            After he stopped coming, he stayed seated on Louis, panting, both of them sweating and it was a truly beautiful moment. Louis nipped one last bite into the sweaty, fleshy part of Harry’s ass which brought Harry back to attention as he slowly moved his knees away from Louis’ chest. He put his hands on each side of Louis’ hips as they both tried to catch their collective breath. Louis felt Harry dip his head down to his chest and drag his tongue through the cum; now it was Louis’ turn to say “FUCK!”

            He felt Harry turn his body around so he was facing Louis and he pulled the blindfold off, pressing soft kisses to his face. He flicked his eyes up to Harry’s face and it was beautiful; flushed cheeks, curls splayed out around his head, pupils blown wide, sweat dripping from his forehead. Louis was sure he looked a mess but Harry looked at him fondly and said “Louis, you’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now. I love you so much” as he bent over to kiss him deeply.  A small cry escaped Louis’ lips as Harry said “you take me so well, do what I ask you to do, and you look amazing while doing it. You’re so generous to me and I couldn’t ask for anything better. I’m gonna take the handcuffs off now so we can cuddle, okay?”

            Louis nodded and Harry tipped him over on his side and unlocked the cuffs; Louis finally realized that his shoulders were stiff from being pinned behind him but he really didn’t care.  Harry laid beside him and started massaging his arms and shoulders while pressing kisses into his face. “Love you, Tommo, so much” he repeated over and over and Louis just laid there, pliant like a rag doll, sweaty fringe stuck to his forehead. “I’m all yours, baby,” was all he could think to say as Harry fussed over him. “Do you want a drink?” Harry asked, pressing a champagne glass to his lips; Louis had never tasted anything so sweet and wonderful as it dripped down his throat. Harry picked up a towel beside the bed and brushed it across Louis’ forehead and face as Louis just lay there completely blissed out. Even though he could see now, Harry’s touches still felt like tiny electric pulses through his body as Louis basked in the afterglow and enjoyed the attention he was getting from Harry.

            “Are you okay, darling?” Harry asked and Louis merely nodded, smile permanently etched on his face. “Okay, good,” he chuckled “shhhh, just relax”

            “Couldn’t be more relaxed right now if I tried,” Louis managed to say.

            “Ha, good, Tommo, I’m here, I’ve got you,” Harry cooed as Louis melted into the bed.

            When Louis woke up-or had he passed out?-he was still tucked into Harry’s side; he was watching the New Year’s festivities on TV. “Whatcha doin?” Louis mumbled sleepily.

            “Hey, babe! Just watching this stuff on TV. Taylor Swift was just on; gosh she can’t sing. They said she had a new ‘boyfriend’ but I heard she was his beard, some boybander” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.

            “Mmmm,” Louis replied.

            “It’s almost midnight, baby! I refilled your champagne glass for you,” Harry said motioning to the night stand.  Louis turned over and picked it up to take a drink; when he did, the sheets fell down to his waist and he saw the large purple, angry bruise on his hip bone.  He almost choked on his drink and he turned around to face Harry. “What is THIS?!” he screeched.

            Harry burst out laughing. “WOW! I did a good job on that! One of my best!”

            “You’re a kinky fucker, Harry, but I like that about you,” Louis said. “I need to let you watch porn more often.”

            “HA! I’m glad you like it! It’s not ‘too much’ is it?” Harry asked.  

            Louis shook his head. “No. What we did earlier was akin to a religious experience; I’ve never felt so turned on and completely blissed out in my life.”

            Harry pulled him close and kissed his nose “It was amazing for me too, Tommo. It’s almost midnight!”

            Louis turned to watch the TV as time moved closer and closer to the ball dropping signaling the start of the New Year.  Harry tipped his glass to clink with Louis’ and said “here’s to a great year and an even better new one.”

            “The best ever,” Louis replied.  As the ball started dropping, Louis straddled Harry, still holding his champagne glass. “Lemme know when it gets to midnight” Louis said, licking champagne-laden kisses into Harry’s jawline and he heard him groan. Then he started counting down “6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!” he yelled and Louis kissed him deeply, tongues colliding drunkenly and needily.

            “Baby,” Louis whispered, “Happy New Year. I wanna be your first fuck of the new year.”

            Harry laughed softly “you’ll be my ONLY fuck of the new year.”

            “Good,” Louis replied as he dipped his fingers into his champagne and flicked Harry’s nipple.  Harry responded with pouring champagne onto Louis’ collarbone and slurping up the drink.

            “Open me up, baby, wanna ride you to welcome in the new year,” Louis suggested, sucking a bite into Harry’s neck.

            “Sssss, Louissssss” Harry moaned, reaching for the lube. As he reached around to push his fingers into Louis, he poured champagne down his back then caught it with his fingers and pressed it into Louis with the lube.  “Tommo, you always know what I want, what I need,” he whispered. “And I always want and need _you”_

            Louis’ body shuddered when he said that. “Babyyyyy” he replied. “Love you so much,” and put his head on Harry’s shoulder as he slowly opened him up.  He sipped his champagne while his boyfriend fingered him so he could fuck him; he was definitely doing something different last New Year’s Eve.

            “I’m ready for you, baby,” Louis said, rising up on his knees to press himself onto Harry, who grabbed Louis’ butt cheeks and opened them up so he could slide down.  When he bottomed out, he tipped his head back and said “Fuck” as Harry licked up his neck and nibbled at his chin. “Ride me, Tommo” Harry gruffed and Louis started shifting his hips back and forth, grinding them into Harry’s pelvis.  He took a big gulp of his champagne then kissed Harry and pushed some of the drink into Harry’s mouth for him to swallow.

            “Fuck that’s hot,” Harry moaned. “Now fuck me like you mean it, Tommo,” he demanded and Louis pressed up on his knees and started pumping up and down quickly on Harry’s dick.  “Yesss, fuck,” Harry said  and Louis replied with “fuck you feel so good, baby. Your dick…” and his voice trailed off as it hit his prostate and he yelped.

            “My dick…what?” Harry asked.

            “It’s….so. ..big,” Louis said between bounces, sweat starting to sheen on his forehead. “Fills me up. Makes me cum.”

            “Mmm, then cum,” Harry groaned, pouring the remainder of his champagne on Louis’ dick and started to jerk him off.  The wet friction felt amazing and it wasn’t long before Louis came on Harry’s chest.

            “Fuck Harry,” Louis moaned. “Cum in me, fuck,” he said legs straining and cramping from the exertion.

            “Ok, Tommo,” Harry breathed, Louis still bouncing, “the next time you come down on me, I’m gonna press my hips up and fuck you really hard while I cum” Louis nodded as Harry placed his feet flat on the bed, knees up to get leverage and grabbed Louis’ bum. Louis pressed down onto Harry’s hips as he pushed himself up and sharply brushed Louis’ prostate. They both yelled “FUCK” at the same time as Harry came, filling Louis up with his hot cum.

            Louis fell against Harry’s chest as they both panted and moaned; Harry released his bum and Louis gently lifted himself off of Harry, rolling over onto the bed and dragging Harry to lay down with him. “Babe, what a way to ring in the new year,” Louis said between loud breaths. Harry tucked himself under Louis’ chin and said “mmmhmmm, love you baby. I’m drunk…and sleepy…kisses?”

            Louis bent down to kiss him gently “love you too, good night my love,” he said.

            Louis woke up to Harry groaning about his head hurting; he jumped out of bed to get him some Tylenol and a drink. “Here, baby, I think you have a hangover again,” he said, sliding back into bed.

             “Ugh, thank you,” Harry replied, sitting up to take the medicine. “So much for ‘never drinking again’” he mused.

            “Last night was fun, yeah?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “The best”

            “Harry, I’m sticky and covered in cum, sweat and champagne. Are you up for a shower?”

            “Absolutely,” Harry replied as they both ran into the bathroom. The shower was slow and lazy and Harry washed Louis’ hair twice; Louis rubbed his head and neck to loosen up his muscles.  The returned to the bedroom, squeaky clean and wrapped in towels; they flopped on the bed as Harry started gently kissing Louis’ shoulder.

            “Babe, can I ask you something?” Louis said.

            “’Course,” Harry replied in between kisses.

            “Will you still love me when I’m 60 and you’re 40 and I can’t get it up?” he asked.

            Harry burst out laughing and stopped kissing him to say “of course! Why wouldn't I? And besides, that’s why Viagra exists.”

            Louis smirked “Jesus I can’t imagine you on Viagra! My bum would be sore for days!” he teased.

            “I meant Viagra for _you,_ silly,” Harry chided.

            He twirled Harry’s ring around his finger absentmindedly and asked “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean I’m the only guy you've ever been with.”

            “Louis, last night was one of the most amazing sexual experiences of my life; why would I want anyone else?” Harry asked incredulously.

            Louis shrugged. “I dunno, you’re a young guy, maybe you wanna sow your wild oats, have casual sex with a bunch of guys _then_ settle down with someone your own age.”

            Harry narrowed his eyes: “Louis William Tomlinson, what ARE you going on about? Where’s all of this coming from? And NO I don’t want to have ‘casual sex’ with a bunch of strangers, then settle down.  I don’t ‘do’ casual.”

            “I don’t know, Harry, I mean I just turned forty-one and you've only ever been with me; aren't you afraid there’s more out there?” he mused.

            Harry searched Louis’ face trying to figure out the reasoning behind this line of questioning. “Louis, I have the best-aka YOU-why would I want to ‘see what’s out there’? And I might be ‘young’ in age but I’m an old soul. My mum used to tell me that when I was a kid because I would always talk about getting married and having kids, as if I had my entire life planned out when I was ten. Besides what difference does it make how many people I've been with? You've only ever been with two and one of them was a woman!”

            “Touché,” Louis smiled. “I don’t know I just get insecure sometimes because you’re so gorgeous and beautiful inside and out and I wonder if you’ll still want to be with me when I’m old and you’re young. Maybe you’ll find a young twink to have on the side at that point?”

            Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed Louis’ hand: “you’re the only ‘twink’ I’ll ever need,” he said seriously and Louis laughed.

            “Okay, good. Sorry about that; sometimes I get insecure about things because I don’t want to lose you. I guess I don't have to act my age when I'm 60, though, right?” Louis told him.

            Harry kissed Louis and said “you’ll never lose me. I’m not going anywhere. Promise. And you're only as old as you feel. Besides, maybe having a younger husband will keep you young!”

            “Perfect. Now, c’mere my beautiful fiancé; I wanna make love to you and show you how much you mean to me,” Louis said suggestively.  Harry pulled him in closer and said “I’m all yours.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 41, verses 5-8: _My enemies say of me in malice, “When will he die and his name perish?” When one of them comes to see me, he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander; then he goes out and spreads it around. All my enemies whisper together against me; they imagine the worst for me, saying, “A vile disease has afflicted him; he will never get up from the place where he lies.”_

Becca called him the next day to arrange the meeting with Joshua’s parents, Jack and Sarah, for later in the week; Louis was a bit annoyed that they didn’t contact him themselves, but whatever.  So when he arrived to meet them, he was already annoyed then when he saw them sitting at the table looking smug and judgmental it didn’t lighten his mood.  He kissed Mary’s cheek and said “hi. You ready to do this?” and she nodded. They sat down and Sarah asked “did you two come together?”

            Louis and Mary looked at each other quickly; “uh, no. We don’t live together, so we came separately,” he said.

            “Oh, yes, that’s right,” she said with disgust dripping from her voice.

            Louis could feel his body tense up so he said “so we’re here for Rebecca and Joshua. Let’s discuss them okay?”

            So they did; terms of the engagement for Becca and Joshua-holding hands, no kissing, always having a chaperone on dates-to ensure the purity of both of them. Louis started feeling a bit ill at all of this but he pushed that aside so as not to embarrass Becca or have her future in-laws dislike him.  Then talk turned to their wedding and Mary said Becca wanted a fall wedding, to have the ceremony at their church then a reception at her house. “Oh that sounds lovely,” Louis said.  Sarah looked at him down her nose and asked “I assume YOU will be there?”

            Louis clenched his hands into a fist to stop himself from banging them on the table. He said thru gritted teeth “Yes. Rebecca is my oldest daughter and I will walk her down the aisle and host the wedding with her mother.”

            “But you’re divorced!” she exclaimed.

            “Yes. I’m not dead; I just don’t live with Mary anymore. Why is that a problem?” Louis was starting to seethe.

            “Well, it’s just an _odd_ situation,” she said, emphasizing the word ‘odd’

            “How so?” Louis demanded, knowing where the conversation was going, but silently wishing she would insult him so he could absolutely rip her a new one.

            She sighed. “Well, Joshua tells us that you are”-she paused, cleared her throat and got an even more disgusted look on her face-“gay” and she whispered that word.

            “And?!” Louis asked incredulously, egging her on.

            “Well,”-and by now Sarah was literally clutching the pearl necklace she was wearing-“if you’re at the wedding then so will _he_ , your-what do you people call them?-partner? Friend? Lover? I don’t know…” and her voice trailed off.        

            “Actually,” Louis said smugly, “by the fall he will be my _husband_.”

            She gasped out loud and said “that’s not legal in the eyes of the Lord!”

            “Well, it’s legal in the state of Oklahoma; or haven’t you heard?” Louis said. “Probably not, I’m guessing you’re not too ‘up to date’ on gay rights issues?”

            “What you _do_ with him is immoral and illegal and a sin!” she exclaimed. “And I don’t want that lifestyle” and she practically spit the word out “around my children at my son’s wedding!”

            Louis was two seconds away from reaching across the table and smacking the smug, condescending, sanctimonious look off her face, regardless of Becca, when Mary Grace put her hand on his shoulder to calm him and said “hang on. _What_ did you just say?”

            “I, I, I said I didn’t want Louis and his _lover’s_ lifestyle around MY children at the wedding! I mean, who knows! He could try to turn them gay and make them into sinners!” Sarah stammered, trying desperately to justify what she’d just said.

            Mary Grace lowered her voice, pointed her finger at both of them then said determinedly “listen to me. You need to re-read your Bible”-Sarah gasped again, obviously offended by the insinuation that she didn’t know the Bible-“because the one I read says NOTHING about homosexuality being a ‘sin’. It says God wants us to ‘love each other like we love him’ and it would seem that _you_ are not living up to that.  What Louis and Harry-that’s his name, Harry-have is true love and it’s just as real as the love between the two of you or between Becca and Joshua.  I’ve spent time with Harry and let me tell you, he is the nicest, sweetest, kindest, most engaging young man I’ve ever met; and more importantly, he loves Louis with all of his heart. I would completely trust Harry with my children because he is a wonderful, God-fearing _person_.” 

             She continued, “the only ‘lifestyle’ your children will be exposed to at the wedding via Harry and Louis is a representation of how all of us should strive to live: honestly, openly, filled with love and being connected to God.  And personally, I _want_ my children to learn that. So if you’re going to be anti-Christian and judgmental about all of this”-and she motioned to Louis-“then you have a choice: if Harry’s not at the wedding, then neither is Louis and neither am I. Becca and Joshua can go get married at the Justice of the Peace downtown without us. Now, the ball is in your court,” she finished and stood up at her chair.

            Louis stared at her, mouth agape, in complete shock. “Come on, Louis, let’s go,” she said and turned on her heel; Louis followed, leaving them sitting there stunned. Neither Louis nor Mary said a word until they got outside; Louis hugged her tightly and said “thank you. I don’t know what else to say.”

            Mary waved her hand. “Psh, Louis, don’t thank me. I was getting tired of their sanctimony and judgments and I’d had enough. And I meant what I said: no Harry, no you, no me. They claim to be ‘Christians’ but they sure as heck aren’t acting like it.”

            “Are you going to tell Becca what happened here?” Louis asked.

            Mary patted his arm “yes, I’ll tell her. She will be upset because they made us mad, but I think she will agree with me about Harry,” she said and smiled.

            “I just…” Louis was speechless. “Thank you,” he said finally and hugged her again. “Talk to you soon?”

            “Sure. I’ll let you know if I hear from them,” she said laughing. “I’m gonna pray for a reasonable conclusion to this but who knows?”

            Louis nodded and climbed into his truck, still in shock over what Mary said to Jack and Sarah. When he got home, he told Harry what she’d said and he was just as surprised as Louis. “Do you think she’s serious about what she said?” Harry asked, referring to Mary.

            “I think so. She seemed” and he paused “determined. Angry even about what they said,” Louis replied.

            “Wow,” Harry mused. “I’m anxious to see what Jack and Sarah say.”

            “Me too. Hopefully Becca won’t be too upset about it,” Louis hoped.

            Later that day he got a call from Becca; “hi, love, how are you?” Louis asked.

            “Hi, daddy,” she said sweetly. “Mama told me what Jack and Sarah said to you and, well, I think it was rude and disrespectful and so does Joshua. He is NOT happy with them.”

            “Thank you, dear,” Louis replied.

            “And I’m 100% with mama about her saying if Harry’s not there then we are going to the J.O.P.”

            “Becca are you sure? I mean, this is your _wedding_ , something you’ve been planning since you were a little girl,” Louis asked.

            She replied with a determination in her voice, like her mother’s earlier that day. “Yes. You love Harry just like I love Joshua and he will be your husband by the time I get married. Would they ask Uncle Parker not to come? No. So it’s not fair to single out you and Harry just because you’re two guys instead of a girl and a guy. Joshua is trying to talk some sense into them and we are praying about it, so I will let you know when I hear back from him.”

            “Okay, darling. Well, thank you for your support, it means a lot. To both of us,” Louis said.

            “You’re welcome daddy. And tell Harry I said ‘hi’” she said as she hung up the phone.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 42, verses 7-8: _Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life._

A few weeks later, Mary Grace called to ask Louis if he could come over and fix her garbage disposal and some other minor repairs at her house.  “Uh, sure,” Louis said, wondering why she didn’t just call a handyman.

            “And don’t forget to feed the dogs while we are gone,” she reminded him.

            “Gone? Where are you going?” he asked.

            She clicked her tongue “tsk, Louis, we are going to the homeschool conference in Tulsa like we did last year.”

            “Oh,” he said. But he thought “OHHHHHHH,” remembering how that was the week he met Harry a year earlier.

            She didn’t seem to recognize the significance of it, so Louis decided to keep quiet.  “Okay, well, leave me a list of things you need me to do and I’ll stop by one day next week,” he suggested. “And have fun!”

            “Thanks, Louis, see you when we get back,” she replied.

            So later in the week, Louis pulled Harry away from his responsibilities at the church with the promise he was taking him “someplace special.”  Harry was excited until they pulled up to Louis’ old house where he used to live with Mary.

            “Uh, Louis what are we doing here?” Harry asked. “Is this the ‘someplace special’?”

            Louis laughed. “Harry! Mary and the kids are away at the homeschool conference that they went to last year.” Harry got a confused look on his face. “It’s been a year ago that we met, silly! Right here in this house! Remember?” he exclaimed.

            Harry’s jaw dropped open and he said “Louis, nooooo! It’s been a year? Oh my gosh!”

            “I know! She wants me to do some repairs so I thought we could ‘reminisce’ about what happened last year,” Louis suggested and Harry nodded. “Good! Come on, let’s go!” he said and they ran into the house.

            The list Mary left him was a mile long-Louis wondered if she’d left _every_ repair in the house for him to do-so they didn’t get finished until late afternoon.  Louis fixed dinner and they sat on the couch to eat.

            “Harry, do you remember that first time you crawled on my lap right here to kiss me?” Louis asked.

            “Oh yes! My dick got so hard just licking on your neck that I knew then I was absolutely, positively, most sincerely gay,” he replied as Louis spit out his dinner laughing.

            “Same,” Louis said.

            After dinner they laid on the couch, Harry resting his head on Louis’ chest while Louis lazily stroked his curls.  “Harry, love, why did you come into the shower with me that first time?” he asked.

            “Because I wanted to but I was soooo nervous,” he replied.

            “Nervous? Why?”

            “Well, I kinda knew you wouldn’t mind but I was afraid you would reject me, tell me to go away, that you were straight, and all that. Plus, I was scared that I would _like_ it, you know? Like seeing you dripping wet and naked would confirm my suspicions that I was gay and I wasn’t prepared to deal with that.” Harry explained.

            “But you still came in,” Louis observed.

            “Yup. I just decided to go for it and to deal with the consequences later. Which is something I normally wouldn’t do but…I don’t know. It just felt right.  Plus when I saw you in the shower, oh my god you looked amazing.” Harry admitted.

            “I’m glad you did. And I _really_ wanted you to join me but I was too chicken to ask,” Louis laughed softly. “So when I saw you standing outside the shower, naked, and God you were so beautiful, my knees literally went weak. I knew I wanted to touch every part of you, to memorize the curves of your body with my fingers, so I’m very happy you decided to ‘go for it’”

            Harry pushed himself up Louis’ chest to tuck his head into his neck; he started kissing it softly. “Wanna recreate that moment, Tommo?” he whispered, causing Louis to lose control over his brain.

            “Jesus Harry, we can’t” he said.

            “C’mon it’ll be in the shower, she will never know. We won’t get cum on the sheets or anything like we did over Christmas,” Harry suggested.

            Louis was unable to resist so he said breathlessly “yes, yes, yes.”

            “Good!” Harry exclaimed and pulled Louis up off the couch, tugging his shirt with him. As they ran upstairs, Harry kept pulling him in for a kiss, taking a piece of clothing off each time. “Remember you blew me at the table?” Harry asked and Louis groaned. “Jesus you tasted so good,” he replied. “You felt so good,” Harry agreed.

            By the time they go to the shower, they were both naked and half-hard.  Louis turned on the water and steam quickly filled the bathroom as Harry pressed him against the glass and kissed him deeply and longingly.  “God, I love you so much,” Louis replied. “Now, come here” he said, pulling Harry into the shower, just like he had a year earlier.

            “So beautiful, so gorgeous, and now you are so mine,” Louis whispered, brushing his fingertips over Harry’s body then reaching down to gently grab his dick.

            “Tommo,” Harry breathed out and reached around to grab Louis’ butt and give it a squeeze.

            Louis slowly stroked him, light kisses turning to deep ones as their desire increased. “Wanna rim you, Tommo,” Harry whispered and Louis nodded then turned around and braced himself against the shower wall with his hands.  Harry kissed him softly from his shoulders down his back and on his cheeks; then Louis felt him kneel down on the shower floor and spread him open with his hands. He nipped gentle kisses into his cheeks then he felt his tongue slide into his hole; Louis pressed his hips back to meet it.

            “Harry,” he gasped as Harry’s tongue started slowly going around his rim then quickly dart it in and out. “You tease,” Louis said and with that Harry buried his tongue into Louis’ hole, deep inside, then slowly dragged it out, causing Louis to say “Fuck,” softly. “Love it when you do this, baby,” Louis groaned as Harry’s tongue delved deeper in and slower out.

            “Mmm, like doing it,” Harry agreed, nipping at Louis’ rim. “Taste so good for me,” he said, pressing a finger in with his tongue.  When he did, he brushed against Louis’ prostate eliciting another, louder gasp from him, so Harry continued pulsing his tongue and his finger into Louis until he was writhing in pleasure in front of him.

            “Fuck, Harry,” Louis moaned.

            “Gonna cum?” Harry asked, his tongue still halfway inside Louis.

            “Mmmhmm,” Louis whispered as Harry pushed two fingers and his tongue into him and dragged them out slowly, pressing against Louis’ prostate again.

            “Ffffuucckkkkk,” Louis groaned as cum shot out of him rapidly; Harry continued to lick and suck at his rim as he rode out the orgasm.  Louis was slack against the wall, knees and elbows bent, head dropped between his shoulders; Harry stood up and wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his chest to his back. “That feel good?” he whispered in his ear.

            “So good,” Louis said, turning around to face Harry and pull him in for a kiss. “Baby, so good,” he said again, starting to kiss Harry’s chest, then abs and working his way down to his rock-hard dick. He licked around the tip slowly, causing Harry to buck his hips forward and groan. Then he put his mouth on him and pressed all the way down then licked up slowly with his tongue.

            “Fuck, Louis, I can’t believe we are doing this right now,” Harry said and Louis smiled.

            “Happy anniversary, baby,” Louis cooed and Harry raked his fingers through his fringe, pushing it out of the way so he could better see his face.  Harry started gently pulsing his hips forward as Louis opened his mouth wide so he was able to take almost all of Harry with each thrust.  He was slow at first then Louis could tell he was getting worked up; he said “wanna go faster,” and Louis just nodded and gently cupped his balls.  Harry braced himself against the shower wall and started fucking into Louis’ mouth rapidly; “Jesus, fuck, Louis, feels so good. Gonna cum” he said. Louis closed his eyes in response as Harry thrusted one last time and cum shot down Louis’ throat.  Harry grabbed his hair as he finished coming then slowly pulled away.

            “Tommo, that was amazing,” Harry remarked, pulling Louis up to a standing position.

            “This is the biggest shower we’ve been in for a while,” Louis joked, kissing Harry lightly.

            Harry laughed “I guess it is. Can’t wait til we have one like this in our house.”

            “Mmm, I’m sure we will put it to good use,” Louis replied.

            “You ready to get out?” Harry asked and Louis looked at him with a shocked look on his face.

            “Get out? No way, we’ve come this far, I’m gonna finish you off,” Louis said.

            “Oh, Louis,” Harry gasped as Louis flipped him around and pressed him against the shower wall.

            “I’m gonna fuck you til you scream,” Louis whispered in Harry’s ear, pushing his finger into his hole roughly.

            Louis wasn’t sure what came over him but he was like a caged animal going after its prey.  He fingered Harry for a bit then rimmed him to prep him open then roughly pressed himself inside. “Louis,” Harry breathed out as Louis pushed into him then pulled his hips back to meet his. It took a few slow thrusts to get fully inside Harry-the lack of proper lube was complicating things-but Harry took it like a champ which just made Louis even more wound up.

            “God you take me so good, baby” Louis said, pulsing deeper into Harry.

            “You make me feel so good, Tommo,” Harry replied, pressing his hands against the wall to leverage himself back towards Louis.

            He started pumping himself into Harry with force and in a steady pace; Harry bit the side of his own arm in response.

            “Feels good?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “Say my name,” he demanded.

            “Louis,” Harry said softly.

            “No, your name for me. Louder.”

            “Tommo!” Harry exclaimed.

            “Yes, that’s it,” Louis said, continuing to push himself deeper into Harry. He was going quickly, their skin smacking together in an intoxicating rhythm that was music to Louis’ ears.

            “Touch yourself,” Louis demanded and Harry reached down to grab his dick.

            “Fuck, Tommo, so good,” he breathed out which made Louis go faster and harder.

            “Shit, fuck, Harry, unf,” he said; watching Harry jerk himself off while he fucked him in his ex-wife’s shower was almost too much for Louis to process. He wanted to take a snapshot of it and plaster it to his brain forever.

            Harry started repeating his name quicker “TommoTommoTommo” and Louis said gruffly “come for me” as he pressed deeply inside him. Harry bit his lip and nodded; with the next stroke he came in his hand.

            “Fuck. Tommo! Come in me!” he yelped; Louis pushed into him roughly three more times then pressed himself against Harry’s back and wrapped his arm around his waist to hold him tightly as he came-hard-inside him. “HarryHarryHArrrrryyyyyy” he groaned as he orgasmed.

            They both stood there, breathless, warm water spraying around them and dripping down their bodies in a gentle sheen, completely and totally blissed out.  After a few minutes Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s shoulder and slowly slid out of him, eliciting a gasp from both of them at the loss of friction.  Louis went under Harry’s arm to stand in front of him, in between him and the shower wall. “Did I hurt your bum, love?” he asked, kissing him lightly on the lips.  Harry shook his head “no, it’s okay, promise. You naughty minx,” he teased.

            “Sorry, don’t know what came over me. You just looked so sexy that I had to have you,” Louis replied. “Now, let’s dry off” and he reached over to turn off the water.  They both got out of the shower and quickly dried off then went into the bedroom, towels wrapped around their waists.  They collapsed on the bed, Harry sitting up against the headboard and Louis crawling into his side, Harry wrapping his arm around him and pressing a kiss to his head.

            “This brings back memories, yeah?” Louis remarked and Harry nodded.

            “Yeah. I remember that first night when I climbed into bed with you. I was a jumble of emotions-nervous, scared, happy, excited-and when I saw you sleeping and how gorgeous you looked, well, I knew I had to lay down beside you.  I don’t even think I touched you, just stared at you and watched you sleep,” Harry said. “Is that creepy?” he asked.

            “HA! No, not creepy at all. When I woke up and you were beside me I was so happy I thought I would burst,” Louis replied. “I had so much fun with you that week, Harry-and not just the sexual stuff cause that was nice too-but just being with you and talking to you and learning about who you are as a person was amazing. When you left I thought my heart was going to break; that’s when I knew I was a hundred percent gone for you.”

            “Me too. Promise,” Harry said. “Louis I don’t have any clothes to change into. Got any ideas?”

            “Uh, I’m sure there’s some of Abe and Noah’s old clothes around here. Lemme go check.”

            He returned a few minutes later with sweatpants and tshirts for both of them. “It’s too late to drive home so let’s just stay here, okay?” he suggested, crawling under the covers.

            “Won’t be the first time we’ve had a sleepover here,” Harry mused laughing.

            “Good night, my love,” Louis whispered, kissing Harry.

            “Good night, Tommo. Love you,” Harry replied as they curled in together.

            Louis was awakened by a wet, cold dog nose nudging his hand so he got up to feed them and start breakfast.  He was focused on cooking when he felt Harry wrap his large, strong arms around his waist and tuck his head into his shoulder; “mmm smells delish,” Harry remarked. “I’m so glad I’m marrying someone who’s a good cook or I would starve.”

            “So you’re marrying me for my cooking?” Louis teased

            Harry pinched his bum, “well, that’s part of it” he replied.

            Harry sat down at the table while Louis finished making breakfast.  “Louis do you remember when you blew me for the first time right at this table?” Harry asked.

            Louis almost dropped his frying pan but managed to reply “um, yes I do, love, quite vividly.”

            Harry started laughing. “Me too. You literally blew my mind! Like I thought it was gonna start leaking outta my head and turn to mush.  You were really, really good at it.”

            Louis pressed a kiss to his cheek while he sat his breakfast plate in front of him. “Thank you, love. That’s a nice compliment, considering it was my first time _giving_ a blow job.”

            “Whew, well you could’ve fooled me!” Harry exclaimed, digging into his eggs.

            “You’re so funny, Harry,” Louis chuckled, sitting down beside him to eat.

            “Wanna play FIFA before we leave?” Harry asked, stuffing his face.

            Louis chucked his biscuit at Harry; “don’t talk with your mouth full, love! And yes I do. Best outta three, loser gives winner a BJ,” he said, cocking his eyebrow.

            Now Harry’s mouth was full of food and he said “DEAL!” and crumbs went flying everywhere.

            Louis busted out laughing “Ok. But you’re going down, Styles. And I mean that literally and figuratively.”

            Harry swallowed his food and narrowed his eyes at Louis: “twat,” he said simply.

            Now Louis was roaring with laughter at Harry because he just looked so ridiculous.  “HA! Now finish your food, darling, my dick’s not gonna suck itself.”

            “I wish it would,” Harry muttered and Louis pretended to not hear him, just smiled.

            They finished eating and scampered downstairs to play FIFA; they split the first two games and had a heated battle for the third game.  It ended with Harry sitting on Louis, trying to knock the controller out of his hand while Louis fought him off and scored the winning goal. Louis pushed Harry off of him and jumped up yelling “WOO! WOO! I win!!!” and running around the basement.  Harry put his head in his hands and ignored him until he started shouting “suck my dick!” repeatedly; then he chucked a pillow at him which Louis successfully dodged.  He ran upstairs to the kitchen-Harry wondered what the heck he was doing-and came back hiding something behind his back.  Harry had a quizzical look on his face that turned to hysterical laughter when Louis pulled his sweatpants down in one move, hopped on the couch and squirted whipped crème on his dick.

            “IM READY!” he shouted, Harry doubling over laughing.

            “You’re a mess, Tommo, you know that, right?” Harry asked, crawling up the couch to kiss Louis on the lips.

            “Mmm, that’s why you love me,” Louis replied.

            “Hmm, maybe,” Harry teased, licking on Louis’ neck and nipping a bite into his chin.  “Though if I’m gonna suck your dick, I want you naked so take this shirt off,” Harry said, pulling Louis’ shirt over his head then tracing his tongue down his bare chest.

            He slowly licked the whipped crème off Louis’ dick then put his mouth on him, sucking up slowly. “Jesus, Harry,” Louis moaned, gently pressing his hips up; Harry gave him a slow, wet, somewhat sloppy blow job; at one point, he squirted whipped crème in _his_ mouth, then put it on Louis who grabbed his curls and started fucking his mouth. “Fuck, Harry,” he moaned and Harry started humming on his dick; Louis came soon after.

            Harry licked around his tip then crawled back up his chest to kiss him as Louis reached into his pants to jerk him off.  “Louisssss,” Harry moaned. “So good, baby, so, so good,” Louis cooed, quickening his hand over Harry’s dick. Harry nodded, digging his tongue into Louis’ ear and breathing heavily “gonna cum,” he groaned as cum shot onto Louis’ chest.  He gently lowered himself down onto Louis’ chest and rested his head on his shoulder; “your heart is beating fast,” he observed.

            “Thanks to you, love,” Louis replied softly, rubbing his back.  They stayed there for quite some time, until Louis said “we should probably go, baby,” and patted Harry on the bum. Harry sighed audibly and said “okayyyyy, don’t wanna though. I remember when we were here last year and I never, ever wanted to leave. Like I knew my life would never be the same because of you but I also knew that leaving meant-“ and he paused “things would get complicated. And they did,” he finished wistfully.

            Louis tipped Harry’s chin up to his face “heyyyy, they did but they got better, yeah? And now we’re engaged, so we got there in the end.”

            Harry kissed him softly on the lips “sure did.”

            “Alright, come on my adorable fiancé let’s go back to _our_ house,” Louis suggested, tugging Harry up off the couch. “Sounds good to me, _fiancé”_   he replied as they tidied up and left Mary’s house for their own.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 43, verses 1-3: _Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked._

Around the end of January-Joshua’s parents were still “thinking about it” regarding the wedding-Louis got a phone call from Dr. Paul, the pastor of the church Mary and the kids still attended.

            “Louis, how are you?” he asked.

            “Great John! You?”

            “Wonderful! Listen I hear that you and Harry are starting a church for LGBTQ Christians and I’d like to have you come and preach here,” he suggested.

            “Wow, what a great opportunity! Of course, we would love to! When did you have in mind?” Louis replied.

            “Well, we are doing a series on ‘Christian Families’ and how they are defined differently; so one week we are having a speaker talk about adoption-both domestic and foreign-then split and blended families, so I thought having you and Harry speak would be a great way to end it. Plus it would drum up interest in your new church,” he replied.  “This is all happening around Easter time and church is usually packed during the lead up to it so there should be lots of people there to listen.”

            “That sounds amazing! Harry will be so excited to promote the church and speak about our experiences to your congregation. I’ll talk to him and you can arrange the specifics with him.”

            “Sounds good. Talk to you soon!” Dr. Paul said.

            Louis told Harry and he was thrilled; so now, in addition to helping their mothers plan the wedding-because it had officially become ‘their show’-starting to break ground on their new house, and getting the church up and running, they had to plan for this sermon.  “Louis, this is so exciting! So do you think there will be a lot of people there?” Harry asked one day.

            “From what I remember, yes, the few weeks leading up to Easter were always almost to full capacity,” Louis told him.

            “Well I hope they all come!” Harry replied. “I’d like to officially open our church on Easter Sunday so it would be great to do this just before then.”  Then he said “do you think we should announce that we are going? Or should it be a surprise? Like I don’t want people skipping church that day because they know a ‘gay couple’ will be preaching.”

            “Hmm, good point. I’ll talk to John and see what he says,” Louis said.

            Later that week, Louis called John and asked him about what Harry had suggested; John replied “that’s actually a valid concern. Maybe I’ll just have you be a ‘special surprise guest’ that day? That way people will be there to listen.”

            “That’s what we were thinking.”

            “Great! If you want to tell your family about it, you can; otherwise it will be between me and you, our little secret,” John said.

            “Thanks!”

            Harry’s birthday arrived a few days later and Louis bought him FIFA and the gaming system to go with it.  “That’s so you can play FIFA with my kids when they come over to visit us in our new house,” Louis remarked as Harry hugged him tightly. “Louis, it’s perfect! I can’t wait to beat you at it again!” he said. “Hey, hold up, pardner, last I remember, I beat you a few weeks ago,” Louis teased as Harry rolled his eyes. 

            They went out to dinner at a nice steakhouse in downtown Norman and talked about the plans for the house-they planned to break ground on it by mid-February, weather permitting-the wedding and of course, the honeymoon.  “Found any places in Jamaica?” Harry asked.

            “A few, got my travel agent on it trying to find the best one. She called and said there’s a place called ‘Strawberry Hill’, I think, that’s ultra-private and ultra-exclusive so she’s looking into it for me,” Louis told him.

            “Wow, that sounds amazing!” Harry replied. “Wherever we go is fine, as long as you’re with me,” he teased.

            “Wherever you are, that’s where I’ll be, baby,” Louis cooed, grabbing Harry’s hand and pressing a kiss to his engagement ring.

            After a four-course meal-and two bottles of wine-both of them were completely stuffed and Louis was drunk. “Good thing you drove, baby,” Louis slurred as Harry helped him into the truck.  When Harry slid into the driver’s seat, Louis pulled him over to his side and kissed him hungrily, his drunk tongue darting down Harry’s throat.

            “MMmm, baby,” Harry moaned then pulled himself off of Louis, which caused Louis to pout. “What’s wrong, Tommo?” Harry asked.

            “Wanna touch you,” Louis said through his pout.

            Harry brushed Louis’ fringe out of his face and said “you can touch me, love, here,” as he unzipped his pants and sat down in the driver’s seat. Louis licked his lips as he bent over to mouth at Harry’s dick while he drove home.

            “Mmm, I’m better at this than you were,” Louis teased and Harry laughed.

            “I have little recollection of that so I’ll take your word for it,” he replied.

            By the time they got home, Harry’s dick was leaking pre-come and he was groaning in the seat; Louis sat up and went to open the door but Harry quickly reached over to shut it.  Louis’ alcohol-addled brain was slow to respond so Harry slid over and whispered “want you naked. In the back of the truck. NOW.” He demanded and Louis just nodded and started undressing.

            He got in the back and waited for Harry as his drunk brain tried to catch up to what was going on.  Harry sat against the side of the truck, naked and pulled Louis to him for a kiss; “mmm, you taste like wine and steak,” Harry remarked as their tongues collided.  Harry reached around and pressed a finger into Louis’ hole as his brain started to register what was happening.  After a few gentle presses into him, Harry moaned “wanna eat you out, flip over.” And Louis was eager to comply. His head was pressed against the other side of the truck, his hips up in the air as Harry dug his tongue into his hole. Whether it was because he was drunk or Harry was doing an excellent job, but Louis was writhing in ecstasy within a few minutes.  Harry kept nipping at his rim, then tucking his tongue and mouth into his hole quickly then slowly dragging them out; then he would wiggle his tongue back and forth quickly and it was driving Louis mad.

            “Ah!” Louis yelped as Harry’s tongue went deep inside him then he sucked at the fleshy part of his butt cheek.  Louis started rocking his hips against Harry’s face and he could feel Harry smile as his tongue darted in and out. “Gonna come Tommo?” Harry moaned and all Louis could do was nod. One last flick of his tongue and sucking of Louis’ rim was all it took for Louis to shoot his load onto the leather upholstery.

            His head was spinning-from the wine and the orgasm-so he hardly noticed Harry putting his strong hands on his waist and in one motion, pulling him back to press him down on his dick.  He was facing away from Harry, his right leg tucked beside Harry’s; but he was limp as a rag doll.  Harry gruffed “want you to ride me hard. Can you?”

            Louis nodded slowly “mmmhmm, jus gimme a sec” as Harry reached his hands around Louis’ chest to tweak his nipples. “Fuck Louis you’re so gorgeous. My last birthday I couldn’t hardly look at you during dinner and now here I am a year later getting ready to fuck you,” Harry moaned which snapped Louis to attention.  Harry grabbed his head and turned it towards him “kiss me, baby,” Harry demanded, twisting his tongue down Louis’ throat.

            When he pulled away, Louis said “if I’m gonna ride you, want you to talk dirty to me and make me come again.” Harry responded by grabbing Louis by the hips and thrusting his dick deeper into him. “Uhhhh,” Louis replied, bracing himself against the seat.

            “Come on, Tommo, fuck me,” Harry demanded as Louis raised himself up slightly then down quickly on Harry’s dick. “That’s it, ride me like you mean it.”

            While Louis bounced up and down on Harry’s dick and ground his hips into his, Harry spewed forth a string of dirty thoughts: fuck you feel so good, your ass is perfect, do you know how good you taste?, I can’t believe I went my entire life without knowing what you taste like, it makes me crazy and I wanna have my face buried in your ass all the time, you’re MINE, Tommo, god that’s it baby, fuck,

            As Harry talked, Louis increased his speed and the sound of his ass hitting Harry’s hips was almost deafening in the small area they were in. “Harry,” Louis breathed out, his mouth suddenly dry, his voice cracking, “Please.”

            Harry stopped pumping his hips and said “please ‘what’ Tommo?” as he bit into Louis’ shoulder blade.

            “Touch me,” Louis begged, his brain only able to focus on one thing: Harry touching his dick.

            “Do you think you deserve to have me touch your dick, Tommo?” Harry asked & Louis nodded.

            “Hmm, well you have been doing a good job of riding me so I’ll reward you,” Harry agreed as he sucked into Louis’ shoulder again and reached around to grab him.

            Louis let out a gasp of relief and began pumping up and down quicker, doing most of the work while Harry jerked him off. His legs burned from the exertion, he was sweating like a mad man and his ass was starting to hurt but he didn’t stop. “Not gonna come until you do, Tommo,” Harry whispered hand brushing down around his balls then back up his shaft.

            “’Kay, not. Long.” Louis muttered.

            “Come for me, baby, cause I wanna come in your amazing ass,” Harry grunted which caused Louis to spill his come into Harry’s hand.

            “That’s it,” Harry said encouragingly. “You’re so good to me, Tommo.”

            Louis was totally out of energy so Harry grabbed his hips to hold him still and thrusted up into him quite a few time and Louis was pretty sure he was going to split him open. “Fuck, Louis, your ass, I just, oh fuck, fuck, fuck meeeeeee” Harry moaned as he came and filled up Louis with so much come it started leaking out of him almost immediately.

            Louis was a hot, sweaty, limp, rag-doll mess, unable to remember his own name, and Harry gently lifted him off his lap and pulled him into his chest, cupping his bum in his hands. “Thank you, baby, for the best birthday ever,” Harry said, pressing a kiss to Louis’ fringe.  Louis couldn’t do anything except pat his arm and whisper “love you”.

            When he woke up, he was in bed with Harry and realized his head was throbbing in pain and his bum was sore. “Ugh, Harry” was all he could say as he realized he had to piss like a racehorse so he crawled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.  The previous night’s events were slowly flashing through his brain as he whizzed so when he finished, he turned his shoulder towards the mirror and sure enough: there was a purple hickey on his shoulder.  He shook his head in disbelief because he was pretty sure he was marrying a BDSM Vampire with a hickey fetish, then reached up and found the Tylenol.

            He slithered back into bed, his head pounding, his bum aching, pressed his entire body into Harry’s side and moaned. “Uhhhghhhhhh” which made Harry stir and he curled himself around Louis. “Hey babe,” Harry said sleepily. “How you feelin?”

            “Like ten pounds of shit that’s been stuffed into a five pound bag,” Louis complained.

            “Yeah you were pretty drunk last night. But you rode me like a champ,” Harry mentioned rather matter-of-factly.

            “Hmm, glad you liked it. How did I get in here?” Louis asked confused.

            Harry chuckled softly “You fell asleep laying on my chest so I put your boxers on you and carried you inside. I was freezing my ass off too, ya big lug.”

            Louis mustered all his energy to twist Harry’s left nipple. “Twat. I lugged your giant giraffe drunk ass from the car to the house once too. And you were _heavy_.”

            Now Harry laughed out loud. “I vaguely remember that. And you didn’t even get sex that night either!”

            “Yeah cause your drunk ass passed out!”

            Now Harry laughed out loud. “HA! Sorry about that. But you were amazing last night, Tommo.”

            “Well, my bum is definitely telling me that I was,” Louis admitted.

            Harry ducked his head into Louis’ ear “Best. Birthday. Sex. Ever,” he whispered.

            If Louis’ head hadn’t been pounding, he would’ve been turned on. “That’s the _only_ birthday sex you’ve ever had, love, so you’re biased.”

            “Yes I am,” Harry admitted. “Promise I’ll get birthday sex for the rest of my life.”

            “Promise,” Louis said. “Now go get me McDonald’s; I need caffeine and greasy food to get rid of this hangover,” and he unceremoniously pushed Harry out of bed.  While Harry was gone, Louis found their sex toy stash in the night stand drawer and realized they hadn’t used the vibrating butt plug yet and he wasn’t sure why. When Harry got home and they ate breakfast, Louis held it up and said “wanna try this now?” and wiggled his eyebrows.  Harry laughed “sure, don’t know why we haven’t used it til now but I’m up for it,” he remarked as Louis squirted lube on the plug and said “get naked” to Harry.

            Soon both of them were naked and even though Louis’ head hurt he was so excited to wreck Harry with the butt plug that he ignored the pain.  He pushed it in gently to open him up and with each push Harry spread himself more and more open until his hips were up in the air, face smashed into a pillow.  He was literally writhing underneath him as Louis amped up the vibration and he started whimpering.  “LOUISSSSSS” he moaned. “Fuck, Harry, this is amazing,” Louis observed. “Can I put my mouth on you?” he asked and Harry nodded so he flipped him over on his back and tipped his hips so they were resting on the plug.  Harry grasped at the sheets, his red, angry dick already leaking come which Louis licked up then went all the way down on him.  When he came back up, he moaned “Harry, I can feel the plug vibrating inside you, god that’s hot.”  He could tell Harry was getting really stimulated by the plug-he was sweating and his pupils were wide with desire-so he rolled him back onto his stomach to release some of the pressure against his prostate.  Harry buried his head into the pillow and moaned as Louis went down to kiss his bum around the plug; “so good for me, baby,” Louis cooed and Harry turned his head to the side so he could see Louis who crawled up his body and said “I want you to fuck me wearing this; wanna feel you vibrate inside me.”

            Harry made a noise that Louis wasn’t sure was 100% human but he nodded & said “take this out, lemme open you up, then I’ll fuck you.”  Louis gently nudged the plug out and he felt Harry’s body flop onto the mattress; he wiped his sweaty curls across his head and said “love you, babe”. The next thing he knew, Harry had two fingers inside him; he was still sore from the night before but wanted Harry inside him again ASAP.  Louis was on all fours, Harry beside him, right hand working him open, left hand supporting his weight. 

            “You okay, babe?” Louis asked breathily.

            Harry nodded, his slack curls hitting his forehead, “mmm, yeah, just that thing got me over-stimulated and didn’t want to come until I was inside you.”

            Louis leaned over to kiss his nose as Harry pressed three fingers into him; “babeeeee, ohhhhh,” Louis moaned, dropping his head between his arms. 

            “Are you sore from last night?” Harry asked quickly.

            “Yeah, but it’s okay; I know I’m marrying a sex-addicted animal so I better get used to it,” Louis teased, rocking his hips back into Harry’s fingers.  After a few more thrusts, Louis said “think I’m ready, baby. You?” he asked and Harry sat back onto his knees and sucked in a breath.  “Whew, yes. This is gonna be intense, Lou, just warning you,” he said as Louis slicked up the plug again and faced Harry for a kiss.  “Okay, baby, if it gets to be too much, we can stop, yeah?” he asked and Harry nodded.

            Louis gently pushed Harry up and pushed the plug in, turning the vibration on;  Harry threw his head back and groaned.  Since his dick was still rock hard and leaking cum, Louis knew he was ready. “How do you want to do this?” he asked.  Harry said quickly, “lay down, fuck you doggy-style,” so Louis quickly lay flat on the mattress and Harry pressed inside of him almost immediately.  With his mouth near Louis’ ear, Harry murmered “fffuckkkkkk” as he flicked his hips into Louis and…

            WOW.

            “Babe, I can feel it vibrating through your dick,” Louis said incredulously which made Harry laugh softly. “You can imagine how it feels _in me_. _Fuck_ ,” Harry moaned, pulsing into Louis.  Harry would push into Louis, pause, then slowly pull back; when he paused, Louis’ entire body vibrated.  Harry moaning “fuck” into his ear made it a thousand times hotter.  Then Harry started flicking into Louis which meant the vibrations never stopped inside him; “Harry, I…” was all Louis could say. Sweat poured from Harry’s body onto him, making everything very slick; Harry put his chest on Louis’ back so now his entire body was vibrating.

            “Oh god, Louis, ahhhh,” Harry moaned.

            “Babyyyy,” Louis replied.

            “Fuck I’m gonna, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Harry said; then all of a sudden, his legs-which had been bent beside Louis’ hips-went ramrod straight and he pushed his entire body up Louis’ back where it shook and trembled as he came.  Louis came too into the mattress; then Harry collapsed onto Louis’ back with a thud. “Louis,” Harry whispered, “can you take this thing out?”

            Louis slid out from under Harry quickly then pulled the plug out and Harry’s entire body relaxed and curled into a ball; Louis wrapped him up into a hug and rubbed his back.  “Babe, that was brilliant, I love you,” Louis said as Harry’s breathing started to regulate.  After a few minutes-Louis’ headache was gone but his bum was even more sore-Harry said “wow, that was intense, babe. Sorry.”

            Louis kissed his sweaty forehead, “sorry for what? It was amazing! Our bodies vibrated together, wow.”

            “It was I just didn’t last very long; thought I was gonna explode,” Harry said softly.

            Louis laughed “no, babe, it was great, promise. But maybe we leave that for a special occasion?” he suggested and Harry nodded. 

            “Yeah, it’s your turn next time,” Harry suggested and Louis replied “deal” as he pulled Harry in for a long cuddle.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 44, verses 5-8: _Through you we push back our enemies; through your name we trample our foes. I put no trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory; but you give us victory over our enemies, you put our adversaries to shame. In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Religious kink

Neither Louis nor Harry told anyone in their families about the upcoming service; however, the week before, Louis called Becca-since Jack and Sarah still hadn’t made up their minds about the wedding-and asked her to bring them to church that day. “Why, daddy?” she asked. “Just make sure they’re there; it’s a surprise,” he told her.

            “Okayyyy,” she said nervously.

            Harry invited his mum and Ali to go with Mary Grace and the kids; so their families were at the service including Jack and Sarah in the front row, sitting with Becca and Joshua.  Louis was so nervous, more so than when he proposed to Harry or came out; okay, maybe not the last one. But he was about to tell 10,000 people his life story and he had no idea how they would respond. 

            Dr. Paul started talking “the past few weeks we’ve been discussing families and how they can be different and non-traditional but God still loves them. Last week we heard from adoptive parents and today we have two very special guests. I think you’ll really like them,” he finished, smiling. “Come on out!”

            Louis couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of his last statement as he walked toward the podium. He saw his family gasp, then smile as he shook Dr. Paul’s hand and stepped up to the lectern.

            He took a deep breath and said “Hi, my name is Louis Tomlinson and I’m a gay Christian.”

            He paused and waited for a response; a handful of people got up and left but the rest had their eyes firmly fixed on Louis. He saw Becca lean over to Joshua’s parents and mouth “SIT DOWN” and he was so proud of her.  He continued:

“I have known some of you for years but I’ve only recently come to terms with who I truly am: a gay man.  It’s been a difficult journey for everyone involved and we are currently redefining what it means to be a ‘family’. What we were before is not what we are now”-and he nodded at his family-“but we are making it work.  People ask me all the time ‘did you always know you were gay?’ and my response is: yes. I always knew but I chose to ignore it because it wasn’t ‘normal’. Now I don’t regret my life before now-I love my kids and always will-but I definitely struggled to reconcile my faith with my sexuality.”

“Dr. Paul helped me to realize that the Bible does not in fact condemn homosexuality; Christians can affirm committed, monogamous same-sex relationships and also affirm the full authority of the Bible. That understanding is critical to laying the groundwork for lesbian, gay and bisexual acceptance in conservative and evangelical churches.  In other words, you can love another person of the same gender and love God. And he will love you right back”

Louis paused and looked at his family in the front row; they were all beaming with pride and even Jack and Sarah were intently listening.  He continued:  “In fact, the entire understanding of same-sex orientation as an exclusive, permanent, and unchosen characteristic of some people is completely foreign to the world of the Bible, which helps explain why the Bible’s discussion of same-sex behavior looks quite different from our modern debate. Understanding those differences was crucial in bringing my family to a place of affirming my sexual orientation.  Given that the six references to same-sex behavior in Scripture are all negative, it’s easy to see how the debate has unfolded in the way that it has. For a long time, it’s seemed like there have been two options: either accept Scripture’s negative judgment on same-sex unions, or set aside certain passages from Scripture and accept same-sex unions. But, that is a false choice.  I think that churches and community groups do a fantastic job and are needed. They do, however forget sometimes that they are dealing with real people with real issues, sometimes it’s the fear of the unknown to them that scares them and they react in the wrong way. It’s slowly changing, and it’s getting better. Any religion is about love, and loving your neighbor, being kind and accepting.”

“On a personal level, it’s was if I was living in a parallel universe, going through life as black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Then when I finally realized I was gay it was as if the world flooded with color. And the dichotomy no longer existed, the dividing line was blurred.  I know I’ve hurt the people I love but I hope they know that I did this for them, to provide an example of how to live a true and honest life _with God_ , not against him.”

            “Ultimately, this is who I am: a gay Christian male. I am engaged to a wonderful man, Harry Styles, and our marriage will be legal in the eyes of the law in the state of Oklahoma. Together with Harry and my ex-wife, Mary Grace, we are redefining what it means to be a family.  There’s more than one way to be a family but as long as we keep God at the center of our lives, then He will sort out the details.  I’d like to introduce you to my fiancé, Harry Styles!” Louis said as Harry walked out on stage.

            “We have started a Reformation Project church in Harry’s hometown that is designed for all Christians but we accept all sexualities because you can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual and still have a relationship with God,” Louis said looking at Harry.

            “That’s right.  I struggled with this issue and not only did Louis help me come to terms with my sexuality, he also helped me reconcile my faith with being gay.  He’s done so much for me and I can’t thank him enough,” Harry admitted and Louis blushed. “Our church will have its first service on Easter Sunday and everyone is invited where you’ll get to hear my story.  Though if all of y’all show up, we might have to build a grandstand because our sanctuary is much smaller than this,” he observed and everyone laughed.

            Louis put his arm around Harry.  “Yes, please join us for Easter services! And Harry and I will be here until lunch time if you have any questions for us.  Thank you,” he finished and the crowd applauded.  Dr. Paul came back out on stage to shake their hands and hug them as Louis and Harry went into the wings. They hugged and Harry said “Louis, I’m so proud of you!” and kissed him.

            “Thanks, babe! I was sooo nervous!” he exclaimed.  They heard Dr.Paul excuse the congregation so they made their way into the fellowship hall and were immediately bombarded with people asking questions.  He saw Jack and Sarah in the crowd and when he made eye contact with them, she made a beeline for him and pulled him in for a hug. 

            “Louis, I’m so sorry I treated you the way I did,” she exclaimed. “It wasn’t very Christian of me.  After listening to your sermon, I can’t imagine having to live my life like you have, then having people like me judge you for who you truly are.”  Jack shook his hand and said “same goes for me. I want to apologize; we’ve been told in the past that being gay is a sin but hearing your interpretation of the Bible changed our minds. We now realize how judgmental we’ve been with you and Harry’s relationship.”

            “It’s okay,” Louis said softly. “Apology accepted.” He wondered if they’d mention Becca and Joshua’s wedding.

            “And of course Harry can come to the wedding, we couldn’t imagine him not being there!” Sarah said, hugging Harry and Louis winked at him.

            Mary Grace then found Louis and hugged him tightly, tears in her eyes. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered then turned to hug Harry too.  “Thank you, I hope what I said was okay,” Louis replied.

            “It was perfect, Louis. And the people who left are off my Christmas card list to say the least,” she said and laughed.  “You’ll both come over to the house for Sunday supper today?” she asked and they both nodded.  She leaned in to hug Louis again and whispered “there’s someone I want you to meet.”  Louis raised his eyebrows at her and he could’ve sworn he saw her blush.

            Harry and Louis must’ve talked to hundreds of people after church and Harry passed out pamphlets with information about their church. By the time they arrived at Mary’s house for dinner, they were exhausted but excited.  As soon as he walked in, Becca hugged him and said “daddy, thank you.”

            “For what?” Louis asked, rubbing her back.

            “ Just for being honest. With yourself. And with God,” she replied, winking.  Louis kissed her cheek and said “love you” then took her hand and walked into the living room.  He saw an older man and a young boy sitting on the couch talking to Benjamin and Grace.  Before he could even ask, Mary Grace walked over to him and said “Louis, I’d like you to meet David and his son, Ethan; we met at the homeschool conference in January.”

            David had salt-and-pepper gray hair, brown eyes and a distinguished face; as he stood up, he held out his hand to Louis. “Nice to meet you, Louis. I’ve heard a lot about you from Mary Grace,” he said.

            Louis shook his hand, “I hope it’s been all good things,” he joked. “Nice to meet you too.”

            David smiled, “most of it was good, right Mary?” he said, winking at her and she laughed softly.

            “This is my son, Ethan,” he introduced them.

            “Nice to meet you too. This is my fiancé, Harry,” Louis said and Harry shook both of their hands.

            “So Mary tells me your sermon was great,” David said as they sat down to talk.  Harry took over, bragging about how amazing Louis was and what he said, so Louis soon excused himself to find Mary and get the details on David and Ethan.

            He found her in the kitchen and asked softly “so what’s the deal with David?”

            She smiled broadly-bigger than Louis had seen her smile since he left-and said “well, we met at the conference; he was there with Ethan, who’s only sixteen.  His wife died of breast cancer two years ago and his three other kids are much older than Ethan so it’s just been the two of them since then.  He’s older than me-just turned fifty-and he’s”-and she paused-“wonderful. I mean we’ve only known each other a short time but he’s been coming over every week to meet the kids. Hope that’s okay,” she finished.

            Louis hugged her. “Of course it’s okay. He seems like a nice guy and I can tell you like him.”

            “I do, Louis, I really, really do,” she replied smiling.  “I’m”-and she searched for the right word-“happy. Again.”

            “Well, that’s all I wanted for you after all of this,” Louis reminded her. “We all deserve to be happy,” and she nodded.

            They had a large, lively dinner with David and Ethan telling stories of their recent hike of the Grand Canyon and everyone laughing at their experience riding burros which left them so sore they could hardly move.  Louis couldn’t help but think that through all the darkness and sadness of him coming out, meeting Harry, the divorce, that finally everyone in his family was happy.  Completely and truly happy; he knew things could only get better from there.

~~~~~~

Harry’s Easter service at their Reformation Church was a smashing success; they had a few protestors but they just held up signs and people generally ignored them. Anne and Alli sat in the front row, beaming with pride at Harry in the pulpit preaching his sermon on “Bible, gender and sexuality.”  Harry explained that he would “reimagine the Bible, so that we discover the scriptures’ wisdom in the presence of new questions” and pointed out the shortcomings of both traditional and revisionist positions on the Bible and homosexuality. He continued, focusing on “broad forms of moral logic”—“patriarchy, the ‘one flesh’ bond of marriage, procreation, and celibacy”—with which the Bible addresses sexuality” and assessed the boundaries scripture imposes on sexual practices. He finished with the heart of the matter—the biblical passages concerned with same-sex relations (e.g., Sodom and Gomorrah, Paul denouncing men who lie with other men)—and analyzed what serious textual scholarship has revealed about those passages ever since gay civil rights activism emerged in the 1950s. Finally, Harry said “what the Bible condemns is same-sex abuse, and that the moral logic that applies to abuse doesn’t speak to the “committed, loving, consecrated same-sex relationships” we see today.” 

            Louis saw Harry take a deep breath then the congregation erupted into applause and Louis was so proud he thought his heart would burst.  Harry made eye contact with him and smiled broadly, mouthing “I love you” to him.  Anne stood up and was practically cheering, tears filling her eyes.  As Harry climbed down the pulpit into the sanctuary, people ran up to hug him, shake his hand and congratulate him on his sermon.  Louis met him in the entryway and Harry practically jumped into his arms. “Babe, that was amazing!” Louis exclaimed as he held Harry, who had tears gently falling from his eyes. “I can’t believe I did that, Louis! I feel so alive!” he said, kissing him quickly.  “I’m so proud of you! You’ve come so far and I’m so incredibly proud of you!” Louis told him.  They were both buzzing from excitement and adrenaline and Harry just kept hugging Louis.  Anne soon came out from the sanctuary to heap praises on Harry and Louis hugged Alli which made her giggle.

            The parishioners started to make their way out and Harry shook every hand, hugged every child and said “thank you” to everyone.  Anne and Alli left, saying “stop by the house for Easter dinner, loves,” and they promised to do just that.  When they finally closed the church doors after everyone left, Harry let out a yelp and pulled Louis in for a giant bear hug and started smothering his face with kisses.  “Louis! I’m so keyed up! This is the best day of my life!” Harry exclaimed and Louis just smiled at him fondly.  “Come on, Mr. Preacher Man, let’s clean this place up then meet mum and Ali for dinner,” Louis said and grabbed his hand, leading him back into the sanctuary.

            When he closed the doors, he felt Harry pin himself against Louis and rub his hands against Louis’ hips.  He said gruffly “want you, now. Here.” Louis just melted against him and said “yes,” weakly as Harry started sucking a bite into the back of his neck.  Harry unbuckled Louis’ belt and unzipped his pants from behind, then roughly palmed his increasingly hard dick.  “Harry,” he breathed out. “Gonna fuck you in our church, christen it, yeah?” he asked and Louis merely wimpered.

            “My church, my rules,” Harry demanded as he tugged Louis’ pants and boxers to his ankles then shucked them off, along with Louis’ shoes so now he was naked from the waist down. Then he pulled him away from the door and bent him over the back of the last pew then the next thing Louis knew, Harry’s tongue was in his ass.

            “Oh god, Harry,” Louis moaned as Harry spread his cheeks as wide as they could go then slowly dragged his tongue into him.

            “Mmm, I’m eating you out in our church,” Harry said between licks then smacked Louis’ cheek.

            “Fuck,” Louis moaned, shedding his shirt and completely bending over the pew so his head was resting on the seat, ass up in Harry’s face.  Harry twirled his tongue into Louis unlike he’d ever done before and he was absolutely wrecking Louis underneath him and enjoying every bit of it.  When Harry nipped at his rim and sucked his spit off, Louis turned his head and said desperately “Harry!”

            Harry took his mouth off Louis-finally-and put his mouth at his ear “you ready for me? Want me to fuck you now?” he said forcefully.  Harry was like an animal after its prey and it was so hot, Louis thought he would die; Harry grabbed his hair and pulled his head up then pushed inside him roughly, pulling Louis’ hips against him.

            “Jesus, Harry,” Louis moaned as he reached around and started stroking him.

            “Godddd you feel so goooood, Louissss, ohhhhhhh,” Harry said.

            “Baby,” was all Louis could say as he inched closer to his orgasm.

            “Come for me,” Harry demanded, as Louis spilled out into his hand. “That’s it, so good,” Harry said continuing to flick inside Louis.  After the rimming and coming, Louis was spent so he put his head in his hands while Harry finished off, yelling “fuck me!” in the process.  As he rode it out, he bent over to press his chest against Louis’ back and softly kissed his shoulders.  Then he wrapped his arm around his waist and the two of them tumbled into the pew, sweaty bodies sliding together.

            “God, babe, sorry about that; I was just so keyed up and you looked so sexy I had to have you,” Harry admitted.

            “Whew,” Louis said, wiping his fringe off his forehead.  “I’m marrying a sex fiend he teased.”

            They lay there, Harry peppering Louis’ face with kisses and cooing “I love you” when he started laughing.

            “Harry, I’m usually the one who laughs after we have sex; what’s going on?” Louis asked which just made Harry laugh harder.

            “I’m just thinking about how mad my dad was when I told him about this church; imagine him now after I had sex with my fiancé in it!” Harry exclaimed and they both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

            “Okay, my wild sex panther, let’s go,” Louis said, swatting at his bum and rolling off the pew to get dressed.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 45, verses 1-2: _My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer. You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **comeplay, object insertion**

The wedding day arrived and Harry insisted on spending the night at his mum’s house so he wouldn’t see Louis until the ceremony, which Louis thought was adorably traditional.  Louis felt remarkably calm though he imagined Harry was freaking out.  Once the ceremony started, Louis stood at the altar and saw Harry at the top of the aisle looking beautifully angelic, holding his mum’s arm and he started to cry.  This moment was the culmination of thousands of tears, hours of stress, loads of self-doubt and Louis couldn’t help but let his emotions free.  Harry was moments away from being _his forever_ and he honestly didn’t know what he’d done in his life to deserve him but he was sure happy that it happened.  As he approached the altar, Harry kissed his mum then grabbed Louis’ hand to stand beside him.  Harry smiled softly at him as he took both of his hands to say his vows, his eyes sparkling as he said “I, Harry Edward Styles, take you, Louis William Tomlinson to be my lawfully wedding husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”

            Louis thought his heart would burst as Harry took his ring from Abe, his best man, and pushed it onto the ring finger of Louis’ left hand, solidifying their commitment to each other.  “I love you,” Harry whispered; “love you too” Louis winked at him.  When Louis said his vows, soft tears fell down Harry’s face and as he went to put his ring on, he gently wiped them off; when the ring was on his finger, Harry smiled broadly as if it was the best thing in the world.  And it was, as far as Louis was concerned because now they were officially married.  Dr. Paul said “I now pronounce you husbands.  You may kiss each other!” and Harry pulled him in for a big smack on the lips.  When they finished, Louis grabbed his hand and turned to face their guests as Dr. Paul said “I’d like to introduce for the first time, Mr. and Mr. Louis and Harry Tomlinson!” and everyone clapped; their moms cried, and Louis was pretty sure he saw Mary Grace crying too.

            Their reception-planned by the mothers, of course-was lovely, with a sit-down steak dinner, sundae bar for the kids and flowers everywhere.  During dinner, Noah stood up to make a short-but-sweet toast: “Dad, Harry, I’m so happy for both of you; you both found your ‘forever’ in each other which is what I think we all are looking for.  Cheers!”  Then Harry unexpectedly stood up and took the microphone from Noah; “I just wanted to say a few words,” he said. “First, I want to thank all of you for being here and for supporting us through all of this.  I know it’s been a difficult journey for everyone but we are all stronger for it.  Second, I want to thank my beautiful, kind, sweet, amazing husband, Louis, for everything he’s done for me.” Louis blushed as Harry continued. “He taught me to face my fears and to open my heart and he has literally changed my life.  I love you, Tommo,” he finished then walked over to Louis to kiss him.  Now they were both crying and Louis said “I love you too, baby”  Their first dance was to “God Only Knows” and as they mingled with their guests, Harry kept looking at Louis who would respond with a wink and a nod.  As the night ended, they thanked their guests and hopped in the limo for the long drive to their hotel near the airport so they could leave the next day for their Jamaican honeymoon.    

            Within two seconds of entering the limo, Louis had Harry pinned against the seat and window, straddling him and kissing him. “Now I can finally kiss my husband properly, none of that closed-mouth stuff like I had to do at the wedding” he moaned, ripping off his tuxedo jacket.

            “I’m your _husband_ , Louis,” Harry said in between kisses.

            Louis grabbed his head between his hands. “I know, baby, can you believe it?” he said excitedly and Harry shook his head.

            “No it’s a dream come true,” Harry admitted and Louis replied by tugging on his earlobe. “Me too, baby, me too.”

            They exchanged deep, passionate kisses for quite some time, then Louis ducked his head into Harry’s neck and started licking and nipping at it.  “When we get to the hotel, I’m going to put my mouth on and in every single part of you, Harry Tomlinson,” he whispered.

            “Fuck, Lou. I like hearing you say that,” Harry growled.

            “Mmmmm, I’m gonna make my husband come all night long,” Louis replied.

            “Tommo,” Harry breathed out as Louis pressed his hard dick into Harry’s and started working on a spot on his neck just above his shirt collar.

            “I’m gonna mark you up too because you’re mine, all mine, and I want the world to know,” he said sucking into his neck.

            “I’m all yours, Tommo,” Harry replied, tilting his head opposite Louis’ so he could have full access to his neck.

            “You’re so good to me, baby, you give me what I need and you’re so generous to me,” Louis said.

            “I love you, Louis, that’s why,” Harry replied.

            “I love you too, baby,” Louis said simply. Then he teased “are there certain parts of me you love most?”

            Harry chuckled softly as Louis continued sucking on his neck “your cock. I love your cock. Sometimes it’s all I can think about all day,” he admitted.

            “You do?” Louis asked surprised. “Tell me about it. Why do you love my cock?”

            “Because, Lou, it’s huge and I love having my mouth on it and when you fill me up with it, I can’t barely stand how good it feels. Every time. It’s amazing,” Harry admitted.

            “Mmmmm,” Louis moaned.

            Harry continued. “I think about sucking you off then having you ride me until I come inside you, then I…”

            Louis nipped hard onto Harry’s neck, hard enough to pull skin, “tell me,” he demanded.

            “Ssssss,” Harry responded to the bite. He was sweating and his dick was rock hard. “I think about coming inside of you, then…..” he paused “licking it up and eating you out,” he said quickly.

            Louis bucked his hips into Harry as he sucked one last kiss into his neck. “Please promise me you’ll do that at some point during this week,” he replied and Harry nodded. “Promise,” he breathed out.

            Louis lifted his head up off Harry’s neck to admire his handiwork; a large purple bruise was already starting to form. “Oooh, that’s gonna look good in the morning,” he observed then he dragged his tongue across the top of Harry’s collar to start on the other side of his neck.  When Harry tilted his head, Louis felt a wet spot form on the top of his pants.

            “Harry, are you going to come?” he asked.

            Sweat was shining off his top lip as he replied, “maybe. But this is a rental tux!” he exclaimed.

            Louis sat back on his knees and stifled a laugh. “Baby, if you can come just from dirty talk and hickeys, I’ll buy the damn tux and preserve the pants for posterity.”

            Now Harry laughed, “deal”

            Louis tugged at his earlobe, whispering “you’re my little cock slut, aren’t you?”

            “Fuck Louis, yes, I love your cock” Harry moaned. “I want it inside me all the time, I can’t get enough of it cause it’s so perfect.”

            “And it’s _yours_ , right?” Louis asked suggestively.

            “Yes, mine, mine, mine,” Harry breathed out, cock swelling further.

            “And you’re mine too. I can have my way with you, forever, baby, forever,” Louis cooed.

            “Please, Louis,” Harry moaned. He bit his lip so hard, Louis thought he would draw blood.

            “I love it when you beg, my little cock slut. I bet you can’t wait to have me inside you, can you?” Louis asked and Harry shook his head. “You’re gonna come just thinking about it aren’t you?” and Harry nodded. “You want me inside you all the time don’t you?” he continued, grinding his hips into Harry, hard dicks rubbing together through the rough fabric of their trousers.  “If you’re my good little cock slut you’ll come for me right now,” he demanded.

            Harry grabbed Louis’ hips and held them down on his lap as he thrusted up to meet him.  “Ah!” Harry yelped. “Yes, fuck, Louis, yes!!!” he exclaimed as he bucked his hips up and came in his trousers.

            Louis gently kissed his face, wiping the sweat from his forehead and said sweetly “that’s my baby. My _husband_. I love you so much.”

            Harry flung his head back, sweaty curls flopping everywhere and said “love you too, husband” and squeezed his bum.

            Louis sat back on his knees again and looked at Harry quizzically.  “Hmm, I have a dilemma. I don’t want you to touch my cock yet but I want you to make me come before we get to the hotel. Got any ideas?” Louis asked suggestively.

            Harry responded by sucking on two fingers then putting them down Louis’ pants to tease his hole. “Ah, that’s it,” he replied, loosening up his pants so Harry could get access to him. He slid closer to him so now their chests were firmly pressed against each other, Louis’ head tucked into Harry’s shoulder.

            “Do you think the limo driver knows what we’re doing?” Harry asked.

            Louis shrugged. “Don’t know but I’ll give him an extra $100 to keep quiet,” he said then giggled.

            “Naughty,” Harry cooed, pressing his two fingers inside Louis who sucked in a breath in response.

            “Jesus, Louis, you’re so tight,” Harry remarked.

            “It’s your fault. You’re the one who wanted to remain chaste in the week leading up to the wedding,” Louis replied.

            “Seems like a dumb idea now,” Harry observed. “But it will be worth the wait, promise.”

            “That’s why I agreed to it,” Louis said, pushing his hips down and back to meet Harry’s fingers.

            Harry started out slowly pushing in and dragging his fingers out, letting his thumb tease at Louis’ hole but he started increasing his speed as Louis responded to his touch. He sat up on his knees so Harry could pull his pants and boxers down below his bum so now he could push and pull all of his fingers into Louis.

            “Fuck, Harry,” he moaned as Harry pushed into him.

            “Louis I want to put my mouth on you,” Harry begged and Louis shook his head.

            “No, not til the hotel,” he demanded.

            “So bossy,” Harry pouted then he pushed a third finger into Louis and he groaned loudly.

            “You know what you are, Tommo?” Harry growled pushing his fingers into Louis.

            “What baby?” Louis moaned.

            “You’re my tongue slut aren’t you?” Harry asked roughly.

            “Yes, baby, I love it,” Louis breathed out quickly.

            “You love to fuck yourself on my tongue, you love to ride my face while I eat you out, don’t you?” Harry asked and Louis just moaned.  “You love it when you sit on your face so I can eat your ass, you naughty boy. You it when I taste you, huh? Sticking my tongue inside you and _tasting you_ , it’s your favorite, right?”

            “Answer me,” Harry demanded, pressing his fingers in further.

            “God, yes, I love your tongue, love it in me and on me and everywhere,” Louis replied.

            “That’s it, you’re so naughty, Tommo,” Harry said, licking his neck.

            “Maybe, but you’ve got me beat you little minx” Louis said softly.

            Then Harry pulsed his fingers into Louis; when he brushed his prostate, Louis flicked his head back.

            “Fuck, do that again,” he demanded so Harry complied. After a few times, Harry pulsed his three fingers up, then twisted them to curl around and press firmly on Louis’ prostate, rubbing rough circles into it.

            Louis lost feeling in his legs as he flopped his head on Harry’s chest and groaned loudly, orgasm building into his dick quickly.  “God, I can’t wait to get my dick inside you, make you come everywhere then suck you off and eat you out,” Harry whispered to him as he literally pushed on Louis’ prostate and hot cum spurted out of Louis, staining his pants and making his body go limp.  Harry continued to pulse his fingers into him because he was a menace and liked to over-stimulate Louis but at this point, Louis didn’t care.

            Louis dragged his left hand down Harry’s face and whispered “my beautiful husband, I love you,” completely blissed out by his intense orgasm.  He felt literally drunk on love.

            “Well, I guess we’re keeping this tux too,” Harry said, pulling his fingers out of Louis and wiping his hand on his pants.

            Louis laughed and curled his body into Harry’s as Harry pulled up his pants and wrapped his strong arms and giant man-paw hands around Louis.  They stayed that way for the rest of the ride, sweaty and breathless, wet pants slowly drying out.  When they arrived at the hotel, the limo driver opened the door and as soon as he saw them, his stoic facial expression changed to shock and surprise.  Louis looked at Harry whose shirt tail was hanging out, collar undone, sweat-cooled curls arranged haphazardly around his head, two giant purple love-bites forming on his neck and knew why the driver looked at them like that.

            “Uh, thanks,” Louis said, shaking his hand and pressing two $100 bills into his palm. The limo driver smiled and said “let me get your bags,” pulling them out of the trunk.  Louis caught his reflection in the revolving door and he was a sight to behold too: belt undone, fringe stuck to his forehead, sweat pooling on his chest. But he didn’t care a lick, he just grabbed Harry’s hand and marched into the hotel ready to make good on the promises he’d just made to his _husband_.

            The lavishly appointed honeymoon suite was gorgeous with a stocked bar, large California king-sized bed, spa tub and glass enclosed steam shower, which they made quick use of first thing.  As they went into the bedroom with towels wrapped around their waist, Harry popped open the chilled champagne and poured both of them a glass,  He linked their left hands together so their rings were touching and said “here’s to my new husband,” as he clinked Louis’ glass.  “I’ll drink to that,” Louis replied and they both quickly downed the bubbly liquid then poured another glass.  As Louis stripped Harry of his towel and started kissing him, Harry finished his second glass and poured himself another one.

            “Careful, baby, you’re gonna get drunk” Louis said, teeth grazing over Harry’s nipple.

            “Sssss, fuck, Louis,” he moaned.

            “Want you to ride me like the first time we made love, baby,” Louis whispered pressing his fingers into Harry.

            “Mmmm, yeah,” Harry replied as Louis opened him up with his fingers then rimmed him until Harry’s hole was nice and stretched.  Then he lay down on the bed and pulled Harry onto his lap as he lowered himself onto Louis’ dick.  “Remember the first time, baby?” Louis asked.

            Harry took a swig of his champagne. “Yes I was soooo nervous. I thought I would do something wrong and you wouldn’t like me anymore,” he admitted, slowly rocking his hips into Louis.

            Louis dragged his fingers down Harry’s strong thighs and said “I was nervous too because I was afraid it would feel weird. Turns out I was completely wrong.”

            “Now look at us,” Harry observed, increasing the speed of his hips as Louis threw his head back on the pillow.

            “Fuck Harry you’re so tight, feel so good, baby,” Louis moaned as Harry started slowly pulsing up and down on Louis’ dick.

            “You felt so amazing that first time,” Harry said in between pulses.  “I remember thinking: how in the world have I gone…”

            BOUNCE BOUNCE

            “Twenty-one years”

            BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

            “Without having you inside me”

            BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

            “Fuck, Harry,” Louis groaned and pushed his knees up, making Harry fall forward onto his chest as Louis started roughly thrusting his hips into Harry.

            “Now you’ll never have to know what it’s like to not have me inside you,” Louis said as Harry lay softly on his chest.

            “Babe, fuck,” Harry groaned, digging his fingers into Louis’ chest hair.

            “Mmm hmmm,” Louis replied, pace quickening; since Louis had his hands on Harry’s hips to steady them, Harry reached down to jerk himself off.

            When he did, Louis hit his spot because he groaned loudly and whispered Louis’ name. “I’m gonna cum, Harry, gonna cum inside my husband,” Louis yelped quickly.

            “Yes, yes!” Harry yelled, jizzing on Louis’ stomach as he pressed his knees up higher and pushed Harry’s hips down and back until he was cuming inside him.

            “Ooohhhhh godddddddd,” Louis groaned as Harry pressed kisses to his sweaty chest.

            “My beautiful husband,” Louis said slowly coming down from his orgasm. “I love you.”

            “Love you too, Tommo,” Harry said breathlessly, their chests rising and falling in unison.

            They lay there for a few minutes in the afterglow of “first-time-as-husbands-sex” then Harry licked into Louis’ chin and said “My turn,” as Louis got a surprised look on his face.

            Harry picked up the champagne bottle and took a swig out of it then poured some on Louis’ chest and pelvis as it washed away the cum that had accumulated there.  He poured Louis a full glass then took one final drink out of the bottle then he got a really naughty idea….

            “Louis, can I put this inside you?” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear. “If it hurts or is weird, then we can stop,” he promised.

            “Harry, you kinky fucker. Of course you can put that inside me but use lots of lube please,” Louis replied and Harry looked excited.

            “Ok I’ll open you up with my fingers for a bit then slide this in between them,” he promised, slicking up his fingers with lube and pressing them into Louis’ hole, making Louis groan.  He scissored and twisted his fingers for quite some time then poured half a bottle of lube onto the neck of the champagne bottle and said “ready?” and Louis nodded.  The next time he pushed his two fingers in, he had the bottle in between them so they all went in together and Harry waited for Louis’ reaction.

            “Sssss,” he said, arching his back.

            “Does it hurt, baby?” Harry asked quickly.

            “No, feels good, so full,” Louis moaned. “Push it in a bit further,” so Harry did, twisting it as he pushed it in.  He then dragged it out slowly and pushed it in again; when he did he hit Louis’ prostate.

            “YES! FUCK!” Louis yelped.

            “Louis you look so beautiful like this,” Harry said, gently pushing and dragging the bottle neck in and out of Louis.  He pulsed the mouth of the bottle against Louis’ spot and he responded by arching his back, pushing his hips up and squeezing the bottle with his ass cheeks. “Fuck, that’s gorgeous,” Harry observed, bending over to lick Louis’ dick while he continued to push, twist and turn the bottle into him.

            Within a few minutes, Louis was writhing on the sheets and grabbing at them from pleasure as Harry watched it all unfold, dick hardening with every bottle thrust.  “Can you come for me?” Harry asked and Louis nodded quickly, fringe already stuck to his forehead.  “Come on, baby,” Harry moaned and raked the bottle one last time over Louis’ prostate, causing him to buck up his hips and cum to spurt out of his dick. “FFffauckkkkk” he groaned as he squeezed the bottle inside him.

            When he was finished, Harry gently slid the bottle out and crawled up Louis’ chest to pepper him with kisses and say “that was so amazing to watch, Tommo, I love you,” as he pushed Louis’ fringe out of his eyes.  “You okay?” he asked.

            “MMmhmm, yes, fine‘s amazing,” Louis whispered.

            “Okay, gonna roll you over and make love to you,” Harry informed him as he rolled Louis over onto his stomach.  He slicked himself up with lube-even though Louis’ hole was dripping wet-then gently pressed himself into Louis and quickly bottomed out.  He whispered in Louis’ ear “feels so good, husband, so, so good,” and Louis just whimpered. Harry slowly flicked his hips into Louis while stroking him until they both came; Harry then whispered “gonna eat you out now Tommo” as Louis slid into his pillow and Harry pulled out.  He got up from the bed-Louis wondered where he was going-then sat back down and Louis felt something that wasn’t Harry’s fingers in his hole.  Then he heard Harry cackle with laughter and now he was curious.

            “Harry Tomlinson, what the fuck are you doing back there?” Louis asked.

            “I put a strawberry in your hole-it’s a strawberry butt plug!” he exclaimed. “Can I take a picture of it? You look beautiful.”

            Louis sighed teasingly and wiggled his bum “fine, just hurry up I want your mouth on me ASAP”

            Harry scrambled for his phone on the dresser then took a picture of Louis’ ass up, strawberry placed firmly in his hole; then he showed it to Louis who rolled his eyes.

            “Whatever floats your boat, love,” Louis teased.

            Harry popped the strawberry out of Louis _then he ate it_ while Louis watched. “Holy fuck, Harry,” Louis responded as Harry pushed another one gently in then started eating the strawberry while it was _in Louis_.

            “Mmm, you taste like strawberries, champagne and cum,” Harry moaned.

            “Fucking hell, Harry.”

            Harry nipped his teeth at Louis’ rim then dragged his tongue over his hole, down his taint then up again; then he gently licked and flicked his tongue, lapping up the cum. Once he finished the strawberry, he stuck his tongue in Louis and said “fuck yourself on my tongue” so Louis started rocking his hips back into Harry’s face.

            Harry just kept moaning and licking and saying “mmmmmm” and generally driving Louis mad with pleasure.  He had his head in his hands while he pushed himself back into Harry and he was going to come again, but this time untouched.  Occasionally when he flicked back into Harry, he would hold his hips to his face and take a long lick into his hole then nip at his rim and FUCK it felt so good.

            “Harry, baby, please,” Louis begged, near tears because he was being pleasured by Harry’s tongue. “Gonna cum, baby, _pleaseeeeeeee_ ” he moaned and with one last thrust of his hips and nip of his rim, he came again. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my goddddddd” he said as he orgasmed, Harry refusing to stop rimming him.  When he collapsed on the bed, Harry’s big hands massaged his bum and back gently then flipped him over on his back and Harry sat on his stomach. “I wanna cum on your face baby, make you lick me up,” Harry said and Louis could only nod and watch Harry jerk himself off furiously until it spurted out of his dick and onto Louis’ face.  He pressed his tip to Louis’ mouth so he could lick the cum off, along with what was on his face.

            Harry curled himself into Louis’ side as Louis said “holy fuck you watch too much porn,” and they both laughed.

            “I love you, husband,” Harry cooed.

            “Love you too, husband,” Louis replied.

The next week consisted of three things: sun, sand and sex. Lots and lots of sex. Luckily their villa at Strawberry Hill in Jamaica was totally private and isolated so they could make as much noise as they wanted and they put all of their sex toys to good use. And they walked around naked most days because what was the use in getting dressed if they were just gonna rip each other’s clothes off?  They had long, romantic dinners, midnight walks on the beach, and lazy days spent in each other’s arms.  It was in a word: perfect.  Harry held his hand all the time and introduced him as “my husband, Louis” then winked at him which made Louis feel like a blushing schoolboy.  The waiters and staff referred to them as “The Tomlinsons” or “Mr. and Mr. Tomlinson” which Harry thought was the coolest thing ever.  By the end of the week they were tanned, exhausted, and sore but more in love than ever before. 

The last of the furniture had been delivered while they were gone and their decorator put the finishing touches on the house.  When they arrived home to _their house_ , Harry insisted on carrying Louis over the threshold, Louis giggling the entire time. As he sat him down in the foyer, Louis pulled him in for a kiss. “Our first kiss in our new home,” he remarked. 

“How many square feet is this house?” Harry asked. Louis gave him a funny look because he knew how big it was. “11,000. Why?”

Harry whistled “whewwww, that’s a lot of rooms. You know we’re gonna have to ‘christen’ them all, right?” he asked suggestively.

Louis jumped into his arms, Harry supporting his bum and said “well, we better get started then, hadn’t we?” as he kissed his husband, who carried him into the bedroom to christen room #1 of many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! That was an epic journey and I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me :D (there's probably/most likely/definitely an epilogue coming soon!)


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 46, verses 1-3: _God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue!

As their one-year anniversary approached, Harry arranged for him and Louis to fly to Nicaragua and renew their vows where Louis proposed.  They were also going to check in on the orphanage and their new charity: Tomlinsons Build which was loosely based on Habitat for Humanity, dedicated to building suitable and stable structures for the villagers.

Before they left, Mary and David-who married six months after Louis and Harry-approached them about adopting from the Nicaraguan orphanage.  “Mary, that’s so wonderful!” Louis exclaimed. “What made you decide to do that?”

“Well, David and I want a child together and since I’m getting older, there’s too many risk factors for me to get pregnant, stay pregnant and have a healthy child. Especially considering my history,” she said and Louis nodded sympathetically. “So David and I prayed about it and God led us to adoption. Like you said, there’s more than one way to make a ‘family’” and she smiled.

“I will talk to the orphanage when we visit and let you know.  Do you want a girl? Or a boy?” he asked.

“Doesn’t matter, just a child who needs a loving family,” she replied.

“Well they all definitely need that,” Louis said, hugging her.

The vow-renewal ceremony brought both of them to tears; standing where Louis had first promised Harry “forever”, where he proposed and now where they were married again was very emotional.  The village elder presided over their ceremony and blessed them, wishing them many years of happiness.  After, Harry and Louis stayed to have a picnic lunch, just like the first time.  As they clinked their glasses, Louis said “Harry, it’s time.”

Harry looked around like he was supposed to know what Louis was talking about. “Uh, for what?”

“For us to have children,” Louis replied as Harry spit his wine back into his glass.

“Louis! Really?” he exclaimed as Louis nodded his head.  Harry tackled him, causing Louis to spill his wine all over his blue Hawaiian shirt Harry picked out for him.  He said it brought out his blue eyes and who was Louis to argue with his husband? Harry rapidly pressed kisses to Louis’ face as he giggled and said “yes, you big oaf! Are you sure _you’re_ ready?”

“Yes! Oh my gosh, YES!” Harry yelled excitedly.

“Ok, well, there’s a fertility clinic in downtown Ok City & I’ve been corresponding with them about the, uh, logistics of it all. They said we could use donor eggs and a surrogate to carry the babies, so we can arrange that when we get back,” Louis informed him.

“BabieSSSS?” Harry asked.

“Well, it’s possible there will be more than one. They put like four or five eggs in the surrogate so chances of a multiple birth are pretty high,” Louis replied.

“Wow. Well, however many we get will be perfect!” Harry said, kissing Louis like he meant it.

“You know what we need to do right now, baby?” Louis asked suggestively.

“Mmm, lemme guess: you want me to ride you like last time?” Harry replied.

“Aha, I have the smartest husband ever. It’s our tradition, it would be rude not to,” Louis said, squeezing his bum.

“I mean, yeah, of course. But I want to start a new tradition,” Harry declared. “After I ride you, I wanna fuck you then eat you out like I did on our wedding night.”

Louis groaned, dick hardening. “fffuuuckkkk you know I can’t say ‘no’ to that” as Harry smiled like a Cheshire cat as he ducked down to Louis’ waist do due diligent duty to their “traditions”, old _and_ new.

When they returned to Oklahoma, they gave Mary the information about the toddler girl, Maria, who they met at the orphanage. As soon as Mary and David saw her picture, they both cried and said “yes, we want her!” So Harry and his mum started the paperwork to officially arrange the adoption.

Louis and Harry visited the fertility clinic and chose donor eggs, which was much more difficult than either of them imagined. There were so many choices: black, white, Christian, Jewish, gay, straight that it took them a week just to reach a decision.  The surrogate, however, was easy: they met Julie, a woman in her early-thirties who had three kids of her own and had been a surrogate before for a gay couple.  She was kind and engaging and jokingly said “I’m happy to be your ‘oven’ for your buns!”  They arranged the surrogacy, paying her $30,000 plus her medical bills, and Julie requested updates about the kids but didn’t plan on being directly involved in their lives.  “They’re not my kids, y’all. They’re yours. I’m just their home for nine months; you’re their home forever,” she told them, hugging them both.

Within two months, Julie called them with the good news: she was pregnant! Louis thought Harry was going to pass out when he got the news; he dreaded to think what he would be like when she actually _had_ the babies.  Anne burst into tears when she got the news and Louis’ mom was happy too. 

Harry bugged the crap out of Julie-at least Louis thought so anyway-asking her fifty million questions, texting her daily, constantly checking up on her.  Thankfully, Julie took it all in stride, indulging Harry’s queries and reassuring him of her health. Louis wondered if maybe Harry was experiencing her pregnancy hormones by proxy. He had been eating a lot more ice cream since the pregnancy started….

At 18 weeks gestation they were to find out the sex of the baby/babies, and Harry was literally about to crawl out of his skin; Louis had to hold his hand and soothe him the entire ride to the doctor’s office.  “Louis, why are you so CALM!?” Harry shrieked at one point which made Louis laugh. “Harry, darling, this is my eleventh time doing this.  Everything will be fine, I promise,” he reassured him but Harry just bit his lip and stared out the window.

After Julie’s check-up, which Harry insisted on being in the room for, they went in for the sonogram; Harry held Julie’s hand and, bless her heart, she let him.  When the sonogram wand was placed on Julie’s stomach and they heard the heartbeat, Harry started crying.  Now it was Julie’s turn to soothe Harry as she patted his hand and said “it’s okay, Harry. I know it’s amazing, right?” and Harry nodded through his tears. Then the sonogram technician moved the wand to the other side of her stomach and picked up another heart beat and Harry stopped crying and froze. “TWINS?!” he exclaimed and everyone laughed at his response.

“That’s what it looks like, Harry,” Julie said softly.

After a few minutes of the technician pressing the wand over Julie’s stomach, she said “so do you want to know what you’re having?”

“YES!” they all said in unison.

She held up one grainy sonogram picture and said “It’s a girl!” then she held up the second one and said “It’s a boy!”

Now Louis started crying and hugged Harry who hugged Julie and they were a big giant ball of emotions, tears and pregnancy hormones.  “And are they healthy?” Harry asked tentatively and the technician nodded. “Yes, everything looks fine!” so Harry hugged her too.

            When they left the office, Harry picked up both Julie and Louis and spun them around laughing. He hugged Julie tightly and said “thank you so much. I don’t think we could ever repay you for what you’ve done.”

            Julie waved her hand and said “psh, you’re welcome, darling! I’m gonna keep ‘em safe for the remaining 22 weeks then y’all get to do that for the rest of their lives!”

            The rest of her pregnancy flew by, with Harry spending hours poring over baby books, nursery decorating websites, and ordering the twins everything under the sun.  He turned the small office next to their bedroom into the nursery, complete with a giant stuffed giraffe for baby girl and a stuffed gorilla for baby boy. “You know we have five other, much larger bedrooms where we can put them,” Louis observed and Harry looked seriously offended by the thought so Louis dropped it.

            By the time her due-date rolled around, the babies had a professionally decorated nursery and a fully stocked wardrobe that they could never wear in four lifetimes. Occasionally, Louis found Harry sitting in the $1000 Pottery Barn Kids rocker (one of two, of course) in the corner of the nursery, just zoned out.  One day, about a week before they were born, Louis crawled into Harry’s lap while he sat in the nursery and said “a penny for your thoughts?” as he kissed Harry’s chin.

            It was as if he lured Harry out of a trance because he looked surprised to see Louis sitting in his lap. “Oh, hi babe,” he replied “Just thinking.”

            “About what?” Louis asked.

            “CJ, my dad,” Harry said firmly and Louis looked at him like “WHAT?!” because that was not a subject that had been discussed in the Tomlinson household since Harry visited CJ in prison.

            Harry continued “well, not really, I mean, I love our babies more than life itself and I’ve never even _met_ them yet. So I don’t understand how _my own father_ could treat me the way he did and still claim that he ‘loved’ me. I would never do what he did to me to my children; I will love them no matter what,” he said softly, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

            Louis panicked because he wondered if Harry was on the brink of one of his breakdowns like he had when they first started dating.  “Harry, darling, look at me,” Louis said, turning his face to his. “You are NOT your father and you never will be your father; he was an emotionally disturbed individual who had no business having children.  You are going to be an amazing father, full of love and acceptance, which is what our children need and what we will give to them.  Ezekiel 18:20—‘The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself.’”

Harry hugged Louis tightly as he pulled him up out of the rocker; “c’mon love, you’re really stressed out.  So let’s get in a cuddle while we can before the babies get here” Louis said as he led Harry willingly to the bedroom.

            About a week later, Harry was driving like a maniac to meet Julie at the hospital; she’d gone into labor early, before her scheduled C-section and now Harry was about to have a fit.  He insisted on putting both car seats in his truck because “it’s newer and safer,” he claimed, and Louis would rather light a candle than curse his darkness, so he let him be. “Harry, darling, you need to calm down,” Louis said and Harry punched him lightly in the arm. “Owww!” Louis exclaimed. “What was that for?”

            “I don’t know, sorry,” Harry said sheepishly. “I’m just so nervous, Louis.”

            “I know, love, but if you stroke out or we get into a wreck before we get to the hospital, then we’re officially the worst parents ever,” Louis teased and he saw Harry relax his shoulders.

            “Ok, you’re right, I’ll slow down,” he promised. And he did, slightly…

            They met Anne, Ali and Ida at the hospital and rushed into Julie’s room where she looked remarkably calm and comfortable.  Harry immediately started peppering her and the doctor with questions: “are you okay? Is it too early for the babies? How long til they’re born?”

            Julie reassured him that she was fine; the doctor said the babies would be healthy, even though they were a month early. He also said it could be hours before they’re born so Harry made himself comfortable at Julie’s bedside.    After twelve hours of labor, Julie wasn’t progressing the way they wanted-she was only dilated to five centimeters even with a Pitocin drip-so the doctors decided to do a C-section.  She let Louis and Harry into the operating room and as she was prepped for the C-section, they put on their scrubs. 

Louis had warned Harry: “birth is gross and bloody and nasty, so you might not wanna look” but Harry assured him he would be fine.  Thankfully, they were behind the drape sitting at Julie’s upper torso while the doctors worked on cutting her open to get the babies.  Harry peeked over the drape and Louis saw his eyes go wide and his complexion go pale and he quickly sat down again; Louis stifled a giggle because “been there, done that”.

             Within fifteen minutes, the doctor pulled the first baby out and announced “it’s a girl” and held it up to the top of the drape for them to see.  Julie cried, Harry cried and Louis got misty eyed; the baby wailed.  The nurses whisked her off to clean her and check her vitals; five minutes later, the doctor said “it’s a boy!” and showed him to them, prompting more crying.  Soon after, the nurse placed the girl into Harry’s arms; she was swaddled in a blanket with a cap on her head so all you could see was her face.  Harry got choked up and said softly “she’s beautiful. Welcome to the world, baby girl” as he bent down to softly kiss her.  Then another nurse brought the boy to Louis and he stood up with him in his arms and leaned over Julie to kiss Harry gently on the lips. “They’re here, they’re ours and they’re perfect,” Louis said softly.

            Harry kissed Julie on the cheek as she cooed over the babies while the doctors sewed her back up.  The babies were whisked off to the nursery so Louis and Harry made their way back to the recovery room.  Louis could tell Harry was anxious so he rubbed his back as Harry showed Anne, Ali and Ida the pics he took of the babies.  “So what are you going to name them?” Anne asked and Harry stared at Louis wide-eyed.

            “Names!” as if that was the _one thing_ that he forgot about when planning for their arrival.

            Louis winked “we have a few in mind, wanted to see them first before we decided.”

            Shortly after, the nurse wheeled the babies in and they were sleeping in their bassinets.  Harry picked up the girl, Louis the boy and showed the grandmothers and Aunt Ali; they all oohed and ahhhed over them. And Louis had to admit: they were _very_ cute. When they donated their “samples”, the fertility clinic mixed both Louis and Harry’s sperm with the donor eggs then implanted them into Julie, so they didn’t know genetically whose child was whose.  But judging from baby girl’s shock of dark hair, powder white skin and perfectly pink bow-shaped lips, she was ALL Harry. And baby boy had a deeper complexion, lighter hair and bright blue eyes so Louis guessed he was his. Not that it mattered because they were both _theirs_.

            Julie returned after about an hour and fussed over the babies; she promised to breast feed both of them when her milk came in and to send pumped milk for them to Harry and Louis. Julie was exhausted from everything but before they left the room, Louis and Harry sat together with the babies as their moms took pictures of the new family. The proud papas beamed brightly as their children lay sleeping in their arms.

            “Soooooo, names?” Julie asked and Louis looked at Harry and said “we should go with what we talked about, yeah?” and Harry nodded.

            Harry held up baby girl and said “presenting Alison Anne Tomlinson” and Anne gasped then cried.

            Louis held up baby boy and said “presenting William Edward Tomlinson and call him ‘Will’” now Ida cried because he was named after Louis’ father; Anne cried harder because his middle name was her father’s name. Julie cried, Harry cried and kissed Louis who also had tears in his eyes.

            “I love you, baby,” Louis said softly, kissing Harry gently.

            “I love you too,” Harry replied pressing his lips to Louis.

            After three days, the babies were ready to go home; Julie’s family came to pick her up and she said “you call me if you want to do this again.”  Harry laughed and said “thank you for everything. I think we’re done but you never know!” It took Harry ages to get the babies in their car seats as he checked and double-checked their harnesses and he drove like a grandma, so slowly that Louis told him “Harry we’re on the interstate, you’re going to have to speed up,” which garnered him a serious side-eye from Harry.  As they carried their sleeping newborn twins into their house, Louis realized that this was the moment that made all the pain, struggle and heartache worth it. Harry turned to him in that moment and said with awe: “Louis, we are now a family!”

            Louis pressed a soft kiss to his lips while their twins stirred from their slumber. “We are, baby. The Tomlinson family, _forever_.”

_FIN_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for reading this and leaving comments and generally being wonderful! Thank you!! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr [x](http://straightguysdont2.tumblr.com/) and/or on twitter [x](https://twitter.com/1d_beards)  
> 


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